I've been very curious about this new phenomena in America- having kids after 30. While I look around at my friends who have kids and are my age, some of them are almost done with their parental duties. I see 37-year old moms like myself who have 13 and 14 year olds. They are almost done! Me, though, I am just starting out. I wanted to find out whether I was the rule or the anomaly. Did I wait too long to have kids or are more and more new mommies in America over 30?
I had to do some research and found that since 1990, the face of new mommies in America has shifted. For example mothers in 2008 were more educated and older than those mommies two decades ago. (1) More and more women are considering these days in vitro and other fertility options, and not necessarily with partners - women are adopting and having babies without marriage or a partner. Also, homosexual partners are deciding to adopt or have children as well. This significantly changes the face of the American mom or dad. I do not think any of these changes are a bad thing, I am simply amazed that two decades can make that big of a difference!
Two decades ago, women over 35 were less likely to have a child than a teenager, but now that has shifted. In 2010, more and more babies are born to women over the age of 35 and less and less to teenagers. This may be a result of better education on issues like birth control, abstinence, and sex ed. in schools and at home. Moreover, as a result of better education, and better birth control, it seems that even women in their 20s and early 30s are waiting longer and longer to have kids.
Of course, it is also a sign of the times. As we evolve as a people, with advanced medicine, advances in technology, it is no wonder that we are becoming more selfish as a society too. There are so many constraints on our time with TV, media, technology, and social constraints that more and more women are waiting until they are done with school, established in their careers, and frankly, just have a better handle on their lives, especially balance in their lives, to have kids. More and more couples are also choosing the path of no children but decide to have pets instead. After all, there is just too much to do, let alone raise children and feed more mouths. This is a decision I also celebrate because it is important for everyone to make the right choice for their lives and lifestyles.
I got these statistics from this article at http://www.livescience.com/health/american-moms-older-more-educated-100506.html.
•The percentage of teen moms and moms over 35 has just about flipped. In 1990, 13 percent of births were to teens while 9 percent were to women over 35. In 2008, the percentages were 10 percent to teens and 14 percent to women over 35.
•The percentage of single moms grew from 28 percent in 1990 to a record 41 percent in 2008.
•More than half of moms, 54 percent, had at least some college-level education in 2006, up from 41 percent in 1990.
•Birth rates for women aged 35 to 39 increased by 47 percent, and rates for women aged 40 to 44 increased by 80 percent over the time period.
•The overall number of babies born has remained relatively stable, rising from 4.2 million in 1990 to 4.3 million in 2008. The country saw a dip in the total number of births coinciding with the recent recession.
Of course, these statistics are interesting to me. Even among my friends, I am one of the few that is married and has kids. Then, among the people I have met in my groups like Bunco, Mile High Mammas, I may be slightly behind the power curve but not by much. It just depends on which group I am with. In my professional life and among my best friends, it seems that everyone had kids later in life or are still waiting, and among other groups especially mommy-type groups, I am the anomaly (i.e. had kids too late). So, again, there is no right age or wrong age but I just know I am exhausted. I cannot imagine having a kid in my 40s or 50s but women are doing it more and more and doing it just fine! I say whatever choice you make, just stand by it and be okay with where you are because the new face of Mommies in America is not the same as it was for your parents' generation or their parents and it is changing very rapidly- who knows what the new face will be in another decade!
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Monday, November 01, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Signs of the Times Part 2, Children's Cartoons
My original blog posting, or part one Signs of the Times, Children's Cartoons was about a few cartoons or shows I had seen when my older daughter was a bit younger. Of course, now there are a plethora of shows out there, all very interesting in my opinion, and a good reason why kids should not watch too much TV.
Anyway, in my original post, I talked about Sesame Street and how much it has changed, Dora the Explorer and Spongebob. In this update, I want to talk about Max and Ruby. Several of us have talked about how odd this show is from a parent's perspective. Of course, all the cartoons are make belief and about imagination and that is how we end up with 5 and 6-year olds running through the woods with adventures but this one is about two bunnies- a brother and sister. It's odd for the first few times I saw this show, I thought Ruby (the one with the yellow apron on) was the mommy and Max was the son. Presumably, I assumed Ruby was a single mom since a daddy never enters the picture. That was not the case as I watched the intro credits one day. Ruby is the big sister and Max is the naughty, little brother. It was interesting to all of us that Max & Ruby live alone, and Ruby is the parental figure to this younger kid. Rarely is an adult present and only the grandmother comes to visit sometimes. When she comes, it seems like Ruby is running around trying to make the place look nice and cooking. The entire show is odd but I guess is supposed to show the kinship of siblings and the love between them including what happens in our society often these days: an older sibling guiding and taking care of a little one. It's interesting to me because Ruby never attends school and neither does little brother Max. I just hope Ruby is over 12 'cause they shouldn't be home alone! :-)
Stay tuned for future children's cartoon posts and if you have any thoughts please share them here... I always love to see what other parents think of the children's programming these days. It sure has changed since when we were growing up.
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| picture courtesy of google search |
Stay tuned for future children's cartoon posts and if you have any thoughts please share them here... I always love to see what other parents think of the children's programming these days. It sure has changed since when we were growing up.
The Gender Gap- still alive and well in Children's Books
If you're a parent, you are used to the routine of buying good books and reading to your kids. It's a great time to share with your child and see their reactions. Our little one just started day care/school and she currently loves scratch and sniff books - in fact, she loves a couple of her books so much, she wants to cuddle up with them in bed before she sleeps. I've read this book in particular a few times along with the Usborne series of books. What most interests me in a book as an adult is not the stickers or the pictures but rather the political messages and in particular, the gender stereotypes that are still prevalant in society.
I'm very amazed by the stereotypes I still see in Children's books - these are more dominant these days for gender than race. I could write this blog for pages and pages but this is just a sampling of some of the books I have encountered that I believe contains stereotypical behaviors. For example, the one book my little one likes is titled The Gingerbread Family. This book is cute and all the pages smell yummy enough to eat. But to me, of interest was the page where Mr. Gingerbread is fishing on blueberry while the Mommy is baking a cake. I know, I know... I need to relax... after all, mommies bake and daddies fish right? But what was neat was my reversal trick on my kid. So, I was reading and changed their genders so mommy was fishing on blueberry lake and daddy was baking the angel food cake, and my older daughter immediately pointed to my "mistake": She said, "no mommy - daddies fish and the mommy is the one baking the cake.... you said it wrong!" I asked her why mommies could not fish. She immediately and urgently pointed out, "that's just not how it is mommy! Daddies can't bake and mommies just don't know how to fish!" It was quite interesting and made me realize the stereotypes she is already learning. What next?
Another one of my favorites is the Usborne Books (First Experiences), wrought with gender stereotypes. But I gotta say, out of all the children's books where parents are depicted, the parents in the Usborne books look the most realistic - tired and often, exhausted. In the Usborne (First Experience) book, Going to the Doctor, you see the Jay Family. Mrs. Jay does not work and looks exhausted the entire book. She is responsible for three kids, a dog and a cat. She ends up taking the kids to the doctor. Joey needs immunizations while Jack has a broken arm. Mrs. Jay looks like she is on lithium the entire book- exhausted, somewhat alert but not really. In any case, the best part of the book is the last few pages. Mrs. Jay has her feet up on a recliner and looks absolutely wiped out after dealing with three kids, two of whom are sick, and two pets all day. You see Mr. Jay returning from a day at work peering around the corner (assessing damage most likely) and again, the biggest gender stereotype is enforced which is not alive and well in today's society: Daddy works hard all day to bring home the bacon, goes to work all day, and comes home in the evenings, praying the kids are wiped out. Hopefully, mom will get a break after daddy gets home but who can be sure?
I'm very amazed by the stereotypes I still see in Children's books - these are more dominant these days for gender than race. I could write this blog for pages and pages but this is just a sampling of some of the books I have encountered that I believe contains stereotypical behaviors. For example, the one book my little one likes is titled The Gingerbread Family. This book is cute and all the pages smell yummy enough to eat. But to me, of interest was the page where Mr. Gingerbread is fishing on blueberry while the Mommy is baking a cake. I know, I know... I need to relax... after all, mommies bake and daddies fish right? But what was neat was my reversal trick on my kid. So, I was reading and changed their genders so mommy was fishing on blueberry lake and daddy was baking the angel food cake, and my older daughter immediately pointed to my "mistake": She said, "no mommy - daddies fish and the mommy is the one baking the cake.... you said it wrong!" I asked her why mommies could not fish. She immediately and urgently pointed out, "that's just not how it is mommy! Daddies can't bake and mommies just don't know how to fish!" It was quite interesting and made me realize the stereotypes she is already learning. What next?
