Nuts!

Despite years of hearing the stories, seeing the issues, I have to admit I was completely caught off-guard today --- all I could say was, "nuts!" I took my daughter to her daycare today for her Christmas party or Holiday party or whatever they call it these days. Anyway, my husband had signed me up for cookies. I decided not to run to the store in the sub zero temps and just make what I had at home so I made chocolate chip walnut and macadamia --- you guessed it -- NUTS!

Anyway, as we entered the day care, I was told, you can't bring anything with nuts into this school- we are a "nut-free" zone. I started think to myself, what? Are you nuts? Then I thought better of it. I know for a fact that one of my good friends to this day swells up like a balloon if she encounters nuts in any form including peanut oil. So, I turned the cookies over and we just went to the party. Apparently, you have to bring store bought, sealed items, or you cannot bring anything at all. The latter is just fine for me. As I looked at all the dietary restrictions in the classroom I was in, I realized one of my daughter's classmates was allergic to "tree nuts." Well, there you have it folks - I am glad my cookies were confiscated and in the end, I learned a valuable lesson. So, from now, it is store bought items only for me and definitely no... NUTS!

To homeschool or not?

Ever since my toddler started daycare again and I realized how much I freak out at the thought of someone else caring for my child, giving her direction, and teaching her things I may not want her to learn, I have discovered that I am true control freak. For the control freak, I think it is a good idea to home school if the parent can do it. It is not like the child is isolated in home schooling but an entire network is at your disposal - a network of parents, a network of kids, and of course, a wealth of experience and knowledge.

Homeschooling is not what it used to be but rather, so much better as a result of the Internet and other technology. For example, you register that you are homeschooling and your child's age, and a sample curriculum is sent to you and you can connect with others who are doing the same in the same age group and then, the child is not isolated and can learn social skills too. Of course, it is my belief that no matter how the child learns or where, alot is up to the child too. A child who wants to excel will and a child who does not, will not - no matter what environment they are in.

In any case, I will not be homeschooling anytime soon -- it is not something I am good at and I am not sure I am ready to give up my professional job and income but I think it is a great idea and certainly a great way to control your child's educational future and ensure that you are not always at odds with the school's philosophy and principles. It is a great way to teach your child, spend time with him or her, and have control over the situation as well.

Communication Gaffes or Gap?

We recently enrolled our toddler daughter in early preschool at Primrose. If you know about Primrose, it is supposed to be a premier school-type environment with excellent curriculum and teachers. Our daughter has finished her first week now at Primrose, and I am not that impressed thus far. Let's face it, at 2 and some change, she is in daycare and not school so all we have is the daily reports that they provide to parents. On the first day, I called every 2 to 3 hours, and so I knew kinda sorta that she did not sleep much on the first day and that she did not eat much either. So, the only report we got home is the potty training and diapering and how that was going. The 2nd day she went was a whole nother story. Other than lunch (only because my husband went to eat lunch with her), I had no idea what she did all day as far as diapering, potty, eating/drinking, or napping. So I had no idea what to do with her at home as far as whether to put her to sleep early or so on. I was quite surprised to see that the sheet with her name and time of arrival on it came home to me -blank!

This communication gap combined with a couple of other communicate gaffes made me question whether we had our daughter at the right "school" especially considering we are paying about $50 more per week for her attend this school. Adding that up, it is about $200 a month which is a lot considering I have not seen what this premium is getting us right now. It seems like maybe their older children programs like preschool and kindergarten may be better because curriculum matters at these ages but right now, it is a souped up day care and nothing more. Right now, the goal is playing with others nicely, learning basics, potty training, and learning how to follow simple orders. In any case, there were a couple of other communicate gaffes too. For example, miscommunication on procedures and policies and events. So, in toto, if you look at all the evidence thus far, I am not too impressed with Primrose but of course, I am planning to give it at least a month before I make a decision on whether to continue her or not.

The Longest Day

I am sure you have heard about the movie, The Longest Day. It is a film which is about the D-Day invasions. The movie is about one of the longest days in military and aviation history - its successes and failures. Well, I can say that today I had one of my longest days as a parent of a toddler who started at a new school. From the moment she woke up today I knew it was D-Day for her and while she probably did not feel that way, I sure did. Off she went to her first day at early preschool. There is a super expensive school in our area called Primrose, and my daughter started there today for two days a week. Almost 30 months old, my daughter, we felt, needed kid interaction and some learning other than just hanging out at home.

It was one the longest days I have had in some time and time could not move any slower- tick tock, it was only 9am when I first called. She was sitting in a corner and crying for mom and dad. They refused to give her her comfort item - the one thing she knows of- her pacifier. Of course, I did not know this then but found out as I unraveled the events of the day and started piecing the puzzle together. She did not eat food as they let on, on the phone, and did not sleep more than 40 minutes for a nap most likely cause she did not have her pacifier for comfort. In any case, I did not unravel all of the successes and failures of this longest day until well into the nighttime hour. By this time, it was too late to call the school and have a "talk" with them. But, rest assured, I will be doing so tomorrow and the next day until my longest days turn into shorter days and I can be at peace with her attending this strange new school.

