The Boob Tube Nonesense

I was home last Monday and watched a little bit of morning TV. I started out watching Martha Stewart’s show which was on make-up and the tools necessary to apply make-up.

An expert make-up consultant from an expensive New York salon was on the show sporting the products they recommend for make-up and make-up application. Primarily, they were focusing on the brushes to apply foundation, make-up, blush, eye shadow, and other items. Not a big make-up fan or wearer of make-up, I was thinking, “what is the big deal? It’s make-up for God’s sake. You do realize you are currently being broadcast to millions of women who are at home with their kids right or retired or not working because they were laid off?” So as I am watching this, the lady talked about this BRUSH you had to have – it had its own carrying kit and Martha was like, “yeah you need this – it is a must have and at only $90, it is a steal.” WHAT?!! Are you kidding me? I thought to myself, “$90 for a make-up brush!” Are you out of your BLEEPING mind!? I do not spend that much on my shoes or slacks much less a brush to apply make-up! I do not care if it lasts a lifetime, I am not spending $90 on something I can get for $10 at Wal-Mart. They also talked about cheap products like eyebrow application pencils and the like – I was not impressed at all. The show, I am sure went on but I could only take about 10 minutes before I had to change the channel, thinking I would find something better on the Boob Tube.

Of course, I did not find anything better. I went from that show to a bunch of screaming hysterical, opinionated women on the View who all seem to talk over each other and at the same time- someone’s idea of a good show. What were they talking about? Yes, of course, politics and racial issues in America but of course, they went on and on and made no sense and the conversation had no beginning or end, just a lot of ideas thrown in so I felt frustrated. I changed that channel feeling more confused than when I started. I felt like I was losing precious minutes of my life- I was!

I changed the boob tube to the Regis and Kelly show which oftentimes has some weird antics too but there was a guest on the show and it was boring too. I was resolved to watching Drew Carey hosting Price is Right, accepting my fate, when my baby cried and woke up from her morning nap. She never sounded so sweet to me and I was so thrilled to turn the Boob Tube off and spend some time playing with my lil one. Thank Goodness she was up to keep me occupied so I could be relieved from the mindless daytime shows. Could I have stopped watching on my own? Sure, but who can stop themselves from watching a train wreck voluntarily?

Needless to say, we had a fun afternoon together until Oprah started… that is when I saw the story of the pregnant man? Yes, folks, the nonsense continued. A man was allegedly pregnant. Well, it was not really a man- HE was a SHE and became a HE so, technically HE was really a woman- wow! What a day! I am glad I work during the day or am otherwise occupied. At least I got to spend time with my daughter and take a nap so it wasn't so nonsensical after all!

The Good, the Bad, and So much to be thankful for

I always hear the phrase “What goes to Vegas, stays in Vegas” and similar phrases to describe some type of pact between members that what goes on a work trip, stays there. Well, as you know 10 out of 10 times, what goes to Vegas does not always stay in Vegas and the like. When I left my job and the service a few years ago, I was sure that I would never see those people again and by “those people” I mean the people I could really not stand to work with any longer. As I have come to learn, you never really a job or the people behind. You can burn a bridge but somehow that bridge gets rebuilt and amazingly, you find yourself standing on the edge of it looking at it again. You end up running into those people more often than not. In fact, I never seem to run into the people I want to run into (a long, lost friend, etc), and always tend to run into those that I wish would never see…. ever again!

I went to a seminar this past week and ran into someone fitting that description. As I surveyed the room, I realized it was this person and quickly did an about face and then, thought to myself, “Great! This is what I have to resign myself to – I will always keep running into these people.” It was bad enough I ran into this person’s “not so better half” a month ago but now I have to keep seeing this individual and the spouse at seminars. It is easy to run into people who are in the same or similar career field and industry. It also is an unfortunate fact that you run into people who are working or living in the same general area- anything within 150 miles is local area as far as I am concerned. Needless to say, it was an unpleasant encounter and made the day that much more unpleasant. For some reason, running into this particular person made me realize how horrible my life was back then- it was pre-daughter, pre-marriage, but more importantly, it was just a horrible time in my life – for the first time in my career, I was at a political assignment where my supervisor did not like me much and this particular individual and the spouse made my life even more difficult. They were “in” with the boss and I was obviously, “out”. It was a tough working relationship and the spouse and another individual in the office even had the gall to accuse me of a crime. Nothing ever came of that of course except for the mental and emotional torture that ensued but needless to say, each time I fell (or rather, was thrown down) in the three years I was in this job, I picked myself up, brushed off, and kept going. Looking back, I am amazed I survived with only a few scrapes and bruises. But, running into this individual at the seminar this past week, it all came rushing back – all that I had suppressed.

