I took my first solo trip with my daughter - we travelled from Colorado to Virginia, so of course we had to change planes so there is a higher risk of losing bags, bags not arriving on time, missing the connecting flight, running from terminal A to terminal E, and so on. Never did I think they would cancel my 39-minute from Charlotte to Norfolk. I mean, "come on!" So, the plane was 1-hr delayed getting into Charlotte so that should have been my first sign of trouble. It was - but what was I gonna do really at that point? I never expected to be sitting there in the Charlotte airport, Terminal E, sitting in a white rocking chair, nursing my daughter, and what do I do? I saw my bags being removed from the plane along with the 24 other bags on there- Fatigued, I saw the bags and thought, "hey, those look my bags... hmmm." Then, it hit me. CRAP- I think this flight is going to be cancelled. Eventually, I did get over to customer service but not soon enough. The earliest they could get me out of there was an 805pm flight - it was 430pm. Yikers! I kept a positive outlook, trying to not get angry at the horrible customer service - sorry, that's a misnomer these days in the airline industry in America. The only airline left with any customer service is Southwest Airlines and from what I hear, they are going down the crapper too. I have never had a flight cancelled EVER, so I was not surprised that this would happen during my maiden solo voyage with our infant child.
Before I go on, I must rant about the airline industry in general but mainly in America. I am appalled and in a nutshell - they suck! Jet Airways in India on a 45 minute flight from Ahmedabad to Mumbai was able to serve a full meal to over 130 passengers- full meal- choice of Veg or Non-Veg and our daughter got an amazing infant meal too. They were able to serve the meal, the beverages, and masala chai afterwards and clean the plane well before we landed. Amazing! On my 5-hour delayed flight to Norfolk last night, the crew did not get up out of their jump seats. It was bumpy, granted, but is that an excuse for not serving anything? At the end, they managed to come around and tell people to put their seats back up but did not clear any beverages or nut packages because ... why? Oh yeah, they did not serve any! Not even a glass of water. I am very disappointed with the airline service in this country but what are we to do really? Stop flying? Yeah, that is easy in a country so vast, it takes 6 hours to travel from west coast to east coast!
But, I digress - back to the topic at hand. Travelling solo went just fine. I feel blessed because my daughter was happy crawling around a dirty airport, ate when she was fed, and did not whine much. In fact, she slept for most of the trip from Denver to Charlotte and slept the entire trip from Charlotte to Norfolk so it made my life easier. Travelling solo was not as bad as I expected but I did miss my husband's company and assistance. I did manages to quickly scarf down a BK veggie burger, onion rings, and 2 milks (purchased on a meal voucher given to by the airlines after I cried) while my daughter played with another kid. Thank goodness for dirty airport carpets and great people! Yes, you read right - CRIED! I have to say the positive of being delayed was that I met some terrific people and my daughter got play with some kids - she enjoyed the company immensely. I was exhausted but my daughter was very excited and did not skip a beat.
Either way, whatever the inconveniences, my first solo trip was a success- not because of the airlines but because of my daughter and my attitude towards the situations we met with. Now, I get to look forward to the return trip on the same horrible airline: US Airways. And to think, I went through a lot of trouble to not fly United- Hmmm.... Happy trails to you all!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The Subjective Standards on Parenting
I am a new parent, a sleepless new mom who has forgotten what it feels like to go to a movie theater or a play or musical. My infant is now almost nine months old and I find myself doing that thing parents do – talking to other parents. “Does your child sleep through the night? Really? How did you do that?” “Where did you buy that?” “Is your child eating solids yet? What is the food he or she likes best?” “What do you recommend?” And so on…
As a first-time parent, it is difficult to not get sucked into the assortment of books out there, authors who know best because they hold a Ph.D. in something and feel the need to express it in a 400-page long book. Wait! Who has time to read a 400-page book on how to be a better parent? Am I not neglecting the child if I have time to read a 400-page book on how to let my child cry it out in the middle of the night? Hmmm….
