Last week I was watching another episode of 'Desperate Housewives' and it started to hit me too --- essentially, the Solis family is of Hispanic descent and it seems their 7-year old daughter only figures this out at the admissions office of her new school. She is going in to meet with the principal for an interview and testing and the principal says how nice it is to have a diversity and a Mexican-American family at their school. The girl freaks out and says with a tear in her eye, "I'm Mexican!? I thought I was American!" It is enough to make you giggle. The parents have to explain to her later that she is Latino and that her grandparents are Mexican. She does not grasp it. They wonder how could a 7-year old not notice that we are of Hispanic heritage.... as they look around at their white Anglo Saxon neighborhood and their own habits they realize they never kept their heritage alive.
In any case, applying this to us, I realize as we walk through stores and restaurants, I am not sure my daughter knows that she is Indian-American and I doubt she will know this for sometime. She does not yet identify color or language as something "different". She just falls into place at school with all the other Caucasian, Indian-American, and Hispanic kids and goes about her business. While she is not color blind in the medical sense, she certainly is in the race-sense. In any case, as I look around our neighborhood, my work colleagues and the kids she goes to school with, I realize we will have to teach her about our heritage, our culture, and our religion because she could fall prey to the same dilemma little Solis faced on 'Desperate Housewives' and one day, she may say, "I'm Indian? WHAT! I thought I was American."
Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Born Lucky
Based on the movie, Osama, which I saw recently, I really got to thinking about how lucky we are to be born in a certain country, to certain parents, and the opportunities we receive along the way in our lives. More importantly, I felt very lucky to be born a woman here in America.
I am not saying other countries are beneath us or have nothing to offer. I am merely appreciating the opportunities, rights, and privileges that I have here that perhaps women and men in other countries do not get to realize. This movie is eye opening and paints a picture of life in a Taliban-run Afghanistan and all the restrictions and horrific things that happened as a result especially to the people of Afghanistan. People were not allowed to celebrate weddings, dress in beautiful garb, sing, speak out against the Government, and women were not permitted to show their feet, hands, and ultimately, while the movie ends tragically, it really paints a picture of how horrible it was and still is to live under this regime.
Sure, every religion has its share of issues and a history of causing death and destruction but it made me realize that even in modern day, religion makes people do some pretty horrible things including stoning, death by firing squad, and worse. In this movie, they also showed the harsh reality of some cultures - wedding extremely young girls to very old mullahs or older men. In the name of religion, people abuse others and think it is acceptable to lower the self worth of others. Of course, I feel blessed to be born in a country where I can be what I want, wear what I want, and my self worth is not defined by my religion, caste, or my gender. It is a worth watch movie but definitely troubling on many levels and made me think of my young daughters and how lucky they are too. There were some good portions of the movie where people help each other and cover for each other especially when the Taliban are coming down hard on people for just living life. In any case, it was an eye opening movie to watch to understand how the Taliban devalues women in turn, disrespects God and Allah himself through their actions. Like some movies stay with you, Osama will stay with me for sometime to come.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Your daughter is so cute when she speaks Arabic
The other day we decided to check out a local ice cream/coffee shop in these new subdivisions that have their own restaurants, coffee shops, and so on. What a nice neighborhood and neat places to eat and do yoga and what not. It is quite convenient if you live in these premier neighborhoods to have all of this at your disposal.
So in any case, we wandered into this place to check it out and it was nice -sofas, games, newspapers and magazines and nice food and drink fare. But we were just looking. Our daughter, on the other hand, did not want to leave and made herself at home. She is a talker now - chatterbox of sorts but only we can understand her sometimes because she has her own lingo for saying things.
Anyway, she was asking for water and the guy behind the counter remarked, "Oh, is she speaking Arabic?" I was thinking, she might as well be cause you obviously do not understand that WaWa means water but ... I could not help but look around a little bit. Sure, we are of Asian heritage but come on! Why would anyone presume anything these days. In any case, since then my husband and I have had some fun at this guy's expense and now anytime we can't understand our daughter which is more often than not, we claim she is speaking Arabic cause neither of us speaks that. I just find it humorous when Americans in this day and age of knowing what we know still proclaim their ignorance and make it known by idiotic comments like that one.
So in any case, we wandered into this place to check it out and it was nice -sofas, games, newspapers and magazines and nice food and drink fare. But we were just looking. Our daughter, on the other hand, did not want to leave and made herself at home. She is a talker now - chatterbox of sorts but only we can understand her sometimes because she has her own lingo for saying things.
Anyway, she was asking for water and the guy behind the counter remarked, "Oh, is she speaking Arabic?" I was thinking, she might as well be cause you obviously do not understand that WaWa means water but ... I could not help but look around a little bit. Sure, we are of Asian heritage but come on! Why would anyone presume anything these days. In any case, since then my husband and I have had some fun at this guy's expense and now anytime we can't understand our daughter which is more often than not, we claim she is speaking Arabic cause neither of us speaks that. I just find it humorous when Americans in this day and age of knowing what we know still proclaim their ignorance and make it known by idiotic comments like that one.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Why don't YOU go back to your country?
