Open up Dern it!

I, like my husband, have noticed lately how late places open especially on the weekends. When you have kids, you no longer have the luxury to "Sleep in" because someone else controls when you go to bed and when you wake up. So, it is surprising to me that so many public places and establishments open after 10am. The average toddler goes to sleep by 8pm (remember, that is average - which means some will go to sleep even earlier) and wake up by 6am. It is amazing then to me that libraries, museums, recreation centers, malls, and other places open after 10am. Don't these places pride themselves on attracting children- I mean, they sure do advertise to them. Some kids take naps as early as 11am! So, how can a parent take a child to one of these places for an hour? It makes no sense to me and lately, my husband and I have discussed this very problem. He spent two Sundays in a row waiting in a line outside the rec center to take our toddler swimming. The rec center did not open until 10am!

Not only do these hours of operation make no sense to me, I wonder what principle they run these centers on. Is it for the elderly or the single person? Even my single friends or friends without kids get up early to go exercise or go shopping. Even they are wondering why 10am. The places that really perplex me are the ones that cater to children like pools, rec centers, children's museums, and libraries. Storytime at 1030am on a Saturday? I wish these places would just open even an hour early becacuse that make all the difference. For example, on a typical Saturday, my toddler will get up at 630am. By 830am we are done with breakfast and playtime so we can take off to arrive at the rec center by 9am, and be dutifully home by 11am for lunch followed by a nice naptime, and boom! In the afternoon, the child is refreshed and ready for afternoon fun like the park and other outdoor locations. In the winter this makes even more sense because it is tough to do outdoor activities before noon.

So I rant on hoping someone will listen and other parents complain too. I guess 'til then, I have to entertain my own kid for the entire morning! Oy vay!

It's not a Tumor Part II

So, the ER doc came in to talk with us about what someone else saw on the CT Scan. At first, she came in and said "you have a kidney stone." A few minutes, after she got a call and came back it was no longer a stone, but rather, I may have appendicitis. WHAT??? How do you go from stone to appendicitis. Anyway, she said she would send down a general surgeon to meet with us to consult. Oh great!
The surgeon came by and could not tell anything definitive either. In either case, we were admitted to determine whether to go forward with appendix surgery or not. After this it was a waiting game but in the meantime, I started getting better and by mid-afternoon, the pain was gone. But the waiting game continued.... We waited for the surgeon to return but in the meantime were told that surgery was coming to get us - what?!

Anyway, our nurse was very resourceful, young and quite the nosy busy body so she managed to track down our surgeon who came in and pushed rather hard on my abdominal area again and said he had no strong opinions on whether I should stay the night or not but he was not ruling out appendicitis. What kind of diagnosis is that? Even just 6 hours ago, I was in horrible pain but now nothing except sheer and utter starvation. Sure, the IVs were helping with dehydration but I felt horrible and my milk was drying up too - after all, you need nutrition to produce milk. I really just wanted to go home but since the doctor agreed to allow me to have some liquids, I had some broth and jello and decided to stay the night since the yukky stuff had sorta returned. The nurses even offerred to take my IV out so I decided to stay overnight. I knew what that meant - interruptions to come check vitals and what not all night long - ahh! But having stayed at the hospital twice before for two pregnancies, I asked the nurses to not bother me and managed to get 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep accompanied by another 2 hours. In the morning, my white blood cell count had gone down and I was released by 8am. I was also permitted to have solid foods and ate a breakfast... finally! I was very sore from where the doctor had pushed down on my internal organs but other than that lingering pain and general malaise, I felt pretty good. Now, it was time to breastfeed my baby and get my milk supply back up.

So, I am still perturbed to not know definitively what was wrong with me other than perhaps gastroentiritis. But once again, just a perhaps. I am just glad they did not see anything too severe but at the same time, I wish they could have told me for sure. Just another reason I do not have much faith in the medical industry but let's hope for the best.

