I've been very curious about this new phenomena in America- having kids after 30. While I look around at my friends who have kids and are my age, some of them are almost done with their parental duties. I see 37-year old moms like myself who have 13 and 14 year olds. They are almost done! Me, though, I am just starting out. I wanted to find out whether I was the rule or the anomaly. Did I wait too long to have kids or are more and more new mommies in America over 30?
I had to do some research and found that since 1990, the face of new mommies in America has shifted. For example mothers in 2008 were more educated and older than those mommies two decades ago. (1) More and more women are considering these days in vitro and other fertility options, and not necessarily with partners - women are adopting and having babies without marriage or a partner. Also, homosexual partners are deciding to adopt or have children as well. This significantly changes the face of the American mom or dad. I do not think any of these changes are a bad thing, I am simply amazed that two decades can make that big of a difference!
Two decades ago, women over 35 were less likely to have a child than a teenager, but now that has shifted. In 2010, more and more babies are born to women over the age of 35 and less and less to teenagers. This may be a result of better education on issues like birth control, abstinence, and sex ed. in schools and at home. Moreover, as a result of better education, and better birth control, it seems that even women in their 20s and early 30s are waiting longer and longer to have kids.
Of course, it is also a sign of the times. As we evolve as a people, with advanced medicine, advances in technology, it is no wonder that we are becoming more selfish as a society too. There are so many constraints on our time with TV, media, technology, and social constraints that more and more women are waiting until they are done with school, established in their careers, and frankly, just have a better handle on their lives, especially balance in their lives, to have kids. More and more couples are also choosing the path of no children but decide to have pets instead. After all, there is just too much to do, let alone raise children and feed more mouths. This is a decision I also celebrate because it is important for everyone to make the right choice for their lives and lifestyles.
I got these statistics from this article at http://www.livescience.com/health/american-moms-older-more-educated-100506.html.
•The percentage of teen moms and moms over 35 has just about flipped. In 1990, 13 percent of births were to teens while 9 percent were to women over 35. In 2008, the percentages were 10 percent to teens and 14 percent to women over 35.
•The percentage of single moms grew from 28 percent in 1990 to a record 41 percent in 2008.
•More than half of moms, 54 percent, had at least some college-level education in 2006, up from 41 percent in 1990.
•Birth rates for women aged 35 to 39 increased by 47 percent, and rates for women aged 40 to 44 increased by 80 percent over the time period.
•The overall number of babies born has remained relatively stable, rising from 4.2 million in 1990 to 4.3 million in 2008. The country saw a dip in the total number of births coinciding with the recent recession.
Of course, these statistics are interesting to me. Even among my friends, I am one of the few that is married and has kids. Then, among the people I have met in my groups like Bunco, Mile High Mammas, I may be slightly behind the power curve but not by much. It just depends on which group I am with. In my professional life and among my best friends, it seems that everyone had kids later in life or are still waiting, and among other groups especially mommy-type groups, I am the anomaly (i.e. had kids too late). So, again, there is no right age or wrong age but I just know I am exhausted. I cannot imagine having a kid in my 40s or 50s but women are doing it more and more and doing it just fine! I say whatever choice you make, just stand by it and be okay with where you are because the new face of Mommies in America is not the same as it was for your parents' generation or their parents and it is changing very rapidly- who knows what the new face will be in another decade!
Showing posts with label working mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label working mom. Show all posts
Monday, November 01, 2010
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The Cost of Shattering the Glass Ceiling
When African-Americans received the right to vote and desegregation occurred in this country, I do not think anyone thought about a negative cost of that glass ceiling breaking- in fact, except for bigots and racists, it was a win-win for the economy and the individuals who won that right. However, the same cannot be said about women entering the workplace especially entering traditional male jobs, including athletics and the military. In fact, I think across this country as women excel in all career fields to become CEOs, CFOs, Olympic gold medal winners, and Generals in the Army, there is a cost.
I initially wrote this blog as a big whine on the military and how unfair it is to women, especially those who are trying to raise kids and find work/life balance. However, someone was wise to point out to me that the cost of breaking the glass ceiling does not exist for just women in the military, it occurs across the board. From the woman who has to travel for work three to four days a week, work extra hard to get the same position on the board as the man, the athlete who cannot take her infant with her due to antiquated rules in the Olympics, to the woman who deploys for six months or more, leaving her infant child behind, it seems that everyone is making a sacrifice. In the case of women earning their place in society, the corporate world, athletics, and/or the profession of arms, there does seem to be a cost and everyone is bearing it.
It is not easy to leave behind an infant in the middle of nursing to go fight a war on foreign soil, likewise, it is tough to ask for a leave of absence from work for more than a few weeks especially if you work for a Corporation and the way to get ahead is to be seen and present. It is tough for an athlete to take a break from the sport and even after returning, to take breaks to go nurse a child. Moreover, athletics takes a toll on nursing as well – it can reduce breast milk production. Whether we choose to admit it or not, there is a glass ceiling and while we as women strive to break it, this comes at a cost to our families and ourselves. Many women decide early on to make the sacrifice – to not return to work, to give up their careers and their passion because of another equally important passion – being a full-time mother. Others cannot or choose not to do so. I am still surprised to learn of antiquated practices in the workplace- whether professional, blue collar, or otherwise. Many workplaces are family unfriendly. While our government has attempted to make strides in family-friendly practices including alternate work sites, part-time and alternative work schedules, there are those employers and corporations out there that have not- it is a traditional male work place mentality: Work here, or take vacation; work when we tell you to instead of just getting the job done; and work under the conditions provided – no lactation rooms, or private rooms for pumping. It is interesting how many more employers are family friendly and yet, the glass ceiling remains along with an equal number of employers who refuse to change with the times. Whether it is because they choose to overtly discriminate is another story but if they are not forced to change, why would they? After all, it would involve changing a culture- a mindset.
The military, for example, has regulations and laws which require a woman to be deployable (in shape, immunized, and so on), within 6 months of childbirth. It is not six months post-partum to "start getting ready" - No! The Regulations are clear: be ready to DEPLOY 6 months from the date of childbirth. After all the statistics on child bearing and nursing, why should a mom be deployed for 4 months after a mere 6 months of nursing and being with her baby? That makes no sense. There are no accommodations made either for the nursing moms in many professions. You cannot take your child along with you or let him or her stay with you. Many corporations will not pay for childcare or the child’s ticket if he or she travels with mom. Why should they when they can get away without paying for it in the case of a man travelling instead of a woman? There is no incentive for an employer to make special cases for a woman and the employer who is family friendly tends to be the exception rather than the rule.