Another one of my favorites is the Usborne Books (First Experiences), wrought with gender stereotypes. But I gotta say, out of all the children's books where parents are depicted, the parents in the Usborne books look the most realistic - tired and often, exhausted. In the Usborne (First Experience) book, Going to the Doctor, you see the Jay Family. Mrs. Jay does not work and looks exhausted the entire book. She is responsible for three kids, a dog and a cat. She ends up taking the kids to the doctor. Joey needs immunizations while Jack has a broken arm. Mrs. Jay looks like she is on lithium the entire book- exhausted, somewhat alert but not really. In any case, the best part of the book is the last few pages. Mrs. Jay has her feet up on a recliner and looks absolutely wiped out after dealing with three kids, two of whom are sick, and two pets all day. You see Mr. Jay returning from a day at work peering around the corner (assessing damage most likely) and again, the biggest gender stereotype is enforced which is not alive and well in today's society: Daddy works hard all day to bring home the bacon, goes to work all day, and comes home in the evenings, praying the kids are wiped out. Hopefully, mom will get a break after daddy gets home but who can be sure? In the Usborne First Experience book, Going on a Plane, the Tripp Family goes on a plane trip. Mr. Tripp has 2 glasses of wine on his international trip while Mrs. Tripp does not. I think the stereotype is that men drink and women don't. Come on, with three kids and 2 pets at home, Mrs. Tripp should have gotten her drink on in this book. You get a slight glimpse of the stereotype here but it's a lot more subtle than Going to the Doctor. Of course, the counter argument to my entire blog is "hey, lighten up! It's just a children's story!" That would be correct. There are plenty of books who depict things they way they are and plenty of books on little girls growing up to be President. I completely get it but wanted to point out how gender stereotypes tend to be more slanted towards women than men even today. When in fact, in many households across America, there has been a significant role reversal. Granted, mommies tend to (on average) take better care of kids and nurture them but that does not mean they do not do so many other things like work (often more than one job), fight in our nation's military, cook dinner, and take care of the household chores and let's not even forget about the single moms out there.
As a working military mom I tend to think these books are the most likely to paint a picture that mommy is the caregiver and looks after the house and dads go out and work. As a mother of two daughters, I plan on doing my best to ensuring that my daughters do not believe these stereotypes. As they progress from grade school through high school, I am sure they will experience and encounter countless stereotypes- both gender and race and it's my job to disspell those. Right now, they are far too innocent to see what I do in these books and that's a huge relief but I do hope that one day they realize that they can be anything they want despite of what gender stereotypes there may be out there - alive and well in society.
As a working military mom I tend to think these books are the most likely to paint a picture that mommy is the caregiver and looks after the house and dads go out and work. As a mother of two daughters, I plan on doing my best to ensuring that my daughters do not believe these stereotypes. As they progress from grade school through high school, I am sure they will experience and encounter countless stereotypes- both gender and race and it's my job to disspell those. Right now, they are far too innocent to see what I do in these books and that's a huge relief but I do hope that one day they realize that they can be anything they want despite of what gender stereotypes there may be out there - alive and well in society.
Monday, October 04, 2010
Meeting the "Denver Mile High Mamas" at the Museum of Nature & Science- an amazing journey indeed!
Last week I was fortunate enough to be invited to an amazing event by a friend of mine where I was introduced to the fabulous women of Denver Mile High Mamas(c) at the Denver Nature & Science's event called "Fall into the Amazon." This new exhibit is on display at the Denver Nature & Science Museum through January 2, 2011. I had an amazing opportunity to meet some great women while exploring the new exhibit at the museum. Not only that, the dinner was equally fabulous! The food was four stations featuring dishes of that region and there was something for everyone! While I did not bring the kids to this and truly enjoyed a fun-filled evening, I now have the opportunity to return with the kiddos at a later visit and let them explore the exhibit. The exhibit is neat and has interactive stations for kids and adults alike. You enter through a very neat boat with your tour guide! There are puzzles, videos, stencilling activities, meeting some creepy critters, and an electric shock from an eel. The possibilities are endless!
The Denver Nature and Science Museum is a great place on usual days and the Discovery Zone is my kids' favorite but if you have a chance, do go and check out the Amazon Voyage.
The Denver Nature and Science Museum is a great place on usual days and the Discovery Zone is my kids' favorite but if you have a chance, do go and check out the Amazon Voyage.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Smooth Travels?
When someone asks me if our travels were "smooth", I often wonder what that word really means? I mean, is travel with an infant and a toddler ever "smooth"? Then I started to think what is smooth travel, really? For me, last week, I travelled with a toddler and an infant and my mom who was a huge help and I gotta say, I was vomit free, I did not have a drink spilled on me, and no potty accidents to speak of, so, all in all I think it was a "smooth" trip.
Southwest worked like clock work and we could check whatever we wanted- I love that! The flights were on time and the flight attendants were very helpful and even brought my toddler a book and a crayon pencil which kept her occupied for 10 mins or so. :-) All in all, smooth travels and if you take the direct flight, so you do not have to change flights, it really makes for an easy time with the kiddos.
Southwest worked like clock work and we could check whatever we wanted- I love that! The flights were on time and the flight attendants were very helpful and even brought my toddler a book and a crayon pencil which kept her occupied for 10 mins or so. :-) All in all, smooth travels and if you take the direct flight, so you do not have to change flights, it really makes for an easy time with the kiddos.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Nuts!
Despite years of hearing the stories, seeing the issues, I have to admit I was completely caught off-guard today --- all I could say was, "nuts!" I took my daughter to her daycare today for her Christmas party or Holiday party or whatever they call it these days. Anyway, my husband had signed me up for cookies. I decided not to run to the store in the sub zero temps and just make what I had at home so I made chocolate chip walnut and macadamia --- you guessed it -- NUTS!
Anyway, as we entered the day care, I was told, you can't bring anything with nuts into this school- we are a "nut-free" zone. I started think to myself, what? Are you nuts? Then I thought better of it. I know for a fact that one of my good friends to this day swells up like a balloon if she encounters nuts in any form including peanut oil. So, I turned the cookies over and we just went to the party. Apparently, you have to bring store bought, sealed items, or you cannot bring anything at all. The latter is just fine for me. As I looked at all the dietary restrictions in the classroom I was in, I realized one of my daughter's classmates was allergic to "tree nuts." Well, there you have it folks - I am glad my cookies were confiscated and in the end, I learned a valuable lesson. So, from now, it is store bought items only for me and definitely no... NUTS!
Anyway, as we entered the day care, I was told, you can't bring anything with nuts into this school- we are a "nut-free" zone. I started think to myself, what? Are you nuts? Then I thought better of it. I know for a fact that one of my good friends to this day swells up like a balloon if she encounters nuts in any form including peanut oil. So, I turned the cookies over and we just went to the party. Apparently, you have to bring store bought, sealed items, or you cannot bring anything at all. The latter is just fine for me. As I looked at all the dietary restrictions in the classroom I was in, I realized one of my daughter's classmates was allergic to "tree nuts." Well, there you have it folks - I am glad my cookies were confiscated and in the end, I learned a valuable lesson. So, from now, it is store bought items only for me and definitely no... NUTS!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
To homeschool or not?
Ever since my toddler started daycare again and I realized how much I freak out at the thought of someone else caring for my child, giving her direction, and teaching her things I may not want her to learn, I have discovered that I am true control freak. For the control freak, I think it is a good idea to home school if the parent can do it. It is not like the child is isolated in home schooling but an entire network is at your disposal - a network of parents, a network of kids, and of course, a wealth of experience and knowledge.
Homeschooling is not what it used to be but rather, so much better as a result of the Internet and other technology. For example, you register that you are homeschooling and your child's age, and a sample curriculum is sent to you and you can connect with others who are doing the same in the same age group and then, the child is not isolated and can learn social skills too. Of course, it is my belief that no matter how the child learns or where, alot is up to the child too. A child who wants to excel will and a child who does not, will not - no matter what environment they are in.
In any case, I will not be homeschooling anytime soon -- it is not something I am good at and I am not sure I am ready to give up my professional job and income but I think it is a great idea and certainly a great way to control your child's educational future and ensure that you are not always at odds with the school's philosophy and principles. It is a great way to teach your child, spend time with him or her, and have control over the situation as well.
Homeschooling is not what it used to be but rather, so much better as a result of the Internet and other technology. For example, you register that you are homeschooling and your child's age, and a sample curriculum is sent to you and you can connect with others who are doing the same in the same age group and then, the child is not isolated and can learn social skills too. Of course, it is my belief that no matter how the child learns or where, alot is up to the child too. A child who wants to excel will and a child who does not, will not - no matter what environment they are in.