Each year I look forward to seeing the face of the new spelling bee champion. This year was no exception. Generally speaking, that face is not of German, French, Hungarian, or Italian-origin. No, the face each year of the National Spelling Bee Champion is generally Indian-American or Asian. I always wonder why and how that is that Asians can spell words of Latin, Greek, French, German and Italian origin better than the children of the immigrants from those countries.
Growing up in this country as a first generation American, I often was faced with a barrage of put-downs and often, people would think I have an accent. In school, I or my family members were teased as if we all had the stereotypical accent of Apu from the 7-11. Not to down slurpees, but come on! Sometimes, after I would talk with someone, that person would say to me, "wow, you do not have an accent at all." They looked astonished and confused. To which I would think to myself, why would someone presuppose that I would have an accent? Oh, yeah, my skin is brown but I speak better English than you and you are white. These are the thoughts that would cross my mind. I remember people talking loud to my parents as if they were deaf rather than from another country with an accent. It was annoying to watch and even more frustrating to hear. In some parts of America, immigrants still face these types of situations.
Now, I watch year after year as children of immigrant parents, first generation (most of them) continue to win spelling bees and other reknown competitions, and I am confident that Indian-Americans will continue to make their mark in American society through other means as well. We live in a different America than the one I grew up in. More and more, people are aware of different cultures and religions around them and yet there are still ignorant people out there who still judge people by the color of their skin or their national origin. I am confident that in the new America, these people are the minorities - like my parents and I once were, these ignorant people form up the minority and perhaps they should re-evaluate what their national origin really is.
Growing up in this country as a first generation American, I often was faced with a barrage of put-downs and often, people would think I have an accent. In school, I or my family members were teased as if we all had the stereotypical accent of Apu from the 7-11. Not to down slurpees, but come on! Sometimes, after I would talk with someone, that person would say to me, "wow, you do not have an accent at all." They looked astonished and confused. To which I would think to myself, why would someone presuppose that I would have an accent? Oh, yeah, my skin is brown but I speak better English than you and you are white. These are the thoughts that would cross my mind. I remember people talking loud to my parents as if they were deaf rather than from another country with an accent. It was annoying to watch and even more frustrating to hear. In some parts of America, immigrants still face these types of situations.
Now, I watch year after year as children of immigrant parents, first generation (most of them) continue to win spelling bees and other reknown competitions, and I am confident that Indian-Americans will continue to make their mark in American society through other means as well. We live in a different America than the one I grew up in. More and more, people are aware of different cultures and religions around them and yet there are still ignorant people out there who still judge people by the color of their skin or their national origin. I am confident that in the new America, these people are the minorities - like my parents and I once were, these ignorant people form up the minority and perhaps they should re-evaluate what their national origin really is.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Where is Colorado again?
Today I had to call T-mobile customer care. I dread calling them but sometimes I just have to - for about a week or more now I have experienced difficulty with texts and checking my remote email on my phone. So I called the customer care lady. She was a customer service provider right here in America- I think out of Iowa. I know this because I had to ask after the conversation we had.
She asked me some troubleshooting questions and told me that T-zones was down and she would credit my account for the month. I was greatful but asked her about text messages and why they would not send. She said something about the entire network being down and that we could not send pages or picture messages either. She asked me where I was located. I told her Colorado. She responded, "yeah since the 19th we have had trouble because of the Inauguration and the east coast." I was thinking to myself - OKAY, whatever when she asked me the following question: "Colorado is on the east coast, right?" I was driving at the time but I remember precisely what I was doing at the exact moment she asked me that because I was so mortified by the question. I told her Colorado was in the west and borders New Mexico to the South, and Kansas to the east. I then had to ask her where she was mainly because I did not judge this woman in case she was working a call center in England, India or China or somewhere. Nope- good ole American gal.
This got me thinking- how is it that Americans do not know their own country? It is really appalling and confusing. I mean, you do not have to know the exact location of the State- after all, the U.S. is vast. But at least know that Colorado is NOT on the east "coast". My God! Granted, I do not know world geography very well, but I can name each state capital and give you locations of the States of my country. I then started wondering if I were talking with a call center operator in another country, would they know more about America than its own citizens? Needless to say, this was an eye opening call for me and I realized that future generations of Americans are geographically inept and clueless about the world around them and that we still had some work to do... til then, Where is Colorado again? I need to go home.
She asked me some troubleshooting questions and told me that T-zones was down and she would credit my account for the month. I was greatful but asked her about text messages and why they would not send. She said something about the entire network being down and that we could not send pages or picture messages either. She asked me where I was located. I told her Colorado. She responded, "yeah since the 19th we have had trouble because of the Inauguration and the east coast." I was thinking to myself - OKAY, whatever when she asked me the following question: "Colorado is on the east coast, right?" I was driving at the time but I remember precisely what I was doing at the exact moment she asked me that because I was so mortified by the question. I told her Colorado was in the west and borders New Mexico to the South, and Kansas to the east. I then had to ask her where she was mainly because I did not judge this woman in case she was working a call center in England, India or China or somewhere. Nope- good ole American gal.