So anyway, I reached month eight for my daughter and realized, “Crap! No one is sleeping through the night – I need help now!” So I talked with one of my friends to find out the latest poop on how to get the child to sleep and on a schedule because frankly, I stink at attempting any of this. I run out and buy the book only to be disappointed after reading 5 pages of it. I still tried and got to page 275 - I am not sure it is going to work because I tried it over several nights, and it did not. I let the child cry it out like the book suggested but after 40 minutes of my daughter wailing, I could not stand it anymore and frankly, it took two nights to even get to that number. Poor girl! Then a friend suggested another book- the No cry sleep solution book written by a real mom – yeah, okay. I have been doing most of what is written in this book already and it is not working! I am not a patient woman as it is and it seems this book (while it is a no-cry method) really will require much patience and me staying at home some to get things done. Anyway, the question is, at what point in time do you just accept your fate and accept the fact that 90% of the earth’s population is not reading these books – they are relying on herbs, old wives’ tales, and other methods of raising these children and the kids are apparently turning out just fine. Albert Einstein had learning disabilities as a child – he did just fine wouldn’t you say?
According to one book I read, my child would have ADHD and be a complete freak if they did not get the requisite amount of sleep and naptime. Hmmm - okay. Thanks, doc. In my own household, my husband functions very efficiently on little to no sleep- he is a genius in my opinion anyway. Of course, I am biased. Then, there’s me – I do not work well on little to no sleep because I have always needed 9-10 hours to be an energetic, positive person. I have another friend who is a complete wreck no matter how much sleep she gets. Really? Am I a bad parent because I do not let my child cry it out and put her to sleep at a set time? Really? What is the standard by which we judge parents these days? By how regular their kids sleep in the middle of the day and at night? As I read these books, I feel less like a parent and more like a robot- conditioned to do things one way – the right way – or be judged a bad parent for ever and ever, especially when the child comes back from school with a behavior report. Oh yeah, that is all linked to how I did not make them have a sleeping schedule when they were an 8-month infant!
In the first few weeks of my daughter’s life, I learned that I needed to filter what the pediatrician told me because they did not know my child and I had to trust my instinct and protect this little life. In the first few months of my daughter’s life, I learned that I needed to filter what the family members told me – she was fine – she was getting enough breast milk, and sure enough – she was! I have been filtering things since I was twelve years old but now that I am responsible for a life, I have to be even more discerning in what I believe and what I will be lead to believe. No, she does not need specialty toy X valued at $69.99 at Babies R Us to succeed in life. Heck, my daughter loves to play with our phone, remote control, and Tupperware. She is happy with a spoon and a pot. So, as I embark on this journey to try to get my daughter on a schedule, I need to learn more than ever to filter the comments, the advice, and read the books I want to read and take from them the lessons that matter to me and fit our lifestyle.
Subjectively speaking of course, I am not a bad parent. I am not a bad mother, but a mother who truly cares about her little one enough to not believe all the hype or be sucked into a world where there is a right way and a wrong way. Here’s an objective standard for you: As you read through the hype and filter it, make time to love your child – the best way you know how and everything outta turn out fine.
As a first-time parent, it is difficult to not get sucked into the assortment of books out there, authors who know best because they hold a Ph.D. in something and feel the need to express it in a 400-page long book. Wait! Who has time to read a 400-page book on how to be a better parent? Am I not neglecting the child if I have time to read a 400-page book on how to let my child cry it out in the middle of the night? Hmmm….
So anyway, I reached month eight for my daughter and realized, “Crap! No one is sleeping through the night – I need help now!” So I talked with one of my friends to find out the latest poop on how to get the child to sleep and on a schedule because frankly, I stink at attempting any of this. I run out and buy the book only to be disappointed after reading 5 pages of it. I still tried and got to page 275 - I am not sure it is going to work because I tried it over several nights, and it did not. I let the child cry it out like the book suggested but after 40 minutes of my daughter wailing, I could not stand it anymore and frankly, it took two nights to even get to that number. Poor girl! Then a friend suggested another book- the No cry sleep solution book written by a real mom – yeah, okay. I have been doing most of what is written in this book already and it is not working! I am not a patient woman as it is and it seems this book (while it is a no-cry method) really will require much patience and me staying at home some to get things done. Anyway, the question is, at what point in time do you just accept your fate and accept the fact that 90% of the earth’s population is not reading these books – they are relying on herbs, old wives’ tales, and other methods of raising these children and the kids are apparently turning out just fine. Albert Einstein had learning disabilities as a child – he did just fine wouldn’t you say?
