This weekend we ran into the age old debate - how far in advance do you begin packing for a HUGE trip? My husband prefers to take it easy and pack at the last minute or just not be rushed. I know where he gets that from so I assume it is learned behavior mainly because I know where I get my tendencies and they all have family roots. For a huge, greater than 10-day international vacation, I firmly believe you have to be start packing or at least start throwing stuff into a central area two weeks before the trip date. Then, 4-5 days prior to the trip, all items should be roughly packed in and of course, you weigh the bags to make sure you are within your allowance. That is my idea of packin' it up. Then, in the final days, I can relax and just worry about last-minute items and things that have to wait 'til the last minute.
Anyway, I write this because when I talked with a girlfriend of mine about the debate between my husband and I, she pointed out an important difference between most men and most women. Women tend to plan ahead of time (generally), plan the entire trip, get books from the lirarby to plan the trip, pack her bags and the kids' and then have time left over to miraculously pay all the bills, put the mail on hold, the newspaper on vacation hold, book the transportation to and from the airport and talk to neighbors about watering the plants and what to do in case of emergency. She even has time to talk with her co-workers about watering her plants at work. Meanwhile, the man strolls in about 20 minutes before departure for the airport, throws some stuff into the bag designated for him and asks if there is anything else he can do. I am not angry - I am just amazed repeatedly at women in all we do including packin' it up :-)
Don't get my wrong, my husband is a great big help in everything in life but when I am stressed, I tend to be vocal and talk about everything including ... "what happens if an ant jumps onto the plane and crawls over to and bites our daughter... what type of antiseptics should we pack in our carryon? Wait... does that go into the carry-on? Will the TSA allow it? Will it smell on the plane?" See what I mean... this is how I talk when I am stressed out - I need to talk and just be heard and told, "it'll be okay." What does the guy hear? "I am an emotional crazy woman and I need you to fix the situation now!" So he tries to fix it by "helping" - the woman perceives this is not helping at all but rather hindering the "operation" so another battle of the sexes emerges. Anyway, I write this blog only to make the point that women and men are truly different ... even when it comes down to packing and planning for a family vacation. We are not emotional or freaks when we are planning a trip for you and the family.... we are resourceful, thoughtful, and above all, organized! So, ladies, pack your bags, expect to pack your kids' bags too, take a deep breath, and when you need to vent, call your girlfriends- they will understand and listen to you without judging or freaking out themselves. Pack it up and have a safe trip!
Sunday, January 06, 2008
A Different World
Before we had our daughter, I never would have thought my life would change so much. When I was pregnant, I thought my life would change a little but never imagined this. I thought the baby would sleep a lot and that things would remain, well, about the same. Among my friends, I am the first to have a child so I had no idea what I was in for. Life completely revolves around my daughter’s schedule and I use the term “schedule” loosely because the concept is a foreign one to her and any attempt to put her on one has failed miserably, repeatedly. She wakes up in the middle of the night and she is hungry, so boom, she gets to nurse. I was used to sleeping 9-12 hours at night…. Yeah, those days are O-V-E-R. Sometimes she is too hot, has soiled her diaper, or just needs to be held. Our working day routine is about the same - she has to be changed before she goes to her home care provider. Then, her bag needs to be packed, only to be followed by another changing because she may have an accident. On weekends, we all wake up when she is up because if baby ain’t sleeping, no one is sleeping :_) the same routine follows --- feedings, changing, naps, bath time… did I mention feedings?
All in all though, it has been a wonderful change in my life. I love spending time with her, holding her, nursing her, and playing with her. She is growing up pretty fast too. As I scrapbook her birth and the days when we first brought her home to the pictures we took at her 3-month birthday, I realize just how much she has changed. She is starting to mimic us more and is learning from the world around her. After spending four days with her dad while I worked, she began to imitate him by sticking her tongue out at him and me. Of course, I was not pleased with this recent developmental milestone but could not help but laugh as I scolded her not to stick her tongue out. My husband thinks she completely understands everything that is going on. I have to say, as I look into those playful eyes of her and see that sly smile on her face, I would have to agree.
