I've been very curious about this new phenomena in America- having kids after 30. While I look around at my friends who have kids and are my age, some of them are almost done with their parental duties. I see 37-year old moms like myself who have 13 and 14 year olds. They are almost done! Me, though, I am just starting out. I wanted to find out whether I was the rule or the anomaly. Did I wait too long to have kids or are more and more new mommies in America over 30?
I had to do some research and found that since 1990, the face of new mommies in America has shifted. For example mothers in 2008 were more educated and older than those mommies two decades ago. (1) More and more women are considering these days in vitro and other fertility options, and not necessarily with partners - women are adopting and having babies without marriage or a partner. Also, homosexual partners are deciding to adopt or have children as well. This significantly changes the face of the American mom or dad. I do not think any of these changes are a bad thing, I am simply amazed that two decades can make that big of a difference!
Two decades ago, women over 35 were less likely to have a child than a teenager, but now that has shifted. In 2010, more and more babies are born to women over the age of 35 and less and less to teenagers. This may be a result of better education on issues like birth control, abstinence, and sex ed. in schools and at home. Moreover, as a result of better education, and better birth control, it seems that even women in their 20s and early 30s are waiting longer and longer to have kids.
Of course, it is also a sign of the times. As we evolve as a people, with advanced medicine, advances in technology, it is no wonder that we are becoming more selfish as a society too. There are so many constraints on our time with TV, media, technology, and social constraints that more and more women are waiting until they are done with school, established in their careers, and frankly, just have a better handle on their lives, especially balance in their lives, to have kids. More and more couples are also choosing the path of no children but decide to have pets instead. After all, there is just too much to do, let alone raise children and feed more mouths. This is a decision I also celebrate because it is important for everyone to make the right choice for their lives and lifestyles.
I got these statistics from this article at http://www.livescience.com/health/american-moms-older-more-educated-100506.html.
•The percentage of teen moms and moms over 35 has just about flipped. In 1990, 13 percent of births were to teens while 9 percent were to women over 35. In 2008, the percentages were 10 percent to teens and 14 percent to women over 35.
•The percentage of single moms grew from 28 percent in 1990 to a record 41 percent in 2008.
•More than half of moms, 54 percent, had at least some college-level education in 2006, up from 41 percent in 1990.
•Birth rates for women aged 35 to 39 increased by 47 percent, and rates for women aged 40 to 44 increased by 80 percent over the time period.
•The overall number of babies born has remained relatively stable, rising from 4.2 million in 1990 to 4.3 million in 2008. The country saw a dip in the total number of births coinciding with the recent recession.
Of course, these statistics are interesting to me. Even among my friends, I am one of the few that is married and has kids. Then, among the people I have met in my groups like Bunco, Mile High Mammas, I may be slightly behind the power curve but not by much. It just depends on which group I am with. In my professional life and among my best friends, it seems that everyone had kids later in life or are still waiting, and among other groups especially mommy-type groups, I am the anomaly (i.e. had kids too late). So, again, there is no right age or wrong age but I just know I am exhausted. I cannot imagine having a kid in my 40s or 50s but women are doing it more and more and doing it just fine! I say whatever choice you make, just stand by it and be okay with where you are because the new face of Mommies in America is not the same as it was for your parents' generation or their parents and it is changing very rapidly- who knows what the new face will be in another decade!
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Monday, November 01, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Halloween- Be afraid, Very afraid!
If you’re a parent, you know you struggle yearly with this made-up little holiday where custom requires your kids to dress up – at school, at your office party, at a friend’s house party, and then again on Halloween night to go door to door. Everyone’s watching, waiting, and judging…. “what will her kids be this year?” And the worst part is that once you have a great costume one year, you have to come up with an even better idea the next year. No joke! It’s a competitive mom’s worst nightmare! She has to out-do her colleagues at work, her friends on the block, and definitely cannot be outdone at the kids’ school - now that would be bad! So, the stress sets in sometime in September and by October 22, if there is no costume idea or purchase in the works, some moms may even experience severe stress. 
Last year was easy, my kids dressed up as Dora and Boots- my little one was only 8 months old and the older one barely knew who Dora was. So, it was easy. Getting creative on my costume though every year has gotten progressively harder. Last year, my husband had a great idea and made my costume. You can see it in the picture to the left. Yes, I was an ARRA-cone or construction cone funded by the Recovery Act (stimulus funds). Being in the construction law arena, this was hilarious to my colleagues. No one in my neighborhood got it though. In previous years I was an 8 Ball because I was pregnant and before that, I was a flower and my little one a bumble bee. I was nursing then - how appropriate. Before I had kids, I was once a TSA officer- I even had my own wand to scan people! If my office didn't have such great Halloween parties at the office, I wouldn't even bother to dress up. But alas, I work in an office that boasts nice social events and promotes morale. Just great! 
This year, I was able to make a stop at a thrift shop (ARC in Lakewood, Colorado on Colfax Blvd) to get ideas and mainly to scrounge what I could for the kids’ costumes and mine. I think we are well on our way to looking cute enough but still I wonder… what will others come up? Will our outfits be okay? What will the other kids at my child’s school be wearing? Will I be cool mommy or bad mommy? Well, I guess we will find out – all I know is that Halloween is scary for moms and parents in general --- it is spooooooky, not because of the decorations or the scary things associated with it, but because of this arduous task of having to find a costume not just for yourself but for your kids as well. Often, the kids need to match or there is some family theme. Oh good lord! In a month when mommies are doing so much and also trying to figure out what the Ballot measures and initiatives are, come on! Do we need all this pressure? Well, stay tuned for our Halloween pictures and review of the thrift stores in the area.
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| courtesy of everythingscary.com |
Halloween is one of those seasonal holidays that can spook even the most perfect moms. You can be the best mommy in the world but yet Halloween can be daunting and terrifying. And I’m not even talking about the ghosts and goblins and ghoulish costumes that can be seen this time of year. I’m talking about the proverbial, yearly worry that starts sometime in August and goes until about October 28th: What will I dress up my kids up as this year? What are they going to be this year?
If you’re a parent, you know you struggle yearly with this made-up little holiday where custom requires your kids to dress up – at school, at your office party, at a friend’s house party, and then again on Halloween night to go door to door. Everyone’s watching, waiting, and judging…. “what will her kids be this year?” And the worst part is that once you have a great costume one year, you have to come up with an even better idea the next year. No joke! It’s a competitive mom’s worst nightmare! She has to out-do her colleagues at work, her friends on the block, and definitely cannot be outdone at the kids’ school - now that would be bad! So, the stress sets in sometime in September and by October 22, if there is no costume idea or purchase in the works, some moms may even experience severe stress. 
Last year was easy, my kids dressed up as Dora and Boots- my little one was only 8 months old and the older one barely knew who Dora was. So, it was easy. Getting creative on my costume though every year has gotten progressively harder. Last year, my husband had a great idea and made my costume. You can see it in the picture to the left. Yes, I was an ARRA-cone or construction cone funded by the Recovery Act (stimulus funds). Being in the construction law arena, this was hilarious to my colleagues. No one in my neighborhood got it though. In previous years I was an 8 Ball because I was pregnant and before that, I was a flower and my little one a bumble bee. I was nursing then - how appropriate. Before I had kids, I was once a TSA officer- I even had my own wand to scan people! If my office didn't have such great Halloween parties at the office, I wouldn't even bother to dress up. But alas, I work in an office that boasts nice social events and promotes morale. Just great! 
This year, I was able to make a stop at a thrift shop (ARC in Lakewood, Colorado on Colfax Blvd) to get ideas and mainly to scrounge what I could for the kids’ costumes and mine. I think we are well on our way to looking cute enough but still I wonder… what will others come up? Will our outfits be okay? What will the other kids at my child’s school be wearing? Will I be cool mommy or bad mommy? Well, I guess we will find out – all I know is that Halloween is scary for moms and parents in general --- it is spooooooky, not because of the decorations or the scary things associated with it, but because of this arduous task of having to find a costume not just for yourself but for your kids as well. Often, the kids need to match or there is some family theme. Oh good lord! In a month when mommies are doing so much and also trying to figure out what the Ballot measures and initiatives are, come on! Do we need all this pressure? Well, stay tuned for our Halloween pictures and review of the thrift stores in the area.