According to one book I read, my child would have ADHD and be a complete freak if they did not get the requisite amount of sleep and naptime. Hmmm - okay. Thanks, doc. In my own household, my husband functions very efficiently on little to no sleep- he is a genius in my opinion anyway. Of course, I am biased. Then, there’s me – I do not work well on little to no sleep because I have always needed 9-10 hours to be an energetic, positive person. I have another friend who is a complete wreck no matter how much sleep she gets. Really? Am I a bad parent because I do not let my child cry it out and put her to sleep at a set time? Really? What is the standard by which we judge parents these days? By how regular their kids sleep in the middle of the day and at night? As I read these books, I feel less like a parent and more like a robot- conditioned to do things one way – the right way – or be judged a bad parent for ever and ever, especially when the child comes back from school with a behavior report. Oh yeah, that is all linked to how I did not make them have a sleeping schedule when they were an 8-month infant!
In the first few weeks of my daughter’s life, I learned that I needed to filter what the pediatrician told me because they did not know my child and I had to trust my instinct and protect this little life. In the first few months of my daughter’s life, I learned that I needed to filter what the family members told me – she was fine – she was getting enough breast milk, and sure enough – she was! I have been filtering things since I was twelve years old but now that I am responsible for a life, I have to be even more discerning in what I believe and what I will be lead to believe. No, she does not need specialty toy X valued at $69.99 at Babies R Us to succeed in life. Heck, my daughter loves to play with our phone, remote control, and Tupperware. She is happy with a spoon and a pot. So, as I embark on this journey to try to get my daughter on a schedule, I need to learn more than ever to filter the comments, the advice, and read the books I want to read and take from them the lessons that matter to me and fit our lifestyle.
Subjectively speaking of course, I am not a bad parent. I am not a bad mother, but a mother who truly cares about her little one enough to not believe all the hype or be sucked into a world where there is a right way and a wrong way. Here’s an objective standard for you: As you read through the hype and filter it, make time to love your child – the best way you know how and everything outta turn out fine.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
The Caucus Experience
I attended my first Caucus last Tuesday evening in Colorado. I changed my registration from a Republican to Democrat when I found out Obama was running. I wanted the opportunity to vote for him in what I thought would be a primary. I was wrong. Colorado uses the weird, outdated caucus system. I had never participated in this before mainly because I voted absentee or voted in primaries in the states where I was stationed with the Air Force. I was curious and excited and yet, a bit nervous at the same time. I could not find parking and arrived 2 minutes late into the room. As I walked into the room, I felt strange as 60 eyes stared at me. I registered, the rules were read, and then we took a straw poll. The room was divided into the Obama side and the Clinton side. 22 people moved to the far side of the room and 8 people remained near the exit. Clintonites were outnumbered and rightfully so. Hillary Clinton only had 30 delegates in Colorado and the state was not worthy of her campaign so she had ignored campaigning here. So, of course, people went with the candidate who did appear, who did come and discuss issues with the Colorado Democrats that were eager to listen. After the straw poll, one of the women on the Clinton side complained that she felt unwelcome in the room because of the all the Obama signs and stickers. The debates continued from there - people complained back and forth about the candidates but I took away a very important observation from the bickering and the bitter comments from the Clinton side- the Clinton side was very defensive about her. Most of the Obama folks were not even sure about what he stood for - they just liked him - the "rockstar appeal".
In either case, it was an interesting experience for me. I felt like I was caucusing in enemy territory because I was a registered Republican for 15 years prior to this but I felt very comfortable and at ease with the Obama folks - they were young, professional (for the most part) and just really excited people- they were enthusiastic and happy to be there. I did not get the same impression from the Clinton side. I am not sure how the candidates will do in the big race in November. For example, part of me thinks it would be better for the Democratic party to have Obama on the ticket because if Clinton is on the ticket alone, the Republicans will win. But then again, who knows? Americans tend to vote on image and appearance instead of the issues. Most people do not have time to read or listen to the debates and tend to make judgments on rumors, what others think, and appearances. For example, I think many voters who would vote for Obama will not vote for Clinton and would choose McCain over her for sure- simply because they think McCain is more moderate than Clinton.