In any case, I will not be homeschooling anytime soon -- it is not something I am good at and I am not sure I am ready to give up my professional job and income but I think it is a great idea and certainly a great way to control your child's educational future and ensure that you are not always at odds with the school's philosophy and principles. It is a great way to teach your child, spend time with him or her, and have control over the situation as well.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Communication Gaffes or Gap?
We recently enrolled our toddler daughter in early preschool at Primrose. If you know about Primrose, it is supposed to be a premier school-type environment with excellent curriculum and teachers. Our daughter has finished her first week now at Primrose, and I am not that impressed thus far. Let's face it, at 2 and some change, she is in daycare and not school so all we have is the daily reports that they provide to parents. On the first day, I called every 2 to 3 hours, and so I knew kinda sorta that she did not sleep much on the first day and that she did not eat much either. So, the only report we got home is the potty training and diapering and how that was going. The 2nd day she went was a whole nother story. Other than lunch (only because my husband went to eat lunch with her), I had no idea what she did all day as far as diapering, potty, eating/drinking, or napping. So I had no idea what to do with her at home as far as whether to put her to sleep early or so on. I was quite surprised to see that the sheet with her name and time of arrival on it came home to me -blank!
This communication gap combined with a couple of other communicate gaffes made me question whether we had our daughter at the right "school" especially considering we are paying about $50 more per week for her attend this school. Adding that up, it is about $200 a month which is a lot considering I have not seen what this premium is getting us right now. It seems like maybe their older children programs like preschool and kindergarten may be better because curriculum matters at these ages but right now, it is a souped up day care and nothing more. Right now, the goal is playing with others nicely, learning basics, potty training, and learning how to follow simple orders. In any case, there were a couple of other communicate gaffes too. For example, miscommunication on procedures and policies and events. So, in toto, if you look at all the evidence thus far, I am not too impressed with Primrose but of course, I am planning to give it at least a month before I make a decision on whether to continue her or not.
This communication gap combined with a couple of other communicate gaffes made me question whether we had our daughter at the right "school" especially considering we are paying about $50 more per week for her attend this school. Adding that up, it is about $200 a month which is a lot considering I have not seen what this premium is getting us right now. It seems like maybe their older children programs like preschool and kindergarten may be better because curriculum matters at these ages but right now, it is a souped up day care and nothing more. Right now, the goal is playing with others nicely, learning basics, potty training, and learning how to follow simple orders. In any case, there were a couple of other communicate gaffes too. For example, miscommunication on procedures and policies and events. So, in toto, if you look at all the evidence thus far, I am not too impressed with Primrose but of course, I am planning to give it at least a month before I make a decision on whether to continue her or not.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Longest Day
I am sure you have heard about the movie, The Longest Day. It is a film which is about the D-Day invasions. The movie is about one of the longest days in military and aviation history - its successes and failures. Well, I can say that today I had one of my longest days as a parent of a toddler who started at a new school. From the moment she woke up today I knew it was D-Day for her and while she probably did not feel that way, I sure did. Off she went to her first day at early preschool. There is a super expensive school in our area called Primrose, and my daughter started there today for two days a week. Almost 30 months old, my daughter, we felt, needed kid interaction and some learning other than just hanging out at home.
It was one the longest days I have had in some time and time could not move any slower- tick tock, it was only 9am when I first called. She was sitting in a corner and crying for mom and dad. They refused to give her her comfort item - the one thing she knows of- her pacifier. Of course, I did not know this then but found out as I unraveled the events of the day and started piecing the puzzle together. She did not eat food as they let on, on the phone, and did not sleep more than 40 minutes for a nap most likely cause she did not have her pacifier for comfort. In any case, I did not unravel all of the successes and failures of this longest day until well into the nighttime hour. By this time, it was too late to call the school and have a "talk" with them. But, rest assured, I will be doing so tomorrow and the next day until my longest days turn into shorter days and I can be at peace with her attending this strange new school.
I know her first day of school is nothing compared to the D-Day-Normandy invasions and the successes and failures there, but for some reason, as a mother, I felt today that they were and I felt there were insurmountable obstacles as she faced this new day and new adventure. Those obstacles were those I created in my mind including the uncontrollable feeling that one day I will have to let go as she makes her choices in this world.... what a day indeed!
It was one the longest days I have had in some time and time could not move any slower- tick tock, it was only 9am when I first called. She was sitting in a corner and crying for mom and dad. They refused to give her her comfort item - the one thing she knows of- her pacifier. Of course, I did not know this then but found out as I unraveled the events of the day and started piecing the puzzle together. She did not eat food as they let on, on the phone, and did not sleep more than 40 minutes for a nap most likely cause she did not have her pacifier for comfort. In any case, I did not unravel all of the successes and failures of this longest day until well into the nighttime hour. By this time, it was too late to call the school and have a "talk" with them. But, rest assured, I will be doing so tomorrow and the next day until my longest days turn into shorter days and I can be at peace with her attending this strange new school.
I know her first day of school is nothing compared to the D-Day-Normandy invasions and the successes and failures there, but for some reason, as a mother, I felt today that they were and I felt there were insurmountable obstacles as she faced this new day and new adventure. Those obstacles were those I created in my mind including the uncontrollable feeling that one day I will have to let go as she makes her choices in this world.... what a day indeed!
Friday, October 09, 2009
Signs of the Times - Cartoons & Children's programming
As a result of working from home and entertaining my 2-year old daughter, I have come to watch a lot of children's Television and I have found most of it quite interesting and often a diatribe of the times and what is going on in society.
A few months ago my daughter was really into Sesame Street. My mother started her off on Sesame Street at the ripe age of 18 months so my daughter was quite familiar with characters like Zoe, Elmo, Rosita, Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch, and Big Bird. They have added characters to that show since my days of watching it. Zoe, the orange monster turned ballerina is new and so is Rosita, the blue furry, Hispanic monster. As times evolve, so has Sesame Street. Themes have changed too. An adult can watch Sesame Street and find just as much humor and satire a child does - of course, both will get different messages. They do spoofs on "deal or no deal", "CSI" and other popular shows and of course, there are the subtle political messages that only adults would get and appreciate.
Yesterday though, I watched Dora - lately, my daughter dislikes Sesame Street and is into DORA and DIEGO (Dora's cousin - I had no idea til I watched). Anyway, Dora is a little Hispanic girl who goes on adventures presumably at the tender age of 5, through spooky forests and the hills of her village with her pet monkey, Boots, and her love able forest friends. This is where it gets interesting. I have never been an advocate of an official second language in America. I think English should be it but alas, I think it is inevitable that Spanish is unofficially becoming the second language, which is fine. With our neighbors to the South of us and the growing latino population, it is no surprise that I saw an RTD-Denver bus the other day sporting an entire advertisement in Spanish I could not understand it so I am assuming that I was not the target audience of that ad.
In any case, with the growing popularity of learning Spanish, it is no surprise that I am learning plenty of it from my daughter's programming. From Sesame Street and Dora, to Diego and the Spanish channels on both TV and radio, I am actually picking up Spanish even though I took French in high school. Anyway, the point I need to make is that children's programming should show the adaptability to both cultures and languages. I think the character on Dora that was the funniest and reflected the sign of the times was the squirrel named Tiko. This squirrel is a the only character on Dora that speaks only Spanish. So, basically, Dora and Boots, through their responses to Tiko, kinda let you know what Tiko is saying without a direct translation. It was interesting for me to watch this and watch my daughter' reaction too. She has a short attention span so she just tuned out when she could not understand Tiko, the rapido Espanol-speaking squirrel. It was obvious that they were not teaching Spanish like other shows may but I got the distinct feeling that the creators were making a point through the use of Tiko, the squirrel. It is not a message that kids would get but I sure got it. Maybe my daughter can teach me Spanish some day soon because I think very soon, English will be the second language which is fine - I just hope I can learn a new language and keep up with the times.
Another interesting show is Spongebob Square Pants. I always wondered what the Focus on the Family controversy was with this show until I watched it. I guess I can see concerned right-wing Christians taking to the streets of Colorado Springs over the one episode where Spongebob takes in a little oyster as a child with his friend, Patrick, another male. The 15-minute episode is all about the trials and tribulations of being a parent and what they go through until the oyster regains his strength and flies the coop. Spongebob and his friend, Patrick, distraught over saying goodbye to their baby, cry and wave good bye. Could this be an episode on gay marriage and the ability of gay partners to adopt and raise kids? hmmm... maybe. That is how I saw it. My 2-year old, of course, did not see it that way. As I watch this programming with my daughter and try to find some entertainment with it, I have noticed a subtle trend in children's programming to make a point - whether political, social, or otherwise and believe it or not, it keeps me wanting more and helps me kinda stay in touch with the times so, stay tuned for more reports soon!
