Recently, since we are expecting our second child, I have contemplated more and more the prospect of only doing my military AF Reserves job and quitting my full-time job. With this of course, there would be a lot of changes in lifestyle both for me and for my husband. If I could go part-time, I think that would permit me the best of both worlds, but alas, that decision is up to someone in a higher pay grade than me. In either case, as a family makes a decision like this, it has to be prepared to address the obvious: What tax changes do we need to make? Should we change exemptions to ensure we get the maximum money take-home? What other cuts need to be made? Do we really need full pledged cable TV or can we get by with basic? What about cell phone plans? Can they be downgraded or eliminated? What type of budget do we live on now and what can be cut?
As you approach making this type of decision, you should do a test run for 2 months. You should pretend that one person is not making any money, or if one person is on maternity leave, then you can have one person make nothing and all bills should be paid by one person with the take-home pay being changed to reflect what you would make if only one person were working. It is important to let one person pick up the lion share of the bills and then see how you fare at the end of the month. If after 2 months, you determine that this would not work, then there are other options to consider and of course, more areas to cut. In any case, it is not an easy decision and should not be made within a few days or even weeks but with proper planning and foresight.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Sunday, October 05, 2008
The Double Standard
Recently I have become painfully aware of the double standard that we hold women to versus men. I am guilty it of myself. When I first heard about Palin as VP, qualifications or lack there of aside, I found myself wondering about her young infant child and asking questions like, why isn't she caring for that little one. I found myself questioning her values as a new mom and whether she is breastfeeding or not. As a result of that and the discussions I have had with my friends, I have wondered, is the double standard alive and well in our society? Woman can fly fighter jets, serve in combat, write nobel peace prize winning books and poetry, run for Vice-President, and manage a multi-million dollar company but the truth remains- there is a double standard against females in our advanced world.
Unfortunately, that is how our society is. Fortunately, we live in America where it is still better for women than most other countries. In my own life, I see a double standard set for myself as opposed to my for my husband. My biggest pet peeve with my husband is his weekly entertainment. While I am gone from home alot for work, both my second job of serving in the Air Force Reserves and business travel for my primary job, my husband does not travel on business at all. Therefore, I think he tends to feel the need to get away more to go play poker and other games of chance at the local casinos. It is not something I have ever enjoyed nor do I think I would come to like. Of course, with a kid or two at home, it is not an activity we can both partake in anyway. In either case, the double standard here is that his entertainment will take him away an average of 9 hours per week with him arriving home long after 2am sometimes. If the casinos were open later, I wonder if he'd come home by morning light.
I couldn't help but wonder that if it was the woman who was coming home at 2-3am every week - not for a job but simply from dancing and drinking with her friends, how would that fly with society and family? Now, I am not saying that his trips to the casinos are wrong or right, but in light of my recent consideration of Palin being away from her infant child, I could not help but wonder what people would be saying about me if I were the one taking these late night trips away from my daughter? I can only imagine the comments. She's a slut who does not care for her family or her child. She is probably sleeping around- even if that were not true. She is irresponsible and has no self-control. What are the comments about a man when he is gone - Oh he just needs an outlet. He needs to get away from his nagging wife and screaming child so it is okay. It is at night when the kid is asleep so I guess that is okay. He is not the breastfeeder or the primary care provider so it's okay. The guy needs to just get away- come on! These comments are not limited to just a guy's night out or poker trips or when a guy plays video games a lot, you would hear the same comments for the guy who plays golf all the time, the guy who is an avid skiier and is gone on weekends alot in the Winter, and so on. But, if a woman wanted to do these activities every week or every weekend, I do not think it would be cool. After all, then when is she ever at home? Who is watching the kid? Shouldn't she be devoting herself to the family she chose to have?
Now as far as Palin- I think she is an idiot and she is scary to say the least and it has nothing to do with her personal life. It has everything with what she stands for - Abstinence, Pro-life even in cases of rape and incest, her acceptance of earmarks for Alaska, her economic policies or lack there of, her desire to teach creation in public schools (probably along side with abstinence), her poor environmental record, her support of oil and gas, her lack of support for science and research especially on stem cell researched, and her underlying right wing conservative Christianity values injected into our Government. There is much more on her policies that scare the crap out of me but it is interesting to note that I also am concerned about her ability to lead based on her home and family life. In either case, this recent development has made me consider my own bias and my own judgment of women in and outside the home. There is truly a double standard, a glass ceiling that woman have that is often hard to overcome.