All in all, it was an interesting night and I had a good time but certainly wish I could have gone to the Republican caucus too to see the differences --- maybe in 2012, I will switch back over to truly be able to compare the two camps?
Happy Voting in November!!
Get involved, have a voice, and make a difference
How long is too long?
This is the first weekend I have spent away from my daughter and it has been tough. Initially, after returning from a long trip to India and spending way too much time with both my husband and daughter, I knew I needed one night off but as I get ready for night number three, I realize more than a night away is really too long. I miss my husband and daughter and our home. I realize that I cannot be away for too long especially when she is this young. Of course, I wonder how my friends have deployed in the military and left their families for months. How can a father go for a year? Will the child, if he or she is an infant, forget the parent? I have been away from my daughter now for exactly 60 hours and it feels like an eternity. It does not help that I work full-time during the work week as well so I feel like I have not spent any time with my daughter in the past six days.
So the question is - how long is too long to be gone when your son or daughter is an infant - a nursing infant at that? Tomorrow, by the time I get home, it will be well over 78 hours. I wonder how she will react when she sees me. Will she go on a nursing strike after just three days? Will she recognize me? I am sure I am overreacting but it has truly got me thinking of whether any job or profession or even a calling is worth the sacrifice families make especially the children.
For example, I recall my friend who deployed with the Air Force telling me the story of how she left her youngest child to deploy (it was mandatory of course). Despite web-camming it daily and talking daily to her 6-month old, when she returned, the infant son, who had learned how to walk in her absence, looked at her on the jetway; she was on her knees as she saw him walking towards her, arms sprawled open-wide; but he quickly realized he did not know this lady and turned and ran away - towards his father and brothers. Wow! I teared up when I heard this story and made a decision at that moment that I needed to separate from the military if I wanted to have a family and truly raise children. That was before I had a child and I was not even married yet! Now, as I make a trek 100 miles south of my home to serve my reserve time once a month, I realize what a sacrifice she made and so many who do it daily. It helps me put into perspective my frustration, my sadness, my anger, and my loneliness. I truly feel like I have no purpose when I do not spend time with my daughter and my husband. So, I focus on the positives of a separation like this which pales in comparion to what so many others do daily. It makes me appreciate the time I do have with them instead of complaining about it.
How long is too long? while being away for 70+ hours is long enough for me, I know it is not bad in the grand scheme of things .... but I still cannot wait to get home.
So the question is - how long is too long to be gone when your son or daughter is an infant - a nursing infant at that? Tomorrow, by the time I get home, it will be well over 78 hours. I wonder how she will react when she sees me. Will she go on a nursing strike after just three days? Will she recognize me? I am sure I am overreacting but it has truly got me thinking of whether any job or profession or even a calling is worth the sacrifice families make especially the children.
For example, I recall my friend who deployed with the Air Force telling me the story of how she left her youngest child to deploy (it was mandatory of course). Despite web-camming it daily and talking daily to her 6-month old, when she returned, the infant son, who had learned how to walk in her absence, looked at her on the jetway; she was on her knees as she saw him walking towards her, arms sprawled open-wide; but he quickly realized he did not know this lady and turned and ran away - towards his father and brothers. Wow! I teared up when I heard this story and made a decision at that moment that I needed to separate from the military if I wanted to have a family and truly raise children. That was before I had a child and I was not even married yet! Now, as I make a trek 100 miles south of my home to serve my reserve time once a month, I realize what a sacrifice she made and so many who do it daily. It helps me put into perspective my frustration, my sadness, my anger, and my loneliness. I truly feel like I have no purpose when I do not spend time with my daughter and my husband. So, I focus on the positives of a separation like this which pales in comparion to what so many others do daily. It makes me appreciate the time I do have with them instead of complaining about it.