Seeing this individual brought it all back and that was what made the day unpleasant. It was not necessarily the grotesque sight and presence of this individual but rather, the flood of bad memories. This individual was, in my mind, the catalyst of some of the horrible things that happened to good people in that job. They were, in a nutshell, career climbers and were going to get ahead and their way at any cost. No matter who got hurt or left behind, they always seemed to land on their feet. Seeing this individual brought back a lot of baggage from my time in this job but it also made me thankful for where I was in life today- I felt gratitude to God for moving past that phase in my life – I was destined to go through it. It made me grateful for all the gifts in my life – I was lucky I got out alive and with little damage. I was able to get a job where I am appreciated and work well with my colleagues. For example, just today, another colleague who is looking for a new job also gave me a couple of leads on some job postings. I am appreciated by my supervisor and I work with kind, caring people who go above and beyond – they are selfless and while career-oriented, they do not walk over someone to get ahead. I have a baby girl who I am so excited to have in my life- she is a blessing and I sometimes feel I have been touched by the Lord himself when she holds onto me. Motherhood is the closest thing I have ever felt to touching the face of God and I am thankful for that. I have a husband who loves me and cares about me and we live together which is a blessing too. I cannot imagine working 90 miles away and living 90 miles away from him a few times a week. I know people live apart all the time and stay married and I can see doing that temporarily (for a few years) after about 15-20 years of marriage but, right now, there is no other place I’d rather be than at my home which is truly made a home by the presence of my daughter and my husband.

Yes, seeing this person again made me realize how much I went through and what I endured a few years ago but it is also made me appreciate all the good things that came since I made the decision to leave it all behind. In life, we see the good, the bad and the ugly, but we also get to express gratitude for the many blessings in our lives and like most other days, just carry on

If you say so

I recently experienced another sleepless night with our daughter. She still does not sleep through the night and working full-time, that can get to be pretty rough especially considering that I am not an average mom – I need and love my sleep. Before she was born, I could easily sleep 10-11 hours a night or even more. Yes, sleep is pretty important to me so this whole baby thing threw me for a loop. I always thought babies slept through the night – yeah, no! Not mine.

So, yesterday when I got to work a co-worker asked what was wrong as I was downing 2 cups of coffee. She said I looked exhausted. She was not far off the mark. I was beyond exhausted. I did not want to be there and certainly not hear what I had to hear next. I told her “yeah another sleepless night.” Her reply was a mere, “I do not feel bad for you because you caused it. You need to put your ear plugs in, stick her in her crib, and shut the door. It’s time. You need to be the one in control and show her that you are the boss - her schedule has to revolve around yours.” I was like, hmmm- thanks for your advice - I did not ask for it but thanks. Okay, I did not say that but I listened politely, nodded, and quickly changed the subject.

Now, a little background would be useful on this co-worker. She is single and does not have kids. She has plenty of friends who have kids but no nieces or nephews either. Hmmm… okay, so with that out of the way, granted, a single person with no children may be well qualified to give me advice on how to better my infant’s sleep and mine but I suspect some training would be in order to throw that type of advice around – perhaps a pediatrician, a specialist who specializes on sleep studies and children’s sleep patterns, a child psychologist, a mom or dad who have been through this and learned through experience, and you get the point. Needless to say, I took her advice like I take all advice from everyone including my own mother – with a grain of salt; or in this case, in one ear and out the other. I am only writing about this because I find it fascinating how some people have advice for you whether you ask or not and whether they are qualified on the subject or not.

I can understand family offering advice- after all, they are family and getting involved is not only their privilege, sometimes it is their right. I fully expect my husband and I to do that for each other but I am amazed recently by the amount of advice I get not only from friends, distant relatives, and co-workers but also from complete strangers. It blows me away! I wonder how she would feel if I gave her advice on why she is still single and advice on what to do to land a man. That would not be nice or appropriate in my opinion and neither is telling a tired co-worker to control her infant daughter. I think it is great to get advice – don’t get me wrong. When I ask for advice or want it, I think it is great to get advice from someone you respect and someone who has been there. Life experiences are quite important. It is also important to get good advice from your doctor, your accountant, or your attorney on things you have hired them for but even then, you have to make your own decisions. In life, people always seem to ready to throw out free advice whether someone wants it or not, so I have made my decision on what to do what their advice, depending on the message, the messenger, and the timing of it, I am tempted to just respond, “Wow- really? Okay - if you say so.”

Soul Mate?

I have been thinking of this question for sometime now – mainly because I am questioning whether two people are ever really “soul” mates. I think like most women out there when I made the decision to get married, I weighed the pros and cons and balanced out his negatives with his positives and decided that he complements me in more ways than not. I think, like most people out there who get married, I settled for this man because well, for one, he asked me to marry him, and things were better than not with him. I saw having children with him and he was a really good guy. Of course, I loved him too but I never really saw this man as my soul mate.