Technicolor* Fall- my favorite season of all!
Last week we returned from our trip to Virginia and I marveled at the beautiful fall colors as we drove into our neighborhood. The best place to view the fall colors in Colorado- my own front and backyard! I have to say Fall is my favorite season in Colorado – even though I love every moment here, Fall just captures my heart. From the beautiful rustic-colored leaves, to the crisp autumn air, Fall in Colorado is breathtaking!
Fall is also a great time of year to entertain because you can still have days when you can run outside and Bar-B-Q, and yet still be able to drink hot cocoa at night. It’s that perfect time of year when your wardrobe can match the amazing scenery right outside your own home and reds, yellows, and oranges brings out just about everything! Even our home looks beautiful set behind the red-leafed tree. Another beautiful thing about Fall and its colors is the back drop of the harvest moon… when it shines on you, and the spooky tree with fallen leaves waves in the wind in your neighbor’s yard on Halloween eve, you can’t help but know that the holidays are right around the corner.
Oh, technicolor fall in Colorado- my favorite season of all! *Technicolor is the trademark for a series of color film processes pioneered by Technicolor Motion Picture Corporation (a subsidiary of Technicolor, Inc.), now a division of Thomson SA. reference:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technicolor
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Lost, Damaged or Stolen Passports
Some mistakes are more costly than others.... as I learned this weekend. We have damaged passports as a result of not doing something simple- like zipping a bag they were housed in. For some reason, my husband and I decided to play with a safe and locked our passports in it - not a smart move at all. In any case, there was water damage and most of the documents were fine but the passports did not make it because I did not ziploc a ziploc(R) bag- ARGH!!
It is so frustrating to make a costly mistake like this one. Granted, my daughter's passport would not work past another 2 years- kids' passport are only good for 5 years because their faces change so much but most adults can have passports for 10 years. So, needless to say, this is frustrating news since a passport runs anywhere from $125 down to $45 depending on what your needs are. Most passport books are $100 for a 10-year booklet. Renewals are cheaper so losing the original, have it stolen or damaged really does add up - fortunately for us, we caught this before a big trip - it would not have been good to have discovered something like this on the eve of a huge international trip. In any case, it is always good practice to have a valid passport so my husband and I should at least get ours replaced. Oh, the fun things we have to do to stay .... well, valid!
It is so frustrating to make a costly mistake like this one. Granted, my daughter's passport would not work past another 2 years- kids' passport are only good for 5 years because their faces change so much but most adults can have passports for 10 years. So, needless to say, this is frustrating news since a passport runs anywhere from $125 down to $45 depending on what your needs are. Most passport books are $100 for a 10-year booklet. Renewals are cheaper so losing the original, have it stolen or damaged really does add up - fortunately for us, we caught this before a big trip - it would not have been good to have discovered something like this on the eve of a huge international trip. In any case, it is always good practice to have a valid passport so my husband and I should at least get ours replaced. Oh, the fun things we have to do to stay .... well, valid!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The longest Baby Shower ... EVER!
I do not get the opportunity to attend too many baby showers - mainly because most of my friends are single and not having children. If they do have children, they are most likely done. Last night, I had the opportunity to attend an Indian baby shower and they are certainly not the normal baby showers - they, like Indian weddings, are a family affair. All members of the family are invited and everyone gets to participate. And like most Indian events, there is tons of food- so much so that they have to roll you out.
In any case, this shower I thought was well organized but a little long for me. The start time was 6pm and we did not get home until 11pm so you can imagine how long it was. Like most Indian events, this one probably ran on Indian Standard Time (IST) and therefore, most likely started at 630pm or closer to 7pm. We had really bad weather last night so it took us almost an hour to get there and we did not arrive til close to 730pm which is probably good because they did not cut the cake until almost 845pm! Of course, that meant we ate good, spicy food after 9pm. For me, that is rather late. I usually eat dinner on weekdays and most days between 530 and 730 pm. Anything after 8pm, is late as far as I am concerned. The kids were getting restless too - you could tell as the volume went up and screaming slowly increased.
The shower was well done and the food and desserts were amazing. The only thing annoying was the games and the shower program. There were tons of games - too many almost. As my sister in law calls it, "death by baby shower". One particular game seemed like a family game where people guessed who did what as an infant/toddler or child. And, other than family, no one really knew or could even guess whether it was the mother-to-be or father-to-be that committed the misdeed as a child. That game did me in. But there were other games too and entertainment and songs too. We ended with the kids singing nursery rhymes to the parents to be and I have to say, that was the shortest part of the entire program and quite cute.
All in all, it was a good time but having had two baby showers myself, I realized how long and grueling these events really could be.
In any case, this shower I thought was well organized but a little long for me. The start time was 6pm and we did not get home until 11pm so you can imagine how long it was. Like most Indian events, this one probably ran on Indian Standard Time (IST) and therefore, most likely started at 630pm or closer to 7pm. We had really bad weather last night so it took us almost an hour to get there and we did not arrive til close to 730pm which is probably good because they did not cut the cake until almost 845pm! Of course, that meant we ate good, spicy food after 9pm. For me, that is rather late. I usually eat dinner on weekdays and most days between 530 and 730 pm. Anything after 8pm, is late as far as I am concerned. The kids were getting restless too - you could tell as the volume went up and screaming slowly increased.
The shower was well done and the food and desserts were amazing. The only thing annoying was the games and the shower program. There were tons of games - too many almost. As my sister in law calls it, "death by baby shower". One particular game seemed like a family game where people guessed who did what as an infant/toddler or child. And, other than family, no one really knew or could even guess whether it was the mother-to-be or father-to-be that committed the misdeed as a child. That game did me in. But there were other games too and entertainment and songs too. We ended with the kids singing nursery rhymes to the parents to be and I have to say, that was the shortest part of the entire program and quite cute.
All in all, it was a good time but having had two baby showers myself, I realized how long and grueling these events really could be.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Choices
Despite my previous posts on keeping in touch with an ex, technology made it near impossible for me to avoid finally facing the music especially with one particular ex-boyfriend and we met for coffee. It's fine- my husband knew about it and was okay with it but I wonder whether I did the right thing - after all, it is always more fun to wonder and fantasize about what may have happened to someone rather than facing reality.
With this particular ex-bf, it was a toughie. We met while I was still in high school and we were both young and of course, I was not ready for anything too serious freshman year in college so I was the one who called it off. He was upset back then but it was a choice I made- I wanted to see other people, finish undergrad, and possibly go on to post-graduate school. The last thing on my mind was marriage - after all, I had just gotten my freedom, was attending college, living on my own, and saw an entire world out there for me. Of course, I was also planning to join the military and was going to travel a bit too. It also did not help that his dad was against our union and his family in general, was weird. In any case, it was a decision- a choice I made back then. Like any choice though you wonder if you made the right one. Now, as we both have families of our own, it is easy to look back and say "it was all for the best and was the right choice." But, for many years, I always wondered what happened to him and his family and if he ever got over what happened. I did not even expect a response back from him when I discovered him on linked in. However, after meeting him and catching up, it was great to finally put the missing pieces of the puzzle together and looking at the puzzle from up here, it all looked right, but did it?
As I contemplate my previous blogs on the topic and question whether it is a good idea to keep in touch with an ex, I still think it is not good to be fast friends or keep in touch regularly with an ex, but I think it is a good idea to reconnect even if it is 17 years later (which it was in my case), because it can help put the past to rest and the fantasy behind you- it helps you understand why things happened and perhaps help gain some closure. For me, this was exactly the case because I felt horrible about how things were left between us. In any case, game over! Now, 17 years later, with the life I have had and the life I know I want, the choices we make at the time, while we cannot make sense of them at the time, are clearly the right choices that help shape our futures. More importantly, the choices we make shape who we are and who we become.