It has been an amazing journey thus far – motherhood and parenting. I look at the entire world differently. The guy next door is not just the guy next door. He could be a threat to my child. The home care provider is not just a temporary care provider, they could have skeletons in their closet – what don’t I know about them? I look at everything and everyone with suspicion but I also look at the beauty in life … the miracle of life. I look at the parent who has the special needs child or child with disabilities in a different light. I pray for them and pray that God continues to work miracles for others as he has for me. Despite the lack of sleep and the sheer exhaustion, I count my blessings daily, even hourly. I look at my husband differently and have sweet dreams about our family. I look at him in even more awe than I did before we had her because I am amazed at how much he loves her and takes care of her. Did I already mention, I count my blessings?
Yes, we are embarking on a new journey and every day is a new adventure with our new life. Here’s praying it contunues to be a beautiful one ….
All in all though, it has been a wonderful change in my life. I love spending time with her, holding her, nursing her, and playing with her. She is growing up pretty fast too. As I scrapbook her birth and the days when we first brought her home to the pictures we took at her 3-month birthday, I realize just how much she has changed. She is starting to mimic us more and is learning from the world around her. After spending four days with her dad while I worked, she began to imitate him by sticking her tongue out at him and me. Of course, I was not pleased with this recent developmental milestone but could not help but laugh as I scolded her not to stick her tongue out. My husband thinks she completely understands everything that is going on. I have to say, as I look into those playful eyes of her and see that sly smile on her face, I would have to agree.
It has been an amazing journey thus far – motherhood and parenting. I look at the entire world differently. The guy next door is not just the guy next door. He could be a threat to my child. The home care provider is not just a temporary care provider, they could have skeletons in their closet – what don’t I know about them? I look at everything and everyone with suspicion but I also look at the beauty in life … the miracle of life. I look at the parent who has the special needs child or child with disabilities in a different light. I pray for them and pray that God continues to work miracles for others as he has for me. Despite the lack of sleep and the sheer exhaustion, I count my blessings daily, even hourly. I look at my husband differently and have sweet dreams about our family. I look at him in even more awe than I did before we had her because I am amazed at how much he loves her and takes care of her. Did I already mention, I count my blessings?
Yes, we are embarking on a new journey and every day is a new adventure with our new life. Here’s praying it contunues to be a beautiful one ….
Sunday, November 18, 2007
New Frontiers
I write this blog about a new experience in my life: Motherhood. Being a mom is more than just dirty diapers, shopping for the kid, and staying up at all hours of the night especially when the baby is sick. It is more than balancing life, work, marriage, and the child. It is something spiritual. I never believed it six months ago when I was exhausted in the labor and delivery room and they brought this tiny (very tiny) girl to me. I did not even believe it a few days later but after 2 weeks, I was hooked! I was hooked beyond belief and to this day, it amazes me that I can truly love someone unconditionally this much in life. You can't appreciate motherhood or being a mom until you are one and truly, that is when you realize the sacrifices your own mom or parents made for you. It is an amazing feeling at 4am when I am nursing her, to look down at her and see her sleeping there, wow! I did this! I am part of this creation!
I cannot write enough about motherhood - I could go on for pages and pages about how I feel but anyone who is a mom out there knows what I am talking about. Daily, I feel a conflict - when I go to work and leave her behind or contemplate leaving her at day care. You can hear all the advice about letting her cry it out, or leaving her with a day care center, and not hear a word because this is your child, your creation, and you have to do what is right for you and her.
All I can say is that these new frontiers are wonderful! Sure, I am exhausted all the time, and I do not have time for sleep, bathing, or even writing this blog, but one smile, one laugh, one grin, and it does not even matter. It is all about her! Your world becomes the child. What an amazing new adventure we are experiencing - one I would not trade for anything or all the riches in the world.
I cannot write enough about motherhood - I could go on for pages and pages about how I feel but anyone who is a mom out there knows what I am talking about. Daily, I feel a conflict - when I go to work and leave her behind or contemplate leaving her at day care. You can hear all the advice about letting her cry it out, or leaving her with a day care center, and not hear a word because this is your child, your creation, and you have to do what is right for you and her.
