As I hit the crossroads in my life a few months back, I was sure I was making the right decision and it seems like I certainly was - afterall, we can only make decisions with the information we have at the time in our life when we have it.
Recently, as I started a new job, and a new marriage, in a new residence, I could not help but wonder whether I made the right decision. Can we make a mistake and miss our fate? I wonder this as I have embarked on a new journey which is not meeting my expectations but then again, I wonder if I have set very high expectations. I start to wonder what my life would be like if I had taken the other path - the other road. The more I wonder, the more I look back and compare, the more upset I get at the choice I made and this is probably not helping the situation get better. It creates a vicious cycle - one in which the other choices will always look better because they were not chosen.
Is it true that we can completely miss our fate by the choices we make or should we accept that our fate is the one that we have chosen and that we did not really choose it all but that it was chosen for us? I can't help but wonder ... should I stop wondering and live day to day and enjoy the moment I am in?
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friday, December 30, 2005
A concrete foundation
In a relationship, any relationship really - is it possible for people to start with a clean slate especially when there is so much said - so much hurt.
Everytime there is an argument, a fight, a discussion, or a mean word spoken, it erodes the very relationship we are in and insulting. That is the thing about relationships - some are built on a concrete foundation, some on wood, and others are built so weak that they can implode on their own.
In a relationship, like a house, depending on the foundation, can words and actions over time completely erode the home - a relationship based on wood, over time, the wood can rot and the entire house can cave in. Words, arguments, emotional and physical abuse can erode the entire house if our foundation is not solid.
So, how do you build a concrete foundation? The only way is for both people to work at it and take the time to seek the necessary help, the counseling, the assistance of good family support. All of these tools lead to building a solid concrete foundation in a relationship, in a marriage, so that it does not erode and get destroyed from the bottom up, or inside out. But it takes everything. But in the end, if you do it right, your "house" will stand.
Everytime there is an argument, a fight, a discussion, or a mean word spoken, it erodes the very relationship we are in and insulting. That is the thing about relationships - some are built on a concrete foundation, some on wood, and others are built so weak that they can implode on their own.
In a relationship, like a house, depending on the foundation, can words and actions over time completely erode the home - a relationship based on wood, over time, the wood can rot and the entire house can cave in. Words, arguments, emotional and physical abuse can erode the entire house if our foundation is not solid.
So, how do you build a concrete foundation? The only way is for both people to work at it and take the time to seek the necessary help, the counseling, the assistance of good family support. All of these tools lead to building a solid concrete foundation in a relationship, in a marriage, so that it does not erode and get destroyed from the bottom up, or inside out. But it takes everything. But in the end, if you do it right, your "house" will stand.
Monday, September 26, 2005
What Noise?
I write this blog as I experience the modern-day nightmare of apartment living: The condo converted from an apartment complex. During the 2000 - 2003 housing boom, many apartment complexes got the wise and ass-backwards idea to turn apartments into condos, sell them, make a quick profit to unsuspecting buyers who wanted to get into the housing "market", and then do nothing regarding the shoddy construction.
Well, I am here to say that those people should be locked up (preferrably in these condos they built and sold), and the key thrown away! At the least, angry owners everwhere should band together and file a class action lawsuit on them for fraudulent misconduct. When a person converts an apartment into a condo, there are certain ramifications: structure, facilities, and of course, thin walls and noise. When condos and townhomes were built in the 1970s and 1980s, other than wood frame windows which were horrible, most construction was sound and firewalls existed. Since the 1990s, builders and developers seem to have forgotten that people - humans-would live in these shacks they attempt to pass off as condos and townhouses. The walls are super thin to the point where post-coital banter aside, you can hear people in their most intimate moments, not to mention, all other bodily functions.
When the little girl upstairs from us runs from one end to the other, my planter shakes and the utencils in the drawers too! When the guy upstairs gets excited about a play the Broncos just made, not only can he and his friends hear it, but me too - a disinterested neighbor. The walls are so thin in these so-called "condos" that you can actually smell the salmon your neighbor is having for dinner and hey, left overs for lunch the next day- gee, thanks. I needed a whiff of that.
Noise does not bother some people but I think there is a certain level of peace that goes into a place that you call home. I do not have children, why should I hear yours running across the floor and their toys giggling every minute? I did not choose to cook salmon for dinner, why do I need to smell it? Some people claim it does not bother them - what noise? what smell? To these people I say... "it does not take a village ... I hate the village. The village sucks. The village is highly overrated..." Leave me in peace in a home where I share no walls or yard space. Leave me in peace, away from the village, the noise, and the smells. I prefer to create my own ... for me and no one else.
