Are you giving women drivers a bad name?

You always hear the phrase, “of course, it’s a woman driver.” Or “what did you expect from a woman driver.” I generally always took offense to that phrase not just because I am a woman but for the most part, I think all drivers have a tendency to flake out and do stupid things on the road not just women. On my way down to Colorado Springs last week, however, I decided to do an experiment after two cars were blocking the left lane of traffic on I-25 southbound near downtown. As I passed both cars on the right, I noticed – yep, you guessed it! Women drivers. So I decided to conduct an experiment to find out if the saying was mostly true. What I discovered was really unnerving to me. I am not sure if more women were just on the road on the times I decided to test out my theories or whether the old sayings are just true, but here are some of the stats I gathered from my jaunt down to the Springs and back:

Roundtrip, out of the 18 drivers I passed on the right because they were blocking up I-25 in some form or fashion, 15 were women. Each time, I passed, I was secretly praying it was not a woman. Sure enough, as I looked over briefly, I saw a woman driving.

Roundtrip, namely, Powers Blvd, on the way to base, out of 5 vehicles I had to go around, 3 were women. On the way back, one woman decided to cut me off and then put her brakes on as she approached a green light at a major intersection. On the way back, I only passed 3 cars on the right and only 2 were women. This was in addition to the woman who cut me off in the left lane only to put her brakes on.

All in all, it was an interesting experiment and one I wish I did not have to undertake but I felt obligated to because so many times I hear the derogatory comment about women drivers, I had to test it for myself. Once again, I do not know if there were just more women on the road at the time I travelled or if genuinely, they are bad drivers. Obviously, no poll or survey or experiment is without its faults but I have to say, I was pretty alarmed. I am not sure who you are women are that are giving all women drivers a bad name but I wish you would learn more courtesies and etiquette of the road.

A high-tech cleaning

In Spring and Winter when you are cleaning out and organizing your closet, the general rule is if you have not worn it in the previous season, get rid of it. It helps prevent clutter, and allows you to organize your closet twice a year as seasons change too. Also, it helps you to realize what you have and what you do not so you can shop for items that will fit.

After almost 3 years of having the same cell phone, I got a new one yesterday. I kept my same number and company and just upgraded the phone. What a difference a phone makes! I am eager to go purchase accessories for my new toy. I was up pretty late playing with my toy too. It was a lot of fun but I cannot believe I chose to stay up and play with the phone instead of sleeping while my infant daughter slept quite comfortably. Anyway, it is fun and I am enjoying it. But here is what took so much time last night. Essentially, I had to transfer the contacts from my old phone (from the SIM Card) to the new phone so I had to transfer each contact one by one because there was no feature permitting me to do it all at once. What a pain! So, I had to sit there and go through each contact. While I did this, I had opportunity to take inventory of the contact. For example, let’s just call her TINA. I had a number for a woman named TINA and I had no idea who TINA was. I looked at the number, looked up from the phone and tried to walk down memory lane but alas, I had no idea who TINA was. So I decided not to transfer her. In essence, I tossed her because if I knew who TINA was, I would not be struggling to figure out who she was. Other contacts were easier, HUSBAND’s CELL, MOM AND DAD (both sets), and other great friends I had no hesitation with. Then, I ran across people who I had not heard from in 6 months or more and nor did I contact them. I had to debate harder on this. Do I hold on to their number, or do I move on? I mean, after all, if we were such good buds, wouldn’t I have heard from them in a year or more? One girl, we will call her KIM – coincidentally there was a Kim stored in there, and I had no idea who that was either- delete! Anyway, my “friend” KIM was invited to my baby shower a year ago. No word from her, not a gift or so much as a congrats so, I decided not to move KIM. It was time to let KIM go as well. And worse case scenario, if the person contacts me or emails me, I can always put them back in the phone right? Why clutter my new precious phone? Just like a spring and winter cleaning, I had to do something about these contacts I had stored in this phone for too long only to realize that the number was disconnected or belonged to someone new. Or in KIM’s case, belonged to someone who I was not sure I wanted to continue a friendship with. After all, as my previous blog on “EX FACTOR” indicated, I want relationships in my life that enrich me and add value to it, right? Delete!

So, I saved the contacts wanted to do and transferred them with ease. It was an interesting process and as I went through the names and made corrections to some of the names and numbers, I realized that a tech cleaning is just as necessary as a closet cleaning/organizing and if you can do it more than every 2 years, then more power to you. I am going to realize soon that tech cleaning can be rewarding as I enjoy my new phone but around the corner a huge tech cleaning awaits me as I face the dilemma of cleaning out my laptop computer I have had for almost four years! So, when the one arrives, I will once again, stroll down memory lane…. Or in my case, clutter lane. Happy tech-cleaning!