A few months ago my daughter was really into Sesame Street. My mother started her off on Sesame Street at the ripe age of 18 months so my daughter was quite familiar with characters like Zoe, Elmo, Rosita, Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch, and Big Bird. They have added characters to that show since my days of watching it. Zoe, the orange monster turned ballerina is new and so is Rosita, the blue furry, Hispanic monster. As times evolve, so has Sesame Street. Themes have changed too. An adult can watch Sesame Street and find just as much humor and satire a child does - of course, both will get different messages. They do spoofs on "deal or no deal", "CSI" and other popular shows and of course, there are the subtle political messages that only adults would get and appreciate.
Yesterday though, I watched Dora - lately, my daughter dislikes Sesame Street and is into DORA and DIEGO (Dora's cousin - I had no idea til I watched). Anyway, Dora is a little Hispanic girl who goes on adventures presumably at the tender age of 5, through spooky forests and the hills of her village with her pet monkey, Boots, and her love able forest friends. This is where it gets interesting. I have never been an advocate of an official second language in America. I think English should be it but alas, I think it is inevitable that Spanish is unofficially becoming the second language, which is fine. With our neighbors to the South of us and the growing latino population, it is no surprise that I saw an RTD-Denver bus the other day sporting an entire advertisement in Spanish I could not understand it so I am assuming that I was not the target audience of that ad. In any case, with the growing popularity of learning Spanish, it is no surprise that I am learning plenty of it from my daughter's programming. From Sesame Street and Dora, to Diego and the Spanish channels on both TV and radio, I am actually picking up Spanish even though I took French in high school. Anyway, the point I need to make is that children's programming should show the adaptability to both cultures and languages. I think the character on Dora that was the funniest and reflected the sign of the times was the squirrel named Tiko. This squirrel is a the only character on Dora that speaks only Spanish. So, basically, Dora and Boots, through their responses to Tiko, kinda let you know what Tiko is saying without a direct translation. It was interesting for me to watch this and watch my daughter' reaction too. She has a short attention span so she just tuned out when she could not understand Tiko, the rapido Espanol-speaking squirrel. It was obvious that they were not teaching Spanish like other shows may but I got the distinct feeling that the creators were making a point through the use of Tiko, the squirrel. It is not a message that kids would get but I sure got it. Maybe my daughter can teach me Spanish some day soon because I think very soon, English will be the second language which is fine - I just hope I can learn a new language and keep up with the times.
Another interesting show is Spongebob Square Pants. I always wondered what the Focus on the Family controversy was with this show until I watched it. I guess I can see concerned right-wing Christians taking to the streets of Colorado Springs over the one episode where Spongebob takes in a little oyster as a child with his friend, Patrick, another male. The 15-minute episode is all about the trials and tribulations of being a parent and what they go through until the oyster regains his strength and flies the coop. Spongebob and his friend, Patrick, distraught over saying goodbye to their baby, cry and wave good bye. Could this be an episode on gay marriage and the ability of gay partners to adopt and raise kids? hmmm... maybe. That is how I saw it. My 2-year old, of course, did not see it that way. As I watch this programming with my daughter and try to find some entertainment with it, I have noticed a subtle trend in children's programming to make a point - whether political, social, or otherwise and believe it or not, it keeps me wanting more and helps me kinda stay in touch with the times so, stay tuned for more reports soon!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The Cost of Shattering the Glass Ceiling
When African-Americans received the right to vote and desegregation occurred in this country, I do not think anyone thought about a negative cost of that glass ceiling breaking- in fact, except for bigots and racists, it was a win-win for the economy and the individuals who won that right. However, the same cannot be said about women entering the workplace especially entering traditional male jobs, including athletics and the military. In fact, I think across this country as women excel in all career fields to become CEOs, CFOs, Olympic gold medal winners, and Generals in the Army, there is a cost.
I initially wrote this blog as a big whine on the military and how unfair it is to women, especially those who are trying to raise kids and find work/life balance. However, someone was wise to point out to me that the cost of breaking the glass ceiling does not exist for just women in the military, it occurs across the board. From the woman who has to travel for work three to four days a week, work extra hard to get the same position on the board as the man, the athlete who cannot take her infant with her due to antiquated rules in the Olympics, to the woman who deploys for six months or more, leaving her infant child behind, it seems that everyone is making a sacrifice. In the case of women earning their place in society, the corporate world, athletics, and/or the profession of arms, there does seem to be a cost and everyone is bearing it.
It is not easy to leave behind an infant in the middle of nursing to go fight a war on foreign soil, likewise, it is tough to ask for a leave of absence from work for more than a few weeks especially if you work for a Corporation and the way to get ahead is to be seen and present. It is tough for an athlete to take a break from the sport and even after returning, to take breaks to go nurse a child. Moreover, athletics takes a toll on nursing as well – it can reduce breast milk production. Whether we choose to admit it or not, there is a glass ceiling and while we as women strive to break it, this comes at a cost to our families and ourselves. Many women decide early on to make the sacrifice – to not return to work, to give up their careers and their passion because of another equally important passion – being a full-time mother. Others cannot or choose not to do so. I am still surprised to learn of antiquated practices in the workplace- whether professional, blue collar, or otherwise. Many workplaces are family unfriendly. While our government has attempted to make strides in family-friendly practices including alternate work sites, part-time and alternative work schedules, there are those employers and corporations out there that have not- it is a traditional male work place mentality: Work here, or take vacation; work when we tell you to instead of just getting the job done; and work under the conditions provided – no lactation rooms, or private rooms for pumping. It is interesting how many more employers are family friendly and yet, the glass ceiling remains along with an equal number of employers who refuse to change with the times. Whether it is because they choose to overtly discriminate is another story but if they are not forced to change, why would they? After all, it would involve changing a culture- a mindset.
The military, for example, has regulations and laws which require a woman to be deployable (in shape, immunized, and so on), within 6 months of childbirth. It is not six months post-partum to "start getting ready" - No! The Regulations are clear: be ready to DEPLOY 6 months from the date of childbirth. After all the statistics on child bearing and nursing, why should a mom be deployed for 4 months after a mere 6 months of nursing and being with her baby? That makes no sense. There are no accommodations made either for the nursing moms in many professions. You cannot take your child along with you or let him or her stay with you. Many corporations will not pay for childcare or the child’s ticket if he or she travels with mom. Why should they when they can get away without paying for it in the case of a man travelling instead of a woman? There is no incentive for an employer to make special cases for a woman and the employer who is family friendly tends to be the exception rather than the rule.
Despite the fact that studies indicate breastfeeding and remaining with a child at least 1 year after birth improve the child’s immunity and well-being, we choose as a society to ignore medical and health science and instead of working with the mom, offer her a choice: feed your baby, remain with your baby OR excel in your career by being more like a man. Well, if it were that simple, it would be very easy. It is not. Biologically, if men could nurse a baby, then, what a different world we’d be in! Unlike the racial barrier, the gender barrier is harder to overcome. In race, there are no biological differences per se except skin tone. In gender, there are. And therefore, for better or worse, there remains this cost of our attempts at breaking the glass ceiling and no matter how far we get or what we achieve, we still face these costs – whether that cost comes in the form of our emotions, our children, our spouses, our healthcare, our social programs and ... our society!
I initially wrote this blog as a big whine on the military and how unfair it is to women, especially those who are trying to raise kids and find work/life balance. However, someone was wise to point out to me that the cost of breaking the glass ceiling does not exist for just women in the military, it occurs across the board. From the woman who has to travel for work three to four days a week, work extra hard to get the same position on the board as the man, the athlete who cannot take her infant with her due to antiquated rules in the Olympics, to the woman who deploys for six months or more, leaving her infant child behind, it seems that everyone is making a sacrifice. In the case of women earning their place in society, the corporate world, athletics, and/or the profession of arms, there does seem to be a cost and everyone is bearing it.