It's not a tumor! Part I

So recently I had "something" very wrong with me. On Monday night, I started having some mild cramping which I assumed was normal post-partum cramping but a few hours later it turned into a violent attack in my abdomen radiating across my front torso and into my back, and eventually settling on my left lower side. I did all I used to do before when I had stomach pains or gas- Tums, Pepto, a carbonated beverage, and heat (thinking it could be menstrual pain). Well, nothing helped. 12 hours and several vomit episodes later, I realized the cramping was still pretty bad and I had a steady pain that radiating from my left side to the middle of my abdomen so I thought it best my husband take me to the ER. Well, that is where the fun begins...

... we arrived at the ER and I was in severe pain. I remember telling my husband it was worse than labor. Now, that is important to note because I had just delivered our second child four weeks ago so for me to say it was worse than labor was quite the comment. We were admitted into a room there and another person was also wheeled in later. Sharing a room wtih just a curtain blocking you from the next person over is quite unnerving. In fact, it is downright annoying at times... more to follow on that. But, you get to hear the person's name, DOB, and their entire medical history. Fortunately, for me, I was there first so I got to hear others' personal privacy information first. I am surprised that they share beds in the ER considering they are so concerned about HIPPAA every other time you try to ask for something..."oh no, that would violate HIPPAA Privacy Laws, but here, share an ER room with this person and then you can record their DOB, their name, their medical history and their diagnosis...that's okay."

I was also fascinated with the fact that when the guy next to me got X-rays taken in the room with the push cart X-ray maching, they stuck that nice little bib over the railing of the bed I was laying in. I was miffed by this because I saw no point. How does hanging one of those bibbs over the rail of my bed protect me from radiation? Not to mention I am breastfeeding so really? A bibb over the rail? Really? Anyway, that was humorous but it did not end there.

We ended up getting an annoying new curtain neighbor when the other one left and what an entertaining couple of folks they were! The guy who was admitted was hard of hearing and was screaming - he was loud! The lady that was with him - maybe his wife but who knows right, was a complete freak too. She was talking loud and all sorts of nonsense but for my husband and I, it provided a few minutes of humor in an otherwise scary and unnerving day. I mean who enjoys going to the ER only to have to wait to find out what is wrong with them.

Which brings up my next point- so, they could not figure out what was wrong with me. Four weeks post partum, but no one thought to call my OB and do an exam. Instead they took urine to rule out UTI and kidney stones. Well, it does not end there. I was breastfeeding and of course had not eaten or drank in sometime and I was drying up. Amidst all this they decided to do a CT Scan with contrast so I could not feed the baby for more hours. They wanted to find out what was wrong so I had to drink this horrible liquid in the room. All I could think of as I watched the monster 64 oz. cup come at me was ... "Man v. Food" from the Travel Channel and it was a quest really to finish the nasty stuff as I fought cramping and nausea. I tried to think back to some of the gorry episodes where he tackled the 13 egg omelet (or something like that), and the burritos and the clams, and thought... okay, the key is to down it. They had brought me a straw but turns out, that was a time killed. It was better to just down it all at once and hope for the best. In the case of woman v. nasty drink, drink almost won. So, after I conquered the liquid drink, they wheeled me into this room to take the Scan and it was not as scary as I thought it would be so I was glad- I can't imagine how people get CT Scans of their heads -- to be rolled into some giant machine and not come out seems frightening to me. The weirdest sensation was when they injected me with the contrast dye which turns out is actually the safest thing to give pregnant and nursing moms. This dye which is clear allows them to see all the organs better- it is cool but when it goes into your system gives you a warm, a very warm to hot sensation that extends from your head to your groin. It is quite unnerving and feels like your body is on fire. It goes away quickly but nonetheless, weird.

So we received a diagnosis a few minutes after returning to our walled off curtained area. No, it's not a tumor! Thank god. I was envisioning the worse. To Be Continued in Part II...

100% all Natural

I am prefacing this blog by stating that this is my experience and of course, from what little data I have gathered, I do believe this to be the case. Of course, if you have some evidence to dispute the below, I would love your comments.