The Ex Factor

After marriage, is it appropriate to keep in touch with an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband? If so, does it matter to what degree you keep in touch. For example, if you were previously married and have kids, it is obvious that you may keep in touch for financial matters, care, visitation, etc. But, can you truly be friends with an ex and in a way, pick up where you left off with the friendship? I present these questions because a friend related a story to me and I began to wonder whether she could indeed keep an arm’s length friendship with an ex while being married to her absolutely trusting and great husband. I should mention that her husband is aware of her contact with her ex/friend and there is full disclosure. Of course, full disclosure is key and remaining forthright and honest with yourself and your spouse.

So as far as degrees, what is the boundary or what are the boundaries on a relationship with an ex? Can both parties truly remain friends without reverting back to “the way [they] were?” My theory on this is that if I was supposed to be married to the ex, I would have ended up with him – after all, you are not with that person because something did not work out romantically or for some other reason. So, you should be able to retain the friendship but then again, what if you are sharing things with this person that you cannot share with your spouse? What if you are more comfortable sharing your life with this friend than your own spouse? Then, I think there is something missing in your marriage that you may be seeking from this individual and what makes this situation dangerous is that this is not just a friend, there are deeper feelings involved so you should tread those waters carefully.

Obviously, it helps if both parties are happily married and settled in their lives so there is less temptation and ability to revert back to the way things were. Either way, it is always good practice to be honest with your spouse and yourself and if you find yourself enjoying your “friend’s” company more than your spouse or your needs are not being fulfilled by your spouse, you should keep the relationship with the ex in check. I am amazed at the amount of people who can stay friends with a previous relationship and still go on and lead great lives and relationships with other people. I do not know that I have that ability in me and I also think of a value-added principle when it comes to friendships and relationships in my life. So, if I am getting added value in my life from the presence of a friend, I know that this is a good thing and if I get no value from a relationship, then I assess whether I need to be in it. The same principle would apply to friendship with an ex- what is the benefit? What is the value? What does this person add to my life? If I find no value added in my life from it, I see no purpose in building or maintaining it. For me, the ex-factor is quite clear: my ex-boyfriends really do not add much value to my life. I suppose if they did, they would be in it.

Aisle or Window seat?

I ask this question because on my return trip to Colorado from a business trip, I could not get an aisle seat on a full (correction, oversold) flight from Charlotte to Denver. I was travelling with our infant daughter alone and she is certainly very active these days so I was worried I would have to make people get up constantly. Well, after this particular leg of our journey, I am 100% convinced that when travelling with an infant child, it is best to ask for a window seat.

Here is what happened. When I was told it was a full flight, I decided to take out those items I needed and then try to stuff the rest under the seat in front of me for ease of access. Well, those plans rapidly changed. When I got on the plane, my seat which was a window seat was behind a seat which had some big console under it so I had virtually no leg room let alone space of a diaper bag. So, I quickly grabbed the bottle, the food items and the toys I needed for the 3 hour flight and had someone help me put the diaper bag in the overhead compartment. Needless to say, I completely forgot the diaper and wipe- whoops! I had just changed my daughter before we got on board and I thought all would be okay. She was exhausted and I expected her to sleep. Sure enough, 1.5 hours into flight, I thought she needed to be changed so when the opportunity presented itself, I decided to wake up the guy in the middle seat who, by the way, had his had down on the tray table since after take off and the lady in the aisle seat who was passed out and snoring. I did not think either of them capable to hold my daughter for a second while I got the diaper bag down because neither of them stood up for me to exit to the aisle and yes, I had my daughter in my arms. Yes, you read correctly – neither of them stood up. They had me climb over them into the aisle. Once I got in the aisle way, with one hand, I carefully opened the overhead bin and remembered my diaper bag was on the left hand side, so I used one hand and gently opened the bin watching for my bag to not fall. Well, instead what happens. You guessed it. Someone else’s bag was teetering on the right side of the compartment and fell onto the woman’s head who sat one row behind us – it hit her on the head. We were all startled, shocked even. Turns out, the woman two rows behind us in the aisle had a laptop computer stashed up there, teetering on the edge of the compartment so no matter who opened that compartment, that bag was going to fall.

