Westminster Mall- why even bother?

Last night we decided to take our daughter to see Santa at the Westminster Mall since it is about 2 miles from our home. This mall, mind you, is a disgrace to malls everywhere but generally has good anchor stores like Macy’s, JCPenney’s and Sears. Aside from that, the mall is a complete waste of space and there is nothing to eat save for the Chick-Fil-A. Why a land developer or mall developer would not do more, I am not sure because it is prime real estate in a prime location, and while Flat Irons Crossing Mall is only about 5 miles down the road using Hwy 36 West, I still think it is a waste not do something to make this mall more attractive to all.

For example, inside the mall are countless jewelers, Victoria’s Secret, Children’s Place, and other good retailers. There are also not so pleasant places like the dress shop that appears to cater to people who want very gaudy weddings/receptions – dresses with sequins. ARGH! Then, there are the food places – there is a firehouse grill or something like that is boarded up; a place that looked like it was a Greek place, boarded up, a Chinese place, and of course, my favorite – the pizza place that seemingly went out of business the day after I bought a slice of the yummiest pizza I have ever had. Go figure! Then there is the food court area (I use this term loosely) which is out of sight and unfortunately, out of mind with a horribly Subway and a Chinese place which may actually make you ill. When we took our sister in law and her kids there to take pics at Sears, she had that look on her face of appall and disgust. I was embarrassed but we were just there to take pics not eat.

Nonetheless I am baffled that the developer would not take the time to attract merchants and food places alike. Sometimes I think, like the 28th Street Mall in Boulder, you have to just shut down and start over. Clean Slate! Westminster Mall is a great candidate for a complete make-over. The mall, in its current state, is an eye sore for those who enter, and those who pass by on the street too. While it has big name anchor stores, even the Macy’s at Westminster Mall does not carry Polo or all the name brands you would expect a normal Macy’s to carry. My husband was looking for a Polo shirt but this Macy’s did not carry it. A lady checking out at the register whispered to us, “you need to go to the Macy’s at Flat Irons Crossing for that brand”. I guess the Westminster Mall is in such a crappy location, they can’t even carry all the brands. Wow! Even Ralph Lauren wants nothing to do with this crap-hole. I was amazed.

My daughter did see a Santa who looked like a seemingly normal Santa but she was not impressed. I guess she is still too young. Then we stood in line at Chick-Fil-A for about 20 minutes to get some food- it was the only concessionaire after all so, what can you expect? Don’t get me wrong, I like the convenience of the Westminster Mall and like to get our pics done at Sears but I think there have to be better plans for this area and this location. Westminster is not a bad area to live in and neither is Broomfield or North Arvada so I am confused at how this mall can end up as such a dump. I guess I will need to drive the extra 5 miles and stop my complaining. If you are considering going to Westminster mall - I would just say- don't bother!

Massage Jealousy

I had another so-so massage at Massage Envy and decided it was time to write this Blog. I became a member because when I was pregnant with my first child, I had some amazing prenatal massages down at the Massage Envy in Colorado Springs. So keeping tradition, I decided that with this pregnancy and all the early pains that started with it that I would get a 6-month membership and hoped I would find someone up here in the Denver area that I liked. So far, that venture has proven unsuccessful.

Ironically enough, as my previous posting stated, I absolutely love – love – love my new masseuse down in the Springs – he does the most amazing prenatal massage therapy. I call it massage therapy because he does a bit of physical therapy along with a normal massage, spends time getting to know my needs and pains and is just a great masseuse. He is leaving massage envy though so the membership may prove to be useless and leave me in a state of massage jealousy so to speak.

This guy who I was reluctant to see first because I was biased against male massage therapists is amazing and if there is a pain, it is gone within a day of his massages. Sadly enough, if I get a massage from someone else, sometimes those pains increase. It is very hard to find a good masseuse and after visiting three different Massage Envys, I still have not found that perfect masseuse in the Denver area so I keep going to my favorite one down in Colorado Springs. He has his own practice now so I try to schedule my time with him during military drill weekends. Unfortunately after January 12, I will not be down there until May (due to maternity leave) so he gave me a referral for someone up here and I look forward to trying out those services during the last 4 weeks of pregnancy but alas, it is not affiliated with Massage Envy. Let this serve as a cautionary note to you folks who are considering membership with a specific place like Massage Envy. Make sure the person you love love love is with the massage envy and plans on staying for a bit. Otherwise, it could all be for nothing and you too could end up with massage jealousy.

Victoria's "discriminatory" Secret

This is my 2nd pregnancy but even during my first, I have noticed that my favorite pre-pregnancy stores like Victoria’s Secret do not carry a maternity line nor do I see them making an effort to help women who are pregnant or nursing. It seems counterintuitive in my opinion to not tap into this market. Let’s analyze.
Victoria’s secret is the leader in the market for sexy lingerie, pajamas, bras, hosiery, and other “accoutrements” so to speak that you may need for … well, let’s face it – sex! Sex is what sells at Victoria’s Secret. It is often not about comfort when you purchase there- it is all about the sexiness you exude and the sex you will get as a result – well, hopefully.

So, why would Victoria’s Secret leave such a gaping hole in their market? Why would they not tap into the sexiest market out there – pregnancy and nursing? I have often wondered that and not realized the answer other than what my husband told me which is it runs afoul of their image. After all, they women to get laid and men to get excited but they do not want anyone to get pregnant? What?! Are you kidding me? Pregnant women are the sexiest creatures out there…. Sure, they get big and bloated and have bad gas sometimes and acid reflux but my God, they are procreating and often look irresistible during these times. Pregnancy is sexy and nursing is even sexier. How many women out there can feed a child and help that child grow? Her breast is out and a baby is sucking on it to extract nutrients? Are you kidding me? What kind of store would not tap into this market?

Here are some ideas- nursing bras; sexy nursing bras so that by night, this woman can get it on with her man should she wish, and by day, nurse in public. Here is another thought – nursing covers for those women who would like to hide her hooters from Uncle John who is visiting. What about maternity bras that can adjust to fit the woman as she progresses from trimester to trimester? What about the delivery gown? Doesn’t a woman in agonizing labor pain deserve a sexy gown to wear too? What about a nice cotton maternity panty for the pregnant woman? They can even use what they already sell and just make it maternity. After all, just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you do not have sex anymore- if anything, you need to make yourself feel even sexier. Why not tap into that line? I have never understood for the life of me and after my first pregnancy, I even stopped shopping there because frankly, I no longer feel connected to the store or that they serve all women. Maybe that is their goal - to only serve those who are not pregnant or nursing but I for one feel it is a little discriminatory and leaves out a huge piece of the market-the piece that may actually need the "secret".

What's so wrong with Pink?

This weekend I went to the bicycle store with my husband. It is not something I am into but we wanted to spend time together so we all went. While there, my daughter was enjoying touching everything, exploring her environment, and riding the Kettler bikes. While there, I noticed a couple enter the store with a little boy. I could only assume they were a couple but who knows? They could have been sisters.

Needless to say, they were shopping for a bike for a 3-year old boy who was with them. He was very interested in the tricycles and the bikes with the training wheels but just like my daughter, seemed very drawn to the pink bikes in the store – all of them. Even when the two kept steering him to the electric blue tricycle or the sporting royal blue bike with lasers (kidding), the little boy seemed to have a preference for the dainty, flowery pink ones. As the two kept defending the boy’s choice of color, I couldn’t help but wonder why we as a society cannot tolerate a boy on pink- what is so wrong with that?

Stereotypes drive me nuts! Girls need to become secretaries and nurses and boys can … well, do anything they want. Girls need to wear pink and boys wear blue. Heaven forbid our society tolerate a boy in pink. What’s so wrong with pink I ask you? What is so wrong with breaking the mold and the stereotypes that come with gender. From the day of birth in the hospital, there are pink and blue items. I am not sure why- is it so people can ID a girl from a boy? What is the reason for the color stereotypes? They just get worse as we grow up. After all, a girl cannot stay out too late but boys can run amuck in their teenage years. And what about the stereotypes kids face in school? They are ruthless.

If my assumption was correct about these two adults in the store and if they were truly together, I think they should be proud of their “son” and should buy him the pink bike. He may get picked on – sure, but isn’t overcoming ridicule and gender stereotypes a very important lesson and step in life – one that may be better if it comes sooner than later? I do not see anything wrong with blue for girls and pink for boys and in so much as I can help it, hope to do my part in breaking gender stereotypes.

Appreciation

My husband and I recently saw a movie that my brother recommended - called Slumdog Millionaire. Odd name, I know- a name that would not have dragged me to the movies. It was only playing at one theater in Denver- the Landmark Esquire. A theater, I do not really care for. They charge high prices and if you do not sit in the middle, you get a crick in your neck but unfortunately, the only theater in Denver that takes on arty, film-fest, award-winning films that mainstream theaters for some reason do not show.