All I can say is that these new frontiers are wonderful! Sure, I am exhausted all the time, and I do not have time for sleep, bathing, or even writing this blog, but one smile, one laugh, one grin, and it does not even matter. It is all about her! Your world becomes the child. What an amazing new adventure we are experiencing - one I would not trade for anything or all the riches in the world.
Coming back to Blog
Wow! I write this after taking over a year break from this blog. I am amazed as I go back and re-read my entries from 2005 to now, how much my life and my perspective on life has changed. I am now a mom to a beautiful baby girl who was born to us in May of 2007. I am still married to the same guy and despite growing pains in our initial months of marriage, we somehow managed to see the good and keep it together enough to decide to bring a child into the world. It is amazing to see life through the eyes I have now - a wife, a mother, and someone who counts her blessings daily.
As I look back and read my old entries, I am amazed and in awe of all that has happened to me. I remember writing an entry on crossroads when I was wondering whether to leave the Air Force. I was wondering whether I made the right choice - starting a new job in Colorado and a new marriage and leaving behind the unsettled life of the Air Force. I also have a new job now which I joined in 2005 which has turned out great and I work now with people who respect me and truly value me and my work. So, as I come back to Blog, can I say anything now in reflection of those times?
Of course, in retrospect I can say that I made the right choices and as a result, have a beautiful child who is the joy of our lives. My marriage is on the right track and hopefully, growing a little more in love daily. My job is wonderful and the people truly need me there. Of course, in retrospect I can say all of this because now, over 18 months after the last post, I can say things turned out quite well. But, that can change in a few minutes so I will not sit here and say life is perfect. Life is anything but perfect but it is our attitudes, our feelings, and the words we use with others that make our life what it is... it can either be bitter, negative, and hopeless or it can be .... PERFECT in our eyes.
Recently, my sister-in-law started to blog and it reminded me of how much fun I used to have writing stories and sharing "life" on this blog. I have so many blogs I saved and did not publish - it was nice to have an online journal tracking the happenings in my life and think about issues, politics, work, and my relationships. I also noticed a couple of blogs I used to follow have started to add entries - So, to all you bloggers out there- thanks for inspiring me to start again on this. It is good to be back and back when my life has changed so much for the better. Stay tuned...
As I look back and read my old entries, I am amazed and in awe of all that has happened to me. I remember writing an entry on crossroads when I was wondering whether to leave the Air Force. I was wondering whether I made the right choice - starting a new job in Colorado and a new marriage and leaving behind the unsettled life of the Air Force. I also have a new job now which I joined in 2005 which has turned out great and I work now with people who respect me and truly value me and my work. So, as I come back to Blog, can I say anything now in reflection of those times?
Of course, in retrospect I can say that I made the right choices and as a result, have a beautiful child who is the joy of our lives. My marriage is on the right track and hopefully, growing a little more in love daily. My job is wonderful and the people truly need me there. Of course, in retrospect I can say all of this because now, over 18 months after the last post, I can say things turned out quite well. But, that can change in a few minutes so I will not sit here and say life is perfect. Life is anything but perfect but it is our attitudes, our feelings, and the words we use with others that make our life what it is... it can either be bitter, negative, and hopeless or it can be .... PERFECT in our eyes.
Recently, my sister-in-law started to blog and it reminded me of how much fun I used to have writing stories and sharing "life" on this blog. I have so many blogs I saved and did not publish - it was nice to have an online journal tracking the happenings in my life and think about issues, politics, work, and my relationships. I also noticed a couple of blogs I used to follow have started to add entries - So, to all you bloggers out there- thanks for inspiring me to start again on this. It is good to be back and back when my life has changed so much for the better. Stay tuned...
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
American Dream?
We are recently going through a phenomena that most Americans go through at some point in their lives – and I am not talking about purchasing a car, a town home or condo. I am talking about the American dream: owning your own home – detached, single family, suburbia, grass, fenced yard HOME. Lately, because of the experiences I have had trying to buy the “perfect” home, I no longer think it is an American dream but rather, an American nightmare.