Recently, I had my second child and therefore, decided pretty early on in the pregnancy that I was going to 100% natural this time. I did more data gathering this time, hired a doula (which I should have done the first time), and delved into the effects of epidurals, medications, and other medical interventions during child birth. I was amazed to learn that if you take any of the above before you are in active labor, that labor and delivery could be slowed down significantly. Moreover, anything taken before active labor can pass directly to the baby and thereby effect the baby's development too. This time labor and delivery was a lot quicker and while there is no pain-free labor and delivery, I have to say I was better prepared. I knew what labor pains would feel like and I was able to manage pain better. I knew about the progression of labor and the dilation and knew anything taken before I was at least 5 cm would slow down labor and possibly harm the baby. I also had hired a doula to help with pain management at the hospital and advocate for me. All in all, I have to say this time around, the entire experience was better and my recovery was 10 times quicker. Last time, I remember not being able to walk properly or do much for over 2 weeks post-partum. This time, I was up and ready within hours and the next day, was on my own, able to breastfeed a baby who was eager to feed, and was ready to head home.

This time my labor and delivery was 100% natural. Last time, I got to the hospital too early and to help me sleep and manage pain they offerred me morphine. I was only 1 cm dilated so of course, that slowed down labor - granted, the pain still continued and the meds did nothing for the pain. I was groggy, exhausted, and of course, the same can be said for the baby- she was also taking in the morphine and that may have contributed to late development for her as she did not feed right away, lost a lot of weight and to this day has issues with feeding and sleep. My sister-in-law reports different experiences with her births too. For the first, she took an epidural. I am not sure when but from how she explained it, early. While I am not associating all medical intervention with slow labor and delivery, post-recovery issues, and baby development issues, I think there is something to be said about 100% natural child birth and all of the above. Her second son was born free of intervention and from what I hear, a better eater, a better breast feeder, and even a better sleeper.

I have noticed the same this time with my second child- she is a better eater, is gaining weight, and a much better sleeper. Not that my first child was a terror- she was not. She was a great baby too but this one is just doing better and was more alert from the time of birth. I would love to do more empirical and statistical data gathering on this matter because of my own experience on the issue and I have even talked with my husband about becoming a doula part-time in the future to spread this knowledge and experience. I would love to help other women who are having children to go natural - it is truly the best thing for mother and child.

Second Chances

As I look my newborn daughter I realize she is a lot like my other daughter at her age. It is amazing how identical they look. When I put the outfits my oldes daughter wore at that age on her, she looks identical to her. When I look at old photos of my daughter who was born almost two years ago, I am completely amazed that my newborn is a splitting image of her. So, during a late night feeding I started to think - is this my second chance? Do I get to start over and do things right that I may have done wrong before or is this a completely new child?

The interesting thing is that I have different plans this time for things that I may have done wrong last time- for example, when it comes to sleeping, I would like to develop better sleeping habits with this child because the eldest daughter is a lost cause. I would also like to develop better eating habits for this child because that is another area of concern with our oldest. So, you ask - how do I plan on doing this? And you are thinking to yourself "well, every child is different and this is not your first one!" True- true. I know all children are different but all children are trainable if you start early enough. Children are a reflection of their parents and how we react really does affect the child's behavior. In any case, my newborn is too young to be trained just yet and she is still trying to just gain fat and weight so she can sustain herself for 6 to 8 hours at night. Night versus Day is a whole 'nother battle. We will need to be her eyes and ears and help her understand day versus night because she has no clue. My goal is to start at a reasonable age and this depends on the child. The child will give us clues as to when she is ready to be sleep trained and so on. I have missed the clues my first daughter sent me. There was a time when we could have easily trained her to eat better but that time has now passed. We could have sleep trained her but we chose not to mainly out of laziness and exhaustion - we just chose to stick her in our bed and make life easier for me (I was breastfeeding her), and for dad.

I am not sure things will be that much different in our second chance but I certainly would like to try and obviously, we will adapt to this kid and depending how she responds to our second time around as well.

Evolution

After having another baby recently I started thinking. Trust me, I have a lot of time to think because it seems like I am always up - either with one daughter or the other. It is quite the task. Anyway, so as I was saying, I started to think about how helpless human babies really are. Unlike other animals, it seems humans are pretty helpless when they are first born and need a lot of care, attention, and help until they are ... well, for the average child, until they are past the age of even 7or 8. Even then, humans (unlike other non-comparable animals) still need a lot of training, education, feedings, etc., that other animals do not. But as my husband so aptly pointed out, compared to others in the animal kingdom, humans are more versatile and can do a lot more in life than the other animals. He is correct in this assessment but still I cannot help but wonder if we as humans will evolve someday - past this helpless stage of not being able to do anything for ourselves.