I really enjoyed the movie but more than enjoying it, for me, I dissect a film weeks or months after seeing it especially if it made an impact on me. This one did. I have a daughter and one more child on the way and I could not help but wonder after watching this movie, how much I have and how much I have to be thankful for. It is strange for me to think I have done something in a previous birth or somehow been rewarded by heaven to be born into a family that loved me and took good care of me. From education, housing, and food to other items, I have not had a want for anything and have been very fortunate. This movie reminds us that not everyone experiences that and that there are less fortunate people in the world who have a want for the basic necessities in life. The focus is the slumbs of Mumbai near the airport - it is hard to miss flying in or out of the airport - they are to the left, to the right, and surround the runway. People live in these conditions daily and this movie is a bitter sweet tale of a young boy who grew up in the slums, his experiences, and how he tried to rise above it. It was a very well done movie and I have to say in retrospect, as I dissect the movie, it left me very thankful for what I had and the joys in my life.

If you have not seen it, I highly recommend it. If you have seen it, I urge you to reflect on it - there is more than a message of hope. I think there are messages throughout the movie to not want for things. Greed actually plays a huge role in the downfall of several characters while hope, faith, and trust are virtues in the movie which help other characters succeed.

It is hard to come by films which make you truly think these days and I am glad we came across this one. It is a definite must-see!

Got Change?

Yesterday I had the opportunity to see my baby’s face at a 30-week ultrasound. I was amazed at how clear things looked even though they were anything but clear. It was still nice to see that the little guy or gal is doing well – alert, kicking, moving, and a strong heart rate. I think it finally hit me that another life is on its way into our world and it is starting to freak me out. No matter how prepared you are for childbirth and the arrival of a new baby into your home, the first few weeks always find the parents dazed and confused. Change is hard on most everyone even those who are looking forward to it. I am sure we will be no different because for me, while the concept is great, I am starting to stress out a bit. What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t care for two? What if this kid is as active as our first? Then what? Will I have a nervous breakdown? Will my employer be supportive of my needs and issues? As you know, in this economy, people worry more about everything.

I am starting to dream more and more about the coming of this new life into our lives but mainly, I think it is because I realize things are about to change. I think that is the big thing in my life right now – CHANGE. It started with the election of my new commander in chief, and does not stop there. In January, I get two new bosses – two! I get a new boss at my full-time job and also with the Reserves. I am about to enter unchartered territory and while I know change is part of life and my career, I would remiss if I wasn’t a little nervous. For example, will the new boss support my need to take 16 weeks off or will I be let go? What if I can no longer work full-time or need accommodations? What will happen to me? What about the Reserves? Is the guy going to be family friendly or will it be mission first and the family suffers? Anyway, all these thoughts are going through my head and I wish I had a crystal ball to see into the future so I can put my mind at ease one way or the other- ‘tis better to know than to delve into the unknown. Perhaps the biggest change coming in 2009 that will affect my immediate daily life is the birth of our new son or daughter. It is going to be strange I think and I am not sure I am ready for the challenges that come with raising two. I still have not gotten used to the challenges that come with raising one. Heck, everyday is something new and as our daughter learns, so do we. I am lucky to have supportive friends and family and a husband who truly is a great dad and partner in my life. But I think the first six months we will both be delving into unchartered waters as we try to find balance with life, the children, and work. While I look forward to the adventure and challenge, I know there will be times when it will be very tough.

As I look at the pictures of yesterday’s ultrasound, and realize that only 10 weeks remain between us and this new life force, I feel it’ll be alright – people have done this for centuries and succeeded. Our parents raised us and everything seems to have worked out okay. I think in the end, change is what keeps us on our toes and keeps us from being complacent and change keeps our society progressing – so, in February, we will take the big change that enters our lives and do what we can with it to succeed – to be the best we can be as parents, as partners, and as humans. Change is more than a concept- more than a slogan and how we choose to view change and how we choose to react to it is what will determine our success , our adaptability, and our ability to grow.

Smoking can be hazardous to a Commander in Chief?

Yahoo News Story can be found at: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081207/pl_nm/us_usa_obama_smoking_3
This morning, I was listening to a local radio station which was hosting a discussion on our President-Elect's smoking habits. It was an interesting discussion. One guy claimed he did not know before the election that Obama was a smoker. Duh- he must not watch the news then because it was everywhere before the election. Second, another DJ was claiming he did not want a smoking President because that is not an image a President should be portraying in our modern day age. Granted, I think smoking is horrible. I would have a hard time if I were Michele Obama and had to kiss this man. Fortunately, I kiss another man's mouth.

Needless to say, I could not help but wonder whether I was concerned about this man leading our country and the free world and why people were so concerned about this considering how many Presidents have smoked cigars or in the case of one President, misused cigars to commit adultery in the White House. Are we really that shallow of a society? Do we not follow what is going on in our economy right now so much so that we are focused on the individual and personal choices a man has made for his health? Granted, as a role model to our nation's youth, I agree- I do not want the President to be displayed on TV puffing away. But, what the man chooses to do in his home or in the backyard of the White House is his business. People did not freak out excessively when Jack Kennedy was sleeping around with random women, or when FDR was drinking scotch. What about Jimmy Carter and those damn peanuts? Kidding of course, but why was there not an image issue when Clinton had sexual relations of some sort with a White House intern?

I am frankly amazed that people are so concerned about Obama's smoking that they are not focused on things that matter. If anything, how nice to see a human at the helm who understands health care issues especially the addictions associated with nicotine. Granted, I do worry about self control - I hope he is not vulnerable like this in other areas of his life. But, I simply think people are making too much of this and hopefully, we can all move on to more important things like health care, women's rights, and of course... oh yeah, the flailing economy.

Balance or Sacrifice?

My mom is currently living with us and she tends to be pretty old school about things in general – life, hobbies, raising family, and the roles that people should play in life. For example, she did not work when we were growing up, thus affording us the opportunity to have a full-time parent at our disposal 24-7. However, this came at a cost of my mom, dad, and my brother and I going without things and living within our means. It also meant my dad had to work harder and try to contribute to his retirement while feeding, educating, and clothing us. My mom said something interesting the other day when we heard a friend that I grew up with was getting divorced. She could not understand why this gal’s husband was such a louse after 2 kids – didn’t he understand responsibility and most importantly, sacrifice? My mom gave up countless hobbies to raise us. I am still at a loss to understand why but nonetheless this is touted as the cornerstone of raising children- sacrifice. I can understand going without so your child can have an education, clothes, food, but giving up things you may want to do seems a little extreme to our generation.

Now, I can understand if your hobbies are toxic- ie., drinking, smoking, recreational drugs, partying til 4am with the girls every weekend, etc., those are more lifestyle changes than giving up coin collecting, scrapbooking, poker with the boys, making jewelry, pottery, etc. And, we all have to make lifestyle changes when a kid comes along because let's face it - you can't do the exact same thing and expect the child to just fall in place. Also, if you can’t find time to do something, that may be a different matter. When I make a choice, it is usually between napping/sleeping OR doing something like watching a movie, going out, or scrapbooking into the wee hours of the night. For me, those choices tend to be a no brainer- I tend to always choose sleep! But, I do get to make the choice.

I think some parents of my mom’s generation believed sacrifice was the only way to raise a family- go without, give up things, and make choices to give up things that did not comport with a family lifestyle. Conversely, these days, you hear more and more parents of our generation using terms like “balance” and “choice” as opposed to sacrifice. For our generation, it is not about how much you gave up but rather, how well you can strike a balance between all the things you love- family, home, and those hobbies you enjoyed doing before you had a family. Once again, I am referring to activities and hobbies here not lifestyle changes. Some lifestyle changes are unfortunately, necessary. For example, I cannot sleep until noon any longer. I would feel wrong doing so as well because the weekends are the only time I get with my daughter it seems. In that sense, I do make a sacrifice of sleep but I do not even think of it that way - it is just something moms do. I think it is important to try to balance the important facets of your life. I remember my parents relaying stories of how they never went out or to movies because they did not want to leave us with a babysitter. I, on the other hand, think it is very important to carve out time for your spouse and each other and ensure that you have quiet times without the child- whether at home, at the movies, at a nice restaurant, or out on the town, it is important to have a date night. It is just as important for me to get out and get a massage or alone time to read a paper. It just clears my head. Once again, it is about balance not sacrifice. In either case, I find it interesting to hear stories about what my parents gave up or did not do as a result of us. It almost makes you feel bad when you hear the stories. Granted, I do not think we are better off or worse off as adults because our parents did those things. There are plenty of kids who turn out just fine and they went to a baby sitter occasionally or went to child care full-time. If anything, I think kids who grow up in a balanced home and observe balanced parents may actually fare better because they see how important it is to bring balance into their lives as well.

In the end, there is not a right or wrong way when it comes to this but I do think it is important to note how different two generations can be when it comes to even the simplest things.