Despite the fact that studies indicate breastfeeding and remaining with a child at least 1 year after birth improve the child’s immunity and well-being, we choose as a society to ignore medical and health science and instead of working with the mom, offer her a choice: feed your baby, remain with your baby OR excel in your career by being more like a man. Well, if it were that simple, it would be very easy. It is not. Biologically, if men could nurse a baby, then, what a different world we’d be in! Unlike the racial barrier, the gender barrier is harder to overcome. In race, there are no biological differences per se except skin tone. In gender, there are. And therefore, for better or worse, there remains this cost of our attempts at breaking the glass ceiling and no matter how far we get or what we achieve, we still face these costs – whether that cost comes in the form of our emotions, our children, our spouses, our healthcare, our social programs and ... our society!
I initially wrote this blog as a big whine on the military and how unfair it is to women, especially those who are trying to raise kids and find work/life balance. However, someone was wise to point out to me that the cost of breaking the glass ceiling does not exist for just women in the military, it occurs across the board. From the woman who has to travel for work three to four days a week, work extra hard to get the same position on the board as the man, the athlete who cannot take her infant with her due to antiquated rules in the Olympics, to the woman who deploys for six months or more, leaving her infant child behind, it seems that everyone is making a sacrifice. In the case of women earning their place in society, the corporate world, athletics, and/or the profession of arms, there does seem to be a cost and everyone is bearing it.
It is not easy to leave behind an infant in the middle of nursing to go fight a war on foreign soil, likewise, it is tough to ask for a leave of absence from work for more than a few weeks especially if you work for a Corporation and the way to get ahead is to be seen and present. It is tough for an athlete to take a break from the sport and even after returning, to take breaks to go nurse a child. Moreover, athletics takes a toll on nursing as well – it can reduce breast milk production. Whether we choose to admit it or not, there is a glass ceiling and while we as women strive to break it, this comes at a cost to our families and ourselves. Many women decide early on to make the sacrifice – to not return to work, to give up their careers and their passion because of another equally important passion – being a full-time mother. Others cannot or choose not to do so. I am still surprised to learn of antiquated practices in the workplace- whether professional, blue collar, or otherwise. Many workplaces are family unfriendly. While our government has attempted to make strides in family-friendly practices including alternate work sites, part-time and alternative work schedules, there are those employers and corporations out there that have not- it is a traditional male work place mentality: Work here, or take vacation; work when we tell you to instead of just getting the job done; and work under the conditions provided – no lactation rooms, or private rooms for pumping. It is interesting how many more employers are family friendly and yet, the glass ceiling remains along with an equal number of employers who refuse to change with the times. Whether it is because they choose to overtly discriminate is another story but if they are not forced to change, why would they? After all, it would involve changing a culture- a mindset.
The military, for example, has regulations and laws which require a woman to be deployable (in shape, immunized, and so on), within 6 months of childbirth. It is not six months post-partum to "start getting ready" - No! The Regulations are clear: be ready to DEPLOY 6 months from the date of childbirth. After all the statistics on child bearing and nursing, why should a mom be deployed for 4 months after a mere 6 months of nursing and being with her baby? That makes no sense. There are no accommodations made either for the nursing moms in many professions. You cannot take your child along with you or let him or her stay with you. Many corporations will not pay for childcare or the child’s ticket if he or she travels with mom. Why should they when they can get away without paying for it in the case of a man travelling instead of a woman? There is no incentive for an employer to make special cases for a woman and the employer who is family friendly tends to be the exception rather than the rule.
Despite the fact that studies indicate breastfeeding and remaining with a child at least 1 year after birth improve the child’s immunity and well-being, we choose as a society to ignore medical and health science and instead of working with the mom, offer her a choice: feed your baby, remain with your baby OR excel in your career by being more like a man. Well, if it were that simple, it would be very easy. It is not. Biologically, if men could nurse a baby, then, what a different world we’d be in! Unlike the racial barrier, the gender barrier is harder to overcome. In race, there are no biological differences per se except skin tone. In gender, there are. And therefore, for better or worse, there remains this cost of our attempts at breaking the glass ceiling and no matter how far we get or what we achieve, we still face these costs – whether that cost comes in the form of our emotions, our children, our spouses, our healthcare, our social programs and ... our society!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Women? Sure, the military welcomes women to serve but do they?
I know I am a reservist but all my observations and experiences lead me to believe that the military is NOT conducive for working moms. I know they let women in and claim to have great benefits but there are some drawbacks for women who want to serve and at the same time, fulfill obligations to their family especially their young children.
For example, as an active duty member, you get a whopping six weeks of paid leave after delivering - wow! 6 weeks! Active or Reserves, anyone including a working mom can be deployed within 6 months of having a baby or within 6 months of coming off a profile (medical or otherwise). That's right, folks, after 6 months, you are again world-wide qualified and despite all we know about breastfeeding and how healthy it is for a baby, after 6 months, you can be deployed to a remote, foreign location without your child. Nice!
And even when you return, Reserves or Active, there is no requirement for the military to provide you a separate room or a special room to nurse or pump. The Pentagon has one because someone took a stand and made a difference but unless you have a private office, are you really going to be motivated to ask for this accommodation? After all, it will cause waves and you have to explain what you are doing. More and more men are aware that women pump but most men in the military have wives who stay at home. What's a pump? Shouldn't you be at home? Why are you here? The stigma still prevails despite decades of attempts to reform.
You are required to attend long meetings and expected to stay put - after all, leaving in the middle of a commander's call or a commander's meeting is rude even if you have to pump or if you are pregnant and have to pee. You better coordinate in advance or you could look like an idiot walking out on the top guy - ie. your boss. What if you work on the flight line? What if you work in the maintenance shop or a place where it is not conducive to even find you a private place to pump? The military, I have noticed, has not made strides to keep the women they so "gladly" welcomed due to the legal requirements. In the end, like all cases, women have to choose and make a tough choice- family or serve? They choose family but why do they have to make that tough decision? Oh I know why, because while the military welcomes women, they do not really do much to keep them and retain them - quality of life just does not support women serving unless they make sacrifices in the form of their family, nursing their small infant, and so on. I really hope the military can make strides and become the microcosm of society it needs to be. All eyes front and center!
For example, as an active duty member, you get a whopping six weeks of paid leave after delivering - wow! 6 weeks! Active or Reserves, anyone including a working mom can be deployed within 6 months of having a baby or within 6 months of coming off a profile (medical or otherwise). That's right, folks, after 6 months, you are again world-wide qualified and despite all we know about breastfeeding and how healthy it is for a baby, after 6 months, you can be deployed to a remote, foreign location without your child. Nice!