It is not easy to leave behind an infant in the middle of nursing to go fight a war on foreign soil, likewise, it is tough to ask for a leave of absence from work for more than a few weeks especially if you work for a Corporation and the way to get ahead is to be seen and present. It is tough for an athlete to take a break from the sport and even after returning, to take breaks to go nurse a child. Moreover, athletics takes a toll on nursing as well – it can reduce breast milk production. Whether we choose to admit it or not, there is a glass ceiling and while we as women strive to break it, this comes at a cost to our families and ourselves. Many women decide early on to make the sacrifice – to not return to work, to give up their careers and their passion because of another equally important passion – being a full-time mother. Others cannot or choose not to do so. I am still surprised to learn of antiquated practices in the workplace- whether professional, blue collar, or otherwise. Many workplaces are family unfriendly. While our government has attempted to make strides in family-friendly practices including alternate work sites, part-time and alternative work schedules, there are those employers and corporations out there that have not- it is a traditional male work place mentality: Work here, or take vacation; work when we tell you to instead of just getting the job done; and work under the conditions provided – no lactation rooms, or private rooms for pumping. It is interesting how many more employers are family friendly and yet, the glass ceiling remains along with an equal number of employers who refuse to change with the times. Whether it is because they choose to overtly discriminate is another story but if they are not forced to change, why would they? After all, it would involve changing a culture- a mindset.
The military, for example, has regulations and laws which require a woman to be deployable (in shape, immunized, and so on), within 6 months of childbirth. It is not six months post-partum to "start getting ready" - No! The Regulations are clear: be ready to DEPLOY 6 months from the date of childbirth. After all the statistics on child bearing and nursing, why should a mom be deployed for 4 months after a mere 6 months of nursing and being with her baby? That makes no sense. There are no accommodations made either for the nursing moms in many professions. You cannot take your child along with you or let him or her stay with you. Many corporations will not pay for childcare or the child’s ticket if he or she travels with mom. Why should they when they can get away without paying for it in the case of a man travelling instead of a woman? There is no incentive for an employer to make special cases for a woman and the employer who is family friendly tends to be the exception rather than the rule.
Despite the fact that studies indicate breastfeeding and remaining with a child at least 1 year after birth improve the child’s immunity and well-being, we choose as a society to ignore medical and health science and instead of working with the mom, offer her a choice: feed your baby, remain with your baby OR excel in your career by being more like a man. Well, if it were that simple, it would be very easy. It is not. Biologically, if men could nurse a baby, then, what a different world we’d be in! Unlike the racial barrier, the gender barrier is harder to overcome. In race, there are no biological differences per se except skin tone. In gender, there are. And therefore, for better or worse, there remains this cost of our attempts at breaking the glass ceiling and no matter how far we get or what we achieve, we still face these costs – whether that cost comes in the form of our emotions, our children, our spouses, our healthcare, our social programs and ... our society!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Goldilocks and the Perfect Day Care
Finding a good home care or day care provider for your kids (the most precious thing in your life) is akin to the story of Goldilocks. You need to find one that is "just right." But, alas, therein lies the problem - finding the perfect day care provider is not a destination but a journey. It never ends. It started before my first daughter was born in the Spring of 2007, and has not ended. Here, we are, 2+ years later, now with my infant daughter and we are still searching for the perfect solution. We started with day care provider #1 after about 3 months of my first daughter's birth but she could not care for my daughter well. My discerning 3-month old did not like this woman at all and we'd drop her off in her car seat and when we arrived after a few hours, my daughter would be there crying in her car seat. It was like this woman had no clue what to do. This home care provider was NOT right.
My older daughter actually picked the home care provider she is currently going to. At 6 months of age, she jumped from my arms into this lady's arms when we went to interview her. No one else had this effect on her. In fact, she even cried with my husband and only liked my mom and me. So, it was set - it was destiny. But alas, as you know, this home care provider is less than perfect too - they do great with the kids and they kids love them and identify with them but their home is so far away from the house and far away from my husband's employment too. It is a pain to take them there and we wish this provider would come to the house. But alas, they charge a lot and the pains to take them back and forth is starting to take its toll -plus, if they are away or have an appointment, one of us has to work from home or take the day off. This home care provider is right but not perfect. I should mention we tried our older daughter in a public day care near my employment last year- she was only 13 months old and she did terribly. She was sick all the time, and the thought of leaving her killed me- she cried and cried. It was too early to do that - That day care situation was NOT right at all.
So, now here we are delving into another home care situation - where someone comes to our home and watches both our kids. Pros- the girls get to stay home and do not have to weather road conditions or storms. But, alas, there are many cons - they are not familiar with this lady and the lady would need to learn where things are in our home, how to heat bottles for my little one and not confuse them with the Vitamin D milk we give our toddler. One HUGE problem - there is a communication gap. This lady only speaks Hindi and my daughter knows another Indian language and English. This is the biggest obstacle right now and I am not sure I am ready for this change despite the girls being more adaptable and flexible than I am. Someone new will have to learn all over what we spend months teaching the current home care provider- how to put my infant and toddler to sleep for nap times, what temperature both kids like their milk, and how to care for them. I am just not sure I will ever find that perfect day care situation .... unlike Goldilocks, I do not think I will ever be sated.
My older daughter actually picked the home care provider she is currently going to. At 6 months of age, she jumped from my arms into this lady's arms when we went to interview her. No one else had this effect on her. In fact, she even cried with my husband and only liked my mom and me. So, it was set - it was destiny. But alas, as you know, this home care provider is less than perfect too - they do great with the kids and they kids love them and identify with them but their home is so far away from the house and far away from my husband's employment too. It is a pain to take them there and we wish this provider would come to the house. But alas, they charge a lot and the pains to take them back and forth is starting to take its toll -plus, if they are away or have an appointment, one of us has to work from home or take the day off. This home care provider is right but not perfect. I should mention we tried our older daughter in a public day care near my employment last year- she was only 13 months old and she did terribly. She was sick all the time, and the thought of leaving her killed me- she cried and cried. It was too early to do that - That day care situation was NOT right at all.
So, now here we are delving into another home care situation - where someone comes to our home and watches both our kids. Pros- the girls get to stay home and do not have to weather road conditions or storms. But, alas, there are many cons - they are not familiar with this lady and the lady would need to learn where things are in our home, how to heat bottles for my little one and not confuse them with the Vitamin D milk we give our toddler. One HUGE problem - there is a communication gap. This lady only speaks Hindi and my daughter knows another Indian language and English. This is the biggest obstacle right now and I am not sure I am ready for this change despite the girls being more adaptable and flexible than I am. Someone new will have to learn all over what we spend months teaching the current home care provider- how to put my infant and toddler to sleep for nap times, what temperature both kids like their milk, and how to care for them. I am just not sure I will ever find that perfect day care situation .... unlike Goldilocks, I do not think I will ever be sated.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Do you take "cream" with your tea or coffee?
However delayed this blog is, I had to write about the tea incident that occurred while I was visiting my folks in Virginia. My mom is a conservator by nature. For example, when I give my toddler-daughter Vitamin D milk in a bottle or cup, any left overs are used by mom to make her tea. Even though my daughter has back wash, etc., my mom feels compelled to not waste anything – down to meals. She will eat what my daughter does not and so on. I think you get the picture. Well, lesson learned I think is when it comes to some things, ‘tis better to just let it go.
Case in point – when I was visiting Virginia, I had bottles for both my infant daughter (2 bottles) and my toddler too because she cannot seem to drink milk out of anything other than a bottle. We are not too hard on her and still indulge her so she drinks her milk out of a bottle. Anyway, while we were in Virginia, I had to thaw out frozen breast milk one day for my infant so my mom could feed her while I was taking a nap with my daughter. My mom did so and it was approximately 3 ounces of breast milk. The bottles are marked with my infant’s name but it is not readily available or apparent- you have to actually lift the bottle and read below. My mom did not know this because rarely is my infant bottle fed. She is exclusively breast fed. So, needless to say… I think you know where this is going … My infant did not drink the bottle and my mom put it back in the fridge. Later that same, she made tea and waste not, want not, she thought she was using Vitamin D leftovers, combined with some other milk for prayers, combined with Actual Vitamin D leftovers. Little did she know at that time, that she had 3 ounces of breastmilk, an ounce of milk used for prayers, and 3 ounces of Vitamin D leftovers all in one pot. If you know hot to make Indian masala chai, it is all combined with water in a pot, spices and tea added with sugar, and then boiled. Boiling it releases the caffeine from the tea and makes the milk and water and sugar come to life. Ha! Needless to say, it smelled funny because breast milk, when boiled, does not separate, but just smells odd. As soon as I put my lips to the cup, I could smell something. It reminded me of how my infant smells after she spits up. Ironically, my infant was reaching for the cup as if it smelled to her of momma. In any case, after 2 sips, I said… This is spoiled and then did not drink it. My mom, on the other hand, kept drinking it and saying it tasted horrible but could not stop drinking it. My dad was saved because before he could get a cup, mom my decided it was spoiled milk and tossed all the tea. It was not until morning that she realized what she had done.