With this particular ex-bf, it was a toughie. We met while I was still in high school and we were both young and of course, I was not ready for anything too serious freshman year in college so I was the one who called it off. He was upset back then but it was a choice I made- I wanted to see other people, finish undergrad, and possibly go on to post-graduate school. The last thing on my mind was marriage - after all, I had just gotten my freedom, was attending college, living on my own, and saw an entire world out there for me. Of course, I was also planning to join the military and was going to travel a bit too. It also did not help that his dad was against our union and his family in general, was weird. In any case, it was a decision- a choice I made back then. Like any choice though you wonder if you made the right one. Now, as we both have families of our own, it is easy to look back and say "it was all for the best and was the right choice." But, for many years, I always wondered what happened to him and his family and if he ever got over what happened. I did not even expect a response back from him when I discovered him on linked in. However, after meeting him and catching up, it was great to finally put the missing pieces of the puzzle together and looking at the puzzle from up here, it all looked right, but did it?
As I contemplate my previous blogs on the topic and question whether it is a good idea to keep in touch with an ex, I still think it is not good to be fast friends or keep in touch regularly with an ex, but I think it is a good idea to reconnect even if it is 17 years later (which it was in my case), because it can help put the past to rest and the fantasy behind you- it helps you understand why things happened and perhaps help gain some closure. For me, this was exactly the case because I felt horrible about how things were left between us. In any case, game over! Now, 17 years later, with the life I have had and the life I know I want, the choices we make at the time, while we cannot make sense of them at the time, are clearly the right choices that help shape our futures. More importantly, the choices we make shape who we are and who we become.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Reporting for Jury Duty
I got a jury duty notice about a month and yes, my initial reaction was like everyone else's and sheer and utter disappointment. I decided not to pursue a postponement even though I am still nursing and/or pumping because I just wanted to get it over with.
In any case, Colorado has a one-day, one-trial system and on the day before your date of service you call or check a website to see if your number is on there. If your number is there, you show up at 8am and hope for the best.
On the morning of, I was exhausted as my infant daughter has not been sleeping well through the night and in honesty, has her days and nights confused. She will sleep through the days and play at approximately 3-6am, it is quite annoying. In any case, I left bright-eyed and bushy tailed, expecting the worse. I arrived and it was relatively painless to go through security except I had a lot of bags- a laptop bag, my pump and its case and accouterments, and of course, my purse. It was a cold Colorado morning so I had a big jacket too. Besides all the stuff I had, I had to ask about the nursing room which obviously was of concern to me.
The jury assembly was a large room with chairs everywhere and not many tables or outlets so I am glad I had battery power in my laptop- I found a place I could sit against the wall so no one would see what I was doing. I was surprised to look around the room and see people just staring off into space with nothing to do - not even so much as a piece of paper to read. I found that very odd. In any case, I took out my laptop and started my day. After I saw people getting snacks and drinking their coffees, I also took my Starbucks Frappucino out and granola bars. A lady came out and told us that some of us would go upstairs and depending on how many trials go forward, they would seat some of us and not others. She said they would draw numbers from a hat basically - high tech world, this jury duty, I thought.
The worst part of the morning was when, as we were waiting to find out if we had to serve, we had a watch video about jury duty. It was so pedantic for me- so basic. All about the jury process, voir dire, and selection, and how things operate in a court room. I did not feel above or better than anyone but I certainly felt like this was a waste of my time. The video was a feel good, hug your neighbor, and kiss the Constitution-type of movie. In short, it was annoying to watch but then the even worst part came after this video. For entertainment, presumably for those who did not have anything to read or do, they played a HOT DOG video. This video was the travel channel or food channel review of hot dog places across America. For 200 hungry people sitting there with nothing to do but wait, showing a video on hot dogs and food was just not the way to go. I was aggravated and some people even left the room and sat in the hallway because they wanted to read or do their work in peace - with no background HOT DOG noise.
I was happy to have my cricket wireless card with me so I could connect to the world, post updates on facebook and communicate in general. I think others wondered what I was doing but I was so excited to have my laptop with me. If they made us any longer, I was going to watch a movie but fortunately, after a short period of time, we got notified that we were all released because all the cases were either continued or settled out. This was right after I had to use the "lactation room." It was not a lactation room but rather, a jury break room for a particular judge and anyone from the jury assembly room could have walked in but fortunately for me, no one did. The room was nice and private and certainly provided me some comfort. The fridge was the fridge that the clerks used so I am glad I brought a bag to put the milk in. In any case, it was a good experience. In 18 years, this was the first time I was called to jury duty or even had to report - I gotta say, I escaped for 18 years so I cannot complain much - I guess it is time to do my civic duty now.
In any case, Colorado has a one-day, one-trial system and on the day before your date of service you call or check a website to see if your number is on there. If your number is there, you show up at 8am and hope for the best.
On the morning of, I was exhausted as my infant daughter has not been sleeping well through the night and in honesty, has her days and nights confused. She will sleep through the days and play at approximately 3-6am, it is quite annoying. In any case, I left bright-eyed and bushy tailed, expecting the worse. I arrived and it was relatively painless to go through security except I had a lot of bags- a laptop bag, my pump and its case and accouterments, and of course, my purse. It was a cold Colorado morning so I had a big jacket too. Besides all the stuff I had, I had to ask about the nursing room which obviously was of concern to me.
The jury assembly was a large room with chairs everywhere and not many tables or outlets so I am glad I had battery power in my laptop- I found a place I could sit against the wall so no one would see what I was doing. I was surprised to look around the room and see people just staring off into space with nothing to do - not even so much as a piece of paper to read. I found that very odd. In any case, I took out my laptop and started my day. After I saw people getting snacks and drinking their coffees, I also took my Starbucks Frappucino out and granola bars. A lady came out and told us that some of us would go upstairs and depending on how many trials go forward, they would seat some of us and not others. She said they would draw numbers from a hat basically - high tech world, this jury duty, I thought.
The worst part of the morning was when, as we were waiting to find out if we had to serve, we had a watch video about jury duty. It was so pedantic for me- so basic. All about the jury process, voir dire, and selection, and how things operate in a court room. I did not feel above or better than anyone but I certainly felt like this was a waste of my time. The video was a feel good, hug your neighbor, and kiss the Constitution-type of movie. In short, it was annoying to watch but then the even worst part came after this video. For entertainment, presumably for those who did not have anything to read or do, they played a HOT DOG video. This video was the travel channel or food channel review of hot dog places across America. For 200 hungry people sitting there with nothing to do but wait, showing a video on hot dogs and food was just not the way to go. I was aggravated and some people even left the room and sat in the hallway because they wanted to read or do their work in peace - with no background HOT DOG noise.
I was happy to have my cricket wireless card with me so I could connect to the world, post updates on facebook and communicate in general. I think others wondered what I was doing but I was so excited to have my laptop with me. If they made us any longer, I was going to watch a movie but fortunately, after a short period of time, we got notified that we were all released because all the cases were either continued or settled out. This was right after I had to use the "lactation room." It was not a lactation room but rather, a jury break room for a particular judge and anyone from the jury assembly room could have walked in but fortunately for me, no one did. The room was nice and private and certainly provided me some comfort. The fridge was the fridge that the clerks used so I am glad I brought a bag to put the milk in. In any case, it was a good experience. In 18 years, this was the first time I was called to jury duty or even had to report - I gotta say, I escaped for 18 years so I cannot complain much - I guess it is time to do my civic duty now.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Declutter that clutter
Ever since I can remember, I have grown up in clutter and I remember saving everything – from the first note I wrote to a boy or got from a boy to stickers – I had a sticker collection. As I have grown up and established a home of my own with limited space to work in and kids’ things, I am growing EXTREMELY weary of clutter. From coupons, receipts, and paper statements/bills to the clothing and assorted cheap toys, I am taking a new stand to rid my home of clutter. My mom has tons of trinkets all over her home from plastic flowers to tiny collectibles and no real display case to appropriate store them, so they end up at odd places all over the house. My in-laws’ home is the same- of course, each collectible carries a sentimental feeling. Who knows? Maybe I will save my daughters’ projects but somehow I doubt it. I also do not mind saving things but believe it should be saved appropriately. I just recently started throwing away things that once meant something to me as well. This is my firm belief: All of the sentimental items can fit into one box – if not, it is time to go through it and declutter. For example, I still have my scrapbook from high school – that fits into one box but there are boxes all over with things in them and I have recently started consolidating. Last year, I got rid of a stuffed animal my college boyfriend gave me… I knew it was time to let go and move on.