And even when you return, Reserves or Active, there is no requirement for the military to provide you a separate room or a special room to nurse or pump. The Pentagon has one because someone took a stand and made a difference but unless you have a private office, are you really going to be motivated to ask for this accommodation? After all, it will cause waves and you have to explain what you are doing. More and more men are aware that women pump but most men in the military have wives who stay at home. What's a pump? Shouldn't you be at home? Why are you here? The stigma still prevails despite decades of attempts to reform.
You are required to attend long meetings and expected to stay put - after all, leaving in the middle of a commander's call or a commander's meeting is rude even if you have to pump or if you are pregnant and have to pee. You better coordinate in advance or you could look like an idiot walking out on the top guy - ie. your boss. What if you work on the flight line? What if you work in the maintenance shop or a place where it is not conducive to even find you a private place to pump? The military, I have noticed, has not made strides to keep the women they so "gladly" welcomed due to the legal requirements. In the end, like all cases, women have to choose and make a tough choice- family or serve? They choose family but why do they have to make that tough decision? Oh I know why, because while the military welcomes women, they do not really do much to keep them and retain them - quality of life just does not support women serving unless they make sacrifices in the form of their family, nursing their small infant, and so on. I really hope the military can make strides and become the microcosm of society it needs to be. All eyes front and center!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The Generation Gap
I recently read an article in the Wall Street Journal that my husband sent my way and I realized how true most of it was. This generation (our generation) is relying more and more on their parents to provide child care. I started thinking about this because it is a phenomenon really. When we grew up, for the average family in the 70s and 80s, one parent stayed home and took care of the kids- generally, the mom. That is how things were. Despite the cost of living, it was just understood that one parent would be at home, and somehow things would work out on one salary. More and more families lived within their means too. I saw another news story on NBC the other night that talked about how people these days (in our generation) are buying homes beyond their means. It was the norm to have a 900-1500 sq ft home in the 80s and not to exceed your means. Your entire life savings was not going into your home and a home was a place to live and on one income, a 15-year mortgage was the best because after all, you needed shelter.
Most families were able to live on one income and still save somewhat for retirement. Family came first and child care was not an option. Most moms were not professionals either - they were either teachers, secretaries or not educated enough - so, it was not worth it anyway.
Nowadays, things are different - due to the women's liberation, equal pay and equal rights, more and more women are in the workplace. Women are in unconventional trades- military, science, and the like. More and more women are travelling further and more than their husbands. Men are actually staying at home with the kids now because the wives make more. However, more and more - both mom and dad are working and need to because lifestyles and times have changed. Thus, enter the grandparents. Grandparents are stepping in to raise the grandkids because it breaks their hearts to see them raised by strangers so, more and more of the previous generation are stepping up to do what they should not have to do - raise kids again. Well into their 60s, baby boomers appear to be taking on the burdens of child rearing because our generation cannot get it together - unlike our parents' generations, we are not willing to make sacrifices- we want the fancy car, the house we cannot afford, and the clothes and shoes that we should not be wearing. Our parents did not go out on dates as often and sacrificed for us and they continued to do so today.
It was an interesting article and put perspective on our present situation. I am a professional and so is my hubbie and neither of us wants to or desires to give up our job to stay home and raise kids. Neither one of us can give up our lifestyle and so it seems, our children are being raised by my parents and with that comes some compromising on our part too - living with grandma at our house, listening to her advice day-in and day out and of course, the fine art of diplomacy and compromise. I do not like it but the level of care that family provides is always better than what strangers and third parties can so, we try to mend the cultural and generational gap and work with our parents. My mom, who was a housewife, does not mind - she wants to feel needed and has no hobbies of her own so once again finds herself wanting to raise a family - mine. It is quite the conundrum and this article from WSJ really sheds light on the entire situation: http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2009/06/24/grandmas-too-indulgent-grandpas-too-strict-child-rearing-disputes-with-grandparents/
Most families were able to live on one income and still save somewhat for retirement. Family came first and child care was not an option. Most moms were not professionals either - they were either teachers, secretaries or not educated enough - so, it was not worth it anyway.
Nowadays, things are different - due to the women's liberation, equal pay and equal rights, more and more women are in the workplace. Women are in unconventional trades- military, science, and the like. More and more women are travelling further and more than their husbands. Men are actually staying at home with the kids now because the wives make more. However, more and more - both mom and dad are working and need to because lifestyles and times have changed. Thus, enter the grandparents. Grandparents are stepping in to raise the grandkids because it breaks their hearts to see them raised by strangers so, more and more of the previous generation are stepping up to do what they should not have to do - raise kids again. Well into their 60s, baby boomers appear to be taking on the burdens of child rearing because our generation cannot get it together - unlike our parents' generations, we are not willing to make sacrifices- we want the fancy car, the house we cannot afford, and the clothes and shoes that we should not be wearing. Our parents did not go out on dates as often and sacrificed for us and they continued to do so today.
It was an interesting article and put perspective on our present situation. I am a professional and so is my hubbie and neither of us wants to or desires to give up our job to stay home and raise kids. Neither one of us can give up our lifestyle and so it seems, our children are being raised by my parents and with that comes some compromising on our part too - living with grandma at our house, listening to her advice day-in and day out and of course, the fine art of diplomacy and compromise. I do not like it but the level of care that family provides is always better than what strangers and third parties can so, we try to mend the cultural and generational gap and work with our parents. My mom, who was a housewife, does not mind - she wants to feel needed and has no hobbies of her own so once again finds herself wanting to raise a family - mine. It is quite the conundrum and this article from WSJ really sheds light on the entire situation: http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2009/06/24/grandmas-too-indulgent-grandpas-too-strict-child-rearing-disputes-with-grandparents/
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The dreaded day
Returning to work after a long maternity leave is bitter sweet. It is sweet because you get to return to your world of getting things done, intelligent conversation, and of course, the proverbial feeling of worth as you accomplish what you went to school for. However, it is bitter too because by the time the three to four months of leave pass, you have become quite attached to your little one and if you are a working mom who believes in breastfeeding, then you have formed an attachment to that little guy or gal who has won over your heart with the newest smiles, laughs and cutest looks ever. It is also bitter because you are now pumping instead of nursing, and that is truly sad. The best way to make up for this is to ensure you feed the baby in the evenings on the weekends as much as possible. Of course, if you work weekends like I do, then there may be the need to take some leave or time off.