We got started last year, looking for a home. The whole process stressed us out. It starts with a realtor – the middle man or woman. And so… it begins! If you are a Type A American, organized, go-getter, it will amaze you to know how much power a realtor making 3-6% can hold over your future. What stands between you and the American dream? Why, of course, an annoying middle man or woman who really does not know you or what you want. You are an optimist so you press forward and convey repeatedly to your realtor what you are looking for: A home with, let’s say, a roof on it; less than 20 years old, central air is a prerequisite you tell them; anything less than a 2-car garage is a deal breaker; and yes, is it too much to ask that you stay within our price range? Apparently, it is. When they show you the house that is $20, $30, even $40 K above your means, you think… “does he/she not listen to me? Did she not hear me when I said, “$220K tops?!” Then, one weekend for 4-5 hours, she takes you aimlessly around a neighborhood which is over 100 years old and does not fit your criteria at all. No A/C? What? Not even a ceiling fan! Then you begin to wonder if you are speaking the same language. Eventually, you realize the motivation of this otherwise really nice, sweet, sugar-coated person: commission. Oh did I mention that my realtor once said the following words to me regarding my price range: “you get what you pay for honey!” Yikers… can we say, “NEXT!”
So …. You have the realtor who is allegedly on your team, representing you, wishing on most days that you could eliminate the middle man, get access to their databases and just go it alone. But alas, your middle man and you head off to see house after house. If you are as picky as I am and I am certain ¾ of you reading this are, your hopes and dreams slowly begin to dwindle and like we often we do with men in our life, we start balancing the things we want with the things we need- the deal breakers. After the age of 35, even a smoking man with no teeth starts to seem nice because he asked you to dance. Well, like a relationship, a house becomes a compromise, something to settle on. You hear yourself saying the following, “Well, House A does not have a yard, is $100,000 more than our maximum limit, but it does have A/C, indoor plumbing, and there is no meth labs within 20 miles so, it does rank better than House B which doesn’t even have a front door. Okay, so I exaggerate but I think you get my point. You are left wondering, “Hmmmm….” I am contemplating buying House A or House B since my realtor showed me C thru K which were 98% unacceptable. You are doing the obvious: settling – like the foundation does in most houses, especially in Colorado. When you are left wondering if House C is better because the foundation only sunk ½ inch in 21 years versus House D which sunk an entire inch, that is when you know you are in trouble. American dream? Ah, but the fun continues ….
You reach the point of return in house hunting, where you looked at say, 30-40+ homes and you are ready to put an offer in somewhere, anywhere. Please, if I have to drive along aimlessly for hours with this realtor one more time, I am going to die! So, you settle or worse, you get guilted by your realtor. You pick House A and put in an offer only to feel remorse the next day when your offer is accepted. Then, you start freaking out. What if there is something better out there? What if House C was the one? What if House D could give you more and has stopped settling? Were the owners in House B really meth addicts? Maybe they were just high on life. Your remorse turns into sheer fear as you approach setting the date of the inspection. You set the date unwillingly because of course, your earnest money is tied up in this whole pathetic situation. You feel trapped and confused and yet you start planning where your furniture will go just in case everything is right. You start dreaming about the home which quickly turn into nightmares. Your day’s fears and thoughts turn into the material of nightmares. You wake up in a cold sweat, wondering if you did the right thing only to convince yourself all over again that it is the right thing. My sofa can fit in the living room! The day of inspection is now here….