That night, I kept searching for Nisha’s bottle of milk and just decided to talk with my mom in the morning – of course, before I could do so, she admitted to me what happened and was quite embarrassed about it. I wonder if she views “waste not want not” differently now. Oh –no she doesn’t, she merely blamed the entire saga on me because of my lack of labeling and moved on. So, next time someone talks about mistakenly drinking breast milk, I do not laugh - I have been there, done that. Thank god it was my milk :-)
On a side note, when I googled, "frozen breast milk" I got this article and I had to share (OH BOY!) Breast Milk Off the Menu!
Case in point – when I was visiting Virginia, I had bottles for both my infant daughter (2 bottles) and my toddler too because she cannot seem to drink milk out of anything other than a bottle. We are not too hard on her and still indulge her so she drinks her milk out of a bottle. Anyway, while we were in Virginia, I had to thaw out frozen breast milk one day for my infant so my mom could feed her while I was taking a nap with my daughter. My mom did so and it was approximately 3 ounces of breast milk. The bottles are marked with my infant’s name but it is not readily available or apparent- you have to actually lift the bottle and read below. My mom did not know this because rarely is my infant bottle fed. She is exclusively breast fed. So, needless to say… I think you know where this is going … My infant did not drink the bottle and my mom put it back in the fridge. Later that same, she made tea and waste not, want not, she thought she was using Vitamin D leftovers, combined with some other milk for prayers, combined with Actual Vitamin D leftovers. Little did she know at that time, that she had 3 ounces of breastmilk, an ounce of milk used for prayers, and 3 ounces of Vitamin D leftovers all in one pot. If you know hot to make Indian masala chai, it is all combined with water in a pot, spices and tea added with sugar, and then boiled. Boiling it releases the caffeine from the tea and makes the milk and water and sugar come to life. Ha! Needless to say, it smelled funny because breast milk, when boiled, does not separate, but just smells odd. As soon as I put my lips to the cup, I could smell something. It reminded me of how my infant smells after she spits up. Ironically, my infant was reaching for the cup as if it smelled to her of momma. In any case, after 2 sips, I said… This is spoiled and then did not drink it. My mom, on the other hand, kept drinking it and saying it tasted horrible but could not stop drinking it. My dad was saved because before he could get a cup, mom my decided it was spoiled milk and tossed all the tea. It was not until morning that she realized what she had done.
That night, I kept searching for Nisha’s bottle of milk and just decided to talk with my mom in the morning – of course, before I could do so, she admitted to me what happened and was quite embarrassed about it. I wonder if she views “waste not want not” differently now. Oh –no she doesn’t, she merely blamed the entire saga on me because of my lack of labeling and moved on. So, next time someone talks about mistakenly drinking breast milk, I do not laugh - I have been there, done that. Thank god it was my milk :-)
On a side note, when I googled, "frozen breast milk" I got this article and I had to share (OH BOY!) Breast Milk Off the Menu!
Monday, July 06, 2009
Flying Solo
This past weekend, I flew solo with my two kids. Some call it being brave and amazing, I call it insanity. I also do not think I will be dabbling in these types of adventures again anytime soon. I was surprised that the first leg of the trip which was almost 3 hours long went well. My little one did not sleep though and neither did the toddler. However, my toddler was content reading, smiling at people around us and making faces at them and so was my infant. We spent time munching on airplane snacks, drinking juices and watching Sesame Street without sound. We landed at our connecting destination and things "appeared" fine. I got several thumbs up and "you're doing great!" encouragment from people around me and the flight attendants.... it was bound to go downhill from there and it did.
In Baltimore, my daughter refused to eat any food I got for her and sonce we are potty training her, that did not go well either. It all came to a "head" (so to speak) on Concourse B in Baltimore International. I think she was exhausted and then did not want to go "potty" in her diaper and was probably too constipated anyway so the entire thing went poorly - she was screaming from pain and crying - she exhausted herself after crying for 45 mins, refusing to get on the aircraft and worse, refusing to buckle herself in. Meanwhile, as she is screaming, my infant passed out in the ergo carrier. As I boarded the plane, as I wandered in the terminal and so on, people kept staring at me- I felt the weight of the stares, the weight of "talk", the weight of the smiles and many "awwws" and "ooooohs" of those who actually did understand and sympathized with me. A man travelling solo with his two kids on this 28-min leg of the flight actually helped me out and said it was okay. He had been through this too - his kids were 2 years apart. In any case, I felt horrible and cried a bit myself too. I was exhausted, hungry, and humiliated.
It was relief when she finally went and calmed down a bit and enjoyed her trip and visit with the grandparents and relatives. Flying solo is not easy so all you people out there who stare and judge - shut the "BLEEP" up and offer assistance. Oh I almost forgot - there was a guy in the row in front of me on the Denver to Baltimore leg who refused to move and let a mother sit next to her daughter. What an asshole! I do remember that and thought, thank god I rushed to get on board early so I could sit next to my two-year old. His excuse for not changing his aisle seat for another aisle seat was "well, I prefer to sit here because this passenger is more petite." What an ass. When I compared the two passengers, they were roughly the same size and both were nice and cute. Anyway, people like that give passengers a bad name and deserve to be escorted off the plane mid-air with a parachute in hand. Haa More to come on our trip in more postings.... Buckle up and enjoy the ride.
In Baltimore, my daughter refused to eat any food I got for her and sonce we are potty training her, that did not go well either. It all came to a "head" (so to speak) on Concourse B in Baltimore International. I think she was exhausted and then did not want to go "potty" in her diaper and was probably too constipated anyway so the entire thing went poorly - she was screaming from pain and crying - she exhausted herself after crying for 45 mins, refusing to get on the aircraft and worse, refusing to buckle herself in. Meanwhile, as she is screaming, my infant passed out in the ergo carrier. As I boarded the plane, as I wandered in the terminal and so on, people kept staring at me- I felt the weight of the stares, the weight of "talk", the weight of the smiles and many "awwws" and "ooooohs" of those who actually did understand and sympathized with me. A man travelling solo with his two kids on this 28-min leg of the flight actually helped me out and said it was okay. He had been through this too - his kids were 2 years apart. In any case, I felt horrible and cried a bit myself too. I was exhausted, hungry, and humiliated.
It was relief when she finally went and calmed down a bit and enjoyed her trip and visit with the grandparents and relatives. Flying solo is not easy so all you people out there who stare and judge - shut the "BLEEP" up and offer assistance. Oh I almost forgot - there was a guy in the row in front of me on the Denver to Baltimore leg who refused to move and let a mother sit next to her daughter. What an asshole! I do remember that and thought, thank god I rushed to get on board early so I could sit next to my two-year old. His excuse for not changing his aisle seat for another aisle seat was "well, I prefer to sit here because this passenger is more petite." What an ass. When I compared the two passengers, they were roughly the same size and both were nice and cute. Anyway, people like that give passengers a bad name and deserve to be escorted off the plane mid-air with a parachute in hand. Haa More to come on our trip in more postings.... Buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
What? No Magic Solution?
When I was contemplating sleep training my infant three months ago, I never thought we'd try to sleep train my toddler. It is just harder to sleep train a toddler who is accustomed to a certain way. We were able to get her in her own bed of course, one of us needed to stay with her or play musical beds all night long. It was a mess! We decided to hire a sleep consultant. When I first E-mailed her, I thought she'd help me with the infant. My goal: Sleep train one of them - the infant is the easier one to train - and life would be somewhat easier. The Sleep "expert" or consultant, however, had another plan. Sleep train the 2-year old, and the infant, we could train after 4-5 months of age. Well, as you have been reading, the sleep training of the toddler did not go well at all - we gave up after 8 nights and decided it was harder on our family to sleep train than to just deal with the game of musical beds all night long, everyday. So, we are back to square one. During transition back to the "way it was", our toddler slept through the night for 2 nights and now has reverted back. What took 9 days to build (and trust me, we did not build much), only took 2 nights to undo.
When it comes to sleep training a toddler, there is no magic solution. You can use Pantley, Weissbluth or any other book out there. You can even pay someone to come into your home and tell you what you are doing wrong (probably alot because you suck as parents) but there is no magic wand you can wave to get a toddler sleep trained. All you can do is exercise patience and pray and hope that one day, she will just do it on her own. For now, we are back to square one but there are two things we are taking forward that we learned from this whole experience: (1) Earlier bedtime and routine - definitely a must in our household - it is obvious with her meltdowns, that our child is truly ready for bed by 730pm and (2) She has to remain contained until one of us can get in there- that is, she does not get to open the door and wander through the home at will. She is after all, TWO!
With those two things going forward, who knows? We may all sleep in our own beds agian by the beginning of the next decade... most likely, we will continue these games well into 2011. Good night, and Good luck!