So the dreaded has come and gone and I am exhausted. The day never ends for working moms and dads. Truly, never ends. It is like a 7-11- open 24/7- you "wake up" all night long and all day spend time at work, then you come home only to have your day really begin with the kids. It is amazing that parents live longer than single women and men and it is even more amazing that on average parents live longer than dual-income no kids couples. Of course, out of those dual income no kids couples, those who have pets, live longer than those without pets. Interesting, considering I have not slept in 2.5 years or something like that and I do not see sleep anytime in my future. As far as working and raising kids though, it is a tough balance. One that each working mom has to work with and deal with and cope with. In the end though, all parties turn out okay and everyone survives but for right now... it just feels horrible. The moms that end up the happiest are the ones that have great employers who permit work from home, part-time work, or the nursery is on another floor in their building. Here's to working moms everyone! I know- I hear you- I feel your pain. It is not the end of the world but make sure your babies are in a good home care or day care situation - it will lighten your load for sure.
So the dreaded has come and gone and I am exhausted. The day never ends for working moms and dads. Truly, never ends. It is like a 7-11- open 24/7- you "wake up" all night long and all day spend time at work, then you come home only to have your day really begin with the kids. It is amazing that parents live longer than single women and men and it is even more amazing that on average parents live longer than dual-income no kids couples. Of course, out of those dual income no kids couples, those who have pets, live longer than those without pets. Interesting, considering I have not slept in 2.5 years or something like that and I do not see sleep anytime in my future. As far as working and raising kids though, it is a tough balance. One that each working mom has to work with and deal with and cope with. In the end though, all parties turn out okay and everyone survives but for right now... it just feels horrible. The moms that end up the happiest are the ones that have great employers who permit work from home, part-time work, or the nursery is on another floor in their building. Here's to working moms everyone! I know- I hear you- I feel your pain. It is not the end of the world but make sure your babies are in a good home care or day care situation - it will lighten your load for sure.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Part of being a mom
Today, we left our 11-week old with a home care provider so that both could start getting used to each other. What an ordeal! While I know I need to do this now to get everyone ready, it is just so difficult as a nursing mother of a tiny baby to just leave her in someone else's care. What is worse is that no one knows her like I do. At least that is how I feel. Even when I went on an overnight to a city one and a half hours away, I felt unnerved because I firmly believed my husband and mother (who has lived with us for 3 months) cannot take care of her as well as I can. That may be a control-freak type attitude but nonetheless, to leave her with someone else made me very nervous today. It was even more nerve wracking when this lady called me and told me she was crying. Oh my poor baby!
Here are some of the questions that have crossed my mind every minute since we dropped her off, "how is she doing? Is she crying? Will the provider stick with the 90-minute sleep program I have followed for 2 weeks now? Will the provider know which cry is which- cry for food or cry due to discomfort or cry because she just needs assistance to fall asleep? What is my lil one doing now? Will the provider place her head up so she spits up only a little? Did she get burped after she was fed? What about the milk- did she warm up the breast milk properly? Does my baby realize where she is? Does she miss me?"
It has been a LONG afternoon and even an otherwise pleasant nap was an ordeal - needless to say, I did not nap. On a positive note, this little separation anxiety has made me appreciate my little one even more and feel closer to her. I realize how much she means to me and while we have not bonded as much as my 2-year old and I have, I realize now that she needs me so much more than the 2-year old and is so much more helpless. She cannot tell me in words what is going on like my 2-year old can. She cannot communicate effectively so I have to be more in tune with her cries. In sum, I miss her terribly and while I have come to appreciate her more, I am sad to know that the weaning has begun... not breastfeeding weaning per se but rather, the natural weaning that occurs in life when children slowly separate from their parents, and one day, leave for pre-school, then elementary, then high school, and college and get married... and yes, possibly even move further away. That realization has left me wondering if I am truly ready to "let go" of my babies. I guess, in the natural order of things, this is all part of being a parent.
Of course, the heart of a mother... well, the heart of the mother will always be tender and belong to her children. Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there. Whatever the outcome, you have done the best you can!
Here are some of the questions that have crossed my mind every minute since we dropped her off, "how is she doing? Is she crying? Will the provider stick with the 90-minute sleep program I have followed for 2 weeks now? Will the provider know which cry is which- cry for food or cry due to discomfort or cry because she just needs assistance to fall asleep? What is my lil one doing now? Will the provider place her head up so she spits up only a little? Did she get burped after she was fed? What about the milk- did she warm up the breast milk properly? Does my baby realize where she is? Does she miss me?"
It has been a LONG afternoon and even an otherwise pleasant nap was an ordeal - needless to say, I did not nap. On a positive note, this little separation anxiety has made me appreciate my little one even more and feel closer to her. I realize how much she means to me and while we have not bonded as much as my 2-year old and I have, I realize now that she needs me so much more than the 2-year old and is so much more helpless. She cannot tell me in words what is going on like my 2-year old can. She cannot communicate effectively so I have to be more in tune with her cries. In sum, I miss her terribly and while I have come to appreciate her more, I am sad to know that the weaning has begun... not breastfeeding weaning per se but rather, the natural weaning that occurs in life when children slowly separate from their parents, and one day, leave for pre-school, then elementary, then high school, and college and get married... and yes, possibly even move further away. That realization has left me wondering if I am truly ready to "let go" of my babies. I guess, in the natural order of things, this is all part of being a parent.
Of course, the heart of a mother... well, the heart of the mother will always be tender and belong to her children. Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there. Whatever the outcome, you have done the best you can!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A full-time job with the best rewards
Yesterday I took the day off, not just to watch the festivities but we were having an issue with childcare anyway so I decided to spend the day with my daughter and President Obama. It was a good day but there were moments when I thought to myself…. “I am such a bad mom, I cannot do this.” It just seemed like my daughter would not slow down. She wanted to watch Elmo, then she wanted me to read Elmo, and wanted banana chips and nothing else. Of course, we ran out so that spelled trouble. Then, lunch time was trying. What do I feed this child? I mean, she snacks all day as it is, drinks milk non-stop, and then now I gotta figure out breakfast, lunch and dinner. Hmm… wow! It was hard, sure, but I gotta say, as the day wore on, it was fun too. For example, we went for a nice walk in the beautiful weather and she played at the park. She wore me out more than she herself got wore out. We were at the park a good hour but she did not understand the concept of “it is time to go home now”. She did not want to leave and it took some manipulation to get her home… for example, I had her running and we did a pretend race and then, we slowed down to take in the water stream and things like that – otherwise, she was not leaving that playground!