… And nothing is right – you realize you want to gut the whole inside of the house and perhaps the exterior (heck, start over will ya?). So, you start adding the numbers to do the job and you are well over $20K to get the place fixed up to just meet your needs. Then you realize you already invited most of your friends to house warming a few months from now so you have to get all of it ready by then – heaven forbid your friends see you living in a less than perfect home. Panic sets in which quickly turns into fear. You ask your parents to borrow money, worse yet, you ask your in-laws. You start to figure out ways to cut costs: no more eating out, is it a restaurant or a fast food joint? Either way, we cannot afford it. Can we afford groceries, internet, cable, and why is your husband engaging in so many hobbies anyway? Why can’t he sit at home and read? Better yet, why can’t you sell this diamond ring from the wedding – after all, that was last year’s news. And look where that got me – settled, confused, and no where to live. Then you think – no, if I can work at Starbucks as my third job, perhaps I can make $50 extra a month and over time, with benefits, perhaps I can pay for a curtain or two and my coffee would at least be free! Yes! That is what I will do. Maybe I can build a wood deck with the money I earn after 5 years. Maybe I should just burn the house down before I buy it and then we will have to start over with insurance money. Hmmm… a plot of land sure sounds nice right now. Ahhhh… these fantasies bring minimal temporary comfort to your otherwise crazy world when all of a sudden, you realize, hey, why don’t I just back out of this? What is wrong with this picture? Sure, I paid out $375 or more to just finalize this but I cannot spend more. Sure, this is the fourth home I put an offer in on and I have gone through hell and over $1000 of expenses and another $400 of lost time/wages but …. I will back out of this as well. So help me god, it is not perfect and my husband, bless him, he has great qualities but “handyman” is not one of them. Another thought creeps in: Buy the house, dump the husband and marry some guy from Home Depot just to get free labor and ideas. “An Affair to remember” for sure! Then, you are jolted back to life with the reality and budget of what it will take to get this home back to speed. The people who lived there before you had 9 cats, 9 kids, and a room that reeks of pot and sex. You begin to realize you need new carpet, lots of disinfectant, and the air ducts have not been cleaned for decades. The fireplace is shot, the roof leaks, the house has moved over 3 inches in the last 20 years and nothing has been done. You find solace is the beautiful yard – perhaps you could just sit outside and forget your worries but alas, there is a cottonwood in the backyard and you puff up, sneeze 8 times in a row, and your allergies and hay fever forces you back in.
But, the inspection is over, and now you can ask the buyers to pay the piper – make the repairs or give me a credit at closing. You find solace in the hope that perhaps they will accept some portion of your offer so you can move and not lose your entire life savings on the money pit of a home you put an offer on. You talk with your realtor, whose goal is to convince you that you are a loser. “What is wrong with you, I am confused? I thought this was the house! I am confused why you are asking for so much – sure, there are big ticket items but the house is priced perfectly in a great neighborhood. You’re rolling in it and I need my $6750, so come on waffler make a decision.” My response – “then you buy the house, bitch! And while you are at it – why don’t you use that 3.5% commission you are making off of me to be the middleman towards helping me for the repairs.”
Worst yet, the inspection response from the seller comes in – we will not do anything and you are buying the house “as is.” Oh and by the way, "our feelings are hurt, we are taking this personally!" Your greatest fear realized. The song, “Should I stay or should I go” flashes in your head. You start to imagine a life living in a 1-BR condo below noisy people for the rest of your life and you start to just settle on this home. The cottonwood and pet dander does not look so bad anymore but provides some comfort. The settling, the waffling, the remorse, the regret, the guilt laid on thick by your realtor, the nightmare…. Is just beginning.
Ahhh… the joys of buying a home, living the American dream, of a tax deduction, of calling it your own. Even after the home is yours, you have nothing but years of work ahead of you – the hot water heater, the furnace, the roof, the plumbing, the electrical work, the air ducts, the fireplace, the A/C, the backyard, the windows, the leaking skylights, the front yard, the backyard, the expansive soil, and of course, your sinking home ….. until sweet death when your heirs can take it all over what you once called your, “American Dream!”
We got started last year, looking for a home. The whole process stressed us out. It starts with a realtor – the middle man or woman. And so… it begins! If you are a Type A American, organized, go-getter, it will amaze you to know how much power a realtor making 3-6% can hold over your future. What stands between you and the American dream? Why, of course, an annoying middle man or woman who really does not know you or what you want. You are an optimist so you press forward and convey repeatedly to your realtor what you are looking for: A home with, let’s say, a roof on it; less than 20 years old, central air is a prerequisite you tell them; anything less than a 2-car garage is a deal breaker; and yes, is it too much to ask that you stay within our price range? Apparently, it is. When they show you the house that is $20, $30, even $40 K above your means, you think… “does he/she not listen to me? Did she not hear me when I said, “$220K tops?!” Then, one weekend for 4-5 hours, she takes you aimlessly around a neighborhood which is over 100 years old and does not fit your criteria at all. No A/C? What? Not even a ceiling fan! Then you begin to wonder if you are speaking the same language. Eventually, you realize the motivation of this otherwise really nice, sweet, sugar-coated person: commission. Oh did I mention that my realtor once said the following words to me regarding my price range: “you get what you pay for honey!” Yikers… can we say, “NEXT!”