This got me thinking- how is it that Americans do not know their own country? It is really appalling and confusing. I mean, you do not have to know the exact location of the State- after all, the U.S. is vast. But at least know that Colorado is NOT on the east "coast". My God! Granted, I do not know world geography very well, but I can name each state capital and give you locations of the States of my country. I then started wondering if I were talking with a call center operator in another country, would they know more about America than its own citizens? Needless to say, this was an eye opening call for me and I realized that future generations of Americans are geographically inept and clueless about the world around them and that we still had some work to do... til then, Where is Colorado again? I need to go home.
Monday, December 22, 2008
What's so wrong with Pink?
This weekend I went to the bicycle store with my husband. It is not something I am into but we wanted to spend time together so we all went. While there, my daughter was enjoying touching everything, exploring her environment, and riding the Kettler bikes. While there, I noticed a couple enter the store with a little boy. I could only assume they were a couple but who knows? They could have been sisters.
Needless to say, they were shopping for a bike for a 3-year old boy who was with them. He was very interested in the tricycles and the bikes with the training wheels but just like my daughter, seemed very drawn to the pink bikes in the store – all of them. Even when the two kept steering him to the electric blue tricycle or the sporting royal blue bike with lasers (kidding), the little boy seemed to have a preference for the dainty, flowery pink ones. As the two kept defending the boy’s choice of color, I couldn’t help but wonder why we as a society cannot tolerate a boy on pink- what is so wrong with that?
Stereotypes drive me nuts! Girls need to become secretaries and nurses and boys can … well, do anything they want. Girls need to wear pink and boys wear blue. Heaven forbid our society tolerate a boy in pink. What’s so wrong with pink I ask you? What is so wrong with breaking the mold and the stereotypes that come with gender. From the day of birth in the hospital, there are pink and blue items. I am not sure why- is it so people can ID a girl from a boy? What is the reason for the color stereotypes? They just get worse as we grow up. After all, a girl cannot stay out too late but boys can run amuck in their teenage years. And what about the stereotypes kids face in school? They are ruthless.
If my assumption was correct about these two adults in the store and if they were truly together, I think they should be proud of their “son” and should buy him the pink bike. He may get picked on – sure, but isn’t overcoming ridicule and gender stereotypes a very important lesson and step in life – one that may be better if it comes sooner than later? I do not see anything wrong with blue for girls and pink for boys and in so much as I can help it, hope to do my part in breaking gender stereotypes.
Needless to say, they were shopping for a bike for a 3-year old boy who was with them. He was very interested in the tricycles and the bikes with the training wheels but just like my daughter, seemed very drawn to the pink bikes in the store – all of them. Even when the two kept steering him to the electric blue tricycle or the sporting royal blue bike with lasers (kidding), the little boy seemed to have a preference for the dainty, flowery pink ones. As the two kept defending the boy’s choice of color, I couldn’t help but wonder why we as a society cannot tolerate a boy on pink- what is so wrong with that?
Stereotypes drive me nuts! Girls need to become secretaries and nurses and boys can … well, do anything they want. Girls need to wear pink and boys wear blue. Heaven forbid our society tolerate a boy in pink. What’s so wrong with pink I ask you? What is so wrong with breaking the mold and the stereotypes that come with gender. From the day of birth in the hospital, there are pink and blue items. I am not sure why- is it so people can ID a girl from a boy? What is the reason for the color stereotypes? They just get worse as we grow up. After all, a girl cannot stay out too late but boys can run amuck in their teenage years. And what about the stereotypes kids face in school? They are ruthless.
If my assumption was correct about these two adults in the store and if they were truly together, I think they should be proud of their “son” and should buy him the pink bike. He may get picked on – sure, but isn’t overcoming ridicule and gender stereotypes a very important lesson and step in life – one that may be better if it comes sooner than later? I do not see anything wrong with blue for girls and pink for boys and in so much as I can help it, hope to do my part in breaking gender stereotypes.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Appreciation
My husband and I recently saw a movie that my brother recommended - called Slumdog Millionaire. Odd name, I know- a name that would not have dragged me to the movies. It was only playing at one theater in Denver- the Landmark Esquire. A theater, I do not really care for. They charge high prices and if you do not sit in the middle, you get a crick in your neck but unfortunately, the only theater in Denver that takes on arty, film-fest, award-winning films that mainstream theaters for some reason do not show.
I really enjoyed the movie but more than enjoying it, for me, I dissect a film weeks or months after seeing it especially if it made an impact on me. This one did. I have a daughter and one more child on the way and I could not help but wonder after watching this movie, how much I have and how much I have to be thankful for. It is strange for me to think I have done something in a previous birth or somehow been rewarded by heaven to be born into a family that loved me and took good care of me. From education, housing, and food to other items, I have not had a want for anything and have been very fortunate. This movie reminds us that not everyone experiences that and that there are less fortunate people in the world who have a want for the basic necessities in life. The focus is the slumbs of Mumbai near the airport - it is hard to miss flying in or out of the airport - they are to the left, to the right, and surround the runway. People live in these conditions daily and this movie is a bitter sweet tale of a young boy who grew up in the slums, his experiences, and how he tried to rise above it. It was a very well done movie and I have to say in retrospect, as I dissect the movie, it left me very thankful for what I had and the joys in my life.