Here's an energy-saving idea for the Federal Government

I am very excited about President-Elect Obama’s transition to the Presidency of the U.S. Part of the thrill is that they ask us what our thoughts are on issues such as environment, energy policy, and other initiatives. That is cool! I mean, seriously, how many Presidents give a damn about what you think much less ask you to submit your thoughts on-line. I am not sure who will read my suggestions but today is a perfect example of why I shared my the thoughts I did for making the Federal Government more energy efficient. After all, if the Federal Government is going to try to save energy, find alternatives to fuel and gas, and promote policies on a cleaner environment, the Federal Government through its agencies and bureaus need to talk the talk and walk the walk.

So, today is the day after Thanksgiving and for some reason, I am at the office- a federal government bureaucratic office. All the lights are on but only six employees out of 23 are here. But, yes, all the lights are on. Some people may be truly busy and catching up but for others like me, I have one project to work on which I could do from home, or anywhere really – the nearest Starbucks perhaps? So, today is an example of a wasteful federal energy day and backs up my suggestion to cut the fat in government. More workers should be encouraged to work from home when possible, saving the Government thousands in energy costs by the end of the year. And, not to mention, if you cut out my office space and I share office space instead, think of the money we would save on leasing buildings and operating those buildings- electric, water, and our natural resources. The Friday after Thanksgiving should be a Federal holiday or in the least, should be a work at home day for those who need to accomplish the mission without coming into the office. Here is another effect of this cost saving: I am an employee who commutes about 14 miles to work in one direction. If I do my work from home and save the government cost of electricity and water, I also save myself a gas bill and thereby contribute to the notion of not being dependent on fuel. What a concept! There is a chain reaction and I think where possible, we, the Federal Executive Branch needs to champion work from home, telework or alternate work schedules so that in a given week, an employee is not commuting more than they need to in order to accomplish the mission.

After all, what is the point of coming in the day after Thanksgiving? To my boss, we needed coverage. It was essential. However, none of our clients are in and the phone has not rang once. I kid you not. Can’t we pick up the business we left off on Monday? Shouldn’t I be contributing to the Black Friday crowds so our economy is strengthened instead of sitting here, using Government-funded electricity and energy to write this Blog?

I hope this example supports why I left comments on change.gov for President-Elect Obama to change the Federal Government’s work at home policy to make it more mandatory. I hope this example supports mandatory Government shut-downs on days after holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s because for one, people are not productive, and the work can be done from elsewhere or just wait. If we want to cut wasteful spending and contribute to a cleaner environment and explore ways to cut energy costs, it has to start with the Federal Executive Branch – the agencies, the bureaucracies, and then trickle down. That is Responsible Governance and it is time for those changes to come sooner than later. I look forward to the changes that come from the Obama administration. He seems to be a practical, family-oriented man, and his goals include saving energy while promoting ethics in Government. I think we can do all of the above by starting with the Federal Executive Branch - change starts with us!

Baked Pasta Dish - an Indian recipe

Okay, so I took a chance and made an Indian-style baked dish. I have to admit it turned out good. You make your traditional white sauce with butter, flour, and then gradually add some milk. I used 1% since the butter added enough fat. In a food processor, I grated amul cheese - about 1 cup or so, and added that to the flour/milk mixture before adding in cooked pasta shells (medium-size). Then, I put the entire mixture into a greased baking pan and baked it so it got that nice crusty, burnt top. Yum!

If you want, you can add veggies and anything else to the pasta mixture - just make they are pre-cooked. Eat with a side of Maggi tomato sauce and yum! It is like my kitchen was transformed and I was back in India for a moment eating the pasta baked dish I loved so much when I used to visit. Quick and easy and a nice meal for kids especially if you throw in some veggies or meats.

You mean I don't get a choice?!

I knew that my final visit to the dentist over this damn root canal would not be without incident. Sure enough, it was not. What now? I thought to myself as I saw them pull out my permanent crown which was oh crap! Gold?! Are you kidding me? Thank god it is the last upper tooth on the left or I would have lost my mind for sure and refused it. The dentist never even communicated with me on whether it would be gold, porcelain or what I wanted. Forget about choice, right? Dentist knows best! Now I know how women who feel who do not have a choice. I am more pro-choice now than ever. Needless to say, my permanent is a gold and I have to deal with it all because the dentist would not give me a choice.

I knew there would be an incident and sure enough, there was. That's okay because I am done with this dentist. I am going to ask for my records in a few months and move on - I am even thinking of changing dental plans. New dentist, new dental plan. My friend has a really good one near our office. I want a dentist who over communicates, not under and I defintely one who will give me a choice before he sticks a gold crown in my mouth. Choice is definitely a good thing and communication between your dentist or doctor and yourself even a better thing. Happy choosing!

Indian-style Amul Cheese Pizza

I have had cravings as a pregnant woman and even before I got pregnant, I often had cravings for some of the yummy dishes I would eat in India during my travels there. Indo-chinese, for example, is always a craving but that is hard to make and when you eat it out, you get horrible heartburn because people do not understand the concept of MILD Indo-Chinese. I loved baked pasta dishes esp. the kind I would order at Havmor restaurant in Gujarat or throughout India. It is a rich and creamy pasta dish made with white sauce and Amul Cheese. But most often, I crave Indian pizza. Indian pizza, to me, is simple and yet so tough to duplicate. Today, I may have found the key to replicating it here in Colorado. A little piece of India here in my kitchen.

I went to Sunflower market and got some corn meal crusts from the frozen case near the pizzas. The company name is Vicolo and for about $4.99 you get two organic corn meal crusts which are thin and crispy. I put it in the toaster oven and baked it for about 15 minutes and it got nice and crispy. Meanwhile, I took Maggi Tomato Sauce which we bought at an Indian store and put it in a pan over low heat and added salt, pepper, italian seasonings, and green peppers to it (sliced very thinly- very very thinly). After the crust was done, I spread the sauce generously on the crust. I bought Amul cheese (by the container) at an Indian store and shredded it in a food processor. After letting the crust with sauce on it cool down, I put the cheese on it generously as well and used some remaining chopped green pepper to garnish the pizza. The key is to not melt the cheese like traditional Indian-style pizza and enjoy it quickly. One crust makes 4 slices like the one pictured but you can always make the slices smaller.

Tonight, I am going to try my hand at another recipe motivated by the cravings I have had: Indian baked pasta - if it turns out good, I will definitely share the recipe. In the meantime, satisfy your cravings as best as you can and enjoy the adventure and experimentation.

The new faces of Camelot

I feel like an era in American history has begun and come January 21, 2009, a completely new face in Leadership. My parents' generation had JFK's camelot. And what an exciting time that was in America. For the first time since I first voted in 1992, I feel like I finally had a voice- a hand in electing someone with grace, charm, sincerity, and intelligence. Someone who truly represents the changing face of America and someone who can positively represent our nation to the world. I remember the excitement when the Berlin wall came down and President Reagan uttered those historic words, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall!" On November 4, 2008, when President-Elect Obama and his family came out to accept and deliver his speech, I felt chills run down my spine as history was made again. I cried, realizing how full of hope I felt and how looking forward, I realize this is my America. This is an America where dreams can come true and opportunity is abundant. As I looked out into the crowd in Chicago, listening intently to our new President-elect, I saw faces of America- black, white, Asian, hispanic, Native American, male, female, and hope- tears of joy and hope.

As they covered the world news, I saw more celebrating- it was like New Year's Eve - people in the streets hugging, kissing, celebrating, and laughing- because it is truly the dawn of a new era not just for America but for the world. America can restore itself as a Superpower again with the same grace, dignity, and charisma as before. The last 8 years have been horrible for America and its reputation in the ever-changing global sphere. Our generation has not seen this much celebration EVER for the election of a world leader. This was truly monumental. A new face- a face, a voice, a man who unites instead of dividing. A man who represents the changing face of America. A new first family- the new faces of the Camelot of our generation. I know the expectations are high but I am confident that President Obama will deliver. The grace, dignity, respect, charm, and honesty of an office so important, it impacts global relationships and our economy. All of this will finally be restored.

Great Expectations

Now that the election hype is behind us and a clear winner has emerged, it is now time for everyone to ask themselves, "Now what?" Our guy was elected and now is the time to get some things done for the nation but how are our expectation of President-Elect Barack Obama too high? I think people may be expecting a miracle in the next few years. I hope they can keep these expectations in check because Presidents, while they can influence world leaders, inspire us and make us feel better about what is going on in our country, can rarely make that much change especially quickly.

There is a checks and balances system in place which often because a speed bump or a barrier to rapid changes or laws being passed. There is the balance of power issue where Republicans keep Democrats in check and vice versa and often times, party politics and partisanship keeps good things from going forward. Sometimes, parties try to put riders on perfectly good Bills which then prevents them from becoming law. So while 80% of the bill is good for America, 20% could be very bad and so the entire Bill goes down in flames. Too bad the Line Item Veto was ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court otherwise, the President could have the power to only pass what he wanted in a Bill preventing this "all or nothing" type scenario for some powerful Bills. Needless to say, I think the people who voted for Barack Obama, our 44th President, need to keep their expectations in check and realize that he is not a messiah who can deliver us from a bad economy, high taxes, high gas bills, and take our sons and daughters out of Iraq immediately. He may have more influence on those issues but he still has to work within the confines of the framework in the Constitution and .... that may be take some time.