Stay at home moms have a tough job- they are constantly in a routine dominated by their children. If they have multiples, it is even harder I am sure. As a parent who stays home, you have to be mindful of many things for the care of an infant and young toddler: diaper changes (your sense of smell better be intact or else), feedings (not just basic meals but snack time too), play time (this may or may not include an outdoor play regiment – depends on weather really), and the ever important nap time(s). If the child is younger, they may take multiple naps. If the child is older, you may be lucky to get them down for an hour. Then in the evenings, you have to also focus on bath time and sleep time routines. Since I am a working parent, on most days, I have to try to get dinner and that usually means frozen stuff or going out to pick something up or ordering in, and give my daughter a bath and then try to get her down at a reasonable hour which these days has turned in wee hours of the night. Routine is not that important because I have to adjust it to meet my schedule some days as well. But, as a stay at home parent, I can see where routine is not only helpful, it is a must!! Without a nap routine, a feeding routine, or changing routine, you are truly run by your child's schedule and as a stay at home parent, for your own sanity, your child needs to be on a timetable. I gotta say, I am looking forward to maternity leave, and after I work out some kinks in the system, I am sure I will be returning to work—right as I start getting used to being a stay at home mom. Go figure! All in all, I think parenting is the best job in the world - it is the hardest job but the one that yields the best rewards too! I cannot wait to follow the progress of my child as she grows into what I hope is a great person. Til next time, Happy Parenting!
Stay at home moms have a tough job- they are constantly in a routine dominated by their children. If they have multiples, it is even harder I am sure. As a parent who stays home, you have to be mindful of many things for the care of an infant and young toddler: diaper changes (your sense of smell better be intact or else), feedings (not just basic meals but snack time too), play time (this may or may not include an outdoor play regiment – depends on weather really), and the ever important nap time(s). If the child is younger, they may take multiple naps. If the child is older, you may be lucky to get them down for an hour. Then in the evenings, you have to also focus on bath time and sleep time routines. Since I am a working parent, on most days, I have to try to get dinner and that usually means frozen stuff or going out to pick something up or ordering in, and give my daughter a bath and then try to get her down at a reasonable hour which these days has turned in wee hours of the night. Routine is not that important because I have to adjust it to meet my schedule some days as well. But, as a stay at home parent, I can see where routine is not only helpful, it is a must!! Without a nap routine, a feeding routine, or changing routine, you are truly run by your child's schedule and as a stay at home parent, for your own sanity, your child needs to be on a timetable. I gotta say, I am looking forward to maternity leave, and after I work out some kinks in the system, I am sure I will be returning to work—right as I start getting used to being a stay at home mom. Go figure! All in all, I think parenting is the best job in the world - it is the hardest job but the one that yields the best rewards too! I cannot wait to follow the progress of my child as she grows into what I hope is a great person. Til next time, Happy Parenting!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I am NOT "just" a mom
It has occurred to me lately that there is more life to working, travelling, hobbies or watching your favorite shows and movies. Lord knows I cannot get through a movie any longer without interruption so I continue to multi-task. There is more to being just a mom too. Sure, it is a catchy title and can imply a lot to someone who hears you are a mom – busy, responsible, preoccupied, multi-tasker, superwoman, or nuts are some words people think of but I think being a mom is all of those words and so much more.
Being a mom requires an enormous amount of patience – it is built over time and truly becomes a virtue. Being a mom requires a lot of understanding – towards your spouse, your parents and others who offer advice constantly, towards society as a whole, towards your intolerant boss who doesn’t quite get it, and of course, understanding towards the child as well. Being a mom requires sacrifice – tremendous amounts of it. Some moms give up their last piece of favorite dessert so their child can enjoy it but some moms give up a lot more for their child. Some moms will sacrifice their career or at least put it on hold. Some moms put hobbies and interests on hold so they can play with their kids and help them develop at a critical time. Moms make sacrifices daily – some are not even noticed because they seem so natural to the mom. Being a mom means not getting all the sleep you need especially when the child is sick or injured- she will often sleep walk to check on her baby and not even know it. But in her heart, she knows the baby is fine. Being a mom is more about love and understanding than most men or people care to realize. Being a mom is heart and soul, 24-7.
Being a mom is more than a full-time job, and so much more than a career- it is a full-time, around the clock profession. When a mom is asked at 3am by her child for something, she does not clock out or turn away but rather tries to help. When her baby or toddler has wet the bed at 4am, mom cannot roll over and go back to sleep- she jumps up and considers it a call to duty and even when she cannot go back to bed, she prays that her child does so he or she is well-rested. When a mom prays in church, at the synagogue, the temple or to a God of her choosing, she does not ask anything for herself but rather for her children- “let them be safe- give their sorrows and troubles to me and let them be forever…free.”
Yes, moms are underrated in our society- they are undervalued. Not everyone woman has been blessed enough to become a mom and not every mother can a “mom” but the woman who can is not just any ole mommy- she is truly a God send, a helper sent down to create, to nurture, to educate, to train, to make whole this new little being who has a piece of God within so that one day, that little creature may too … be more than “just” a mommy. And if you are also blessed to be a mom of a son, I pray that you teach him the value and the worth of a mom because it is often men in our world who teach and preach that a mom be undervalued because she is “just” a mom. I pray that your son grows up to be more than just a “daddy”.
Being a mom requires an enormous amount of patience – it is built over time and truly becomes a virtue. Being a mom requires a lot of understanding – towards your spouse, your parents and others who offer advice constantly, towards society as a whole, towards your intolerant boss who doesn’t quite get it, and of course, understanding towards the child as well. Being a mom requires sacrifice – tremendous amounts of it. Some moms give up their last piece of favorite dessert so their child can enjoy it but some moms give up a lot more for their child. Some moms will sacrifice their career or at least put it on hold. Some moms put hobbies and interests on hold so they can play with their kids and help them develop at a critical time. Moms make sacrifices daily – some are not even noticed because they seem so natural to the mom. Being a mom means not getting all the sleep you need especially when the child is sick or injured- she will often sleep walk to check on her baby and not even know it. But in her heart, she knows the baby is fine. Being a mom is more about love and understanding than most men or people care to realize. Being a mom is heart and soul, 24-7.
Being a mom is more than a full-time job, and so much more than a career- it is a full-time, around the clock profession. When a mom is asked at 3am by her child for something, she does not clock out or turn away but rather tries to help. When her baby or toddler has wet the bed at 4am, mom cannot roll over and go back to sleep- she jumps up and considers it a call to duty and even when she cannot go back to bed, she prays that her child does so he or she is well-rested. When a mom prays in church, at the synagogue, the temple or to a God of her choosing, she does not ask anything for herself but rather for her children- “let them be safe- give their sorrows and troubles to me and let them be forever…free.”
Yes, moms are underrated in our society- they are undervalued. Not everyone woman has been blessed enough to become a mom and not every mother can a “mom” but the woman who can is not just any ole mommy- she is truly a God send, a helper sent down to create, to nurture, to educate, to train, to make whole this new little being who has a piece of God within so that one day, that little creature may too … be more than “just” a mommy. And if you are also blessed to be a mom of a son, I pray that you teach him the value and the worth of a mom because it is often men in our world who teach and preach that a mom be undervalued because she is “just” a mom. I pray that your son grows up to be more than just a “daddy”.