When it comes to sleep training a toddler, there is no magic solution. You can use Pantley, Weissbluth or any other book out there. You can even pay someone to come into your home and tell you what you are doing wrong (probably alot because you suck as parents) but there is no magic wand you can wave to get a toddler sleep trained. All you can do is exercise patience and pray and hope that one day, she will just do it on her own. For now, we are back to square one but there are two things we are taking forward that we learned from this whole experience: (1) Earlier bedtime and routine - definitely a must in our household - it is obvious with her meltdowns, that our child is truly ready for bed by 730pm and (2) She has to remain contained until one of us can get in there- that is, she does not get to open the door and wander through the home at will. She is after all, TWO!
With those two things going forward, who knows? We may all sleep in our own beds agian by the beginning of the next decade... most likely, we will continue these games well into 2011. Good night, and Good luck!
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Can't a girl just get some sleep already?
So, we have started sleep training our 2-year old - better late than never I suppose but when you start this late, you must accept some pretty harsh consequences. If you sleep train a child between 6 and 10 months, it is easier. Granted, it is never easy to hear your child crying for you from the next room over but it is easier because they cannot say your name, they cannot completely understand everything going on, and for the most part, the kids are still unaware of what is happening. Moreover, they will not remember much and training can be done within 2-3 nights. However, now flash forward to that same child at age 2 ... what a nightmare!
Our daughter is very intelligent and understands what is going on. What is worse is that she screams our names- "maama... please open door! Mamma please come here, lay down here sleep- (name) crying..." It is so sad it breaks your heart. What is worse, it breaks my husband's heart even more. She screams for him and he does not come because we cannot. We are supposed to do something called "compassionate" sleep solutions. My theory is that anything that involves this much crying does not involve compassion. Let's call a spade a spade- it is cry it out but controlled cry it out.
Why are we here if we cannot stomach it? Well, it is even harder for us to stomach playing musical beds every night. Since the infant arrived, it is harder around nap times and bed times to handle them both especially since neither can self soothe or go to sleep on their own. So, nap times and bed times are very stressful on the whole family. What is worse is that the infant wakes up to nurse almost all night and the toddler gets up several times too - so, it becomes quite the juggling act for the two of us, enslaving us to the kids. Man to man coverage is great, but what if one of us has a business trip? Then what happens? So, we are hoping for some good results from this. And if not, we figure, the alternative is not bad either- the toddler will sleep with us in the king size bed, and we will just wisen up and sleep train the infant in 3 months. For god's sake - we need just one to sleep through the night!
In the meantime, with all the sleep training going on, no one is getting any sleep in the house - not the toddler who is crying her eyes out, not the parents, and the only one who is unfazed by all this is the infant who seems to be getting sleep when she needs it :-) Good nite to all! (We HOPE)
Our daughter is very intelligent and understands what is going on. What is worse is that she screams our names- "maama... please open door! Mamma please come here, lay down here sleep- (name) crying..." It is so sad it breaks your heart. What is worse, it breaks my husband's heart even more. She screams for him and he does not come because we cannot. We are supposed to do something called "compassionate" sleep solutions. My theory is that anything that involves this much crying does not involve compassion. Let's call a spade a spade- it is cry it out but controlled cry it out.
Why are we here if we cannot stomach it? Well, it is even harder for us to stomach playing musical beds every night. Since the infant arrived, it is harder around nap times and bed times to handle them both especially since neither can self soothe or go to sleep on their own. So, nap times and bed times are very stressful on the whole family. What is worse is that the infant wakes up to nurse almost all night and the toddler gets up several times too - so, it becomes quite the juggling act for the two of us, enslaving us to the kids. Man to man coverage is great, but what if one of us has a business trip? Then what happens? So, we are hoping for some good results from this. And if not, we figure, the alternative is not bad either- the toddler will sleep with us in the king size bed, and we will just wisen up and sleep train the infant in 3 months. For god's sake - we need just one to sleep through the night!
In the meantime, with all the sleep training going on, no one is getting any sleep in the house - not the toddler who is crying her eyes out, not the parents, and the only one who is unfazed by all this is the infant who seems to be getting sleep when she needs it :-) Good nite to all! (We HOPE)
Friday, May 08, 2009
Part of being a mom
Today, we left our 11-week old with a home care provider so that both could start getting used to each other. What an ordeal! While I know I need to do this now to get everyone ready, it is just so difficult as a nursing mother of a tiny baby to just leave her in someone else's care. What is worse is that no one knows her like I do. At least that is how I feel. Even when I went on an overnight to a city one and a half hours away, I felt unnerved because I firmly believed my husband and mother (who has lived with us for 3 months) cannot take care of her as well as I can. That may be a control-freak type attitude but nonetheless, to leave her with someone else made me very nervous today. It was even more nerve wracking when this lady called me and told me she was crying. Oh my poor baby!
Here are some of the questions that have crossed my mind every minute since we dropped her off, "how is she doing? Is she crying? Will the provider stick with the 90-minute sleep program I have followed for 2 weeks now? Will the provider know which cry is which- cry for food or cry due to discomfort or cry because she just needs assistance to fall asleep? What is my lil one doing now? Will the provider place her head up so she spits up only a little? Did she get burped after she was fed? What about the milk- did she warm up the breast milk properly? Does my baby realize where she is? Does she miss me?"
It has been a LONG afternoon and even an otherwise pleasant nap was an ordeal - needless to say, I did not nap. On a positive note, this little separation anxiety has made me appreciate my little one even more and feel closer to her. I realize how much she means to me and while we have not bonded as much as my 2-year old and I have, I realize now that she needs me so much more than the 2-year old and is so much more helpless. She cannot tell me in words what is going on like my 2-year old can. She cannot communicate effectively so I have to be more in tune with her cries. In sum, I miss her terribly and while I have come to appreciate her more, I am sad to know that the weaning has begun... not breastfeeding weaning per se but rather, the natural weaning that occurs in life when children slowly separate from their parents, and one day, leave for pre-school, then elementary, then high school, and college and get married... and yes, possibly even move further away. That realization has left me wondering if I am truly ready to "let go" of my babies. I guess, in the natural order of things, this is all part of being a parent.
Of course, the heart of a mother... well, the heart of the mother will always be tender and belong to her children. Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there. Whatever the outcome, you have done the best you can!
Here are some of the questions that have crossed my mind every minute since we dropped her off, "how is she doing? Is she crying? Will the provider stick with the 90-minute sleep program I have followed for 2 weeks now? Will the provider know which cry is which- cry for food or cry due to discomfort or cry because she just needs assistance to fall asleep? What is my lil one doing now? Will the provider place her head up so she spits up only a little? Did she get burped after she was fed? What about the milk- did she warm up the breast milk properly? Does my baby realize where she is? Does she miss me?"
It has been a LONG afternoon and even an otherwise pleasant nap was an ordeal - needless to say, I did not nap. On a positive note, this little separation anxiety has made me appreciate my little one even more and feel closer to her. I realize how much she means to me and while we have not bonded as much as my 2-year old and I have, I realize now that she needs me so much more than the 2-year old and is so much more helpless. She cannot tell me in words what is going on like my 2-year old can. She cannot communicate effectively so I have to be more in tune with her cries. In sum, I miss her terribly and while I have come to appreciate her more, I am sad to know that the weaning has begun... not breastfeeding weaning per se but rather, the natural weaning that occurs in life when children slowly separate from their parents, and one day, leave for pre-school, then elementary, then high school, and college and get married... and yes, possibly even move further away. That realization has left me wondering if I am truly ready to "let go" of my babies. I guess, in the natural order of things, this is all part of being a parent.
Of course, the heart of a mother... well, the heart of the mother will always be tender and belong to her children. Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there. Whatever the outcome, you have done the best you can!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Since when did obesity become a good thing?
Since the birth of my first daughter I am just amazed at how obsessed pediatricians and parents alike are obsessed with the weight of their kids. I mean my kid is already in the 1 percentile and that ain't good. She is only 23 months old and because she is thin, and was born tiny, she is basically getting failing grades already. If she were fat though, she'd be in the 90 percentile and yes, that is considered good. So, if my child were fat and chunky and at risk for diabetes and other diseases that strike the obese, I would get a pat on the back- good job! Sure, your kid is almost 2 and not walking because of the giant fat legs but hey, at least he or she is well fed. What?? Are you kidding?