I know her first day of school is nothing compared to the D-Day-Normandy invasions and the successes and failures there, but for some reason, as a mother, I felt today that they were and I felt there were insurmountable obstacles as she faced this new day and new adventure. Those obstacles were those I created in my mind including the uncontrollable feeling that one day I will have to let go as she makes her choices in this world.... what a day indeed!

Goldilocks and the Perfect Day Care

Finding a good home care or day care provider for your kids (the most precious thing in your life) is akin to the story of Goldilocks. You need to find one that is "just right." But, alas, therein lies the problem - finding the perfect day care provider is not a destination but a journey. It never ends. It started before my first daughter was born in the Spring of 2007, and has not ended. Here, we are, 2+ years later, now with my infant daughter and we are still searching for the perfect solution. We started with day care provider #1 after about 3 months of my first daughter's birth but she could not care for my daughter well. My discerning 3-month old did not like this woman at all and we'd drop her off in her car seat and when we arrived after a few hours, my daughter would be there crying in her car seat. It was like this woman had no clue what to do. This home care provider was NOT right.

My older daughter actually picked the home care provider she is currently going to. At 6 months of age, she jumped from my arms into this lady's arms when we went to interview her. No one else had this effect on her. In fact, she even cried with my husband and only liked my mom and me. So, it was set - it was destiny. But alas, as you know, this home care provider is less than perfect too - they do great with the kids and they kids love them and identify with them but their home is so far away from the house and far away from my husband's employment too. It is a pain to take them there and we wish this provider would come to the house. But alas, they charge a lot and the pains to take them back and forth is starting to take its toll -plus, if they are away or have an appointment, one of us has to work from home or take the day off. This home care provider is right but not perfect. I should mention we tried our older daughter in a public day care near my employment last year- she was only 13 months old and she did terribly. She was sick all the time, and the thought of leaving her killed me- she cried and cried. It was too early to do that - That day care situation was NOT right at all.

So, now here we are delving into another home care situation - where someone comes to our home and watches both our kids. Pros- the girls get to stay home and do not have to weather road conditions or storms. But, alas, there are many cons - they are not familiar with this lady and the lady would need to learn where things are in our home, how to heat bottles for my little one and not confuse them with the Vitamin D milk we give our toddler. One HUGE problem - there is a communication gap. This lady only speaks Hindi and my daughter knows another Indian language and English. This is the biggest obstacle right now and I am not sure I am ready for this change despite the girls being more adaptable and flexible than I am. Someone new will have to learn all over what we spend months teaching the current home care provider- how to put my infant and toddler to sleep for nap times, what temperature both kids like their milk, and how to care for them. I am just not sure I will ever find that perfect day care situation .... unlike Goldilocks, I do not think I will ever be sated.

Part of being a mom

Today, we left our 11-week old with a home care provider so that both could start getting used to each other. What an ordeal! While I know I need to do this now to get everyone ready, it is just so difficult as a nursing mother of a tiny baby to just leave her in someone else's care. What is worse is that no one knows her like I do. At least that is how I feel. Even when I went on an overnight to a city one and a half hours away, I felt unnerved because I firmly believed my husband and mother (who has lived with us for 3 months) cannot take care of her as well as I can. That may be a control-freak type attitude but nonetheless, to leave her with someone else made me very nervous today. It was even more nerve wracking when this lady called me and told me she was crying. Oh my poor baby!

Here are some of the questions that have crossed my mind every minute since we dropped her off, "how is she doing? Is she crying? Will the provider stick with the 90-minute sleep program I have followed for 2 weeks now? Will the provider know which cry is which- cry for food or cry due to discomfort or cry because she just needs assistance to fall asleep? What is my lil one doing now? Will the provider place her head up so she spits up only a little? Did she get burped after she was fed? What about the milk- did she warm up the breast milk properly? Does my baby realize where she is? Does she miss me?"

It has been a LONG afternoon and even an otherwise pleasant nap was an ordeal - needless to say, I did not nap. On a positive note, this little separation anxiety has made me appreciate my little one even more and feel closer to her. I realize how much she means to me and while we have not bonded as much as my 2-year old and I have, I realize now that she needs me so much more than the 2-year old and is so much more helpless. She cannot tell me in words what is going on like my 2-year old can. She cannot communicate effectively so I have to be more in tune with her cries. In sum, I miss her terribly and while I have come to appreciate her more, I am sad to know that the weaning has begun... not breastfeeding weaning per se but rather, the natural weaning that occurs in life when children slowly separate from their parents, and one day, leave for pre-school, then elementary, then high school, and college and get married... and yes, possibly even move further away. That realization has left me wondering if I am truly ready to "let go" of my babies. I guess, in the natural order of things, this is all part of being a parent.