In any case, my new resolution which is a continuing resolution is to ensure whatever space I can declutter, stays decluttered. This involves going through closets and other neat hiding places and trying to either consolidate all items, throwing some stuff out, and donating others. It involves marking boxes and knowing where everything is. I know it is tough to actually execute this plan because with the kids and life, something always gets in the way. This weekend I will be gone again so my goal is that by January, all my clutter is either identifiable, thrown away, or donated to someone who may appreciate the clutter more than me. Here’s to living 2010 somewhat clutter-free and imparting the same values to my children.
In any case, my new resolution which is a continuing resolution is to ensure whatever space I can declutter, stays decluttered. This involves going through closets and other neat hiding places and trying to either consolidate all items, throwing some stuff out, and donating others. It involves marking boxes and knowing where everything is. I know it is tough to actually execute this plan because with the kids and life, something always gets in the way. This weekend I will be gone again so my goal is that by January, all my clutter is either identifiable, thrown away, or donated to someone who may appreciate the clutter more than me. Here’s to living 2010 somewhat clutter-free and imparting the same values to my children.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The Cost of Shattering the Glass Ceiling
When African-Americans received the right to vote and desegregation occurred in this country, I do not think anyone thought about a negative cost of that glass ceiling breaking- in fact, except for bigots and racists, it was a win-win for the economy and the individuals who won that right. However, the same cannot be said about women entering the workplace especially entering traditional male jobs, including athletics and the military. In fact, I think across this country as women excel in all career fields to become CEOs, CFOs, Olympic gold medal winners, and Generals in the Army, there is a cost.
I initially wrote this blog as a big whine on the military and how unfair it is to women, especially those who are trying to raise kids and find work/life balance. However, someone was wise to point out to me that the cost of breaking the glass ceiling does not exist for just women in the military, it occurs across the board. From the woman who has to travel for work three to four days a week, work extra hard to get the same position on the board as the man, the athlete who cannot take her infant with her due to antiquated rules in the Olympics, to the woman who deploys for six months or more, leaving her infant child behind, it seems that everyone is making a sacrifice. In the case of women earning their place in society, the corporate world, athletics, and/or the profession of arms, there does seem to be a cost and everyone is bearing it.
It is not easy to leave behind an infant in the middle of nursing to go fight a war on foreign soil, likewise, it is tough to ask for a leave of absence from work for more than a few weeks especially if you work for a Corporation and the way to get ahead is to be seen and present. It is tough for an athlete to take a break from the sport and even after returning, to take breaks to go nurse a child. Moreover, athletics takes a toll on nursing as well – it can reduce breast milk production. Whether we choose to admit it or not, there is a glass ceiling and while we as women strive to break it, this comes at a cost to our families and ourselves. Many women decide early on to make the sacrifice – to not return to work, to give up their careers and their passion because of another equally important passion – being a full-time mother. Others cannot or choose not to do so. I am still surprised to learn of antiquated practices in the workplace- whether professional, blue collar, or otherwise. Many workplaces are family unfriendly. While our government has attempted to make strides in family-friendly practices including alternate work sites, part-time and alternative work schedules, there are those employers and corporations out there that have not- it is a traditional male work place mentality: Work here, or take vacation; work when we tell you to instead of just getting the job done; and work under the conditions provided – no lactation rooms, or private rooms for pumping. It is interesting how many more employers are family friendly and yet, the glass ceiling remains along with an equal number of employers who refuse to change with the times. Whether it is because they choose to overtly discriminate is another story but if they are not forced to change, why would they? After all, it would involve changing a culture- a mindset.
The military, for example, has regulations and laws which require a woman to be deployable (in shape, immunized, and so on), within 6 months of childbirth. It is not six months post-partum to "start getting ready" - No! The Regulations are clear: be ready to DEPLOY 6 months from the date of childbirth. After all the statistics on child bearing and nursing, why should a mom be deployed for 4 months after a mere 6 months of nursing and being with her baby? That makes no sense. There are no accommodations made either for the nursing moms in many professions. You cannot take your child along with you or let him or her stay with you. Many corporations will not pay for childcare or the child’s ticket if he or she travels with mom. Why should they when they can get away without paying for it in the case of a man travelling instead of a woman? There is no incentive for an employer to make special cases for a woman and the employer who is family friendly tends to be the exception rather than the rule.
Despite the fact that studies indicate breastfeeding and remaining with a child at least 1 year after birth improve the child’s immunity and well-being, we choose as a society to ignore medical and health science and instead of working with the mom, offer her a choice: feed your baby, remain with your baby OR excel in your career by being more like a man. Well, if it were that simple, it would be very easy. It is not. Biologically, if men could nurse a baby, then, what a different world we’d be in! Unlike the racial barrier, the gender barrier is harder to overcome. In race, there are no biological differences per se except skin tone. In gender, there are. And therefore, for better or worse, there remains this cost of our attempts at breaking the glass ceiling and no matter how far we get or what we achieve, we still face these costs – whether that cost comes in the form of our emotions, our children, our spouses, our healthcare, our social programs and ... our society!
I initially wrote this blog as a big whine on the military and how unfair it is to women, especially those who are trying to raise kids and find work/life balance. However, someone was wise to point out to me that the cost of breaking the glass ceiling does not exist for just women in the military, it occurs across the board. From the woman who has to travel for work three to four days a week, work extra hard to get the same position on the board as the man, the athlete who cannot take her infant with her due to antiquated rules in the Olympics, to the woman who deploys for six months or more, leaving her infant child behind, it seems that everyone is making a sacrifice. In the case of women earning their place in society, the corporate world, athletics, and/or the profession of arms, there does seem to be a cost and everyone is bearing it.
It is not easy to leave behind an infant in the middle of nursing to go fight a war on foreign soil, likewise, it is tough to ask for a leave of absence from work for more than a few weeks especially if you work for a Corporation and the way to get ahead is to be seen and present. It is tough for an athlete to take a break from the sport and even after returning, to take breaks to go nurse a child. Moreover, athletics takes a toll on nursing as well – it can reduce breast milk production. Whether we choose to admit it or not, there is a glass ceiling and while we as women strive to break it, this comes at a cost to our families and ourselves. Many women decide early on to make the sacrifice – to not return to work, to give up their careers and their passion because of another equally important passion – being a full-time mother. Others cannot or choose not to do so. I am still surprised to learn of antiquated practices in the workplace- whether professional, blue collar, or otherwise. Many workplaces are family unfriendly. While our government has attempted to make strides in family-friendly practices including alternate work sites, part-time and alternative work schedules, there are those employers and corporations out there that have not- it is a traditional male work place mentality: Work here, or take vacation; work when we tell you to instead of just getting the job done; and work under the conditions provided – no lactation rooms, or private rooms for pumping. It is interesting how many more employers are family friendly and yet, the glass ceiling remains along with an equal number of employers who refuse to change with the times. Whether it is because they choose to overtly discriminate is another story but if they are not forced to change, why would they? After all, it would involve changing a culture- a mindset.
The military, for example, has regulations and laws which require a woman to be deployable (in shape, immunized, and so on), within 6 months of childbirth. It is not six months post-partum to "start getting ready" - No! The Regulations are clear: be ready to DEPLOY 6 months from the date of childbirth. After all the statistics on child bearing and nursing, why should a mom be deployed for 4 months after a mere 6 months of nursing and being with her baby? That makes no sense. There are no accommodations made either for the nursing moms in many professions. You cannot take your child along with you or let him or her stay with you. Many corporations will not pay for childcare or the child’s ticket if he or she travels with mom. Why should they when they can get away without paying for it in the case of a man travelling instead of a woman? There is no incentive for an employer to make special cases for a woman and the employer who is family friendly tends to be the exception rather than the rule.