Monday, October 06, 2008
To work or not work - that is the question
Recently, since we are expecting our second child, I have contemplated more and more the prospect of only doing my military AF Reserves job and quitting my full-time job. With this of course, there would be a lot of changes in lifestyle both for me and for my husband. If I could go part-time, I think that would permit me the best of both worlds, but alas, that decision is up to someone in a higher pay grade than me. In either case, as a family makes a decision like this, it has to be prepared to address the obvious: What tax changes do we need to make? Should we change exemptions to ensure we get the maximum money take-home? What other cuts need to be made? Do we really need full pledged cable TV or can we get by with basic? What about cell phone plans? Can they be downgraded or eliminated? What type of budget do we live on now and what can be cut?
As you approach making this type of decision, you should do a test run for 2 months. You should pretend that one person is not making any money, or if one person is on maternity leave, then you can have one person make nothing and all bills should be paid by one person with the take-home pay being changed to reflect what you would make if only one person were working. It is important to let one person pick up the lion share of the bills and then see how you fare at the end of the month. If after 2 months, you determine that this would not work, then there are other options to consider and of course, more areas to cut. In any case, it is not an easy decision and should not be made within a few days or even weeks but with proper planning and foresight.
As you approach making this type of decision, you should do a test run for 2 months. You should pretend that one person is not making any money, or if one person is on maternity leave, then you can have one person make nothing and all bills should be paid by one person with the take-home pay being changed to reflect what you would make if only one person were working. It is important to let one person pick up the lion share of the bills and then see how you fare at the end of the month. If after 2 months, you determine that this would not work, then there are other options to consider and of course, more areas to cut. In any case, it is not an easy decision and should not be made within a few days or even weeks but with proper planning and foresight.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
The Double Standard
Recently I have become painfully aware of the double standard that we hold women to versus men. I am guilty it of myself. When I first heard about Palin as VP, qualifications or lack there of aside, I found myself wondering about her young infant child and asking questions like, why isn't she caring for that little one. I found myself questioning her values as a new mom and whether she is breastfeeding or not. As a result of that and the discussions I have had with my friends, I have wondered, is the double standard alive and well in our society? Woman can fly fighter jets, serve in combat, write nobel peace prize winning books and poetry, run for Vice-President, and manage a multi-million dollar company but the truth remains- there is a double standard against females in our advanced world.
Unfortunately, that is how our society is. Fortunately, we live in America where it is still better for women than most other countries. In my own life, I see a double standard set for myself as opposed to my for my husband. My biggest pet peeve with my husband is his weekly entertainment. While I am gone from home alot for work, both my second job of serving in the Air Force Reserves and business travel for my primary job, my husband does not travel on business at all. Therefore, I think he tends to feel the need to get away more to go play poker and other games of chance at the local casinos. It is not something I have ever enjoyed nor do I think I would come to like. Of course, with a kid or two at home, it is not an activity we can both partake in anyway. In either case, the double standard here is that his entertainment will take him away an average of 9 hours per week with him arriving home long after 2am sometimes. If the casinos were open later, I wonder if he'd come home by morning light.
I couldn't help but wonder that if it was the woman who was coming home at 2-3am every week - not for a job but simply from dancing and drinking with her friends, how would that fly with society and family? Now, I am not saying that his trips to the casinos are wrong or right, but in light of my recent consideration of Palin being away from her infant child, I could not help but wonder what people would be saying about me if I were the one taking these late night trips away from my daughter? I can only imagine the comments. She's a slut who does not care for her family or her child. She is probably sleeping around- even if that were not true. She is irresponsible and has no self-control. What are the comments about a man when he is gone - Oh he just needs an outlet. He needs to get away from his nagging wife and screaming child so it is okay. It is at night when the kid is asleep so I guess that is okay. He is not the breastfeeder or the primary care provider so it's okay. The guy needs to just get away- come on! These comments are not limited to just a guy's night out or poker trips or when a guy plays video games a lot, you would hear the same comments for the guy who plays golf all the time, the guy who is an avid skiier and is gone on weekends alot in the Winter, and so on. But, if a woman wanted to do these activities every week or every weekend, I do not think it would be cool. After all, then when is she ever at home? Who is watching the kid? Shouldn't she be devoting herself to the family she chose to have?
Now as far as Palin- I think she is an idiot and she is scary to say the least and it has nothing to do with her personal life. It has everything with what she stands for - Abstinence, Pro-life even in cases of rape and incest, her acceptance of earmarks for Alaska, her economic policies or lack there of, her desire to teach creation in public schools (probably along side with abstinence), her poor environmental record, her support of oil and gas, her lack of support for science and research especially on stem cell researched, and her underlying right wing conservative Christianity values injected into our Government. There is much more on her policies that scare the crap out of me but it is interesting to note that I also am concerned about her ability to lead based on her home and family life. In either case, this recent development has made me consider my own bias and my own judgment of women in and outside the home. There is truly a double standard, a glass ceiling that woman have that is often hard to overcome.
Unfortunately, that is how our society is. Fortunately, we live in America where it is still better for women than most other countries. In my own life, I see a double standard set for myself as opposed to my for my husband. My biggest pet peeve with my husband is his weekly entertainment. While I am gone from home alot for work, both my second job of serving in the Air Force Reserves and business travel for my primary job, my husband does not travel on business at all. Therefore, I think he tends to feel the need to get away more to go play poker and other games of chance at the local casinos. It is not something I have ever enjoyed nor do I think I would come to like. Of course, with a kid or two at home, it is not an activity we can both partake in anyway. In either case, the double standard here is that his entertainment will take him away an average of 9 hours per week with him arriving home long after 2am sometimes. If the casinos were open later, I wonder if he'd come home by morning light.
I couldn't help but wonder that if it was the woman who was coming home at 2-3am every week - not for a job but simply from dancing and drinking with her friends, how would that fly with society and family? Now, I am not saying that his trips to the casinos are wrong or right, but in light of my recent consideration of Palin being away from her infant child, I could not help but wonder what people would be saying about me if I were the one taking these late night trips away from my daughter? I can only imagine the comments. She's a slut who does not care for her family or her child. She is probably sleeping around- even if that were not true. She is irresponsible and has no self-control. What are the comments about a man when he is gone - Oh he just needs an outlet. He needs to get away from his nagging wife and screaming child so it is okay. It is at night when the kid is asleep so I guess that is okay. He is not the breastfeeder or the primary care provider so it's okay. The guy needs to just get away- come on! These comments are not limited to just a guy's night out or poker trips or when a guy plays video games a lot, you would hear the same comments for the guy who plays golf all the time, the guy who is an avid skiier and is gone on weekends alot in the Winter, and so on. But, if a woman wanted to do these activities every week or every weekend, I do not think it would be cool. After all, then when is she ever at home? Who is watching the kid? Shouldn't she be devoting herself to the family she chose to have?