Unfortunately, that is how our society is. Fortunately, we live in America where it is still better for women than most other countries. In my own life, I see a double standard set for myself as opposed to my for my husband. My biggest pet peeve with my husband is his weekly entertainment. While I am gone from home alot for work, both my second job of serving in the Air Force Reserves and business travel for my primary job, my husband does not travel on business at all. Therefore, I think he tends to feel the need to get away more to go play poker and other games of chance at the local casinos. It is not something I have ever enjoyed nor do I think I would come to like. Of course, with a kid or two at home, it is not an activity we can both partake in anyway. In either case, the double standard here is that his entertainment will take him away an average of 9 hours per week with him arriving home long after 2am sometimes. If the casinos were open later, I wonder if he'd come home by morning light.
I couldn't help but wonder that if it was the woman who was coming home at 2-3am every week - not for a job but simply from dancing and drinking with her friends, how would that fly with society and family? Now, I am not saying that his trips to the casinos are wrong or right, but in light of my recent consideration of Palin being away from her infant child, I could not help but wonder what people would be saying about me if I were the one taking these late night trips away from my daughter? I can only imagine the comments. She's a slut who does not care for her family or her child. She is probably sleeping around- even if that were not true. She is irresponsible and has no self-control. What are the comments about a man when he is gone - Oh he just needs an outlet. He needs to get away from his nagging wife and screaming child so it is okay. It is at night when the kid is asleep so I guess that is okay. He is not the breastfeeder or the primary care provider so it's okay. The guy needs to just get away- come on! These comments are not limited to just a guy's night out or poker trips or when a guy plays video games a lot, you would hear the same comments for the guy who plays golf all the time, the guy who is an avid skiier and is gone on weekends alot in the Winter, and so on. But, if a woman wanted to do these activities every week or every weekend, I do not think it would be cool. After all, then when is she ever at home? Who is watching the kid? Shouldn't she be devoting herself to the family she chose to have?
Now as far as Palin- I think she is an idiot and she is scary to say the least and it has nothing to do with her personal life. It has everything with what she stands for - Abstinence, Pro-life even in cases of rape and incest, her acceptance of earmarks for Alaska, her economic policies or lack there of, her desire to teach creation in public schools (probably along side with abstinence), her poor environmental record, her support of oil and gas, her lack of support for science and research especially on stem cell researched, and her underlying right wing conservative Christianity values injected into our Government. There is much more on her policies that scare the crap out of me but it is interesting to note that I also am concerned about her ability to lead based on her home and family life. In either case, this recent development has made me consider my own bias and my own judgment of women in and outside the home. There is truly a double standard, a glass ceiling that woman have that is often hard to overcome.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Milestones
My daughter pee'ed in the potty yesterday and I about died... I am sure she had no idea what she was doing but it was nonetheless very exciting for me. She has never done this before but recently, for fun, she will at least sit on the potty. To actually have her take that first step was exciting. I have no idea where it will go from here- it could months to potty train for her for real but it is still exciting. I started thinking about all her other milestones - from latching on the first time to feed as a very tiny baby to holding her neck up to crawling to walking to babbling words. It is amazing to me that there will be so many more milestones for my child. It makes all my accomplishments pale in comparison and I am sure as she grows up, it will only be more and more milestones to look forward to. In the meantime, I will wait in anticipation as another milestone magically just happens. This is truly life at its best.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
But for the grace of God go .... You!
Recently, I have become that parent who has the screaming child or the cranky child on an airplane, at a restaurant, the grocery store, or some other public place where people can gawk at me and judge me. I am getting better and better at ignoring the world around me but it is tough to completely shut out the people. After all, we live in a society. Boarding at Denver this time, on our way to New Orleans, our daughter got a little unruly as we strolled her down the jetway. She wanted to be held which is tough for me because my arm gets tired and with a backpack and a purse, holding her is tough to do. Needless to say, the peanut gallery (2 women who are probably barren) had the nerve to talk pretty loud about her outburst- loud enough for me to hear. I was a little aggravated and wanted my daughter to scream more to teach them lesson preferably through one of their naps or great reading moments on the plane - heehee (evil laugh). They were saying – "oh no, a screaming child - I hope we are not sitting near that!" I prayed that we were because exacting revenge is about all the ammo you have at that moment.