If you have not seen it, I highly recommend it. If you have seen it, I urge you to reflect on it - there is more than a message of hope. I think there are messages throughout the movie to not want for things. Greed actually plays a huge role in the downfall of several characters while hope, faith, and trust are virtues in the movie which help other characters succeed.
It is hard to come by films which make you truly think these days and I am glad we came across this one. It is a definite must-see!
Monday, December 01, 2008
Balance or Sacrifice?
My mom is currently living with us and she tends to be pretty old school about things in general – life, hobbies, raising family, and the roles that people should play in life. For example, she did not work when we were growing up, thus affording us the opportunity to have a full-time parent at our disposal 24-7. However, this came at a cost of my mom, dad, and my brother and I going without things and living within our means. It also meant my dad had to work harder and try to contribute to his retirement while feeding, educating, and clothing us. My mom said something interesting the other day when we heard a friend that I grew up with was getting divorced. She could not understand why this gal’s husband was such a louse after 2 kids – didn’t he understand responsibility and most importantly, sacrifice? My mom gave up countless hobbies to raise us. I am still at a loss to understand why but nonetheless this is touted as the cornerstone of raising children- sacrifice. I can understand going without so your child can have an education, clothes, food, but giving up things you may want to do seems a little extreme to our generation.
Now, I can understand if your hobbies are toxic- ie., drinking, smoking, recreational drugs, partying til 4am with the girls every weekend, etc., those are more lifestyle changes than giving up coin collecting, scrapbooking, poker with the boys, making jewelry, pottery, etc. And, we all have to make lifestyle changes when a kid comes along because let's face it - you can't do the exact same thing and expect the child to just fall in place. Also, if you can’t find time to do something, that may be a different matter. When I make a choice, it is usually between napping/sleeping OR doing something like watching a movie, going out, or scrapbooking into the wee hours of the night. For me, those choices tend to be a no brainer- I tend to always choose sleep! But, I do get to make the choice.
I think some parents of my mom’s generation believed sacrifice was the only way to raise a family- go without, give up things, and make choices to give up things that did not comport with a family lifestyle. Conversely, these days, you hear more and more parents of our generation using terms like “balance” and “choice” as opposed to sacrifice. For our generation, it is not about how much you gave up but rather, how well you can strike a balance between all the things you love- family, home, and those hobbies you enjoyed doing before you had a family. Once again, I am referring to activities and hobbies here not lifestyle changes. Some lifestyle changes are unfortunately, necessary. For example, I cannot sleep until noon any longer. I would feel wrong doing so as well because the weekends are the only time I get with my daughter it seems. In that sense, I do make a sacrifice of sleep but I do not even think of it that way - it is just something moms do. I think it is important to try to balance the important facets of your life. I remember my parents relaying stories of how they never went out or to movies because they did not want to leave us with a babysitter. I, on the other hand, think it is very important to carve out time for your spouse and each other and ensure that you have quiet times without the child- whether at home, at the movies, at a nice restaurant, or out on the town, it is important to have a date night. It is just as important for me to get out and get a massage or alone time to read a paper. It just clears my head. Once again, it is about balance not sacrifice. In either case, I find it interesting to hear stories about what my parents gave up or did not do as a result of us. It almost makes you feel bad when you hear the stories. Granted, I do not think we are better off or worse off as adults because our parents did those things. There are plenty of kids who turn out just fine and they went to a baby sitter occasionally or went to child care full-time. If anything, I think kids who grow up in a balanced home and observe balanced parents may actually fare better because they see how important it is to bring balance into their lives as well.
In the end, there is not a right or wrong way when it comes to this but I do think it is important to note how different two generations can be when it comes to even the simplest things.
Now, I can understand if your hobbies are toxic- ie., drinking, smoking, recreational drugs, partying til 4am with the girls every weekend, etc., those are more lifestyle changes than giving up coin collecting, scrapbooking, poker with the boys, making jewelry, pottery, etc. And, we all have to make lifestyle changes when a kid comes along because let's face it - you can't do the exact same thing and expect the child to just fall in place. Also, if you can’t find time to do something, that may be a different matter. When I make a choice, it is usually between napping/sleeping OR doing something like watching a movie, going out, or scrapbooking into the wee hours of the night. For me, those choices tend to be a no brainer- I tend to always choose sleep! But, I do get to make the choice.