I am amazed in this day and age that doctors and parents alike are concerned with how fat their child is and not in the way you think- it is all about how much weight they can put on and how fast. Even though my toddler eats reasonably most of the time, she does not gain weight. She is, however, taller than her peers. She towers over even kids her own age or older than her. However, that is not something to be commended. Rather, the doctor focuses on weight. My mother in law is obsessed with it as well and while she is always comparing all her grandkids even though each is unique, I find it humorous that she really takes pride in calling the two grandkids who are good eaters from HER side of the family. I do not know if I would brag about the fat kids being from my side of the family- I do not think that is a good thing. Needless to say, the battles rage on and I too have fallen prey to all the rhetoric and tend to weigh my newborn all the time. It is a sickness really. I want to win the competition after all even though I really do not think it is a healthy competition to begin with... nonetheless, like everything else in life, it is a race to the finish!
I am amazed in this day and age that doctors and parents alike are concerned with how fat their child is and not in the way you think- it is all about how much weight they can put on and how fast. Even though my toddler eats reasonably most of the time, she does not gain weight. She is, however, taller than her peers. She towers over even kids her own age or older than her. However, that is not something to be commended. Rather, the doctor focuses on weight. My mother in law is obsessed with it as well and while she is always comparing all her grandkids even though each is unique, I find it humorous that she really takes pride in calling the two grandkids who are good eaters from HER side of the family. I do not know if I would brag about the fat kids being from my side of the family- I do not think that is a good thing. Needless to say, the battles rage on and I too have fallen prey to all the rhetoric and tend to weigh my newborn all the time. It is a sickness really. I want to win the competition after all even though I really do not think it is a healthy competition to begin with... nonetheless, like everything else in life, it is a race to the finish!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Open up Dern it!
I, like my husband, have noticed lately how late places open especially on the weekends. When you have kids, you no longer have the luxury to "Sleep in" because someone else controls when you go to bed and when you wake up. So, it is surprising to me that so many public places and establishments open after 10am. The average toddler goes to sleep by 8pm (remember, that is average - which means some will go to sleep even earlier) and wake up by 6am. It is amazing then to me that libraries, museums, recreation centers, malls, and other places open after 10am. Don't these places pride themselves on attracting children- I mean, they sure do advertise to them. Some kids take naps as early as 11am! So, how can a parent take a child to one of these places for an hour? It makes no sense to me and lately, my husband and I have discussed this very problem. He spent two Sundays in a row waiting in a line outside the rec center to take our toddler swimming. The rec center did not open until 10am!
Not only do these hours of operation make no sense to me, I wonder what principle they run these centers on. Is it for the elderly or the single person? Even my single friends or friends without kids get up early to go exercise or go shopping. Even they are wondering why 10am. The places that really perplex me are the ones that cater to children like pools, rec centers, children's museums, and libraries. Storytime at 1030am on a Saturday? I wish these places would just open even an hour early becacuse that make all the difference. For example, on a typical Saturday, my toddler will get up at 630am. By 830am we are done with breakfast and playtime so we can take off to arrive at the rec center by 9am, and be dutifully home by 11am for lunch followed by a nice naptime, and boom! In the afternoon, the child is refreshed and ready for afternoon fun like the park and other outdoor locations. In the winter this makes even more sense because it is tough to do outdoor activities before noon.
So I rant on hoping someone will listen and other parents complain too. I guess 'til then, I have to entertain my own kid for the entire morning! Oy vay!
Not only do these hours of operation make no sense to me, I wonder what principle they run these centers on. Is it for the elderly or the single person? Even my single friends or friends without kids get up early to go exercise or go shopping. Even they are wondering why 10am. The places that really perplex me are the ones that cater to children like pools, rec centers, children's museums, and libraries. Storytime at 1030am on a Saturday? I wish these places would just open even an hour early becacuse that make all the difference. For example, on a typical Saturday, my toddler will get up at 630am. By 830am we are done with breakfast and playtime so we can take off to arrive at the rec center by 9am, and be dutifully home by 11am for lunch followed by a nice naptime, and boom! In the afternoon, the child is refreshed and ready for afternoon fun like the park and other outdoor locations. In the winter this makes even more sense because it is tough to do outdoor activities before noon.
So I rant on hoping someone will listen and other parents complain too. I guess 'til then, I have to entertain my own kid for the entire morning! Oy vay!
Friday, March 20, 2009
100% all Natural
I am prefacing this blog by stating that this is my experience and of course, from what little data I have gathered, I do believe this to be the case. Of course, if you have some evidence to dispute the below, I would love your comments.
Recently, I had my second child and therefore, decided pretty early on in the pregnancy that I was going to 100% natural this time. I did more data gathering this time, hired a doula (which I should have done the first time), and delved into the effects of epidurals, medications, and other medical interventions during child birth. I was amazed to learn that if you take any of the above before you are in active labor, that labor and delivery could be slowed down significantly. Moreover, anything taken before active labor can pass directly to the baby and thereby effect the baby's development too. This time labor and delivery was a lot quicker and while there is no pain-free labor and delivery, I have to say I was better prepared. I knew what labor pains would feel like and I was able to manage pain better. I knew about the progression of labor and the dilation and knew anything taken before I was at least 5 cm would slow down labor and possibly harm the baby. I also had hired a doula to help with pain management at the hospital and advocate for me. All in all, I have to say this time around, the entire experience was better and my recovery was 10 times quicker. Last time, I remember not being able to walk properly or do much for over 2 weeks post-partum. This time, I was up and ready within hours and the next day, was on my own, able to breastfeed a baby who was eager to feed, and was ready to head home.
This time my labor and delivery was 100% natural. Last time, I got to the hospital too early and to help me sleep and manage pain they offerred me morphine. I was only 1 cm dilated so of course, that slowed down labor - granted, the pain still continued and the meds did nothing for the pain. I was groggy, exhausted, and of course, the same can be said for the baby- she was also taking in the morphine and that may have contributed to late development for her as she did not feed right away, lost a lot of weight and to this day has issues with feeding and sleep. My sister-in-law reports different experiences with her births too. For the first, she took an epidural. I am not sure when but from how she explained it, early. While I am not associating all medical intervention with slow labor and delivery, post-recovery issues, and baby development issues, I think there is something to be said about 100% natural child birth and all of the above. Her second son was born free of intervention and from what I hear, a better eater, a better breast feeder, and even a better sleeper.
I have noticed the same this time with my second child- she is a better eater, is gaining weight, and a much better sleeper. Not that my first child was a terror- she was not. She was a great baby too but this one is just doing better and was more alert from the time of birth. I would love to do more empirical and statistical data gathering on this matter because of my own experience on the issue and I have even talked with my husband about becoming a doula part-time in the future to spread this knowledge and experience. I would love to help other women who are having children to go natural - it is truly the best thing for mother and child.
Recently, I had my second child and therefore, decided pretty early on in the pregnancy that I was going to 100% natural this time. I did more data gathering this time, hired a doula (which I should have done the first time), and delved into the effects of epidurals, medications, and other medical interventions during child birth. I was amazed to learn that if you take any of the above before you are in active labor, that labor and delivery could be slowed down significantly. Moreover, anything taken before active labor can pass directly to the baby and thereby effect the baby's development too. This time labor and delivery was a lot quicker and while there is no pain-free labor and delivery, I have to say I was better prepared. I knew what labor pains would feel like and I was able to manage pain better. I knew about the progression of labor and the dilation and knew anything taken before I was at least 5 cm would slow down labor and possibly harm the baby. I also had hired a doula to help with pain management at the hospital and advocate for me. All in all, I have to say this time around, the entire experience was better and my recovery was 10 times quicker. Last time, I remember not being able to walk properly or do much for over 2 weeks post-partum. This time, I was up and ready within hours and the next day, was on my own, able to breastfeed a baby who was eager to feed, and was ready to head home.
This time my labor and delivery was 100% natural. Last time, I got to the hospital too early and to help me sleep and manage pain they offerred me morphine. I was only 1 cm dilated so of course, that slowed down labor - granted, the pain still continued and the meds did nothing for the pain. I was groggy, exhausted, and of course, the same can be said for the baby- she was also taking in the morphine and that may have contributed to late development for her as she did not feed right away, lost a lot of weight and to this day has issues with feeding and sleep. My sister-in-law reports different experiences with her births too. For the first, she took an epidural. I am not sure when but from how she explained it, early. While I am not associating all medical intervention with slow labor and delivery, post-recovery issues, and baby development issues, I think there is something to be said about 100% natural child birth and all of the above. Her second son was born free of intervention and from what I hear, a better eater, a better breast feeder, and even a better sleeper.
I have noticed the same this time with my second child- she is a better eater, is gaining weight, and a much better sleeper. Not that my first child was a terror- she was not. She was a great baby too but this one is just doing better and was more alert from the time of birth. I would love to do more empirical and statistical data gathering on this matter because of my own experience on the issue and I have even talked with my husband about becoming a doula part-time in the future to spread this knowledge and experience. I would love to help other women who are having children to go natural - it is truly the best thing for mother and child.
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