Despite the fact that studies indicate breastfeeding and remaining with a child at least 1 year after birth improve the child’s immunity and well-being, we choose as a society to ignore medical and health science and instead of working with the mom, offer her a choice: feed your baby, remain with your baby OR excel in your career by being more like a man. Well, if it were that simple, it would be very easy. It is not. Biologically, if men could nurse a baby, then, what a different world we’d be in! Unlike the racial barrier, the gender barrier is harder to overcome. In race, there are no biological differences per se except skin tone. In gender, there are. And therefore, for better or worse, there remains this cost of our attempts at breaking the glass ceiling and no matter how far we get or what we achieve, we still face these costs – whether that cost comes in the form of our emotions, our children, our spouses, our healthcare, our social programs and ... our society!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Born Lucky
Based on the movie, Osama, which I saw recently, I really got to thinking about how lucky we are to be born in a certain country, to certain parents, and the opportunities we receive along the way in our lives. More importantly, I felt very lucky to be born a woman here in America.
I am not saying other countries are beneath us or have nothing to offer. I am merely appreciating the opportunities, rights, and privileges that I have here that perhaps women and men in other countries do not get to realize. This movie is eye opening and paints a picture of life in a Taliban-run Afghanistan and all the restrictions and horrific things that happened as a result especially to the people of Afghanistan. People were not allowed to celebrate weddings, dress in beautiful garb, sing, speak out against the Government, and women were not permitted to show their feet, hands, and ultimately, while the movie ends tragically, it really paints a picture of how horrible it was and still is to live under this regime.
Sure, every religion has its share of issues and a history of causing death and destruction but it made me realize that even in modern day, religion makes people do some pretty horrible things including stoning, death by firing squad, and worse. In this movie, they also showed the harsh reality of some cultures - wedding extremely young girls to very old mullahs or older men. In the name of religion, people abuse others and think it is acceptable to lower the self worth of others. Of course, I feel blessed to be born in a country where I can be what I want, wear what I want, and my self worth is not defined by my religion, caste, or my gender. It is a worth watch movie but definitely troubling on many levels and made me think of my young daughters and how lucky they are too. There were some good portions of the movie where people help each other and cover for each other especially when the Taliban are coming down hard on people for just living life. In any case, it was an eye opening movie to watch to understand how the Taliban devalues women in turn, disrespects God and Allah himself through their actions. Like some movies stay with you, Osama will stay with me for sometime to come.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Storm of the Century
So, last night in Colorado, I would say we had the storm of the century. Sure, compared to what others may get, it was nothing but our neighborhood got hit hard. Leaves were everywhere, hail was so loud, I could not think, our roof leaked, our basement got flooded (mainly because they left the window wells open), and the power was out for at least 2 hours. Thank God the food did not go bad or I would have been pissed. Some people in other parts of town did not get their power back until three in the morning! That would have been too close for comfort for me - I have frozen breast milk and if that would have gone bad, I would have been really upset.
In any case, we are having our basement finished and so water got into the basement- due to a combination of factors but mainly cause the window wells are exposed and open and the windows were also left open. If the windows were closed, we may have gotten some water but not alot. We will need to figure out the window well situation before completing the basement and this certainly made us rethink some things. It turns out our area and two other cities along the same main street in Colorado were hit hard with our city and another the hardest. It was a scary storm and I am just glad that more damage was not done. I feel blessed we have a roof over our head and the children are safe. I am not sure how people cope with losing everything - their home, their property, etc. I guess as long as those we love are safe and healthy, everything else is secondary.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
An Umbrella in Colorado? Really?
Since May, we have had some strange weather in Colorado - lots and lots of rain. In fact, I think it started in April. It is strange but the way things have been I am considering buying a couple of umbrellas. I have never purchased an umbrella in Colorado - it is just so unnecessary. When I moved here 7 years ago, I parted with my umbrella stash. I needed them in Germany and of course in St. Louis and New Orleans but Colorado - come on! Well, this year I am considering purchasing one for the office because every day I leave work it is raining and we cannot have my hair getting wet- after all, straighening it is no picnic for me.
So, I think I may make a trip to Wal mart tomorrow and pick up an umbrella to keep at my office. I may actually buy a slicker for the little one as well - my toddler has a rain jacket but my infant obviously does not and I think this season she will need one - we are almost in July and there is no end in sight to these horrific storms but one thing is for sure, I do not have to turn my sprinklers on and my grass is doing great so who can complain really? Buy an umbrella and a nice rain coat and enjoy getting "caught in the rain" - it is a great monsoon in an otherwise DRY Colorado.
So, I think I may make a trip to Wal mart tomorrow and pick up an umbrella to keep at my office. I may actually buy a slicker for the little one as well - my toddler has a rain jacket but my infant obviously does not and I think this season she will need one - we are almost in July and there is no end in sight to these horrific storms but one thing is for sure, I do not have to turn my sprinklers on and my grass is doing great so who can complain really? Buy an umbrella and a nice rain coat and enjoy getting "caught in the rain" - it is a great monsoon in an otherwise DRY Colorado.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Why don't YOU go back to your country?
Each year I look forward to seeing the face of the new spelling bee champion. This year was no exception. Generally speaking, that face is not of German, French, Hungarian, or Italian-origin. No, the face each year of the National Spelling Bee Champion is generally Indian-American or Asian. I always wonder why and how that is that Asians can spell words of Latin, Greek, French, German and Italian origin better than the children of the immigrants from those countries.
Growing up in this country as a first generation American, I often was faced with a barrage of put-downs and often, people would think I have an accent. In school, I or my family members were teased as if we all had the stereotypical accent of Apu from the 7-11. Not to down slurpees, but come on! Sometimes, after I would talk with someone, that person would say to me, "wow, you do not have an accent at all." They looked astonished and confused. To which I would think to myself, why would someone presuppose that I would have an accent? Oh, yeah, my skin is brown but I speak better English than you and you are white. These are the thoughts that would cross my mind. I remember people talking loud to my parents as if they were deaf rather than from another country with an accent. It was annoying to watch and even more frustrating to hear. In some parts of America, immigrants still face these types of situations.
Now, I watch year after year as children of immigrant parents, first generation (most of them) continue to win spelling bees and other reknown competitions, and I am confident that Indian-Americans will continue to make their mark in American society through other means as well. We live in a different America than the one I grew up in. More and more, people are aware of different cultures and religions around them and yet there are still ignorant people out there who still judge people by the color of their skin or their national origin. I am confident that in the new America, these people are the minorities - like my parents and I once were, these ignorant people form up the minority and perhaps they should re-evaluate what their national origin really is.
Growing up in this country as a first generation American, I often was faced with a barrage of put-downs and often, people would think I have an accent. In school, I or my family members were teased as if we all had the stereotypical accent of Apu from the 7-11. Not to down slurpees, but come on! Sometimes, after I would talk with someone, that person would say to me, "wow, you do not have an accent at all." They looked astonished and confused. To which I would think to myself, why would someone presuppose that I would have an accent? Oh, yeah, my skin is brown but I speak better English than you and you are white. These are the thoughts that would cross my mind. I remember people talking loud to my parents as if they were deaf rather than from another country with an accent. It was annoying to watch and even more frustrating to hear. In some parts of America, immigrants still face these types of situations.
Now, I watch year after year as children of immigrant parents, first generation (most of them) continue to win spelling bees and other reknown competitions, and I am confident that Indian-Americans will continue to make their mark in American society through other means as well. We live in a different America than the one I grew up in. More and more, people are aware of different cultures and religions around them and yet there are still ignorant people out there who still judge people by the color of their skin or their national origin. I am confident that in the new America, these people are the minorities - like my parents and I once were, these ignorant people form up the minority and perhaps they should re-evaluate what their national origin really is.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Could've would've should've
I have been in touch with a lot of my friends from years past lately. In fact, with the click of a mouse these days you can be in touch with just about everyone. As I communicate with former neighbors, childhood best friends, and people that I used to not be so crazy about, I cannot help but wonder how my life would have been had I taken a different path. I recently was in touch with a mutual friend of my ex-boyfriend and we reminisced about the "good ole days." I started thinking to myself, what about the past attracts us to want to find out how people are doing. My curiousity certainly got me to thinking how much life would have been different if I had married my first boyfriend or even my college sweetheart. How strange! Would I have gone to law school or joined the military? Could I have done all the things I did if I were saddled with kids at an early age? Would life had been better?