I think some parents of my mom’s generation believed sacrifice was the only way to raise a family- go without, give up things, and make choices to give up things that did not comport with a family lifestyle. Conversely, these days, you hear more and more parents of our generation using terms like “balance” and “choice” as opposed to sacrifice. For our generation, it is not about how much you gave up but rather, how well you can strike a balance between all the things you love- family, home, and those hobbies you enjoyed doing before you had a family. Once again, I am referring to activities and hobbies here not lifestyle changes. Some lifestyle changes are unfortunately, necessary. For example, I cannot sleep until noon any longer. I would feel wrong doing so as well because the weekends are the only time I get with my daughter it seems. In that sense, I do make a sacrifice of sleep but I do not even think of it that way - it is just something moms do. I think it is important to try to balance the important facets of your life. I remember my parents relaying stories of how they never went out or to movies because they did not want to leave us with a babysitter. I, on the other hand, think it is very important to carve out time for your spouse and each other and ensure that you have quiet times without the child- whether at home, at the movies, at a nice restaurant, or out on the town, it is important to have a date night. It is just as important for me to get out and get a massage or alone time to read a paper. It just clears my head. Once again, it is about balance not sacrifice. In either case, I find it interesting to hear stories about what my parents gave up or did not do as a result of us. It almost makes you feel bad when you hear the stories. Granted, I do not think we are better off or worse off as adults because our parents did those things. There are plenty of kids who turn out just fine and they went to a baby sitter occasionally or went to child care full-time. If anything, I think kids who grow up in a balanced home and observe balanced parents may actually fare better because they see how important it is to bring balance into their lives as well.
In the end, there is not a right or wrong way when it comes to this but I do think it is important to note how different two generations can be when it comes to even the simplest things.
Monday, October 27, 2008
It may truly take a village
I remember when Hillary Clinton first coined the phrase, "It takes a Village", through her book on the concept of how so many people shape the lives of children, not just mom and dad. It is a really good read on what it takes in our modern society to raise children, what an amazing gift parenthood is, and why it truly takes more than just the parents to raise a child. No matter how old, a child is shaped by her parents, the grandparents, the neighbors, the kids in school or day care, the minister or pastor, the policeman who was kind to the child, the teacher, the doctor, and the friends of the parents.
The philosophy of "It takes a Village" is not new to the rest of the world but may be to many Americans who often feel isolated from friends and family. Living states apart, Americans are more novel to the concept of the Village than European or Asians.
I started to wonder if the "village" your child is raised in impacts his or her development - education, learning skills, feelings of security, and self worth. My mother has been helping us with the care of our daughter on and off since her birth. We get visitors from my side of the family and my husband's and we often travel as well to see relatives and expose our daughter to her cousins and aunts and uncles. When my daughter is not in the care of my mother or us, she goes to a private home where she is the only child being watched by a couple who do not have grandchildren of their own. They are multilingual and of my culture so she is exposed to that as well. While futile with work and activities, we try to expose our daughter to neighborhood kids and friends' kids - most of whom are not Indian. But I truly started to wonder now that I have my own kid and will soon have a sibling for our daughter if the village will shape our daughter's life. I know we will definitely have an impact on her but does it take a village?
I think it does. While parents can discipline and educate their children, children learn very early to be defiant and independent and they will form their own opinions on foods, issues, and what they think is a good bedtime :-0 Children will explore the world outside the home and learn about its people - good and bad. Children will often make mistakes and learn from them. How others' interact with your children does shape their lives and now that I am living through this, I truly believe that it does take a village.
My daughter is more secure when she is not in a day care environment. She loves when we have visitors and the house is partially filled with relatives and friends. Granted, she does not like crowds but there is a sense of security that permeats her being when we are all there- maybe not doing anything but just there. She feels secure from the type of care she receives. If in the home or private home, I tend to see her acting more secure and happy. At a center, she is lost and often feels the need to be clingy, displaying her insecurity to me when I get home. How she is treated by the world around her impacts her well-being, her creativity, her attitude, and her eating habits. Parenting is a joy and it is a gift from God but in assessing my own parenting skills, I have learned a lot from the last year and a half as well. How I react to my daughter makes a difference in how she reacts to me and the world around her.
I am so thankful to be a mom and share in parenting with a partner who is equally thrilled to have a child and as I take this time to reflect on the last year and a half, I realize that it takes more than me and more than my husband and that continuously my daughter will be exposed to the world around her which will also impact her growth and learning and it is my job to understand and even assess the "village" we place her in, the "village" she finds herself in, and the elements in it. While I do not 100% agree with Hillary Clinton's political views, I did enjoy the premise of her book and agree that when it comes to children and their development, it does take a village.
The subconscious Factor or something else? Part II
CONTINUED ....
Despite witnessing these troubled times and being the butt of discrimination themselves, these immigrants overcame adversity in a country that may not have welcomed them and tried to see the good in people. The discrimination was on many fronts – color of their skin, the way they talked (the accent), the clothes they wore, the food they ate, and/or their religion, but alas, they adapted and overcame and in a way, “melted” into society. I find it hard to believe that these same Americans would even consider voting for McCain. Is it simply for economics? Are these Indian-Americans federalists (because McCain is no federalist if you look at his record)? Or, do they just like that this guy? What is it that drives these retirees or soon to be retirees to vote for this man?