So …. You have the realtor who is allegedly on your team, representing you, wishing on most days that you could eliminate the middle man, get access to their databases and just go it alone. But alas, your middle man and you head off to see house after house. If you are as picky as I am and I am certain ¾ of you reading this are, your hopes and dreams slowly begin to dwindle and like we often we do with men in our life, we start balancing the things we want with the things we need- the deal breakers. After the age of 35, even a smoking man with no teeth starts to seem nice because he asked you to dance. Well, like a relationship, a house becomes a compromise, something to settle on. You hear yourself saying the following, “Well, House A does not have a yard, is $100,000 more than our maximum limit, but it does have A/C, indoor plumbing, and there is no meth labs within 20 miles so, it does rank better than House B which doesn’t even have a front door. Okay, so I exaggerate but I think you get my point. You are left wondering, “Hmmmm….” I am contemplating buying House A or House B since my realtor showed me C thru K which were 98% unacceptable. You are doing the obvious: settling – like the foundation does in most houses, especially in Colorado. When you are left wondering if House C is better because the foundation only sunk ½ inch in 21 years versus House D which sunk an entire inch, that is when you know you are in trouble. American dream? Ah, but the fun continues ….
You reach the point of return in house hunting, where you looked at say, 30-40+ homes and you are ready to put an offer in somewhere, anywhere. Please, if I have to drive along aimlessly for hours with this realtor one more time, I am going to die! So, you settle or worse, you get guilted by your realtor. You pick House A and put in an offer only to feel remorse the next day when your offer is accepted. Then, you start freaking out. What if there is something better out there? What if House C was the one? What if House D could give you more and has stopped settling? Were the owners in House B really meth addicts? Maybe they were just high on life. Your remorse turns into sheer fear as you approach setting the date of the inspection. You set the date unwillingly because of course, your earnest money is tied up in this whole pathetic situation. You feel trapped and confused and yet you start planning where your furniture will go just in case everything is right. You start dreaming about the home which quickly turn into nightmares. Your day’s fears and thoughts turn into the material of nightmares. You wake up in a cold sweat, wondering if you did the right thing only to convince yourself all over again that it is the right thing. My sofa can fit in the living room! The day of inspection is now here….
… And nothing is right – you realize you want to gut the whole inside of the house and perhaps the exterior (heck, start over will ya?). So, you start adding the numbers to do the job and you are well over $20K to get the place fixed up to just meet your needs. Then you realize you already invited most of your friends to house warming a few months from now so you have to get all of it ready by then – heaven forbid your friends see you living in a less than perfect home. Panic sets in which quickly turns into fear. You ask your parents to borrow money, worse yet, you ask your in-laws. You start to figure out ways to cut costs: no more eating out, is it a restaurant or a fast food joint? Either way, we cannot afford it. Can we afford groceries, internet, cable, and why is your husband engaging in so many hobbies anyway? Why can’t he sit at home and read? Better yet, why can’t you sell this diamond ring from the wedding – after all, that was last year’s news. And look where that got me – settled, confused, and no where to live. Then you think – no, if I can work at Starbucks as my third job, perhaps I can make $50 extra a month and over time, with benefits, perhaps I can pay for a curtain or two and my coffee would at least be free! Yes! That is what I will do. Maybe I can build a wood deck with the money I earn after 5 years. Maybe I should just burn the house down before I buy it and then we will have to start over with insurance money. Hmmm… a plot of land sure sounds nice right now. Ahhhh… these fantasies bring minimal temporary comfort to your otherwise crazy world when all of a sudden, you realize, hey, why don’t I just back out of this? What is wrong with this picture? Sure, I paid out $375 or more to just finalize this but I cannot spend more. Sure, this is the fourth home I put an offer in on and I have gone through hell and over $1000 of expenses and another $400 of lost time/wages but …. I will back out of this as well. So help me god, it is not perfect and my husband, bless him, he has great qualities but “handyman” is not one of them. Another thought creeps in: Buy the house, dump the husband and marry some guy from Home Depot just to get free labor and ideas. “An Affair to remember” for sure! Then, you are jolted back to life with the reality and budget of what it will take to get this home back to speed. The people who lived there before you had 9 cats, 9 kids, and a room that reeks of pot and sex. You begin to realize you need new carpet, lots of disinfectant, and the air ducts have not been cleaned for decades. The fireplace is shot, the roof leaks, the house has moved over 3 inches in the last 20 years and nothing has been done. You find solace is the beautiful yard – perhaps you could just sit outside and forget your worries but alas, there is a cottonwood in the backyard and you puff up, sneeze 8 times in a row, and your allergies and hay fever forces you back in.