I know countless people who wonder this and after being in touch with the past so much recently (with the help of facebook, and technology), I have come face to face with my present and the promise of a great future. It is ironic because while it is truly fun to look back and laugh at silly pics we took in high school and college- the funny hair, the funny clothes, and all the silly styles - it is even more fun to look back and know where I am is truly where I am meant to be. The past, while fun to look back on and laugh is just that - the past. I think that people wonder why and what if and lose sight of what is truly important: The present. Sure, if I had did things differently, I would not be here and things would so different- so very different but unlike Nicolas Cage in THE FAMILY MAN, I prefer to not find out because I am very content with my life and all my accomplishments- especially my family.
So, as we move boxes from the basement to the garage for remodeling, I am content with my memories from high school and college remaining in those boxes. I am content with communicating with good ole friends from the past and reminiscing but I am excited that we can talk about how far we have come and what we have accomplished. I feel lucky to be able to catch up with old friends and find out how everyone did since and even more grateful for how well their lives have turned out and how my path has been so blessed as well. As I hear stories about the past, I am more and more content with the present and that everything happened for this moment -for now. After all, as we look back, we tend to glamorize the past more than it really was. And to help keep things perspective, it is important to remember that if we were meant to be in the could have, should have or would have, we would have chosen that and been there now instead of where we are. There is a reason why we chose a different path or were thrust by the powers to be to where we are now. The past is fun but the present is even better...
I know countless people who wonder this and after being in touch with the past so much recently (with the help of facebook, and technology), I have come face to face with my present and the promise of a great future. It is ironic because while it is truly fun to look back and laugh at silly pics we took in high school and college- the funny hair, the funny clothes, and all the silly styles - it is even more fun to look back and know where I am is truly where I am meant to be. The past, while fun to look back on and laugh is just that - the past. I think that people wonder why and what if and lose sight of what is truly important: The present. Sure, if I had did things differently, I would not be here and things would so different- so very different but unlike Nicolas Cage in THE FAMILY MAN, I prefer to not find out because I am very content with my life and all my accomplishments- especially my family.
So, as we move boxes from the basement to the garage for remodeling, I am content with my memories from high school and college remaining in those boxes. I am content with communicating with good ole friends from the past and reminiscing but I am excited that we can talk about how far we have come and what we have accomplished. I feel lucky to be able to catch up with old friends and find out how everyone did since and even more grateful for how well their lives have turned out and how my path has been so blessed as well. As I hear stories about the past, I am more and more content with the present and that everything happened for this moment -for now. After all, as we look back, we tend to glamorize the past more than it really was. And to help keep things perspective, it is important to remember that if we were meant to be in the could have, should have or would have, we would have chosen that and been there now instead of where we are. There is a reason why we chose a different path or were thrust by the powers to be to where we are now. The past is fun but the present is even better...
Monday, April 13, 2009
It puts the EX in the ... past
Back in March of 2008, I wrote a blog called "The Ex Factor"- check it out:
http://cluelessincolorado.blogspot.com/2008/03/ex-factor.html
Needless to say, this issue has arisen again and I am convinced more than ever that friendship with an ex could spell trouble. I am not talking about the occasional keeping in touch. By occasional, I mean once or twice a year, not every other month or calling. In short, I am skeptical when it comes to keeping in touch with an ex. Whether it is an ex-spouse or an ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend. Now, of course, it depends on the people and the extent of the relationship but I always think that people are people and while they intend to or not, they could revert back to old feelings, old times, and what is comfortable especially when things get uncomfortable in the present. It is very easy to fall prey to memories and old times and if you are keeping in touch with an ex regularly, I think it is that much easier to do so.
So, when I talked with a friend yesterday and she relayed a story to me so you can imagine my concern that my husband still keeps in touch with his ex-girlfriend. You read stories on-line too of such cases- the wife finds love letters between the ex and her husband, telephone calls on the cell phone, evidence of secret meetings, and credit card bills but alas, that is the old way of emotionally cheating on your spouse. Now, there is technology and even more for spouses to contend with. There are text messages to contend with, pay as you go cell phones (even terrorists use those), e-mails, chats and of course, Facebook. In this modern age of keeping in touch with every Tom, Dick, and Harry you ever knew, who is to be faulted for hooking up with an ex on-line? After all, you had a history with this person and it is so easy now- with a click of a mouse and a button, you are reviving old memories, updating each other on what is going on, sharing pictures of your private family moments, and texting. It was never so easy to physically and emotionally cheat on your spouse. Frankly, I am surprised I do not hear more stories like this. Fortunately, most of my friends are "happily" married - at least I do not hear about it.
But I could not help but wonder when I heard this, what is the necessity of keeping in touch with the past? What is so wrong with our present that we tap into the past to keep ourselves sated? Some people like to blame the marriage - maybe the wife isn't keeping things exciting enough- WHAT?! Are you kidding me? Some will blame the other party - why is "she" writing him back? Perhaps the problem is with your spouse's self image, insecurities, and lack of self esteem not to mention lack of self control. I firmly believe that when you look to someone of the opposite sex for comfort, to talk about things, or just wish to rekindle memories, you may be unhappy with your present. You feel you are lacking something and look for it elsewhere when you should be trying to work on your marriage. After all, that person you chose to be your life partner should be the one you confide in about such things. In the end, I think it is important to be honest with yourself and your spouse especially if your spouse objects to these "ex" communications. That is where mutual respect enters the equation and trust flows both ways. It takes two of course, to make a marriage and unfortunately, just a few minutes to destroy it or erode that trust completely. Trust, I like to think, begets trust.
Of course, one could also say with all that is going on in the world, what's the harm in keeping in touch with someone who was once so dear? The key words there are "once" and I also think it is a matter of trust and if that is established and lays a solid foundation for the marriage, then it would not matter if the spouse communicated with Tom, Dick, Harry, or even the ex. But if that trust is eroded, it may be in your best interest to just leave that ex in the past.
http://cluelessincolorado.blogspot.com/2008/03/ex-factor.html
Needless to say, this issue has arisen again and I am convinced more than ever that friendship with an ex could spell trouble. I am not talking about the occasional keeping in touch. By occasional, I mean once or twice a year, not every other month or calling. In short, I am skeptical when it comes to keeping in touch with an ex. Whether it is an ex-spouse or an ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend. Now, of course, it depends on the people and the extent of the relationship but I always think that people are people and while they intend to or not, they could revert back to old feelings, old times, and what is comfortable especially when things get uncomfortable in the present. It is very easy to fall prey to memories and old times and if you are keeping in touch with an ex regularly, I think it is that much easier to do so.
So, when I talked with a friend yesterday and she relayed a story to me so you can imagine my concern that my husband still keeps in touch with his ex-girlfriend. You read stories on-line too of such cases- the wife finds love letters between the ex and her husband, telephone calls on the cell phone, evidence of secret meetings, and credit card bills but alas, that is the old way of emotionally cheating on your spouse. Now, there is technology and even more for spouses to contend with. There are text messages to contend with, pay as you go cell phones (even terrorists use those), e-mails, chats and of course, Facebook. In this modern age of keeping in touch with every Tom, Dick, and Harry you ever knew, who is to be faulted for hooking up with an ex on-line? After all, you had a history with this person and it is so easy now- with a click of a mouse and a button, you are reviving old memories, updating each other on what is going on, sharing pictures of your private family moments, and texting. It was never so easy to physically and emotionally cheat on your spouse. Frankly, I am surprised I do not hear more stories like this. Fortunately, most of my friends are "happily" married - at least I do not hear about it.