I did not want to consider it but the ugly truth hit me in the face when my mom said something during the RNC – “Cindy McCain is so much more a lady than Obama’s wife” – yikers! Could they be in love with the white image? The blonde-haired, blue-eyed all-American girl married to the WASP fighter pilot maverick, jock? Of course, these are the same people who disliked Hillary because she is outspoken, domineering, and kicks ass - just not very lady like. After all, her place to be quiet and sweet - clap on command for her hubby. So, is this cultural or something else? Partially speaking, I think they like McCain and the ticket because of culture. But mainly, I think, they do not want to vote for a black man. Let’s all face the truth- there are some in this country who do not want their prime time TV shows interrupted by a black man. It is hard to watch with so much ugly history in this country.
For the immigrant, psychologically speaking, he or she tends to “fall in” place – in order to fit in, in order to play the game, and be part of the crowd, they befriend those who give them political advantage and social status. I can count on one hand the number of black friends I have. Why is that? We all have preferences for lots of things- soda, lunch food, fruits, etc. I think, whether we admit it or not, we have a preference for color too. Among those are discriminated against, it is preferrable to prefer the discriminator over the other guy who may also being discriminated against. After all, they’re not picking on me so I might as well join in and pick on the guy who they’ve moved onto. This syndrome occurred after 9/11. South Asians had to defend themselves and try to educated others, "I am not ARAB. I am not Muslim, I am Hindu". After all, since it was another "evil" minority group, it was okay. Men with turbans had to defend that they were not Iranian or Iraqi. The sad truth is that some minorities were relieved that the discrimination focus was taken off of them. Blacks who were historically discriminated against now could join in and fight against the Islamic terrorists.
I can’t help but wonder if subconsciously, the people who are voting for McCain among these demographic groups do so because they agree with him on anything or have anything in common with him- heck, they might even get hurt by his policies, but I wonder if they vote for him and the ticket because they just feel more comfortable with the norm- what they have seen for these past 50 years- a white male running the show and keeping the status quo. After all, the comments we heard from many Indians after Gandhi got them independence from the Brits was … “we were better off under their rule.” WHAT!? Are you kidding me? We as humans get so used to and so conditioned by what we see, what we experience, and the brain washing, that we quickly forget our basic inalienable rights- the basic human need to be free. The other thing that baffles me is the education level and skills of the two Presidential candidates. Immigrants from South Asia value education and getting high marks in school. They value intelligence and degrees. If they looked at the candidates, only two fit the mold of being the BEST of the BEST - Obama and Biden. McCain was a goof-off in school and crashed fighter jets in the Navy. He did not have a masters degree. He cheated on his first wife with his current and defiled family values that immigrants hold dear. Hunting and fishing and killing live animals is not valued among those same immigrants either. Another interesting point many may not know is that Joe Biden is a huge - HUGE supporter of South Asian ideals and work ethics. He has visited India and considers the Indian community in a very positive light. He and Obama support India more than they do Pakistan and would like to change foreign policy in that region. A change I welcome and support. McCain will continue more of the same which has occurred for over 2 decades now- support to Pakistan financially and in spirit. In return, Pakistan will pay us back (not financially) but through continued support of terrorism and madrasas, home grown and supported through our tax dollars.
What will happen in this election, I do not know but I know race, like it or not, is a HUGE factor to many and to some who do not admit it, it is that silent factor that still affects the choices they make. I just hope enough people in our generation can pull it off for the right person for this job - for the sake of positively impacting the only country we have known all our lives.
Despite witnessing these troubled times and being the butt of discrimination themselves, these immigrants overcame adversity in a country that may not have welcomed them and tried to see the good in people. The discrimination was on many fronts – color of their skin, the way they talked (the accent), the clothes they wore, the food they ate, and/or their religion, but alas, they adapted and overcame and in a way, “melted” into society. I find it hard to believe that these same Americans would even consider voting for McCain. Is it simply for economics? Are these Indian-Americans federalists (because McCain is no federalist if you look at his record)? Or, do they just like that this guy? What is it that drives these retirees or soon to be retirees to vote for this man?
I did not want to consider it but the ugly truth hit me in the face when my mom said something during the RNC – “Cindy McCain is so much more a lady than Obama’s wife” – yikers! Could they be in love with the white image? The blonde-haired, blue-eyed all-American girl married to the WASP fighter pilot maverick, jock? Of course, these are the same people who disliked Hillary because she is outspoken, domineering, and kicks ass - just not very lady like. After all, her place to be quiet and sweet - clap on command for her hubby. So, is this cultural or something else? Partially speaking, I think they like McCain and the ticket because of culture. But mainly, I think, they do not want to vote for a black man. Let’s all face the truth- there are some in this country who do not want their prime time TV shows interrupted by a black man. It is hard to watch with so much ugly history in this country.