But, the inspection is over, and now you can ask the buyers to pay the piper – make the repairs or give me a credit at closing. You find solace in the hope that perhaps they will accept some portion of your offer so you can move and not lose your entire life savings on the money pit of a home you put an offer on. You talk with your realtor, whose goal is to convince you that you are a loser. “What is wrong with you, I am confused? I thought this was the house! I am confused why you are asking for so much – sure, there are big ticket items but the house is priced perfectly in a great neighborhood. You’re rolling in it and I need my $6750, so come on waffler make a decision.” My response – “then you buy the house, bitch! And while you are at it – why don’t you use that 3.5% commission you are making off of me to be the middleman towards helping me for the repairs.”
Worst yet, the inspection response from the seller comes in – we will not do anything and you are buying the house “as is.” Oh and by the way, "our feelings are hurt, we are taking this personally!" Your greatest fear realized. The song, “Should I stay or should I go” flashes in your head. You start to imagine a life living in a 1-BR condo below noisy people for the rest of your life and you start to just settle on this home. The cottonwood and pet dander does not look so bad anymore but provides some comfort. The settling, the waffling, the remorse, the regret, the guilt laid on thick by your realtor, the nightmare…. Is just beginning.
Ahhh… the joys of buying a home, living the American dream, of a tax deduction, of calling it your own. Even after the home is yours, you have nothing but years of work ahead of you – the hot water heater, the furnace, the roof, the plumbing, the electrical work, the air ducts, the fireplace, the A/C, the backyard, the windows, the leaking skylights, the front yard, the backyard, the expansive soil, and of course, your sinking home ….. until sweet death when your heirs can take it all over what you once called your, “American Dream!”
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Mistake or Fate?
As I hit the crossroads in my life a few months back, I was sure I was making the right decision and it seems like I certainly was - afterall, we can only make decisions with the information we have at the time in our life when we have it.
Recently, as I started a new job, and a new marriage, in a new residence, I could not help but wonder whether I made the right decision. Can we make a mistake and miss our fate? I wonder this as I have embarked on a new journey which is not meeting my expectations but then again, I wonder if I have set very high expectations. I start to wonder what my life would be like if I had taken the other path - the other road. The more I wonder, the more I look back and compare, the more upset I get at the choice I made and this is probably not helping the situation get better. It creates a vicious cycle - one in which the other choices will always look better because they were not chosen.
Is it true that we can completely miss our fate by the choices we make or should we accept that our fate is the one that we have chosen and that we did not really choose it all but that it was chosen for us? I can't help but wonder ... should I stop wondering and live day to day and enjoy the moment I am in?
Recently, as I started a new job, and a new marriage, in a new residence, I could not help but wonder whether I made the right decision. Can we make a mistake and miss our fate? I wonder this as I have embarked on a new journey which is not meeting my expectations but then again, I wonder if I have set very high expectations. I start to wonder what my life would be like if I had taken the other path - the other road. The more I wonder, the more I look back and compare, the more upset I get at the choice I made and this is probably not helping the situation get better. It creates a vicious cycle - one in which the other choices will always look better because they were not chosen.
Is it true that we can completely miss our fate by the choices we make or should we accept that our fate is the one that we have chosen and that we did not really choose it all but that it was chosen for us? I can't help but wonder ... should I stop wondering and live day to day and enjoy the moment I am in?
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