So, to all the folks out there who are excited - I Know I am- keep your patience, and do not lose hope and above all, realize that when he takes office, President Obama will be just that- the President of the United States, not a miracle worker. Hopefully, we will see some great things in bringing our country together from this man and the impact will be on the economy, on education, and on employment rights in this great country but if we do not see these changes right away, let's all not be disappointed.

Don't judge a masseuse by his gender

I suppose I am modest and always have been. In a locker room full of women, I cover up instead of running around naked. In a co-ed spa in Europe, I do not get butt naked - that would be weird. And I have always had massages from female masseuse. But today, all that changed. A male masseuse gave me the best prenatal massage I have ever had!

I made an appointment last week when I knew I'd be in Colorado Springs and the name of the masseuse was Shannon so I did not think twice. Needless to say, when I arrived, a male was waiting for me and I worried but I decided to be brave, new age even and get over myself and give it a try and I was not disappointed. Sure, it was a little strange but I think if you view people as professionals then you can get past things like that.

I think the change for me came when my daughter was delivered last year. I was always pretty adamant to only have female gynecologists. I would never see a male. A male OB delivered my daughter and I think he did a great job. Needless to say, I have lost my modesty and all sense of gender-connected professions. Sure, I prefer a woman but would I give up a nice massage, or risk my baby's life to have a woman come and deliver her/him? No, that is silly.

So, after today, I have decided to give things a try - who knows? You might be surprised with the result.

Enough Already -let's be done with it!

I am so exhausted from all the political ads, the stupid flyers in the mail and on my door (I have counted at least 100) and of course, the phone calls. Those make me insane – mainly because they are pretty intrusive. Leaving a flyer versus calling someone at home after 8pm – hmmm. Anyway, enough of the debates, the political ads, the polls and the pundits. I am ready for Election night and a concession speech. I am ready for a President-Elect already and let’s all move on. Not that we will ever really move on but I am just ready for it to be done with.

I like the story my husband told me last night- one neighbor has a McCain sign, another neighbor has an Obama sign, and the guy who has the house in the middle made his own sign – “They both suck!” Granted, I do not think they both suck but they are of course, politicians. Despite giving a few donations and buying some stickers and signs, I still get emails daily from the Obama camp to donate money. Despite my friend in California giving them tons of money, as we enter the last 5 days of the campaign, she has been hounded with calls for money. My brother has donated enough for all of us I think and I am pretty confident Obama has the money he needs considering he could run a 30-minute infomercial on several networks 6 days before election day. Come on! Enough Already - let’s just get to 4 Nov and be done with it. Of course, as we learned in 2000, it took several weeks for it to be over because it dragged on and on and on and on. For the sake of the nation and its sanity, I hope that does not happen again this year. I want to go to bed Tuesday night and know with confidence that we have a President-Elect otherwise, I think I will lose my marbles.

And if I see one more “Boulder Liberal” Mark Udall ad, I will lose it. But, alas, until 4 Nov, I am sure I will. It is just crazy and I even have dreams about this crap. I cannot wait for November 4th – hope you can’t either- see ya then! I will be the one holding a sign that says, “It’s finally over! The Best People won (hopefully they really have)- now, let’s get on with the show.”

Beggars cannot be choosers

After about 6.5 years without internet, the Agency I work for finally got internet restored. Believe it or not, this Government Agency was without internet (court-ordered, might I add) for 6 years. Now, it is back but not completely restored. Sometimes, we cannot send or receive external emails – for some reason, the email server is not that great. And, while we can access some websites, we cannot access sites you would think are pretty routine. For example, if you go to the local transit site and try to google route a map, it is blocked but then I can turn around, and go to google.com and then do public transit and get the same information they block. Weird. Midas.com is also blocked. Not sure why. I just want to take my car in to get the brake pads replaced. My OB/GYN website is blocked. I discovered that when I tried to print out some information I needed for my health appointment tomorrow. Odd. This Agency also cannot figure out how to unblock mapquest.com. I guess it does take a rocket scientist sometimes to do simple things at the Agency or Bureau level. Other bureaus within our own Agency can access google and chat is just disabled. We cannot access Gmail because our rocket scientists have not figured out how to unblock chat so they just block the whole site and all the great features that go with being able to log onto Google.

It is frustrating because one week I can access a site and the next week, I cannot. It just seems odd to me what the “tech-gurus” think official business is and what they think it is not. I am glad I can access hooters.com though just in case I get a hankering for those hot wings. But, Midas, now that would be bad since I have to take my car in for a brake job. I know, I am being sarcastic but it is ridiculous. I guess I cannot complain too much because I can access yahoo, learn what is going on in the world, and do google searches even if I cannot access the search. It is still exciting to have internet back and while it is not perfect (most things in life are not), I guess I will do without and learn to deal, perhaps use 411 every now and then when I cannot access something and maybe occasionally, get some work done.

It may truly take a village

I remember when Hillary Clinton first coined the phrase, "It takes a Village", through her book on the concept of how so many people shape the lives of children, not just mom and dad. It is a really good read on what it takes in our modern society to raise children, what an amazing gift parenthood is, and why it truly takes more than just the parents to raise a child. No matter how old, a child is shaped by her parents, the grandparents, the neighbors, the kids in school or day care, the minister or pastor, the policeman who was kind to the child, the teacher, the doctor, and the friends of the parents.

The philosophy of "It takes a Village" is not new to the rest of the world but may be to many Americans who often feel isolated from friends and family. Living states apart, Americans are more novel to the concept of the Village than European or Asians.

I started to wonder if the "village" your child is raised in impacts his or her development - education, learning skills, feelings of security, and self worth. My mother has been helping us with the care of our daughter on and off since her birth. We get visitors from my side of the family and my husband's and we often travel as well to see relatives and expose our daughter to her cousins and aunts and uncles. When my daughter is not in the care of my mother or us, she goes to a private home where she is the only child being watched by a couple who do not have grandchildren of their own. They are multilingual and of my culture so she is exposed to that as well. While futile with work and activities, we try to expose our daughter to neighborhood kids and friends' kids - most of whom are not Indian. But I truly started to wonder now that I have my own kid and will soon have a sibling for our daughter if the village will shape our daughter's life. I know we will definitely have an impact on her but does it take a village?

I think it does. While parents can discipline and educate their children, children learn very early to be defiant and independent and they will form their own opinions on foods, issues, and what they think is a good bedtime :-0 Children will explore the world outside the home and learn about its people - good and bad. Children will often make mistakes and learn from them. How others' interact with your children does shape their lives and now that I am living through this, I truly believe that it does take a village.

My daughter is more secure when she is not in a day care environment. She loves when we have visitors and the house is partially filled with relatives and friends. Granted, she does not like crowds but there is a sense of security that permeats her being when we are all there- maybe not doing anything but just there. She feels secure from the type of care she receives. If in the home or private home, I tend to see her acting more secure and happy. At a center, she is lost and often feels the need to be clingy, displaying her insecurity to me when I get home. How she is treated by the world around her impacts her well-being, her creativity, her attitude, and her eating habits. Parenting is a joy and it is a gift from God but in assessing my own parenting skills, I have learned a lot from the last year and a half as well. How I react to my daughter makes a difference in how she reacts to me and the world around her.

I am so thankful to be a mom and share in parenting with a partner who is equally thrilled to have a child and as I take this time to reflect on the last year and a half, I realize that it takes more than me and more than my husband and that continuously my daughter will be exposed to the world around her which will also impact her growth and learning and it is my job to understand and even assess the "village" we place her in, the "village" she finds herself in, and the elements in it. While I do not 100% agree with Hillary Clinton's political views, I did enjoy the premise of her book and agree that when it comes to children and their development, it does take a village.

The subconscious Factor or something else? Part II

CONTINUED ....

Despite witnessing these troubled times and being the butt of discrimination themselves, these immigrants overcame adversity in a country that may not have welcomed them and tried to see the good in people. The discrimination was on many fronts – color of their skin, the way they talked (the accent), the clothes they wore, the food they ate, and/or their religion, but alas, they adapted and overcame and in a way, “melted” into society. I find it hard to believe that these same Americans would even consider voting for McCain. Is it simply for economics? Are these Indian-Americans federalists (because McCain is no federalist if you look at his record)? Or, do they just like that this guy? What is it that drives these retirees or soon to be retirees to vote for this man?

I did not want to consider it but the ugly truth hit me in the face when my mom said something during the RNC – “Cindy McCain is so much more a lady than Obama’s wife” – yikers! Could they be in love with the white image? The blonde-haired, blue-eyed all-American girl married to the WASP fighter pilot maverick, jock? Of course, these are the same people who disliked Hillary because she is outspoken, domineering, and kicks ass - just not very lady like. After all, her place to be quiet and sweet - clap on command for her hubby. So, is this cultural or something else? Partially speaking, I think they like McCain and the ticket because of culture. But mainly, I think, they do not want to vote for a black man. Let’s all face the truth- there are some in this country who do not want their prime time TV shows interrupted by a black man. It is hard to watch with so much ugly history in this country.