Now as far as Palin- I think she is an idiot and she is scary to say the least and it has nothing to do with her personal life. It has everything with what she stands for - Abstinence, Pro-life even in cases of rape and incest, her acceptance of earmarks for Alaska, her economic policies or lack there of, her desire to teach creation in public schools (probably along side with abstinence), her poor environmental record, her support of oil and gas, her lack of support for science and research especially on stem cell researched, and her underlying right wing conservative Christianity values injected into our Government. There is much more on her policies that scare the crap out of me but it is interesting to note that I also am concerned about her ability to lead based on her home and family life. In either case, this recent development has made me consider my own bias and my own judgment of women in and outside the home. There is truly a double standard, a glass ceiling that woman have that is often hard to overcome.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Daycare Dilemma
We are at the stage where we are putting our baby in daycare with other kids so she can socialize, learn a few things, and interact with others but day care can be scary for parents who are starting out with it - strange new careproviders, a 5 to 1 ratio (5 kids for every 1 care taker), new rules to abide by (i.e. your baby has to sleep when everyone sleeps), and germs. Obviously, it takes time to adjust- not just for the child but for the parents too. I highly recommend the father take the baby to the daycare if feasible and drop off especially for the first few weeks. Moms can do the pick-up :-) It is very hard on mom to drop off. I would recommend checking out the facility not once but twice, and go at different times. Ensure it is a safe, clean environment, and the care providers look like they know what they are doing. We visited several locations and based on what was open, the place we put our daughter was the best option but I still wonder whether it is too soon. Will she be able to drink milk from a sippy cup as they require (within 30 days) or will she go hungry because no one will bother to try to feed her? Why was she so dehyrdrated yesterday? Did they not give her water? More and more questions enter my mind as I sit at work, 2 miles away from where my daughter is being "cared for". I wonder, as there is a HUGE lull in the workload, whether I should just quit and care for my daughter or whether she is actually doing well. Then, I go to pick her up, thinking she will run into my arms - she is fine- playing, eating crackers and cheese, and listening to music - not a care in the world. When she finally sees me peering into the window, she runs and rushes to hug me, climbs on me, and does not let go. Ahhh, the daycare dilemma; just about every parent goes through it - I just thought I had a few more years before I had to let her go.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Weaning and Whining
I think it is the end of an era- for me, breastfeeding has abruptly come to a close- and I am sure another chapter in my motherhood will now begin. For the last two weeks, I have been unable to feed my daughter because she has teeth now and is biting down... hard!
Part of me feels a tragic loss at not being able to feed her. The other part feels a sense of freedom and relief because it is now time for her to take only solids and move to Whole milk. It is another phase in growing up but this again raises the issue for me of whether she is growing up too fast - it worries me. I have had the talk with my boss already about going part-time and now I feel I need to have that talk again. She is growing up way too fast! Sloooow down!
Either way, it has been a tremendous experience in motherhood thus far and I hope it continues as the new chapters unfold. I look forward to every moment ... will it stop me from whining? Probably not... she is growing up too fast for me already but I can cherish the days and the hours I have with her I suppose instead of complaining about those.
Part of me feels a tragic loss at not being able to feed her. The other part feels a sense of freedom and relief because it is now time for her to take only solids and move to Whole milk. It is another phase in growing up but this again raises the issue for me of whether she is growing up too fast - it worries me. I have had the talk with my boss already about going part-time and now I feel I need to have that talk again. She is growing up way too fast! Sloooow down!
Either way, it has been a tremendous experience in motherhood thus far and I hope it continues as the new chapters unfold. I look forward to every moment ... will it stop me from whining? Probably not... she is growing up too fast for me already but I can cherish the days and the hours I have with her I suppose instead of complaining about those.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The Tug of War of Time
I took a personal day yesterday because frankly, I just felt like I needed to spend more time with my daughter and wanted to get things done around the house. Well, I could not get anything done around the house or work on things but I did spend a lot time with my girl- it was fun. But I got to thinking how in the world women experience this day in and day out and do not go insane. While I love my daughter, I also have a need to exercise my intellect and need social interaction with an adult. While my daughter can provide hours of scintillating fun it is not the same. I had a great new respect for women who stay at home but as I return to work today and the drudgery and mundane-ness of it all, I realize that I miss her a lot. It is quite a tug of war for working moms – stay at home? Go to work? What should we do?
I have a new fear that has set in for the last month- am I missing out on my daughter’s life? Will I look back at this time and have serious regrets on missing out on her life? When she no longer needs us and is off on her own, travelling across the country and world? Will I look back and have regrets? Conversely, if I quit my job and cannot find a job in another few years, will I have some other regrets? What if I quit a good job with good pay and then, realize I did not want to be at home? All these questions weigh on my mind daily. I am sure they weigh down other working moms too. They are legitimate concerns. I feel like the best of both worlds would be to ask to go part-time. I do not know if my employer will permit this. Also, currently, I am not a permanent employee so asking could put my status in jeopardy so, I am starting to slowly resent my employer as well. I feel like time is so precious and it is flying – my daughter just turned 10 months old.
I find this tug of war between home and family and work is quite normal among most working women but I also wonder if dads feel it too or are societal norms such that they do not feel those same pressures that women feel? I hope in this tug of war, whatever happens, my daughter wins!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The 40 hour work week- a thing of the past or alive and well?
I heard a commentary on 850 am yesterday as I was heading home. Essentially, they were asking if anyone still worked from 9 to 5- remember, the movie? The question was who gets in at 9am and has the opportunity to leave at 5am. Most employers, they felt, expected employees there by 8am, 830am at the latest and most did not get off of work until well after 530pm. Afterall, if you took an hour for lunch, that would make for an 8-hour day. The topic for discussion was 40-hour workweeks and whether that was even common anymore. One DJ stated, if you get your work done in 30 hours, why would you work the 40? And, conversely, if you are super busy, you may even put in 60 without blinking.