I can only imagine how parents feel travelling with multiple kids especially if one or two are special needs. It is hard enough to be a parent much less travelling with small children. Then, to hear mockery and comments from losers around you, that is even harder. I agree that sitting next to a screaming child for a flight longer than 4 hours can be hard but I think you can suck it up for a 2-hour jaunt to the BIG EASY. Just because you cannot have children or choose not to does not mean that your environment will be free of children. The worst part is that people on planes have an expectation that kids will be quiet and color, sleep, or just quietly watch a DVD – not true. Not all kids can be focused like that and certainly all kids are different. Some are tired, some are sick, and some have special needs. Some are just lively - so sue me! My child is lively and man, does she have a mind of her own - hey, she may find a cure for cancer someday. :-) What people do not understand is that staring, talking about the parents and the kid where they can hear you, or giving dirty looks make things worse. I no longer discipline my kid when she wants to kick the seat in front of her – go ahead – kick away- especially when the person in the front of us is a moron and does not understand. My message to you people - Caveat Emptor! When you travel or go to a public place including a restaurant you should expect some noise from my screaming child and if you do not have that expectation, perhaps the problem is not mine- it is yours! Now come on – get real – I do not take my child to fancy restaurants or inappropriate kid places like nightclubs but when I am at Red Lobster, Olive Garden or Applebee’s and I see you complaining and looking at me, I do not feel bad for you nor will I discipline my child not because I do not care about my kid but mainly because I do not care what you think! I will do what I have to do and need to do to raise my child without your judgment as a factor.
Needless to say, I am getting better at ignoring the world around me and not feeling so embarrassed. At first I was mortified if my daughter screamed - now, I just sorta hope for the best. Not much else you can do really. I am getting better but I am not 100% there yet. And to all of you who think you have the best kids in the world.... Ha! But for the Grace of God go ... You.
I can only imagine how parents feel travelling with multiple kids especially if one or two are special needs. It is hard enough to be a parent much less travelling with small children. Then, to hear mockery and comments from losers around you, that is even harder. I agree that sitting next to a screaming child for a flight longer than 4 hours can be hard but I think you can suck it up for a 2-hour jaunt to the BIG EASY. Just because you cannot have children or choose not to does not mean that your environment will be free of children. The worst part is that people on planes have an expectation that kids will be quiet and color, sleep, or just quietly watch a DVD – not true. Not all kids can be focused like that and certainly all kids are different. Some are tired, some are sick, and some have special needs. Some are just lively - so sue me! My child is lively and man, does she have a mind of her own - hey, she may find a cure for cancer someday. :-) What people do not understand is that staring, talking about the parents and the kid where they can hear you, or giving dirty looks make things worse. I no longer discipline my kid when she wants to kick the seat in front of her – go ahead – kick away- especially when the person in the front of us is a moron and does not understand. My message to you people - Caveat Emptor! When you travel or go to a public place including a restaurant you should expect some noise from my screaming child and if you do not have that expectation, perhaps the problem is not mine- it is yours! Now come on – get real – I do not take my child to fancy restaurants or inappropriate kid places like nightclubs but when I am at Red Lobster, Olive Garden or Applebee’s and I see you complaining and looking at me, I do not feel bad for you nor will I discipline my child not because I do not care about my kid but mainly because I do not care what you think! I will do what I have to do and need to do to raise my child without your judgment as a factor.
Needless to say, I am getting better at ignoring the world around me and not feeling so embarrassed. At first I was mortified if my daughter screamed - now, I just sorta hope for the best. Not much else you can do really. I am getting better but I am not 100% there yet. And to all of you who think you have the best kids in the world.... Ha! But for the Grace of God go ... You.
Monday, September 29, 2008
The Big Easy
We went on a recent family trip to the Big Easy - N'awlins - my home town. When we planned the trip it was primarily for my law school 10-year reunion. As Murphy's Law would have it, my law school reunion was rescheduled due to Hurricane Gustav. Of course, I already had invested over $450 in tickets and rental car so we decided to make the trek to New Orleans. We stayed local because we were on limited time. The city is not the same – you definitely got that feeling as you drove through the neighborhoods, saw the rebuilding, and the boarded up stores, restaurants, and malls. It was strange to say the least to return but also very nostalgic for me. After all, I grew up for 17 years in the city before I moved up the road to Baton Rouge to attend law school for 3. My husband had been there before but my daughter had not so it was neat to take her and get some pics in the city but I am not sure she will remember her trip. But she seemed to be enjoying the food - both home cooked and eatin' out. My husband had a place on his list - he saw it on the Travel Channel called Willie Mae's. I think my daughter enjoyed the food. I was just hoping to get out of the neighborhood alive. This trip was more of reconnecting with friends and eating out - eating a lot :-)
Copeland’s was as usual, PERFECT food and the beignets and coffee are always good. It was an exhausting trip and our daughter missed her naptimes which made for crankier times later but all in all, she did good and it was a fun time. I wish we had more time especially to eat at Piccadilly’s – my favorite cafeteria eats in the world, and, perhaps take in more of the uptown area including Tulane University. Ah well… we will save up some things for next time whenever that happens.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Show must go on!