For the immigrant, psychologically speaking, he or she tends to “fall in” place – in order to fit in, in order to play the game, and be part of the crowd, they befriend those who give them political advantage and social status. I can count on one hand the number of black friends I have. Why is that? We all have preferences for lots of things- soda, lunch food, fruits, etc. I think, whether we admit it or not, we have a preference for color too. Among those are discriminated against, it is preferrable to prefer the discriminator over the other guy who may also being discriminated against. After all, they’re not picking on me so I might as well join in and pick on the guy who they’ve moved onto. This syndrome occurred after 9/11. South Asians had to defend themselves and try to educated others, "I am not ARAB. I am not Muslim, I am Hindu". After all, since it was another "evil" minority group, it was okay. Men with turbans had to defend that they were not Iranian or Iraqi. The sad truth is that some minorities were relieved that the discrimination focus was taken off of them. Blacks who were historically discriminated against now could join in and fight against the Islamic terrorists.

I can’t help but wonder if subconsciously, the people who are voting for McCain among these demographic groups do so because they agree with him on anything or have anything in common with him- heck, they might even get hurt by his policies, but I wonder if they vote for him and the ticket because they just feel more comfortable with the norm- what they have seen for these past 50 years- a white male running the show and keeping the status quo. After all, the comments we heard from many Indians after Gandhi got them independence from the Brits was … “we were better off under their rule.” WHAT!? Are you kidding me? We as humans get so used to and so conditioned by what we see, what we experience, and the brain washing, that we quickly forget our basic inalienable rights- the basic human need to be free. The other thing that baffles me is the education level and skills of the two Presidential candidates. Immigrants from South Asia value education and getting high marks in school. They value intelligence and degrees. If they looked at the candidates, only two fit the mold of being the BEST of the BEST - Obama and Biden. McCain was a goof-off in school and crashed fighter jets in the Navy. He did not have a masters degree. He cheated on his first wife with his current and defiled family values that immigrants hold dear. Hunting and fishing and killing live animals is not valued among those same immigrants either. Another interesting point many may not know is that Joe Biden is a huge - HUGE supporter of South Asian ideals and work ethics. He has visited India and considers the Indian community in a very positive light. He and Obama support India more than they do Pakistan and would like to change foreign policy in that region. A change I welcome and support. McCain will continue more of the same which has occurred for over 2 decades now- support to Pakistan financially and in spirit. In return, Pakistan will pay us back (not financially) but through continued support of terrorism and madrasas, home grown and supported through our tax dollars.

What will happen in this election, I do not know but I know race, like it or not, is a HUGE factor to many and to some who do not admit it, it is that silent factor that still affects the choices they make. I just hope enough people in our generation can pull it off for the right person for this job - for the sake of positively impacting the only country we have known all our lives.

The Subconscious Factor or something else? PART I

This is a long blog so I divided it up into two parts. I am posting Part I here and will post Part II shortly. I hope you enjoy the thoughts of someone who maybe does have too much time to think.

Part I

Mohandas K. Gandhi (before he was the "Mahatma") rode on a train in South Africa, only to be thrown from it with his luggage out of the first class compartment because as a minority, he belonged in second class compartment. Gandhi refused to move at the request of the white British guard. He was moved. In fact, he was so moved by what happened in South Africa and subsequently in India, he decided enough was enough – how long would tyrannical rule and discrimination against minorities like South Indians continue? The discrimination he fought was at the hands of the British but here in America, some twenty years later, following in Gandhi’s footsteps of peaceful nonresistance and nonviolence another movement began to free Blacks from discrimination in America. Separate but Equal was alive and well in Alabama schools until very recently (1990s) – hard to believe? Segregation of women is a reality in Islamic society especially at religious sites but segregation based on the color of skin seems far-fetched to those of us raised in the 80s. The truth is while we do not openly condone segregation or discrimination, it is still alive and well in America and the victims of past discrimination, in my opinion, tend to be the worst in discriminating against those who are different from themselves. Before I go into my theory of why minorities discriminate against other minorities, I think a little background is essential of how I got the privilege of becoming a first generation American.

Lyndon Johnson did a lot to open the gates of immigration for South Asia, enabling my dad and others like him to immigrate to the United States and pursue an education. The gates opened in 1965 for Asians, and or better or for worse, immigration is a phenomenon that has defined America’s history and has in many ways, shaped the role America plays in the global economy. I think immigration to America is a good thing, bringing so much to this country that others cannot claim. Despite 9-11, Americans need to realize that not all immigration is BAD immigration – in fact, most immigration in the U.S. has revitalized and had a positive impact on the economy, on schools and education, and on the political system. Even granting asylum to those in need is a positive thing. After all, America is a country founded on immigrants.

Focusing on my dad's generation, I could not help but wonder how the immigrants who came over here after 1965 were voting in this election especially since this is the first chance they have had to vote for a minority Presidential candidate. So far the results are mixed and like this election, quite close. Out of the people I have surveyed or talked with, most are Obama supporters – not just because they want to see a minority in office but because of his liberal views too. Then there are those who are McCain supporters. I wonder why? These Baby Boomers who left their native country in the 60s and early 70s are of retirement age or already retired and some relying on Medicare. Most are making a modest amount of money because of one bread winner in the household and are considered lower to middle income. Most went through and saw a dark period in American history – not just Vietnam and the post-Vietnam fall out (mistreatment of Veterans) but also the struggle for Civil Rights in our nation – something those of us born in the mid 70s and early 80s did not get to witness or experience. As I discussed previously, these immigrants if they came from the Subcontinent of India saw the end of British rule in India and grew up in a new India, free of British rule and tyrannical actions. But they also grew up in a divided India where Hindu-Muslim riots and violence was a daily or hourly event. They may have seen bombings and segregation in Northern India as well as Punjab and the region of Kashmir which is still highly disputed. These same people came to the U.S. at a time when they saw Gandhi's principles echoed by Martin Luther King, Jr., Who sought to end segregation and tyranny against blacks in America. They came to America at a time when Vietnam divided the nation and worse, they came at a time in America when there was not much knowledge about who they were except "foreigners" – were they Iranian? Iraqi? What is the Indian culture after all in the 60s and 70s in America? It was new… it was unchartered territory but they endured and perservered because they wanted a better life for their children and their children’s children. (To be continued ... in Part II)

A Reverse Bradley?

By now, we have all heard about the Bradley effect or Bradley factor and its affect on the elections. If you haven’t, you really should just google it and stop hiding under that rock. I started thinking last night that there could be a Bradley effect with this election but I think it could be what I term a "Reverse-Bradley.” Here is some background on why I think this could be the case. These days, while there are still those who are racially motivated, biased or discriminate against others, there are even more people who are not and do not discriminate. America is certainly not color-blind but more and more, asz time has passed, Americans have become more tolerant not just on race or gender, but on other issues like sexual preference, and other choices that people make. It is not a sign that America is heading to become color blind, but a result of more first generation Americans who are now having kids of their own and there is more exposure to other cultures, more education, and more awareness about the world around us.

I remember growing up in a suburb of New Orleans and people not really understanding or even knowing what we were- Iranian? Arab? Iraqi? Where the heck are you from? “Oh, you’re Indian?! Wow- your dad must be a doctor then?” Comments like that defined my childhood growing up in a somewhat ignorant community. Post 9-11, we were all forced to learn the difference between Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, the Middle East, and the Subcontinent of India. I see Indians becoming the new token minority on TV sitcoms, prime time TV, and movies. Sanjay Gupta is very popular as a Doctor/advisor on CNN and yes, we also have bad movies like Harold and Kumar to thank for some attention to our "kind". With the media, the internet, more availability of imported international food products, and ethnic restaurants, there is truly more of an awareness of other cultures, religions, and race. My child’s generation is growing up watching news reels on the TV, and homemade videos on You Tube®.

Tolerance is a sign of the times because technology has made it happen. Kids in schools are more educated and teachers are more culturally aware. Laws have helped too. I could not imagine a Jewish kid getting a week off from school when I was growing up. Now, everyone knows when it is a Jewish holiday and wish eachother well. I catch people saying Happy Diwali to me - they read the news and watch TV so they know. I think it is kinda cool.

Now, how does this all affect the current Presidential election? Here are my thoughts: There are many people who feel very strongly about the issues – the state of the economy, taxes, and oil dependence. There are those who feel very strongly that the last few years have been disastrous and do not want the Bush administration to leak into the next four. If the last Congressional race was any indication, the Senate went from Republican-controlled to Democrat-controlled. People are just fed up. Conversely, I do not think many people can admit to their friends that they are going to vote against party lines or for an African-American (who by the way is not 100% African-American nor a terrorist) because while they may like him and his policies and the fresh outlook, they want to fit in. They will tell their buddies, their community, and members of their family that they are voting for McCain (the white Nam “hero” who probably caused himself to become a POW through his own recklessness). When they vote, they may vote for Obama secretly. After all, it is a secret ballot and no one needs to know.