Which leads me to ask the question, what really is a soul mate? Is it someone who fulfills your dreams? Someone you see eye-to-eye with on everything? Someone who completes your existence? Would life with this person be perfect in every way? I wonder about that from time to time. Hollywood gives us sappy movies like “Serendipity” and we think, Hmmm… is there really such a thing as soul mates? Are they born or made or is it just timing?

I personally do not think there is such a thing as soul mates. I have girlfriends I just get along with better than others. Does that make them my soul mate? After all, no one can complete you except yourself and no one can really have a perfect life. They can just have more fun with someone over another- the same thing applies in a marriage. The person you marry is not necessarily your soul mate but rather, someone you get along with better than you would get along with someone else – someone you can share things with that you would not with others, or someone who just complements you well. I do not think in a marriage things will always be perfect but is it possible to find someone who thinks a little more like you, shares more of your values, or can communicate like you do; that someone who is always “in sync” with you? Sure. But remember that same “sync” may change as time goes on and the partner changes. So, is there a true soul mate for everyone out there? My theory is that there are just people, male and female, that come into our lives at a certain time in our lives when we need them and attract them, and things just … click. So we befriend them, or in the case of timing for marriage, marry them. How you choose to define “soul mate” is up to you. I describe my soul mates as everyday people who are more than ordinary and sometimes, if the timing is right, and your personalities mesh, truly extraordinary.

Rats, Rats, in the workplace?

Working for the man, you learn a lot about office management, good contracts and bad contracts. Recently, the powers to be have decided to enter into a new contract for our office cleaning services. “Clean” being the operative word. Since we switched companies and this new contract came about, the office has been anything but clean. In fact, the office in an uproar over a new recycling policy. Don’t get me wrong- I think recycling is great! But whoever came up with this contract was smoking something not so good while drafting the requirements. Basically, we have to bring in our own trash cans from home and liners. Under the contract, the “cleaning” crew only takes your recycables from the unlined grey wastebaskets in your office. For example, a Starbucks coffee cup (if rinsed out properly) can be recycled. My snotty Kleenex- not recyclable. A soda can (if soda is dumped out in its entirety) is recyclable, my lunch tray with residue of beans and channa masala, not so much so. Now, if I cleaned it out, it is a plastic and that can be recycled but seriously, who has the time to go rinse out their frozen lunch tray? Forget that!

So, I have noticed a trend in the office as a result of this new “cleaning” contract and recyclables requirement- namely, no one recycles. It seems too complicated and no one empties their trash can more than once a week which causes the obvious issues: foul odors, gnats, and just general nastiness. The cleaning crew refuses to take our trash bags because that is not in their contract or requirements and they do not want to start a bad trend. The entire office is in uproar and I am concerned about a more important issue that rears its ugly head around summertime here- rats. I kid you not. We get rats in our building and with the extra trash laying around and the recyclables going into an unlined can, will that attract more rats and if so, how long will the problem go on? Will our powers-to-be take some action? After all, we are the client and without us, the client, they would not have a contract with the “cleaning” crew. I am certain that someone will have to write the Rocky Mountain Times or Denver Post to get it the attention it deserves but ‘til then, I better go take the trash out – it is after 4pm and I have an hour or so left in the day to get real work done – your tax dollars hard at work. Oh, and if I kill a rat, is it recyclable? I am guessing not but I will put it in the unlined can and see what happens.

The Tug of War of Time

I took a personal day yesterday because frankly, I just felt like I needed to spend more time with my daughter and wanted to get things done around the house. Well, I could not get anything done around the house or work on things but I did spend a lot time with my girl- it was fun. But I got to thinking how in the world women experience this day in and day out and do not go insane. While I love my daughter, I also have a need to exercise my intellect and need social interaction with an adult. While my daughter can provide hours of scintillating fun it is not the same. I had a great new respect for women who stay at home but as I return to work today and the drudgery and mundane-ness of it all, I realize that I miss her a lot. It is quite a tug of war for working moms – stay at home? Go to work? What should we do?

I have a new fear that has set in for the last month- am I missing out on my daughter’s life? Will I look back at this time and have serious regrets on missing out on her life? When she no longer needs us and is off on her own, travelling across the country and world? Will I look back and have regrets? Conversely, if I quit my job and cannot find a job in another few years, will I have some other regrets? What if I quit a good job with good pay and then, realize I did not want to be at home? All these questions weigh on my mind daily. I am sure they weigh down other working moms too. They are legitimate concerns. I feel like the best of both worlds would be to ask to go part-time. I do not know if my employer will permit this. Also, currently, I am not a permanent employee so asking could put my status in jeopardy so, I am starting to slowly resent my employer as well. I feel like time is so precious and it is flying – my daughter just turned 10 months old.

I find this tug of war between home and family and work is quite normal among most working women but I also wonder if dads feel it too or are societal norms such that they do not feel those same pressures that women feel? I hope in this tug of war, whatever happens, my daughter wins!