How long is too long? while being away for 70+ hours is long enough for me, I know it is not bad in the grand scheme of things .... but I still cannot wait to get home.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Packin' it up
This weekend we ran into the age old debate - how far in advance do you begin packing for a HUGE trip? My husband prefers to take it easy and pack at the last minute or just not be rushed. I know where he gets that from so I assume it is learned behavior mainly because I know where I get my tendencies and they all have family roots. For a huge, greater than 10-day international vacation, I firmly believe you have to be start packing or at least start throwing stuff into a central area two weeks before the trip date. Then, 4-5 days prior to the trip, all items should be roughly packed in and of course, you weigh the bags to make sure you are within your allowance. That is my idea of packin' it up. Then, in the final days, I can relax and just worry about last-minute items and things that have to wait 'til the last minute.
Anyway, I write this because when I talked with a girlfriend of mine about the debate between my husband and I, she pointed out an important difference between most men and most women. Women tend to plan ahead of time (generally), plan the entire trip, get books from the lirarby to plan the trip, pack her bags and the kids' and then have time left over to miraculously pay all the bills, put the mail on hold, the newspaper on vacation hold, book the transportation to and from the airport and talk to neighbors about watering the plants and what to do in case of emergency. She even has time to talk with her co-workers about watering her plants at work. Meanwhile, the man strolls in about 20 minutes before departure for the airport, throws some stuff into the bag designated for him and asks if there is anything else he can do. I am not angry - I am just amazed repeatedly at women in all we do including packin' it up :-)
Don't get my wrong, my husband is a great big help in everything in life but when I am stressed, I tend to be vocal and talk about everything including ... "what happens if an ant jumps onto the plane and crawls over to and bites our daughter... what type of antiseptics should we pack in our carryon? Wait... does that go into the carry-on? Will the TSA allow it? Will it smell on the plane?" See what I mean... this is how I talk when I am stressed out - I need to talk and just be heard and told, "it'll be okay." What does the guy hear? "I am an emotional crazy woman and I need you to fix the situation now!" So he tries to fix it by "helping" - the woman perceives this is not helping at all but rather hindering the "operation" so another battle of the sexes emerges. Anyway, I write this blog only to make the point that women and men are truly different ... even when it comes down to packing and planning for a family vacation. We are not emotional or freaks when we are planning a trip for you and the family.... we are resourceful, thoughtful, and above all, organized! So, ladies, pack your bags, expect to pack your kids' bags too, take a deep breath, and when you need to vent, call your girlfriends- they will understand and listen to you without judging or freaking out themselves. Pack it up and have a safe trip!
Anyway, I write this because when I talked with a girlfriend of mine about the debate between my husband and I, she pointed out an important difference between most men and most women. Women tend to plan ahead of time (generally), plan the entire trip, get books from the lirarby to plan the trip, pack her bags and the kids' and then have time left over to miraculously pay all the bills, put the mail on hold, the newspaper on vacation hold, book the transportation to and from the airport and talk to neighbors about watering the plants and what to do in case of emergency. She even has time to talk with her co-workers about watering her plants at work. Meanwhile, the man strolls in about 20 minutes before departure for the airport, throws some stuff into the bag designated for him and asks if there is anything else he can do. I am not angry - I am just amazed repeatedly at women in all we do including packin' it up :-)
Don't get my wrong, my husband is a great big help in everything in life but when I am stressed, I tend to be vocal and talk about everything including ... "what happens if an ant jumps onto the plane and crawls over to and bites our daughter... what type of antiseptics should we pack in our carryon? Wait... does that go into the carry-on? Will the TSA allow it? Will it smell on the plane?" See what I mean... this is how I talk when I am stressed out - I need to talk and just be heard and told, "it'll be okay." What does the guy hear? "I am an emotional crazy woman and I need you to fix the situation now!" So he tries to fix it by "helping" - the woman perceives this is not helping at all but rather hindering the "operation" so another battle of the sexes emerges. Anyway, I write this blog only to make the point that women and men are truly different ... even when it comes down to packing and planning for a family vacation. We are not emotional or freaks when we are planning a trip for you and the family.... we are resourceful, thoughtful, and above all, organized! So, ladies, pack your bags, expect to pack your kids' bags too, take a deep breath, and when you need to vent, call your girlfriends- they will understand and listen to you without judging or freaking out themselves. Pack it up and have a safe trip!