That is what I refer to as Reverse-Bradley and I think it is going to have an impact in this election because I do not think people are lying that they are voting for Obama and then turning around and voting for McCain. It is the sign of the times that people will not generally do this unless they heard it on the radio and decided to play a game. In rural America and those areas referred to by Sarah Palin as “real America”, people may say they support the McCain-Palin ticket but may actually do something else – after all, their friends will never know. That is the beauty of the secret ballot. I think that is a more likely scenario in this election and although it remains to be seen, these are just the thoughts of someone who has been quite consumed by this Campaign and cannot wait for a spectacular victory for Obama on election night and is praying for one.

The power of the vote

I had the opportunity to vote using mail-in-ballot in Colorado and just dropped it off. Since 2000, there has not been this much excitement about a Presidential election or the political process. 2000 was only exciting because of the scandalous hanging chad and Florida disputes over who was the President – Gore or Bush? Which one is it? I cannot imagine how different our country and state of affairs might have been had Gore been elected or rather “chosen” by the Supreme Court instead of Bush but alas, history had to be written. I voted for Bush in that election. I voted for him again in 2004 because we were in the throws of a war he had started but I vowed after 2005 that I would never vote Republican again – unless of course, he was a good man.

Needless to say, this election is going to contentious. It is going to be close and for me, close is too close for comfort. I know why we have an Electoral College system and understand it. If popular vote were to be instituted, imagine all the parties that we would get calls and fliers and emails from- yowsers! Needless to say, I enjoyed the debates, and some of the speeches. I also enjoyed watching the campaigns (both of them) this year and even learning about Ron Paul and other third party candidates. I think there are pros and cons of both party’s candidates this year but in the end, I am just ready for a change – a REAL change – not the party line that McCain just hopped on. The Straight Talk express in my opinion copied way too many ideas and seems out of touch with me, with my generation. I know McCain added Palin to maybe bridge a couple of gaps- the generational gap for one and perhaps the gap he had with women voters. I am just not sure he pulled it off with the right person. Sarah Palin is a polarizer – not someone who “bridges” the gap to nowhere… pun intended.

I am thrilled to live in a country where we have an opportunity to talk about issues and make up our own minds- even my husband voted this year and he generally does not vote. I am so proud of him for making a difference. And trust me, he does. In our current state of affairs and how close this election is truly going to be, we need all the votes we can get for our candidate. No matter who wins on November 4th, I just hope that the little guy, the middle income family, and those who need to be heard get heard. As we approach the final 10 days of the campaign, I wonder what will happen next but truly hope that on election night, I can finally open that bottle of champagne and serve it to my guests. May the best “man” win and may America come out ahead no matter what the result.

Get an Endodontist for God's Sake

As promised, here is another installment of pain and unpleasantries at the dentist at what feels like my 10th appointment (4th really) over this damn root canal. It has been a nightmare and it seems like it never ends. There is something to be said about paying more to get an expert to complete it in one or two sittings. Now, I have to go back to get a permanent which should be ready in 2 weeks but who knows.

The appointment started with my asking questions I should have asked much much earlier. Like, hello, is this last appointment? Is the tool in that he needed last time but was not in? What about the permanent? Can I get that today or do I need to come back one more time? The hygenist, frankly, seemed annoyed with me. She thought I was being "difficult" because I asked questions. Warning #1. The dentist could not stop singing today - Warning #2. And the final straw was when they wanted to take an X-ray which is why I stuck with these losers in the first place. I almost lost it. Warning #3. When your hygenist calls your dentist "BABY" or HONEY, you know you may not be in a professional office environment. Warning #4. Needless to say, I cannot wait til this tooth stuff is done and I can find a new dentist. Maybe I will go to my husband's. It is far away from my work but he has had good experiences, or I will ask around at the office and see who else is out there. It is so hard to find good medical and dental care these days, that it is a miracle there are still some good ones out there. I, unfortunately, have had some rough experiences at this dentist that I hope no one ever has.

Tylenol 3 (with Codeine) here I come I suppose!

God can be cruel sometimes

I heard another story this past week of a couple who could not conceive or have children. Great marriage - great people but they could not have kids. Since they wanted to share their love and wealth, they unselfishly adopted not one but two boys - one of whom was troubled and caused many issues for them. I have heard many a stories of women who try and try and cannot have kids. When I was visiting my hometown last month, I heard that my ex-boyfriend and his wife could not conceive so they had to adopt 2 kids- one boy, one girl as well. I had no idea. Not that adoption is horrible but there is a difference I think in having your own and adopting. I think it is wonderful and truly amazing how selfless couples who have so much love to give adopt and give their love to a kid who otherwise may not get a shot. I think it is admirable really because I am not sure I could do it. I remember my own step-grandmother could not have kids of her own - she conceived three times but all ended in miscarriage. My grandfather already had 3 kids from his first marriage so they did not adopt but it certainly makes you wonder what is at play when these types of things occur.

Conversely, there are those people who are procreating who really have no business doing so. The mom who thinks it is a good idea to give birth in a toilet hoping the "problem" will just be flushed away. The father who did not want to be a father so drops off a newborn in a dumpster. The mother who starves her child because she thinks the baby needs to be punished for crying. There are countless other stories of people who are able to conceive with no problems and bring children into the world who are otherwise not wanted, mistreated, or left to die.

It just baffles me that perfectly great people who want to have children sometimes cannot and I always wonder how God allows that to happen. I am sure there is some rhyme or reason but it makes no sense to me. As I hear more and more stories of those not able to conceive or have children of their own, I truly believe there is a plan for them and the kids they end up adopting, but I just do not understand it yet.

I am NOT "just" a mom

It has occurred to me lately that there is more life to working, travelling, hobbies or watching your favorite shows and movies. Lord knows I cannot get through a movie any longer without interruption so I continue to multi-task. There is more to being just a mom too. Sure, it is a catchy title and can imply a lot to someone who hears you are a mom – busy, responsible, preoccupied, multi-tasker, superwoman, or nuts are some words people think of but I think being a mom is all of those words and so much more.

Being a mom requires an enormous amount of patience – it is built over time and truly becomes a virtue. Being a mom requires a lot of understanding – towards your spouse, your parents and others who offer advice constantly, towards society as a whole, towards your intolerant boss who doesn’t quite get it, and of course, understanding towards the child as well. Being a mom requires sacrifice – tremendous amounts of it. Some moms give up their last piece of favorite dessert so their child can enjoy it but some moms give up a lot more for their child. Some moms will sacrifice their career or at least put it on hold. Some moms put hobbies and interests on hold so they can play with their kids and help them develop at a critical time. Moms make sacrifices daily – some are not even noticed because they seem so natural to the mom. Being a mom means not getting all the sleep you need especially when the child is sick or injured- she will often sleep walk to check on her baby and not even know it. But in her heart, she knows the baby is fine. Being a mom is more about love and understanding than most men or people care to realize. Being a mom is heart and soul, 24-7.

Being a mom is more than a full-time job, and so much more than a career- it is a full-time, around the clock profession. When a mom is asked at 3am by her child for something, she does not clock out or turn away but rather tries to help. When her baby or toddler has wet the bed at 4am, mom cannot roll over and go back to sleep- she jumps up and considers it a call to duty and even when she cannot go back to bed, she prays that her child does so he or she is well-rested. When a mom prays in church, at the synagogue, the temple or to a God of her choosing, she does not ask anything for herself but rather for her children- “let them be safe- give their sorrows and troubles to me and let them be forever…free.”

Yes, moms are underrated in our society- they are undervalued. Not everyone woman has been blessed enough to become a mom and not every mother can a “mom” but the woman who can is not just any ole mommy- she is truly a God send, a helper sent down to create, to nurture, to educate, to train, to make whole this new little being who has a piece of God within so that one day, that little creature may too … be more than “just” a mommy. And if you are also blessed to be a mom of a son, I pray that you teach him the value and the worth of a mom because it is often men in our world who teach and preach that a mom be undervalued because she is “just” a mom. I pray that your son grows up to be more than just a “daddy”.

Oops! I ate my crown!

Yesterday, as if things could not get worse with this whole tooth situation which has dragged on now for well over 8 weeks, I ate the temporary crown that my dentist put on my poor tooth. So, around 430pm, I was sneakily enjoying a twix bar when the crown came out. Oh gross, I thought. It was only 430pm, so I call my dentist’s office. You guessed it – this is the office that is open 7-4pm for 4 days week and then closed. It is a wonder anyone gets any care. So, I called the dental emergency number to ask what I should do. After all, it felt very weird without a crown. The dentist advised me to put it back in with some toothpaste or adhesive from Wal-Mart. What!? Really!? Okay…. So I put it back in but had no idea how loose it was.

When I got home, I had one bite of something and discovered the crown was gone. No where to be found so the obvious conclusion was – Yep, I ate it. Great! This is going to be great as it goes down. Needless to say, it was weird to not have a temporary crown on and feel the exposed canals and the tooth. It did not hurt but it sure felt strange and I felt empty.