For the immigrant, psychologically speaking, he or she tends to “fall in” place – in order to fit in, in order to play the game, and be part of the crowd, they befriend those who give them political advantage and social status. I can count on one hand the number of black friends I have. Why is that? We all have preferences for lots of things- soda, lunch food, fruits, etc. I think, whether we admit it or not, we have a preference for color too. Among those are discriminated against, it is preferrable to prefer the discriminator over the other guy who may also being discriminated against. After all, they’re not picking on me so I might as well join in and pick on the guy who they’ve moved onto. This syndrome occurred after 9/11. South Asians had to defend themselves and try to educated others, "I am not ARAB. I am not Muslim, I am Hindu". After all, since it was another "evil" minority group, it was okay. Men with turbans had to defend that they were not Iranian or Iraqi. The sad truth is that some minorities were relieved that the discrimination focus was taken off of them. Blacks who were historically discriminated against now could join in and fight against the Islamic terrorists.
I can’t help but wonder if subconsciously, the people who are voting for McCain among these demographic groups do so because they agree with him on anything or have anything in common with him- heck, they might even get hurt by his policies, but I wonder if they vote for him and the ticket because they just feel more comfortable with the norm- what they have seen for these past 50 years- a white male running the show and keeping the status quo. After all, the comments we heard from many Indians after Gandhi got them independence from the Brits was … “we were better off under their rule.” WHAT!? Are you kidding me? We as humans get so used to and so conditioned by what we see, what we experience, and the brain washing, that we quickly forget our basic inalienable rights- the basic human need to be free. The other thing that baffles me is the education level and skills of the two Presidential candidates. Immigrants from South Asia value education and getting high marks in school. They value intelligence and degrees. If they looked at the candidates, only two fit the mold of being the BEST of the BEST - Obama and Biden. McCain was a goof-off in school and crashed fighter jets in the Navy. He did not have a masters degree. He cheated on his first wife with his current and defiled family values that immigrants hold dear. Hunting and fishing and killing live animals is not valued among those same immigrants either. Another interesting point many may not know is that Joe Biden is a huge - HUGE supporter of South Asian ideals and work ethics. He has visited India and considers the Indian community in a very positive light. He and Obama support India more than they do Pakistan and would like to change foreign policy in that region. A change I welcome and support. McCain will continue more of the same which has occurred for over 2 decades now- support to Pakistan financially and in spirit. In return, Pakistan will pay us back (not financially) but through continued support of terrorism and madrasas, home grown and supported through our tax dollars.
What will happen in this election, I do not know but I know race, like it or not, is a HUGE factor to many and to some who do not admit it, it is that silent factor that still affects the choices they make. I just hope enough people in our generation can pull it off for the right person for this job - for the sake of positively impacting the only country we have known all our lives.
The Subconscious Factor or something else? PART I
This is a long blog so I divided it up into two parts. I am posting Part I here and will post Part II shortly. I hope you enjoy the thoughts of someone who maybe does have too much time to think.
Part I
Mohandas K. Gandhi (before he was the "Mahatma") rode on a train in South Africa, only to be thrown from it with his luggage out of the first class compartment because as a minority, he belonged in second class compartment. Gandhi refused to move at the request of the white British guard. He was moved. In fact, he was so moved by what happened in South Africa and subsequently in India, he decided enough was enough – how long would tyrannical rule and discrimination against minorities like South Indians continue? The discrimination he fought was at the hands of the British but here in America, some twenty years later, following in Gandhi’s footsteps of peaceful nonresistance and nonviolence another movement began to free Blacks from discrimination in America. Separate but Equal was alive and well in Alabama schools until very recently (1990s) – hard to believe? Segregation of women is a reality in Islamic society especially at religious sites but segregation based on the color of skin seems far-fetched to those of us raised in the 80s. The truth is while we do not openly condone segregation or discrimination, it is still alive and well in America and the victims of past discrimination, in my opinion, tend to be the worst in discriminating against those who are different from themselves. Before I go into my theory of why minorities discriminate against other minorities, I think a little background is essential of how I got the privilege of becoming a first generation American.
Lyndon Johnson did a lot to open the gates of immigration for South Asia, enabling my dad and others like him to immigrate to the United States and pursue an education. The gates opened in 1965 for Asians, and or better or for worse, immigration is a phenomenon that has defined America’s history and has in many ways, shaped the role America plays in the global economy. I think immigration to America is a good thing, bringing so much to this country that others cannot claim. Despite 9-11, Americans need to realize that not all immigration is BAD immigration – in fact, most immigration in the U.S. has revitalized and had a positive impact on the economy, on schools and education, and on the political system. Even granting asylum to those in need is a positive thing. After all, America is a country founded on immigrants.