It got me thinking about evolution and whether humans would evolve into something even more versatile than we already are. Unlike a giraffe which can walk within a few hours of birth or baby calf which can stand on its own within minutes, I wonder whether we humans will eventually evolve to the point where babies would be able to defend themselves or at least get neck control sooner, crawl or walk sooner, and what would that mean for the human race.

Okay, so I am up a lot and these are the things I think of but I think that the reason I am thinking of these things is because right now I am exhausted and in my mind, am hoping for a quicker development for my 2nd born because I want to see the light at the end of what appears right now to be a long tunnel. I want my new baby to sleep through the night, and I want her to have neck control and be able to sit up and start defending herself against her older, well-intentioned sister who thinks she is a rag doll. I know in a few years I will wonder where the time has gone but right now, I look at her - helpless, needing food and diapering all the time, and needing constant care, and I wonder... will we ever evolve past this?

Stepping into the shoes of others

So recently I have been sleep deprived, experiencing some major life changes, and of course, the usual post-partum hormones and I started to have some rage towards my innocent daughters. Of course, I know it is not their fault. For example, it is not my 3-week old daughter's fault she needs fat to sustain early life and so she gets up every 2 hours to my great dismay. My other daughter gets up all the time and is not a self soother because we never trained her for sleeping and now almost 2 years old, she needs assistance and cries a lot when her needs are not met. Add that crying onto the every 2 hour wakings from the infant, and you have a lethal combination of frustration - mix in lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion, add daily annoyances like dealing with bills, errors in billing, health care costs, reduced income due to maternity leave, and house guests, and that makes for a lethal formula.

So during those late night feedings, I try to think of fun things like movies. I could not remember the name of this one movie I loved - they did a Bollywood remake of it called "Mann". Yes, while "An Affair to Remember" is not how my life is, at least I still have my legs, during late night feedings, I also contemplate how people cope with daily life. Especially since I hear about people committing heinous crimes like going on a killing spree or killing their own children, I start to wonder and start to imagine what their lives are like. I used to be a criminal defense attorney but I represented relatively sane, average people and no one who committed murder. But I started to think to myself, what is going on in their lives that produced a lethal formula for them? Did a chemical or hormonal imbalance add to that already weakened state? Moreover, I think to myself, if even the strongest person could break from the pressure, what's to say that the already predisposed couldn't be pushed over the edge even easier? So, I know they are predisposed and then a combination of items can push them over the top. It is interesting because in law school I studied the insanity defense at length and learned it even better representing those accused of crimes but, M'Naughten's Rule applies narrowly and it seems to require the person to not be able to distinguish right from wrong. So, I wonder what the reasonable person standard is when applied to a person who has completely lost rationale thought - what goes through a mom's head as she drowns her own three children? Does anything go through her head or is she just nuts?

I mean, I got mad at my 2 year old last night and within seconds, cried, hugged her and said momma was sorry. It was 2am. But, what would it take for a person predisposed to crime and insanity to just snap? I hope I never have to step into the shoes of someone who has committed such heinous crimes to offer a defense because it is tough but I have to say, after 3 weeks of not sleeping well, and going through some changes, experiencing other stressors, and two crying kids at home, I can somehow understand the factors that may contribute to a person snapping. Granted, I have it great compared to the people who may go through this but I still can't help but wonder what makes people just go ... well, nuts.

Torn: A Tale of Two Daughters

I know I am writing this only 3-weeks post partum after having our second daughter but I already feel torn between taking care of the two of them and divided loyalties. It has been a tough few weeks as my husband and I try to find balance in our lives- balance between taking care of a newborn, life in general, our marriage, work, and of course, trying to get enough rest so that we can do all of the above. For me, I have always needed more sleep than the average person so having one kid was hard enough. I have not slept through the night in about 24 months - my sleep was waning away even as I was in the third trimester with my first one. So, for about 2 years now, I have not slept well. There are no signs of this getting better and in fact, if anything, it has gotten worse. At least with the first one, we just let her sleep with us, and we found a balance - we had settled into a routine. Now, all that has changed yet again and change, as we all know, is tough to take on top of 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night.