Building developers, land developers, contruction companies and you companies out there to make a quick buck off of unsuspecting people who just want to play the "housing market," SHAME ON YOU! Come live where I do - live a day in my walls and then try selling another horribly constructed condo again!
Well, I am here to say that those people should be locked up (preferrably in these condos they built and sold), and the key thrown away! At the least, angry owners everwhere should band together and file a class action lawsuit on them for fraudulent misconduct. When a person converts an apartment into a condo, there are certain ramifications: structure, facilities, and of course, thin walls and noise. When condos and townhomes were built in the 1970s and 1980s, other than wood frame windows which were horrible, most construction was sound and firewalls existed. Since the 1990s, builders and developers seem to have forgotten that people - humans-would live in these shacks they attempt to pass off as condos and townhouses. The walls are super thin to the point where post-coital banter aside, you can hear people in their most intimate moments, not to mention, all other bodily functions.
When the little girl upstairs from us runs from one end to the other, my planter shakes and the utencils in the drawers too! When the guy upstairs gets excited about a play the Broncos just made, not only can he and his friends hear it, but me too - a disinterested neighbor. The walls are so thin in these so-called "condos" that you can actually smell the salmon your neighbor is having for dinner and hey, left overs for lunch the next day- gee, thanks. I needed a whiff of that.
Noise does not bother some people but I think there is a certain level of peace that goes into a place that you call home. I do not have children, why should I hear yours running across the floor and their toys giggling every minute? I did not choose to cook salmon for dinner, why do I need to smell it? Some people claim it does not bother them - what noise? what smell? To these people I say... "it does not take a village ... I hate the village. The village sucks. The village is highly overrated..." Leave me in peace in a home where I share no walls or yard space. Leave me in peace, away from the village, the noise, and the smells. I prefer to create my own ... for me and no one else.
Building developers, land developers, contruction companies and you companies out there to make a quick buck off of unsuspecting people who just want to play the "housing market," SHAME ON YOU! Come live where I do - live a day in my walls and then try selling another horribly constructed condo again!
20 something girls - friend or foe?
I really enjoy and love my show, Sex and the City. I call it "my show" because most women in their 30s who were single or got married after 30 will tell you - that show is my life. I can relate to just about every episode in every season. Well, there is an episode about 20-something versus 30-something girls in the second season. I had an epiphany as we were hiking this past weekend with a 20-something couple. I realized that while 30-something girlfriends of mine stick by me no matter what, and support me even if they disagree with my viewpoint, 20-somethings are quite another story. My experience was this and of course, these are my opinions, based on my experience. Yours may be different or you may be 20-something and disagree but remember I am not generalizing for 20-somethings everywhere. My experience is that the difference between 20-somethings and 30-somethings is sticking to your guns. 20-somethings would sell out their first-born if it meant they win the favor of a boy they liked. They would change their taste in music, their favorite shows, and worse, their core beliefs. They don't seem as loyal to their girlfriends as 30-somethings. Of course, 30-somethings are demanding, have high expectations of their partner, and put their foot down as often as they put their foot in their mouth but it has been my experience that 20-somethings (esp. before the age of 28) think that they need a man to feel good about themselves whereas a 30-something is secure enough to spend a Saturday night with a bowl of popcorn on her couch, watching TV.
A 20-something not only insulted my alma mater, but also my taste in shows this past weekend - she said Sex and the City defined a generation of women who slept around and then settled for any man to just get married. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was so hot to trot for a man that they have a co-dependent relationship. I did not have the heart to tell her that while Sex and the City is my favorite show, I did not have sex until I was 27. Needless to say, my 20-something foe was only 24 and talking marriage with a guy she had only known and dated for six months. A guy who she spent every waking and free moment with and a guy with whom she had planned her life with without so much as a promise to marry.
I started thinking as we were hiking - I had just come face to face with the 20-something foe who, while fun loving, and in all respects, a nice "friend" to have, was quite annoying to this 30-something. I have rarely had girlfriends who are disparately younger to me. The 7-year difference this past weekend was quite a big gap for me. My younger brother is older than this girl! The youngest friends I think I have had are only a year or two younger and then, I tend to have more older girlfriends. I think that is because with age and with experience, comes a certain level of maturity, a certain level of security, and a certain level of understanding.
It was a true defining moment as I was hiking and realized I was annoyed by the 20-something. I started thinking, are 20-somethings annoying like my favorite show said they are? Are they clingy and needy for attention? Do they think they are better than the 30-somethings? Well, this is just one experience so I will keep my eyes open and continue to keep an open mind to meet more ... and then compare to this one encounter. It certainly does not make a 20-something girl a foe but then again, is this promising for a friendship?