I did not have enough cell minutes to call them and tell them that I had a great job! I currently have a job where my hours are 9-530pm and I am able to keep these hours. It is quite nice because in the morning, I can get our infant daughter ready for daycare, pack her bag, and then get some much needed things done around the house like clean or even have time to get things done on the computer and internet since I do not have internet at work. I wanted to call in and tell them that I think it is because of the lack of internet and technology at my office that makes for a 40-hour or less work week. If I had constant e-mails pouring through and access to technology, I think I could easily work the 50 to 60-hour work week. I also would not have time to get to know my colleagues. Essentially, if we had internet and E-mail, that would take up my entire morning. Then, I would still have to pull my normal workload- research, reviewing contracts, and new cases and trying to coordinate with folks on the phone. Add to that the internet where let’s face it, oftentimes, it is overwhelming to do research. Right now, I have limited resources and like a limited menu at a restaurant, sometimes, that makes the choices much easier too – I can only have salad or pasta- hmmm… I will go with pasta. I only have a legal search engine with limited capabilities so I can only go and find limited things and then write my legal opinion based on what I find. There is no google where I could go on researching for days. On the internet, the sky is virtually the limit! Then, I would probably spend the last few hours of my day writing replies to E-mails, filing e-mails in the appropriate folder by subject, organizing my Inbox, and figuring out where the day went.
Needless to say, technology, while very useful to have, can be the bane of one’s existence as well. With or without technology, my personal belief is that jobs should not consume so much time that you miss life and your kids growing up. You should take time to do a happy hour or early dinner with your loved one, get home in town to take your kid to the park, and take a day off to go ski without a wireless device in tow. If you have a job where you spend more than 60 hours a week, I hope it comes with great benefits and a retirement plan. Finally, no job is worth missing out on the most important moments in life. For me, I choose to make less so I can have a life. I do not think the 9 to 5 is gone – I just think people self-impose extra work on themselves. I think individuals choose to work more instead of choosing to live in a smaller home in favor of less work. People choose to have the fancier car and what loses out? the kids and family, of course. For me, the lifestyle of working more than 40-45 hours a week is just not worth it. Sure I have tough weeks, but I choose to make less so I can go home at the end of the day not at 2am when my child is asleep. For now, I will enjoy my 40-hour work week and when needed, put in more time when needed too. I say, “for now” because you never know when things will change and we all have to remain flexible to change. And as you scroll through this blog at work, just remember that the luxury of having that internet can also be taxing on your soul.
I did not have enough cell minutes to call them and tell them that I had a great job! I currently have a job where my hours are 9-530pm and I am able to keep these hours. It is quite nice because in the morning, I can get our infant daughter ready for daycare, pack her bag, and then get some much needed things done around the house like clean or even have time to get things done on the computer and internet since I do not have internet at work. I wanted to call in and tell them that I think it is because of the lack of internet and technology at my office that makes for a 40-hour or less work week. If I had constant e-mails pouring through and access to technology, I think I could easily work the 50 to 60-hour work week. I also would not have time to get to know my colleagues. Essentially, if we had internet and E-mail, that would take up my entire morning. Then, I would still have to pull my normal workload- research, reviewing contracts, and new cases and trying to coordinate with folks on the phone. Add to that the internet where let’s face it, oftentimes, it is overwhelming to do research. Right now, I have limited resources and like a limited menu at a restaurant, sometimes, that makes the choices much easier too – I can only have salad or pasta- hmmm… I will go with pasta. I only have a legal search engine with limited capabilities so I can only go and find limited things and then write my legal opinion based on what I find. There is no google where I could go on researching for days. On the internet, the sky is virtually the limit! Then, I would probably spend the last few hours of my day writing replies to E-mails, filing e-mails in the appropriate folder by subject, organizing my Inbox, and figuring out where the day went.
Needless to say, technology, while very useful to have, can be the bane of one’s existence as well. With or without technology, my personal belief is that jobs should not consume so much time that you miss life and your kids growing up. You should take time to do a happy hour or early dinner with your loved one, get home in town to take your kid to the park, and take a day off to go ski without a wireless device in tow. If you have a job where you spend more than 60 hours a week, I hope it comes with great benefits and a retirement plan. Finally, no job is worth missing out on the most important moments in life. For me, I choose to make less so I can have a life. I do not think the 9 to 5 is gone – I just think people self-impose extra work on themselves. I think individuals choose to work more instead of choosing to live in a smaller home in favor of less work. People choose to have the fancier car and what loses out? the kids and family, of course. For me, the lifestyle of working more than 40-45 hours a week is just not worth it. Sure I have tough weeks, but I choose to make less so I can go home at the end of the day not at 2am when my child is asleep. For now, I will enjoy my 40-hour work week and when needed, put in more time when needed too. I say, “for now” because you never know when things will change and we all have to remain flexible to change. And as you scroll through this blog at work, just remember that the luxury of having that internet can also be taxing on your soul.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
New Frontiers
I write this blog about a new experience in my life: Motherhood. Being a mom is more than just dirty diapers, shopping for the kid, and staying up at all hours of the night especially when the baby is sick. It is more than balancing life, work, marriage, and the child. It is something spiritual. I never believed it six months ago when I was exhausted in the labor and delivery room and they brought this tiny (very tiny) girl to me. I did not even believe it a few days later but after 2 weeks, I was hooked! I was hooked beyond belief and to this day, it amazes me that I can truly love someone unconditionally this much in life. You can't appreciate motherhood or being a mom until you are one and truly, that is when you realize the sacrifices your own mom or parents made for you. It is an amazing feeling at 4am when I am nursing her, to look down at her and see her sleeping there, wow! I did this! I am part of this creation!
I cannot write enough about motherhood - I could go on for pages and pages about how I feel but anyone who is a mom out there knows what I am talking about. Daily, I feel a conflict - when I go to work and leave her behind or contemplate leaving her at day care. You can hear all the advice about letting her cry it out, or leaving her with a day care center, and not hear a word because this is your child, your creation, and you have to do what is right for you and her.
All I can say is that these new frontiers are wonderful! Sure, I am exhausted all the time, and I do not have time for sleep, bathing, or even writing this blog, but one smile, one laugh, one grin, and it does not even matter. It is all about her! Your world becomes the child. What an amazing new adventure we are experiencing - one I would not trade for anything or all the riches in the world.
I cannot write enough about motherhood - I could go on for pages and pages about how I feel but anyone who is a mom out there knows what I am talking about. Daily, I feel a conflict - when I go to work and leave her behind or contemplate leaving her at day care. You can hear all the advice about letting her cry it out, or leaving her with a day care center, and not hear a word because this is your child, your creation, and you have to do what is right for you and her.
All I can say is that these new frontiers are wonderful! Sure, I am exhausted all the time, and I do not have time for sleep, bathing, or even writing this blog, but one smile, one laugh, one grin, and it does not even matter. It is all about her! Your world becomes the child. What an amazing new adventure we are experiencing - one I would not trade for anything or all the riches in the world.
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