I was mortified as I asked the lady if she was okay who, as I now noticed, was at least 5 months pregnant. Yikers! I hope she is okay I thought. Needless to say, an airline attendant rushed to check on us and everything was checked out. The lady who was hit on the head said that she was fine – only mildly startled. Hmmm – okay, so I grabbed my diaper and wipe, apologized profusely, and headed to go change my daughter. We hung out in the back a bit and stretched out. My daughter crawled around a little and enjoyed seeing new people. Then as we headed back, the woman with the laptop came by and told me that her laptop was no longer working. I was amazed because this is the first I learned that she had a laptop in the bag. I was more concerned about the pregnant lady who was hit by the laptop rather than the laptop itself. Turns out, she had a bag of ice on her head now. Yikers squared! Another airline attendant commented when I said I felt bag, “she’s not supposed to store laptops in the overhead compartment for this very reason.

Needless to say, a first for me and I felt horrible. I do not think the pregnant lady wanted to talk with me again but I guess this sorta stuff happens sometimes. The attendant who witnessed the incident and came to the scene first took our names and numbers and information because an incident report would have to be filled out. Wow!

I am just glad our infant daughter did not get injured and that the laptop did not harm the unborn child - hopefully, that is. But, it certainly confirms my seat selection on flights- window or aisle? Yeah, I will take the window- thanks!

Blowing Smoke

Yesterday, I went to dinner with friends in Alexandria, Virginia. We went to an Italian restaurant - it was rustic, homey, warm, and smoky! Living in Colorado, I am spoiled because every public place (just about) is smoke-free by operation of law. Even the casinos are now smoke-free which is quite neat. You can come home, hang your clothes back up in the closet, and go to sleep without the bed smelling like smoke.

Last night, we were seated by our maitre de and I asked, "is this non-smoking?" Of course, it was! But then I kept smelling smoke. I felt like I was back in Europe. So, as I was looking at the overpriced items on the menu and trying to decide which one to pick, I asked our waiter again, "are you sure this section is non-smoking?" He confirmed my fear that it was and that their ventilation system and division of smoking v. non-smoking section was just VERY poorly planned. Needless to say, not a terrific dining experience and the worst part was that I stunk the entire ride back- as we passed the White House, the monuments, and Capitol Hill. Here I was, in our nation's capital, smelling like I smoked a pack of cigarettes, heading back to the hotel room, which also stinks. Oh, yeah- as I wrote this blog during a boring session of the conference I am attending, I could still smell the nasty stench of someone else's death wish on me.

When states go smoke-free it is very nice on the population of the state that chooses to not voluntarily take their life. I feel very lucky to not have to think about where to go eat because of the worry of smoke that could harm my infant child. It is tough to go back to the smoking state after you've been smoke free.

Parking in the Beltway

So here I am in the Beltway, the heart of politics, the capitol of Government, the hub of everything corrupt and good; and I really miss home. On the drive in, I heard the James Taylor song, "In my mind I'm going to Carolina." I immediately substituted Colorado for Carolina. I really do miss home when I go on long trips and realize how nice it is back home.

Yesterday, I had to deal with parking in the beltway - what a nightmare! I ended up parking at the long term lot at Reagan National and that was a nightmare too! The parking is steep too - it can be when there is so little available across the city. I tried parking first at the Springfield-Franconia metro stop - that turned out to be a mistake and took away 40 minutes from my time and $4.50 because I had to enter to find out whether they even had parking. First, the overnight spots were not marked so I had to park in a regular spot and go talk to the metro folks to find out where the overnight spots even where. Then, to top that off, once I got to the location where the overnight spots were, there were no empty slots. I had heard horror stories that if you park in these spots and you stay overnight or in my case, three nights, you could come back to find your car towed or ticketed. So, I did not want to risk it even though the guard at the metro told me it would “probably be okay.” I was not having much luck thus far in DC and decided not to chance it with a rental vehicle and an unknown area.

So I headed to the airport to park at the long term lot for $10 a night – sheesh! Talk about steep considering the lots are a free-for-all and then they load the shuttle down so much that one guy was holding his suitcase over his head. I kid you not. So, I got dropped off and took the metro straight to the hotel where the conference is being held but talk about a nightmare. Fortunately, I ended up in a very nice room at the Omni with a balcony overlooking the Washington Monument- sure, it is 20 degrees with a wind chill of 0 degrees and I cannot sit out on the nice balcony to enjoy the breathtaking view of Rock Creek and the monuments but who’s complaining? Seriously, I am not complaining. I am only making the point that I miss home and the hassels here are not really found in other cities. You would not need a Garmin in Denver but here, I do not think it is wise to leave home without one. You really appreciate all the conveniences you do have when you come to a city where it takes an hour to travel 9 miles and while the metro really does rock, it really is a dreary place too - with people so disconnected with society, it is tough to find someone you can ask a question to without being ignored. All in all, I am thankful to visit DC but am very happy to be returning home and "going to Colorado" in more than just my mind.