So.... I started thinking today how much I feel torn on most days and nights between my two girls. My infant needs me because I am breastfeeding. She is not even three weeks old yet! So, she needs a lot of care- diapering, feeding, burping. The list never ends. Then, there's my 22-month old who also needs me. She needs me to put her down for a nap in the afternoon, feed her good nutritious foods, diaper her too, and of course, spend time playing with her- whether it is reading, playing blocks, helping her in her pretend kitchen, or just encouraging her to learn, she needs a lot of attention too. And of course, without fail, my newborn will wake up screaming right when I am doing something with my toddler. So, I write this blog because I feel what most parents feel when their lives change in this manner- TORN! It is tough but I am trying to find the right balance and when possible, have my husband take the other one so that I can tend to the right one at the right time. It is a balancing act for sure but I will continue to try to prioritize depending on need and what has to come first at that time. I am sure this saga of being torn will continue so stay tuned for parts 2, 3, 4 and 5.

Billing Practices of Healthcare providers & Insurance

I recently had yet another experience with a healthcare provider billing me for a trivial item and it turning into a $100 copay with the insurance company. What? I thought. All the doc did was examine me with a scope and I got charged for a surgery from my insurance company. This happened twice because after the first visit, there was no bill. When I called to dispute this because of lack of knowledge, the doc's office manager insisted that is how they bill. I am writing this blog to make people aware that they need to talk with their insurance provider and the medical doctor before they get anything done. Forget about life and death, this country is all about the insurance companies (HMOs and PPOs) and the pockets of the medical doctors.

Don't get me wrong- there are medical doctors out there who would not bill like this and would work with a patient. I have had this happen in the past. But, this was not one those doctors. I will not be returning to this doctor or recommending her to others - in fact, I already filled out several surveys cautioning people on the billing practices of this particular office but I would recommend that before you see specialists or have ANYTHING done by any medical provider, you ask the right questions - is this covered by insurance? Is this considered a surgical procedure? If that means you stop the appointment short and leave to call your insurance, I would do it. It is sad that you have to worry about this in addition to the medical problems you are seeking help for, but that is the state of health care in our country and frankly, it stinks.

I hope that one day we can worry about our health and seek prevention instead of having to see doctors after the fact. I hope we can have a good health care system in our country that cares about the patient instead of the bottom line and more importantly, health care providers that truly want to work with you and provide great "customer" care or patient care instead of sticking it to you and talking with you like you are just another number. I remember a time when doctors would make house calls and they were like family. That is no longer the case - HMOs, PPOs and insurance companies have replaced what was once family doctors. It is all about the bottom line now - the copays, the codes, the treatment codes, and the patient is generally not even a factor anymore.

Changing family dynamics

We brought home our new baby girl two weeks ago and it has been quite a LONG two weeks. With a 21-month old at home already, bringing a new baby into the home has changed the family dynamics quite a bit, disrupted everyone's routines, and thrown our household in a sleepless state of insanity. It seems like we are constantly running around- either chasing after the toddler, or diapering and feeding the newborn. Life has settled a bit in week two but week one seemed like a whirlwind and I could not believe how much life had changed instantly. It is nice to not have to take the newborn out with my mom staying at home with her but it is so important to have a routine for the toddler too. She needs to continue her bath time, story time, outings, and park time. While our toddler may be adjusting better than us, she still gets up in the middle night, adding more turmoil to an already stressed mommy who is up all the time feeding the baby.

We have decided to continue day care for our toddler for two or three days a week until mom adjusts or baby starts to sleep at night a little more but 'til then, the routine continues at our household and we just hope that in a few months time, things can settle down a bit. I do know one thing, it will NEVER be just my husband and me again - we are definitely a family and the sooner we accept that, the sooner everyone can settle down into a routine. The key I have found over the past two weeks is working with my husband as a team especially in the middle of the night when there are two girls crying out for us. Another thing we both know is that our days of sleeping in are definitely gone and in some cases, sleeping at all.

I am sure I will continue to report our trials and tribulations as our adventures continue.