A 20-something not only insulted my alma mater, but also my taste in shows this past weekend - she said Sex and the City defined a generation of women who slept around and then settled for any man to just get married. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was so hot to trot for a man that they have a co-dependent relationship. I did not have the heart to tell her that while Sex and the City is my favorite show, I did not have sex until I was 27. Needless to say, my 20-something foe was only 24 and talking marriage with a guy she had only known and dated for six months. A guy who she spent every waking and free moment with and a guy with whom she had planned her life with without so much as a promise to marry.
I started thinking as we were hiking - I had just come face to face with the 20-something foe who, while fun loving, and in all respects, a nice "friend" to have, was quite annoying to this 30-something. I have rarely had girlfriends who are disparately younger to me. The 7-year difference this past weekend was quite a big gap for me. My younger brother is older than this girl! The youngest friends I think I have had are only a year or two younger and then, I tend to have more older girlfriends. I think that is because with age and with experience, comes a certain level of maturity, a certain level of security, and a certain level of understanding.
It was a true defining moment as I was hiking and realized I was annoyed by the 20-something. I started thinking, are 20-somethings annoying like my favorite show said they are? Are they clingy and needy for attention? Do they think they are better than the 30-somethings? Well, this is just one experience so I will keep my eyes open and continue to keep an open mind to meet more ... and then compare to this one encounter. It certainly does not make a 20-something girl a foe but then again, is this promising for a friendship?
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Dark clouds no more
After three years, I am finally breaking through the curse, the dark cloud that has hung over me. I state this with sincerity as I am now a believer in the addage that sometimes, things are out of your control. You have to stand still and let destiny take its course. I always believed, over the past three years that somehow I was responsible for my happiness. Despite hitting or running up against a brick wall daily at an office where there was no joy, when I dealt with a boss who was truly insecure and unhappy, and coworkers who truly did not care about the team, I still brushed all that off, and went charging towards the goal and finding personal satisfaction and reward in all I did.
Now, for almost two weeks, I have experienced joy in my work, and felt needed at a workplace where I am valued as an individual and a team member. A series of great things have happened and each day, I gaze out of the window at the breathtaking view, I do my job with pride, and I enjoy what was once blocked by the brick wall I had no control over.
I still believe you can make the best out of any situation but I think that some situations are out of our control and we have to have faith, hope and determination to get that dark cloud that we have no control over out of our lives.
Now, for almost two weeks, I have experienced joy in my work, and felt needed at a workplace where I am valued as an individual and a team member. A series of great things have happened and each day, I gaze out of the window at the breathtaking view, I do my job with pride, and I enjoy what was once blocked by the brick wall I had no control over.
I still believe you can make the best out of any situation but I think that some situations are out of our control and we have to have faith, hope and determination to get that dark cloud that we have no control over out of our lives.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Sense and Sensitivities
I recently got married - after 32 years of being single and answering to only myself, I now have to worry about another human being. If that isn't frightening, I realized tonight that I really do not know the person I married. Now, I am not saying I do not KNOW him, of course, I know him. I love this man, otherwise I would not have married him but there are things about him that I am still learning. Of course, this is no mystery to you married couples out there - some thirty-four years later, my parents are still learning things about each other. While some things are neat to learn, other things are best left alone.
Today, I learned that my husband (sounds strange enough saying that) is very sensitive. So I started writing this blog after he left. That's right, we do not live together yet so he CAN leave ... for now that is. I started wondering, after this conversation, what the fine line was between "sense" and "sensitivities". Jane Austen is one of my favorite fiction writers and her books got me through the troubled teens but in life, in the non-fiction world, how can a person differentiate between being sensible and sensitive? At what point does a person in a marriage or in any other relationship put aside emotions and sensitivities and err on the side of sensibilities? Or, once the sensitivity is communicated, should the person just move on?
And so... the marriage begins...
Today, I learned that my husband (sounds strange enough saying that) is very sensitive. So I started writing this blog after he left. That's right, we do not live together yet so he CAN leave ... for now that is. I started wondering, after this conversation, what the fine line was between "sense" and "sensitivities". Jane Austen is one of my favorite fiction writers and her books got me through the troubled teens but in life, in the non-fiction world, how can a person differentiate between being sensible and sensitive? At what point does a person in a marriage or in any other relationship put aside emotions and sensitivities and err on the side of sensibilities? Or, once the sensitivity is communicated, should the person just move on?
And so... the marriage begins...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)