Up until now I thought McCain was a waffler and a guy who truly could not make up his mind on the issues. When it comes to substance – things like stem cell research and abortion, he goes back and forth. He says one thing and votes another way. He said he was all for supporting for the war, and voted for the Iraq War but then was mad at the President. He has opposed things but then spoke out that he supports them. For example, he said he would like to see Roe v. Wade overturned but then now says he is okay with abortion in the cases of rape or incest as long as the woman can prove it. Oh, so now the victims of rape and incest have to prove they were raped. That is just dandy! Let’s revictimize the victims and just become Taliban-run Afghanistan when a woman was stoned to death because she was raped. After all, she was no good to her husband any longer.
I know, I know – a bit extreme but if you look at his record, it does not lie – he may lie, but his record does not. Just look at his voting record in Congress – he has been there long enough, and then compare it to what he says to try to win this election.
Now, there is a new ploy afoot by the McCain camp. It’s not bad enough they go and select a woman who can barely address any issue – she needs constant protection and man-cover because heaven forbid she speak freely to the press. It’s bad enough that they select her as a ploy to get “stupid” women voters to vote for the party, but now they are pissing Ole Miss, the nation, and all the voters off by trying to delay the debates. It is one thing to postpone their convention so that Gustav could hit Baton Rouge and the coast of Texas, but now they want an entirely new debate schedule because they are not (excuse me) “man enough” to face the facts! Come on! Either you know it or you don’t, another 2 weeks is not gonna make you great orator, Senator. But I tell you what, you are pissing off people who were even thinking about voting for you by pulling tactics like this. Ask a REAL Hockey Mom as she juggles her 2-3 kids, her work, and her family life --- ask her if she can postpone changing her 15-month old infant or breastfeeding her 3-month old because well…. Franky her husband wants dinner on the table. COME ON man, get a grip, get a blackberry and learn how to videoconference. You can focus on more than one thing and if you can’t, you should not be President and certainly not running for the office. There are schedules and appointments to keep – LIFE GOES ON …. Get a grip man and go to Mississippi, get mud on your face like we all expect, and then return back to D.C. for the Monday budget stuff. Stop being so whiny and annoying and learn how to use some technology while you are at it.
The Debates MUST and SHOULD go on!
http://www.olemiss.edu/debate/
I know, I know – a bit extreme but if you look at his record, it does not lie – he may lie, but his record does not. Just look at his voting record in Congress – he has been there long enough, and then compare it to what he says to try to win this election.
Now, there is a new ploy afoot by the McCain camp. It’s not bad enough they go and select a woman who can barely address any issue – she needs constant protection and man-cover because heaven forbid she speak freely to the press. It’s bad enough that they select her as a ploy to get “stupid” women voters to vote for the party, but now they are pissing Ole Miss, the nation, and all the voters off by trying to delay the debates. It is one thing to postpone their convention so that Gustav could hit Baton Rouge and the coast of Texas, but now they want an entirely new debate schedule because they are not (excuse me) “man enough” to face the facts! Come on! Either you know it or you don’t, another 2 weeks is not gonna make you great orator, Senator. But I tell you what, you are pissing off people who were even thinking about voting for you by pulling tactics like this. Ask a REAL Hockey Mom as she juggles her 2-3 kids, her work, and her family life --- ask her if she can postpone changing her 15-month old infant or breastfeeding her 3-month old because well…. Franky her husband wants dinner on the table. COME ON man, get a grip, get a blackberry and learn how to videoconference. You can focus on more than one thing and if you can’t, you should not be President and certainly not running for the office. There are schedules and appointments to keep – LIFE GOES ON …. Get a grip man and go to Mississippi, get mud on your face like we all expect, and then return back to D.C. for the Monday budget stuff. Stop being so whiny and annoying and learn how to use some technology while you are at it.
The Debates MUST and SHOULD go on!
http://www.olemiss.edu/debate/
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