At 7am, I was surprised when the dental office actually answered its phones. That pleasant surprise led to an 8am visit to the dentist and they redid a temporary for me. I have come to several conclusions about this place and this entire incident – One, I really liked my dental care with the military when everything was done in one visit. None of this go back and see them 5 times. Two, I really prefer to have doctors and providers who are open 5 days a week and if necessary, do an emergency clinic on weekends. I remember, in Germany, a military dentist did an after -hours look at my filling – he had worked on it the day before. He had me to come to his house and took a look and saw it was infected. He took care of me right away. Now, that’s service! Three, next time I ever have to have root canals or more complicated than a filling done, I am going to ask for a referral for an endodontist. This is their specialty and while they may cost more, in the long run, it costs you less. I only stuck with these yahoos because I did not want X-rays done – well, a little radiation never harmed a fetus in the second and third trimester and this might have been the time to let those fears go in favor of better oral care.

My next appointment and hopefully last is on Monday morning. Stay tuned for another fun and pain-filled blog. ‘Til then, if you have a temporary, try not to eat it.

My Top Ten List - here's 5 more

As promised, I would finish my top ten list with 5 more things I am greatful for. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot more but I think these round out the list. If you look at the September listings, I listed five there. Here are some more:

Six, I am very thankful that I am married to such a wonderful man. I know, I know, no one is perfect. I am not and neither is he and our relationship is certainly not perfect but he is such a good husband and a great father. It is through my daughter's eyes that I get to see the side of him I never knew. He loves our daughter more than anything and I know he does the right thing when it comes to our family. So, I am thankful for him – no comparisons, I am truly lucky to be with a partner like him in this life.

Seven, as my husband reminded me yesterday when we talked, if you don’t have your health, you really do not have anything and it made me realize how fortunate I was despite a root canal recently, and minor things going on, we all have our health including my daughter who is growing cuter daily.

Eight, in these tough economic times, and what is going on in the world, it is truly a blessing to have shelter, food, and nothing to really worry about. Sure, everything can change in an instant, but I am greatful that we have enough to carry us through if we need to go without for a little while. Fortunately both of us have upbringings to get through tough times as well if we need to. There are those who have nothing so I am very happy with where I am in life and what we have. I really could not ask for more right now in the way of wealth- I feel like the top 7 I have listed already have me covered.

Nine, there is nothing like feeling the first kicks and rolls in your belly from your unborn child. I wish a man could experience these feelings and these motions. As a woman, I am thankful that I get to experience pregnancy - with all that it brings. I am truly blessed to be pregnant with our second child who is kicking, elbowing, and squirming around inside me. There is no greater joy than to spend time with your child no matter how old but it is truly something else to feel that child developing inside of you and responding to what you drink, what you say, what you feel, and react to the world outside the womb.

Ten, I recently took over my own office as head of a legal office on an Air Force base- as part of a Wing. What a great feeling! Not the power, not the title, but the fact that someone entrusted me and saw my leadership potential to permit to progress in this manner. It is quite the feeling of responsibility, trust, and respect and I feel blessed to have this new position. It is a lot of work, and it means sacrificing for your people, and working hard to ensure your office stays the best – that it communicates well, that it functions well, and that we stay within our budgetary means. It is a lot but I feel so blessed to have this opportunity.

The consummate conflict of balance in a joint family

My mother has returned to stay with us for a couple of months and with that comes my dad to visit for a short period of time (okay, so 10 days is not short by American standards but by Indian standards it is). Along with that, my brother will soon visit too. While having family close by, having family live with you can bring conflict and the desire for balance. So, in light of recent events in our home, I have come to several thought-provoking several realizations over the past few days.

For one, it is really a roller coaster for all parties involved- my husband and I, and my daughter have to get adjusted to a new entity in our home which is family. While that is nice, we finally work out kinks in our system, get used to the person and the new “system” and then my mom is gone. So, we spend time trying to get retooled so to speak to life, the kitchen, and the lack of company. Conversely, I am sure my mom goes through the same process. She is queen of her castle back on the east coast and coming to be part of our house I am sure is a difficult transition for her as well. She gets used to it, develops a routine, creates a system for herself, and boom – it is gone a couple of months later and she is back at home, alone and without grandkid to keep her occupied.

Second, there is a fine balancing act when your newly formed family is living with another family- ie. what I refer to as a "joint family". I think there are especially problems when the person who lives with you does not know boundaries and you cannot establish them because of cultural norms. The balancing act is one of spending time with your spouse and children alone versus including that third party in your activities. It is essential to find privacy to talk with your spouse, spend quality time with your spouse outside the presence of that third person and continue to maintain balance with your kids. While your kids love grandma and grandpa, it is important that you are the final enforcer, disciplinarian, and decision maker with regards to curfew, discipline, food, and other issues. I think if the third party gets involved and exceed their boundaries, their involvement could undermine the entire balance between you and your kids.

Third, as I have learned recently, it is important to keep the channels of communication open between you and your spouse even if it means e-mailing, calling, or writing to each other to avoid an open dispute or discussion in front of the third party in your home. If the two of you can find a quiet private moment to talk-great, but if not, it is vital to at least communicate via other means so that you are on the same page and can still be a team when it comes to issues that may arise in the home.

I, for one, find it very difficult with someone else living with us even though I cherish the help. It is difficult because because it seems that we have gotten used to our life, and doing things our way and while my mom has been a big help, you sometimes wonder if it is worth it. I think having family living with you puts a strain on things as it is but for extended periods of time, it can be trying for a marriage. That was the case last time my mom was in town. For me, recently, I have experienced something a little different. I think because we have opened the communication channels and are able to talk about things, my spouse and I find our relationship strengthened. After all, we need to be team especially if we are going to tackle many issues as a team. I find myself closer to my spouse and hopefully that can continue as we journey the next two months. It is hard enough to balance life as a family of three or four (kids included) getting used to each other’s schedules, needs, and wants, and then to add a third party into the mix, to live as a joint family, is even more trying. I am not sure people in India and China even do it anymore (well, middle to upper class are moving away from that norm anyway).

I think the important thing is to find balance and to keep communication lines open so that all parties can get through it. Yelling and jumping to conclusions or making assumptions that are not true erode that balance so, it is better to talk things through logically and in a calm manner. In the end, I think people can live in joint families but it takes a lot of effort, understanding, balance, and communication. It requires appropriate boundaries and perhaps subtly discussing issues troubling the relationship. More importantly, for a successful venture, all parties require these important traits.

To work or not work - that is the question

Recently, since we are expecting our second child, I have contemplated more and more the prospect of only doing my military AF Reserves job and quitting my full-time job. With this of course, there would be a lot of changes in lifestyle both for me and for my husband. If I could go part-time, I think that would permit me the best of both worlds, but alas, that decision is up to someone in a higher pay grade than me. In either case, as a family makes a decision like this, it has to be prepared to address the obvious: What tax changes do we need to make? Should we change exemptions to ensure we get the maximum money take-home? What other cuts need to be made? Do we really need full pledged cable TV or can we get by with basic? What about cell phone plans? Can they be downgraded or eliminated? What type of budget do we live on now and what can be cut?

As you approach making this type of decision, you should do a test run for 2 months. You should pretend that one person is not making any money, or if one person is on maternity leave, then you can have one person make nothing and all bills should be paid by one person with the take-home pay being changed to reflect what you would make if only one person were working. It is important to let one person pick up the lion share of the bills and then see how you fare at the end of the month. If after 2 months, you determine that this would not work, then there are other options to consider and of course, more areas to cut. In any case, it is not an easy decision and should not be made within a few days or even weeks but with proper planning and foresight.

The Double Standard

Recently I have become painfully aware of the double standard that we hold women to versus men. I am guilty it of myself. When I first heard about Palin as VP, qualifications or lack there of aside, I found myself wondering about her young infant child and asking questions like, why isn't she caring for that little one. I found myself questioning her values as a new mom and whether she is breastfeeding or not. As a result of that and the discussions I have had with my friends, I have wondered, is the double standard alive and well in our society? Woman can fly fighter jets, serve in combat, write nobel peace prize winning books and poetry, run for Vice-President, and manage a multi-million dollar company but the truth remains- there is a double standard against females in our advanced world.

Unfortunately, that is how our society is. Fortunately, we live in America where it is still better for women than most other countries. In my own life, I see a double standard set for myself as opposed to my for my husband. My biggest pet peeve with my husband is his weekly entertainment. While I am gone from home alot for work, both my second job of serving in the Air Force Reserves and business travel for my primary job, my husband does not travel on business at all. Therefore, I think he tends to feel the need to get away more to go play poker and other games of chance at the local casinos. It is not something I have ever enjoyed nor do I think I would come to like. Of course, with a kid or two at home, it is not an activity we can both partake in anyway. In either case, the double standard here is that his entertainment will take him away an average of 9 hours per week with him arriving home long after 2am sometimes. If the casinos were open later, I wonder if he'd come home by morning light.