Of course, the heart of a mother... well, the heart of the mother will always be tender and belong to her children. Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there. Whatever the outcome, you have done the best you can!

The daycare experience

We have recently experienced some daycare woes as our young toddler has experienced some illnesses, severe falls, and encountered biting classmates. For me, it has been an ordeal. We started her in day care after she turned one. I thought it was too soon but the tax advantages were there - moderate to none, but nonetheless, present. Needless to say, I have learned some lessons from this that I plan to apply to future child(ren). First, it is far better to pay taxes and suck it up and leave kids with family or home care situations where the ratios are better. Second, if you are craving social interaction for the kid, go to the parks in the evenings, and/or join some mommy/daddy plae groups. Third, if you do decide to start the kid in daycare, wait til they are older and can communicate especially considering how hard it is for our child to tell us what happened, how she feels, and what she may have eaten. It would also be nice for her to tattle on who bit her so we can give the parents the evil eye :-)

All in all, she has learned a lot but I have to say, the trade off is not that great. I would rather a kid not learn a lot at an early age than be sick all the time. The time off from work and gas going back and forth has not proven to be an advantage and may offset what little tax advantage we have gained. If you are fortunate enough to find home care with a smaller ratio, don't jump, jump twice at that opportunity. If the home care provider is great, stick to it. If not, find something else. I am even considering the idea of an Au Pair as we plan a second child.

Reunion-Bound!!!

I recently bought airline tickets to attend my 10 year law school reunion. I cannot believe it has already been 10 years! Where has the time gone? I feel older and definitely a lot has changed in my life but come on! 10 years since a post-graduate degree seems like a long time and I do not even feel that old although I am sure I look it.

Anyway, I never thought I would attend the law school reunion because to me, undergraduate was more fun but as far as reunions, it is tougher to do an undergraduate reunion with so many different schools and colleges represented in one year group. This was a more tight-knit bunch, sharing classes in common, seeing each other daily for almost three years, and all the football games and tailgating! I remember law school as a very stressful time in my life especially freshman year but I do remember some of the people fondly. There were some I cared to never see again of course. Anyway, there are expenses associated with such a thing – cost of a ticket to the reunion party, cost of the football ticket if we attend that, and of course, flying all the way from Colorado to Louisiana- argh! I would have preferred a December reunion in the Pelican State but I guess I will take late September. The good news for me is that my husband and daughter are also coming along which will be nice to retreat to and remind me of how far I have come since graduating. But, I know it will be much more hectic and getting ready for the event might pose challenges as my daughter clings on to me for dear life. I am looking forward to seeing the people more than anything and finding out how their lives are and while I may only see them for a few hours that weekend, I think we will make network connections that may span longer than that so I am excited about that.

We have not visited New Orleans since the big K and I am curious to see what my old hang outs look like and how it is being rebuilt but at the same time, I am dreading seeing my city in shambles as well. I hope that I get some glimpses of hope as well and cannot wait to dig my teeth into those beignets… we will all need to dress down for that considering my daughter will be playing with the powdered sugar. N’awlins, here we come!

Daycare Dilemma

We are at the stage where we are putting our baby in daycare with other kids so she can socialize, learn a few things, and interact with others but day care can be scary for parents who are starting out with it - strange new careproviders, a 5 to 1 ratio (5 kids for every 1 care taker), new rules to abide by (i.e. your baby has to sleep when everyone sleeps), and germs. Obviously, it takes time to adjust- not just for the child but for the parents too. I highly recommend the father take the baby to the daycare if feasible and drop off especially for the first few weeks. Moms can do the pick-up :-) It is very hard on mom to drop off. I would recommend checking out the facility not once but twice, and go at different times. Ensure it is a safe, clean environment, and the care providers look like they know what they are doing. We visited several locations and based on what was open, the place we put our daughter was the best option but I still wonder whether it is too soon. Will she be able to drink milk from a sippy cup as they require (within 30 days) or will she go hungry because no one will bother to try to feed her? Why was she so dehyrdrated yesterday? Did they not give her water? More and more questions enter my mind as I sit at work, 2 miles away from where my daughter is being "cared for". I wonder, as there is a HUGE lull in the workload, whether I should just quit and care for my daughter or whether she is actually doing well. Then, I go to pick her up, thinking she will run into my arms - she is fine- playing, eating crackers and cheese, and listening to music - not a care in the world. When she finally sees me peering into the window, she runs and rushes to hug me, climbs on me, and does not let go. Ahhh, the daycare dilemma; just about every parent goes through it - I just thought I had a few more years before I had to let her go.