But I could not help but wonder when I heard this, what is the necessity of keeping in touch with the past? What is so wrong with our present that we tap into the past to keep ourselves sated? Some people like to blame the marriage - maybe the wife isn't keeping things exciting enough- WHAT?! Are you kidding me? Some will blame the other party - why is "she" writing him back? Perhaps the problem is with your spouse's self image, insecurities, and lack of self esteem not to mention lack of self control. I firmly believe that when you look to someone of the opposite sex for comfort, to talk about things, or just wish to rekindle memories, you may be unhappy with your present. You feel you are lacking something and look for it elsewhere when you should be trying to work on your marriage. After all, that person you chose to be your life partner should be the one you confide in about such things. In the end, I think it is important to be honest with yourself and your spouse especially if your spouse objects to these "ex" communications. That is where mutual respect enters the equation and trust flows both ways. It takes two of course, to make a marriage and unfortunately, just a few minutes to destroy it or erode that trust completely. Trust, I like to think, begets trust.
Of course, one could also say with all that is going on in the world, what's the harm in keeping in touch with someone who was once so dear? The key words there are "once" and I also think it is a matter of trust and if that is established and lays a solid foundation for the marriage, then it would not matter if the spouse communicated with Tom, Dick, Harry, or even the ex. But if that trust is eroded, it may be in your best interest to just leave that ex in the past.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Hair can really make the person
I recently learned that a bad haircut can really make a person feel like crap and look bad too. My hair artist (as I call her) is a little ways from the house so I just ventured out the 2 mins to the local salon (we will leave the name out to protect the guilty). Needless to say, since I am nursing and my mom was watching the baby, I make quick trips and run quick errands around this area. The longest I was away the baby was with me so I could feed her on demand. Needless to say, I went to the local salon to get a quick trim and things went bad. the hair got cut a little too short as a result and looks like a salad bowl around my head. I figure I can put barettes in and try to make things better but until you get a really bad haircut, you do not realize how much the hair makes you as a person. For a woman, when her hair looks good, she feels good about herself. Just like wearing a nice business suit can perk up a woman's performance in a business meeting or courtroom, hair can really make a difference too.
I feel very vulnerable and extremely self conscious as a result of my hair not looking good. It did not help that my husband also agreed that my hair looked horrible and did not suit my face. He is right because a good haircut can really make your face look better. Just like clothes and make-up, if done right, can really accentuate a face and a body. Needless to say, for now, I will deal with a bad haircut with grace and dignity knowing that it will grow back. From a positive perspective, the bad haircut has certainly afforded us all with a good distraction from the other stressors right now in life - newborn and all :-)
I feel very vulnerable and extremely self conscious as a result of my hair not looking good. It did not help that my husband also agreed that my hair looked horrible and did not suit my face. He is right because a good haircut can really make your face look better. Just like clothes and make-up, if done right, can really accentuate a face and a body. Needless to say, for now, I will deal with a bad haircut with grace and dignity knowing that it will grow back. From a positive perspective, the bad haircut has certainly afforded us all with a good distraction from the other stressors right now in life - newborn and all :-)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Evolution
After having another baby recently I started thinking. Trust me, I have a lot of time to think because it seems like I am always up - either with one daughter or the other. It is quite the task. Anyway, so as I was saying, I started to think about how helpless human babies really are. Unlike other animals, it seems humans are pretty helpless when they are first born and need a lot of care, attention, and help until they are ... well, for the average child, until they are past the age of even 7or 8. Even then, humans (unlike other non-comparable animals) still need a lot of training, education, feedings, etc., that other animals do not. But as my husband so aptly pointed out, compared to others in the animal kingdom, humans are more versatile and can do a lot more in life than the other animals. He is correct in this assessment but still I cannot help but wonder if we as humans will evolve someday - past this helpless stage of not being able to do anything for ourselves.
It got me thinking about evolution and whether humans would evolve into something even more versatile than we already are. Unlike a giraffe which can walk within a few hours of birth or baby calf which can stand on its own within minutes, I wonder whether we humans will eventually evolve to the point where babies would be able to defend themselves or at least get neck control sooner, crawl or walk sooner, and what would that mean for the human race.
Okay, so I am up a lot and these are the things I think of but I think that the reason I am thinking of these things is because right now I am exhausted and in my mind, am hoping for a quicker development for my 2nd born because I want to see the light at the end of what appears right now to be a long tunnel. I want my new baby to sleep through the night, and I want her to have neck control and be able to sit up and start defending herself against her older, well-intentioned sister who thinks she is a rag doll. I know in a few years I will wonder where the time has gone but right now, I look at her - helpless, needing food and diapering all the time, and needing constant care, and I wonder... will we ever evolve past this?
It got me thinking about evolution and whether humans would evolve into something even more versatile than we already are. Unlike a giraffe which can walk within a few hours of birth or baby calf which can stand on its own within minutes, I wonder whether we humans will eventually evolve to the point where babies would be able to defend themselves or at least get neck control sooner, crawl or walk sooner, and what would that mean for the human race.
Okay, so I am up a lot and these are the things I think of but I think that the reason I am thinking of these things is because right now I am exhausted and in my mind, am hoping for a quicker development for my 2nd born because I want to see the light at the end of what appears right now to be a long tunnel. I want my new baby to sleep through the night, and I want her to have neck control and be able to sit up and start defending herself against her older, well-intentioned sister who thinks she is a rag doll. I know in a few years I will wonder where the time has gone but right now, I look at her - helpless, needing food and diapering all the time, and needing constant care, and I wonder... will we ever evolve past this?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Stepping into the shoes of others
So recently I have been sleep deprived, experiencing some major life changes, and of course, the usual post-partum hormones and I started to have some rage towards my innocent daughters. Of course, I know it is not their fault. For example, it is not my 3-week old daughter's fault she needs fat to sustain early life and so she gets up every 2 hours to my great dismay. My other daughter gets up all the time and is not a self soother because we never trained her for sleeping and now almost 2 years old, she needs assistance and cries a lot when her needs are not met. Add that crying onto the every 2 hour wakings from the infant, and you have a lethal combination of frustration - mix in lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion, add daily annoyances like dealing with bills, errors in billing, health care costs, reduced income due to maternity leave, and house guests, and that makes for a lethal formula.
So during those late night feedings, I try to think of fun things like movies. I could not remember the name of this one movie I loved - they did a Bollywood remake of it called "Mann". Yes, while "An Affair to Remember" is not how my life is, at least I still have my legs, during late night feedings, I also contemplate how people cope with daily life. Especially since I hear about people committing heinous crimes like going on a killing spree or killing their own children, I start to wonder and start to imagine what their lives are like. I used to be a criminal defense attorney but I represented relatively sane, average people and no one who committed murder. But I started to think to myself, what is going on in their lives that produced a lethal formula for them? Did a chemical or hormonal imbalance add to that already weakened state? Moreover, I think to myself, if even the strongest person could break from the pressure, what's to say that the already predisposed couldn't be pushed over the edge even easier? So, I know they are predisposed and then a combination of items can push them over the top. It is interesting because in law school I studied the insanity defense at length and learned it even better representing those accused of crimes but, M'Naughten's Rule applies narrowly and it seems to require the person to not be able to distinguish right from wrong. So, I wonder what the reasonable person standard is when applied to a person who has completely lost rationale thought - what goes through a mom's head as she drowns her own three children? Does anything go through her head or is she just nuts?
I mean, I got mad at my 2 year old last night and within seconds, cried, hugged her and said momma was sorry. It was 2am. But, what would it take for a person predisposed to crime and insanity to just snap? I hope I never have to step into the shoes of someone who has committed such heinous crimes to offer a defense because it is tough but I have to say, after 3 weeks of not sleeping well, and going through some changes, experiencing other stressors, and two crying kids at home, I can somehow understand the factors that may contribute to a person snapping. Granted, I have it great compared to the people who may go through this but I still can't help but wonder what makes people just go ... well, nuts.