A Different World
Before we had our daughter, I never would have thought my life would change so much. When I was pregnant, I thought my life would change a little but never imagined this. I thought the baby would sleep a lot and that things would remain, well, about the same. Among my friends, I am the first to have a child so I had no idea what I was in for. Life completely revolves around my daughter’s schedule and I use the term “schedule” loosely because the concept is a foreign one to her and any attempt to put her on one has failed miserably, repeatedly. She wakes up in the middle of the night and she is hungry, so boom, she gets to nurse. I was used to sleeping 9-12 hours at night…. Yeah, those days are O-V-E-R. Sometimes she is too hot, has soiled her diaper, or just needs to be held. Our working day routine is about the same - she has to be changed before she goes to her home care provider. Then, her bag needs to be packed, only to be followed by another changing because she may have an accident. On weekends, we all wake up when she is up because if baby ain’t sleeping, no one is sleeping :_) the same routine follows --- feedings, changing, naps, bath time… did I mention feedings?
All in all though, it has been a wonderful change in my life. I love spending time with her, holding her, nursing her, and playing with her. She is growing up pretty fast too. As I scrapbook her birth and the days when we first brought her home to the pictures we took at her 3-month birthday, I realize just how much she has changed. She is starting to mimic us more and is learning from the world around her. After spending four days with her dad while I worked, she began to imitate him by sticking her tongue out at him and me. Of course, I was not pleased with this recent developmental milestone but could not help but laugh as I scolded her not to stick her tongue out. My husband thinks she completely understands everything that is going on. I have to say, as I look into those playful eyes of her and see that sly smile on her face, I would have to agree.
It has been an amazing journey thus far – motherhood and parenting. I look at the entire world differently. The guy next door is not just the guy next door. He could be a threat to my child. The home care provider is not just a temporary care provider, they could have skeletons in their closet – what don’t I know about them? I look at everything and everyone with suspicion but I also look at the beauty in life … the miracle of life. I look at the parent who has the special needs child or child with disabilities in a different light. I pray for them and pray that God continues to work miracles for others as he has for me. Despite the lack of sleep and the sheer exhaustion, I count my blessings daily, even hourly. I look at my husband differently and have sweet dreams about our family. I look at him in even more awe than I did before we had her because I am amazed at how much he loves her and takes care of her. Did I already mention, I count my blessings?
Yes, we are embarking on a new journey and every day is a new adventure with our new life. Here’s praying it contunues to be a beautiful one ….
All in all though, it has been a wonderful change in my life. I love spending time with her, holding her, nursing her, and playing with her. She is growing up pretty fast too. As I scrapbook her birth and the days when we first brought her home to the pictures we took at her 3-month birthday, I realize just how much she has changed. She is starting to mimic us more and is learning from the world around her. After spending four days with her dad while I worked, she began to imitate him by sticking her tongue out at him and me. Of course, I was not pleased with this recent developmental milestone but could not help but laugh as I scolded her not to stick her tongue out. My husband thinks she completely understands everything that is going on. I have to say, as I look into those playful eyes of her and see that sly smile on her face, I would have to agree.
It has been an amazing journey thus far – motherhood and parenting. I look at the entire world differently. The guy next door is not just the guy next door. He could be a threat to my child. The home care provider is not just a temporary care provider, they could have skeletons in their closet – what don’t I know about them? I look at everything and everyone with suspicion but I also look at the beauty in life … the miracle of life. I look at the parent who has the special needs child or child with disabilities in a different light. I pray for them and pray that God continues to work miracles for others as he has for me. Despite the lack of sleep and the sheer exhaustion, I count my blessings daily, even hourly. I look at my husband differently and have sweet dreams about our family. I look at him in even more awe than I did before we had her because I am amazed at how much he loves her and takes care of her. Did I already mention, I count my blessings?
Yes, we are embarking on a new journey and every day is a new adventure with our new life. Here’s praying it contunues to be a beautiful one ….
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