I couldn't help but wonder that if it was the woman who was coming home at 2-3am every week - not for a job but simply from dancing and drinking with her friends, how would that fly with society and family? Now, I am not saying that his trips to the casinos are wrong or right, but in light of my recent consideration of Palin being away from her infant child, I could not help but wonder what people would be saying about me if I were the one taking these late night trips away from my daughter? I can only imagine the comments. She's a slut who does not care for her family or her child. She is probably sleeping around- even if that were not true. She is irresponsible and has no self-control. What are the comments about a man when he is gone - Oh he just needs an outlet. He needs to get away from his nagging wife and screaming child so it is okay. It is at night when the kid is asleep so I guess that is okay. He is not the breastfeeder or the primary care provider so it's okay. The guy needs to just get away- come on! These comments are not limited to just a guy's night out or poker trips or when a guy plays video games a lot, you would hear the same comments for the guy who plays golf all the time, the guy who is an avid skiier and is gone on weekends alot in the Winter, and so on. But, if a woman wanted to do these activities every week or every weekend, I do not think it would be cool. After all, then when is she ever at home? Who is watching the kid? Shouldn't she be devoting herself to the family she chose to have?

Now as far as Palin- I think she is an idiot and she is scary to say the least and it has nothing to do with her personal life. It has everything with what she stands for - Abstinence, Pro-life even in cases of rape and incest, her acceptance of earmarks for Alaska, her economic policies or lack there of, her desire to teach creation in public schools (probably along side with abstinence), her poor environmental record, her support of oil and gas, her lack of support for science and research especially on stem cell researched, and her underlying right wing conservative Christianity values injected into our Government. There is much more on her policies that scare the crap out of me but it is interesting to note that I also am concerned about her ability to lead based on her home and family life. In either case, this recent development has made me consider my own bias and my own judgment of women in and outside the home. There is truly a double standard, a glass ceiling that woman have that is often hard to overcome.

Milestones

My daughter pee'ed in the potty yesterday and I about died... I am sure she had no idea what she was doing but it was nonetheless very exciting for me. She has never done this before but recently, for fun, she will at least sit on the potty. To actually have her take that first step was exciting. I have no idea where it will go from here- it could months to potty train for her for real but it is still exciting. I started thinking about all her other milestones - from latching on the first time to feed as a very tiny baby to holding her neck up to crawling to walking to babbling words. It is amazing to me that there will be so many more milestones for my child. It makes all my accomplishments pale in comparison and I am sure as she grows up, it will only be more and more milestones to look forward to. In the meantime, I will wait in anticipation as another milestone magically just happens. This is truly life at its best.

But for the grace of God go .... You!

Recently, I have become that parent who has the screaming child or the cranky child on an airplane, at a restaurant, the grocery store, or some other public place where people can gawk at me and judge me. I am getting better and better at ignoring the world around me but it is tough to completely shut out the people. After all, we live in a society. Boarding at Denver this time, on our way to New Orleans, our daughter got a little unruly as we strolled her down the jetway. She wanted to be held which is tough for me because my arm gets tired and with a backpack and a purse, holding her is tough to do. Needless to say, the peanut gallery (2 women who are probably barren) had the nerve to talk pretty loud about her outburst- loud enough for me to hear. I was a little aggravated and wanted my daughter to scream more to teach them lesson preferably through one of their naps or great reading moments on the plane - heehee (evil laugh). They were saying – "oh no, a screaming child - I hope we are not sitting near that!" I prayed that we were because exacting revenge is about all the ammo you have at that moment.

I can only imagine how parents feel travelling with multiple kids especially if one or two are special needs. It is hard enough to be a parent much less travelling with small children. Then, to hear mockery and comments from losers around you, that is even harder. I agree that sitting next to a screaming child for a flight longer than 4 hours can be hard but I think you can suck it up for a 2-hour jaunt to the BIG EASY. Just because you cannot have children or choose not to does not mean that your environment will be free of children. The worst part is that people on planes have an expectation that kids will be quiet and color, sleep, or just quietly watch a DVD – not true. Not all kids can be focused like that and certainly all kids are different. Some are tired, some are sick, and some have special needs. Some are just lively - so sue me! My child is lively and man, does she have a mind of her own - hey, she may find a cure for cancer someday. :-) What people do not understand is that staring, talking about the parents and the kid where they can hear you, or giving dirty looks make things worse. I no longer discipline my kid when she wants to kick the seat in front of her – go ahead – kick away- especially when the person in the front of us is a moron and does not understand. My message to you people - Caveat Emptor! When you travel or go to a public place including a restaurant you should expect some noise from my screaming child and if you do not have that expectation, perhaps the problem is not mine- it is yours! Now come on – get real – I do not take my child to fancy restaurants or inappropriate kid places like nightclubs but when I am at Red Lobster, Olive Garden or Applebee’s and I see you complaining and looking at me, I do not feel bad for you nor will I discipline my child not because I do not care about my kid but mainly because I do not care what you think! I will do what I have to do and need to do to raise my child without your judgment as a factor.

Needless to say, I am getting better at ignoring the world around me and not feeling so embarrassed. At first I was mortified if my daughter screamed - now, I just sorta hope for the best. Not much else you can do really. I am getting better but I am not 100% there yet. And to all of you who think you have the best kids in the world.... Ha! But for the Grace of God go ... You.

The Big Easy

We went on a recent family trip to the Big Easy - N'awlins - my home town. When we planned the trip it was primarily for my law school 10-year reunion. As Murphy's Law would have it, my law school reunion was rescheduled due to Hurricane Gustav. Of course, I already had invested over $450 in tickets and rental car so we decided to make the trek to New Orleans. We stayed local because we were on limited time. The city is not the same – you definitely got that feeling as you drove through the neighborhoods, saw the rebuilding, and the boarded up stores, restaurants, and malls. It was strange to say the least to return but also very nostalgic for me. After all, I grew up for 17 years in the city before I moved up the road to Baton Rouge to attend law school for 3. My husband had been there before but my daughter had not so it was neat to take her and get some pics in the city but I am not sure she will remember her trip. But she seemed to be enjoying the food - both home cooked and eatin' out. My husband had a place on his list - he saw it on the Travel Channel called Willie Mae's. I think my daughter enjoyed the food. I was just hoping to get out of the neighborhood alive. This trip was more of reconnecting with friends and eating out - eating a lot :-)

Copeland’s was as usual, PERFECT food and the beignets and coffee are always good. It was an exhausting trip and our daughter missed her naptimes which made for crankier times later but all in all, she did good and it was a fun time. I wish we had more time especially to eat at Piccadilly’s – my favorite cafeteria eats in the world, and, perhaps take in more of the uptown area including Tulane University. Ah well… we will save up some things for next time whenever that happens.

The Show must go on!

Up until now I thought McCain was a waffler and a guy who truly could not make up his mind on the issues. When it comes to substance – things like stem cell research and abortion, he goes back and forth. He says one thing and votes another way. He said he was all for supporting for the war, and voted for the Iraq War but then was mad at the President. He has opposed things but then spoke out that he supports them. For example, he said he would like to see Roe v. Wade overturned but then now says he is okay with abortion in the cases of rape or incest as long as the woman can prove it. Oh, so now the victims of rape and incest have to prove they were raped. That is just dandy! Let’s revictimize the victims and just become Taliban-run Afghanistan when a woman was stoned to death because she was raped. After all, she was no good to her husband any longer.

I know, I know – a bit extreme but if you look at his record, it does not lie – he may lie, but his record does not. Just look at his voting record in Congress – he has been there long enough, and then compare it to what he says to try to win this election.

Now, there is a new ploy afoot by the McCain camp. It’s not bad enough they go and select a woman who can barely address any issue – she needs constant protection and man-cover because heaven forbid she speak freely to the press. It’s bad enough that they select her as a ploy to get “stupid” women voters to vote for the party, but now they are pissing Ole Miss, the nation, and all the voters off by trying to delay the debates. It is one thing to postpone their convention so that Gustav could hit Baton Rouge and the coast of Texas, but now they want an entirely new debate schedule because they are not (excuse me) “man enough” to face the facts! Come on! Either you know it or you don’t, another 2 weeks is not gonna make you great orator, Senator. But I tell you what, you are pissing off people who were even thinking about voting for you by pulling tactics like this. Ask a REAL Hockey Mom as she juggles her 2-3 kids, her work, and her family life --- ask her if she can postpone changing her 15-month old infant or breastfeeding her 3-month old because well…. Franky her husband wants dinner on the table. COME ON man, get a grip, get a blackberry and learn how to videoconference. You can focus on more than one thing and if you can’t, you should not be President and certainly not running for the office. There are schedules and appointments to keep – LIFE GOES ON …. Get a grip man and go to Mississippi, get mud on your face like we all expect, and then return back to D.C. for the Monday budget stuff. Stop being so whiny and annoying and learn how to use some technology while you are at it.

The Debates MUST and SHOULD go on!
http://www.olemiss.edu/debate/