So during those late night feedings, I try to think of fun things like movies. I could not remember the name of this one movie I loved - they did a Bollywood remake of it called "Mann". Yes, while "An Affair to Remember" is not how my life is, at least I still have my legs, during late night feedings, I also contemplate how people cope with daily life. Especially since I hear about people committing heinous crimes like going on a killing spree or killing their own children, I start to wonder and start to imagine what their lives are like. I used to be a criminal defense attorney but I represented relatively sane, average people and no one who committed murder. But I started to think to myself, what is going on in their lives that produced a lethal formula for them? Did a chemical or hormonal imbalance add to that already weakened state? Moreover, I think to myself, if even the strongest person could break from the pressure, what's to say that the already predisposed couldn't be pushed over the edge even easier? So, I know they are predisposed and then a combination of items can push them over the top. It is interesting because in law school I studied the insanity defense at length and learned it even better representing those accused of crimes but, M'Naughten's Rule applies narrowly and it seems to require the person to not be able to distinguish right from wrong. So, I wonder what the reasonable person standard is when applied to a person who has completely lost rationale thought - what goes through a mom's head as she drowns her own three children? Does anything go through her head or is she just nuts?
I mean, I got mad at my 2 year old last night and within seconds, cried, hugged her and said momma was sorry. It was 2am. But, what would it take for a person predisposed to crime and insanity to just snap? I hope I never have to step into the shoes of someone who has committed such heinous crimes to offer a defense because it is tough but I have to say, after 3 weeks of not sleeping well, and going through some changes, experiencing other stressors, and two crying kids at home, I can somehow understand the factors that may contribute to a person snapping. Granted, I have it great compared to the people who may go through this but I still can't help but wonder what makes people just go ... well, nuts.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Got friend?
I never thought I'd be writing a blog about how technology drains us but here goes.
Facebook has consumed the lives of many across the globe. It is amazing how addictive it is. I have well over 150 "Friends" on Facebook. What does this mean? Absolutely nothing! Adding someone on facebook as a friend does not mean much. In fact, there are times when I wonder what purpose Facebook serves. For example, I have added people I do not even remember much less care to remember - from elementary school to college, sometimes I think to myself, who is this person and why did I add them? Were we close? Probably not, otherwise I'd remember them.
Then, there are those I wanted to find for years and was excited that they either found me on facebook or I found them and we are back in touch. I got back in touch with many friends that had lost touch over the years all because of technology like facebook. So... there is that! Then, again, do I need to know what someone is doing at every minute of any given day? Nah - I was better off without it. For example, "Jane Doe is now boarding a plane" - so frigging what? And... Jane Doe is someone I went to middle school with- so, do I really care that she is boarding a plane right now? Nope. But that is the trade off with technology. While it provides great tools to reconnect with family and friends across the globe, it comes with the unfortunate result that sometimes I gotta see status updates I could care less about.
As I am about to expect my second child, I have decided to be even more obnoxious than these other people. Do I care that "John Doe is eating breakfast on a Sunday morning"? Nope. So, now John Doe is going to see how far apart my contractions are too... maybe as I deliver the placenta, I will put that on my status update. How is that for gross? I mean, seriously- was technology really meant to have people read about my every move? I do not think so and it is an unintended by-product of an otherwise useful technological tool.
If you have friends in real-life, great- go out, have fun with them, maybe grab a coffee and lunch with them. A friend on facebook? Keep in touch, send messages (writing on the wall is getting too overused and abused), and use the tools you have to stay in touch with those you want to be "Friends" with. The rest.... defriend them- it is not too late to save yourself and your sanity. Got friend? Well, let's see, out of 151 of them, I would say... about 50 of them are my friends.
Facebook has consumed the lives of many across the globe. It is amazing how addictive it is. I have well over 150 "Friends" on Facebook. What does this mean? Absolutely nothing! Adding someone on facebook as a friend does not mean much. In fact, there are times when I wonder what purpose Facebook serves. For example, I have added people I do not even remember much less care to remember - from elementary school to college, sometimes I think to myself, who is this person and why did I add them? Were we close? Probably not, otherwise I'd remember them.
Then, there are those I wanted to find for years and was excited that they either found me on facebook or I found them and we are back in touch. I got back in touch with many friends that had lost touch over the years all because of technology like facebook. So... there is that! Then, again, do I need to know what someone is doing at every minute of any given day? Nah - I was better off without it. For example, "Jane Doe is now boarding a plane" - so frigging what? And... Jane Doe is someone I went to middle school with- so, do I really care that she is boarding a plane right now? Nope. But that is the trade off with technology. While it provides great tools to reconnect with family and friends across the globe, it comes with the unfortunate result that sometimes I gotta see status updates I could care less about.
As I am about to expect my second child, I have decided to be even more obnoxious than these other people. Do I care that "John Doe is eating breakfast on a Sunday morning"? Nope. So, now John Doe is going to see how far apart my contractions are too... maybe as I deliver the placenta, I will put that on my status update. How is that for gross? I mean, seriously- was technology really meant to have people read about my every move? I do not think so and it is an unintended by-product of an otherwise useful technological tool.
If you have friends in real-life, great- go out, have fun with them, maybe grab a coffee and lunch with them. A friend on facebook? Keep in touch, send messages (writing on the wall is getting too overused and abused), and use the tools you have to stay in touch with those you want to be "Friends" with. The rest.... defriend them- it is not too late to save yourself and your sanity. Got friend? Well, let's see, out of 151 of them, I would say... about 50 of them are my friends.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Where is Colorado again?
Today I had to call T-mobile customer care. I dread calling them but sometimes I just have to - for about a week or more now I have experienced difficulty with texts and checking my remote email on my phone. So I called the customer care lady. She was a customer service provider right here in America- I think out of Iowa. I know this because I had to ask after the conversation we had.
She asked me some troubleshooting questions and told me that T-zones was down and she would credit my account for the month. I was greatful but asked her about text messages and why they would not send. She said something about the entire network being down and that we could not send pages or picture messages either. She asked me where I was located. I told her Colorado. She responded, "yeah since the 19th we have had trouble because of the Inauguration and the east coast." I was thinking to myself - OKAY, whatever when she asked me the following question: "Colorado is on the east coast, right?" I was driving at the time but I remember precisely what I was doing at the exact moment she asked me that because I was so mortified by the question. I told her Colorado was in the west and borders New Mexico to the South, and Kansas to the east. I then had to ask her where she was mainly because I did not judge this woman in case she was working a call center in England, India or China or somewhere. Nope- good ole American gal.
This got me thinking- how is it that Americans do not know their own country? It is really appalling and confusing. I mean, you do not have to know the exact location of the State- after all, the U.S. is vast. But at least know that Colorado is NOT on the east "coast". My God! Granted, I do not know world geography very well, but I can name each state capital and give you locations of the States of my country. I then started wondering if I were talking with a call center operator in another country, would they know more about America than its own citizens? Needless to say, this was an eye opening call for me and I realized that future generations of Americans are geographically inept and clueless about the world around them and that we still had some work to do... til then, Where is Colorado again? I need to go home.
She asked me some troubleshooting questions and told me that T-zones was down and she would credit my account for the month. I was greatful but asked her about text messages and why they would not send. She said something about the entire network being down and that we could not send pages or picture messages either. She asked me where I was located. I told her Colorado. She responded, "yeah since the 19th we have had trouble because of the Inauguration and the east coast." I was thinking to myself - OKAY, whatever when she asked me the following question: "Colorado is on the east coast, right?" I was driving at the time but I remember precisely what I was doing at the exact moment she asked me that because I was so mortified by the question. I told her Colorado was in the west and borders New Mexico to the South, and Kansas to the east. I then had to ask her where she was mainly because I did not judge this woman in case she was working a call center in England, India or China or somewhere. Nope- good ole American gal.
This got me thinking- how is it that Americans do not know their own country? It is really appalling and confusing. I mean, you do not have to know the exact location of the State- after all, the U.S. is vast. But at least know that Colorado is NOT on the east "coast". My God! Granted, I do not know world geography very well, but I can name each state capital and give you locations of the States of my country. I then started wondering if I were talking with a call center operator in another country, would they know more about America than its own citizens? Needless to say, this was an eye opening call for me and I realized that future generations of Americans are geographically inept and clueless about the world around them and that we still had some work to do... til then, Where is Colorado again? I need to go home.
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