Focusing on my dad's generation, I could not help but wonder how the immigrants who came over here after 1965 were voting in this election especially since this is the first chance they have had to vote for a minority Presidential candidate. So far the results are mixed and like this election, quite close. Out of the people I have surveyed or talked with, most are Obama supporters – not just because they want to see a minority in office but because of his liberal views too. Then there are those who are McCain supporters. I wonder why? These Baby Boomers who left their native country in the 60s and early 70s are of retirement age or already retired and some relying on Medicare. Most are making a modest amount of money because of one bread winner in the household and are considered lower to middle income. Most went through and saw a dark period in American history – not just Vietnam and the post-Vietnam fall out (mistreatment of Veterans) but also the struggle for Civil Rights in our nation – something those of us born in the mid 70s and early 80s did not get to witness or experience. As I discussed previously, these immigrants if they came from the Subcontinent of India saw the end of British rule in India and grew up in a new India, free of British rule and tyrannical actions. But they also grew up in a divided India where Hindu-Muslim riots and violence was a daily or hourly event. They may have seen bombings and segregation in Northern India as well as Punjab and the region of Kashmir which is still highly disputed. These same people came to the U.S. at a time when they saw Gandhi's principles echoed by Martin Luther King, Jr., Who sought to end segregation and tyranny against blacks in America. They came to America at a time when Vietnam divided the nation and worse, they came at a time in America when there was not much knowledge about who they were except "foreigners" – were they Iranian? Iraqi? What is the Indian culture after all in the 60s and 70s in America? It was new… it was unchartered territory but they endured and perservered because they wanted a better life for their children and their children’s children. (To be continued ... in Part II)
Part I
Mohandas K. Gandhi (before he was the "Mahatma") rode on a train in South Africa, only to be thrown from it with his luggage out of the first class compartment because as a minority, he belonged in second class compartment. Gandhi refused to move at the request of the white British guard. He was moved. In fact, he was so moved by what happened in South Africa and subsequently in India, he decided enough was enough – how long would tyrannical rule and discrimination against minorities like South Indians continue? The discrimination he fought was at the hands of the British but here in America, some twenty years later, following in Gandhi’s footsteps of peaceful nonresistance and nonviolence another movement began to free Blacks from discrimination in America. Separate but Equal was alive and well in Alabama schools until very recently (1990s) – hard to believe? Segregation of women is a reality in Islamic society especially at religious sites but segregation based on the color of skin seems far-fetched to those of us raised in the 80s. The truth is while we do not openly condone segregation or discrimination, it is still alive and well in America and the victims of past discrimination, in my opinion, tend to be the worst in discriminating against those who are different from themselves. Before I go into my theory of why minorities discriminate against other minorities, I think a little background is essential of how I got the privilege of becoming a first generation American.
Lyndon Johnson did a lot to open the gates of immigration for South Asia, enabling my dad and others like him to immigrate to the United States and pursue an education. The gates opened in 1965 for Asians, and or better or for worse, immigration is a phenomenon that has defined America’s history and has in many ways, shaped the role America plays in the global economy. I think immigration to America is a good thing, bringing so much to this country that others cannot claim. Despite 9-11, Americans need to realize that not all immigration is BAD immigration – in fact, most immigration in the U.S. has revitalized and had a positive impact on the economy, on schools and education, and on the political system. Even granting asylum to those in need is a positive thing. After all, America is a country founded on immigrants.
Focusing on my dad's generation, I could not help but wonder how the immigrants who came over here after 1965 were voting in this election especially since this is the first chance they have had to vote for a minority Presidential candidate. So far the results are mixed and like this election, quite close. Out of the people I have surveyed or talked with, most are Obama supporters – not just because they want to see a minority in office but because of his liberal views too. Then there are those who are McCain supporters. I wonder why? These Baby Boomers who left their native country in the 60s and early 70s are of retirement age or already retired and some relying on Medicare. Most are making a modest amount of money because of one bread winner in the household and are considered lower to middle income. Most went through and saw a dark period in American history – not just Vietnam and the post-Vietnam fall out (mistreatment of Veterans) but also the struggle for Civil Rights in our nation – something those of us born in the mid 70s and early 80s did not get to witness or experience. As I discussed previously, these immigrants if they came from the Subcontinent of India saw the end of British rule in India and grew up in a new India, free of British rule and tyrannical actions. But they also grew up in a divided India where Hindu-Muslim riots and violence was a daily or hourly event. They may have seen bombings and segregation in Northern India as well as Punjab and the region of Kashmir which is still highly disputed. These same people came to the U.S. at a time when they saw Gandhi's principles echoed by Martin Luther King, Jr., Who sought to end segregation and tyranny against blacks in America. They came to America at a time when Vietnam divided the nation and worse, they came at a time in America when there was not much knowledge about who they were except "foreigners" – were they Iranian? Iraqi? What is the Indian culture after all in the 60s and 70s in America? It was new… it was unchartered territory but they endured and perservered because they wanted a better life for their children and their children’s children. (To be continued ... in Part II)
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
The consummate conflict of balance in a joint family
My mother has returned to stay with us for a couple of months and with that comes my dad to visit for a short period of time (okay, so 10 days is not short by American standards but by Indian standards it is). Along with that, my brother will soon visit too. While having family close by, having family live with you can bring conflict and the desire for balance. So, in light of recent events in our home, I have come to several thought-provoking several realizations over the past few days.
For one, it is really a roller coaster for all parties involved- my husband and I, and my daughter have to get adjusted to a new entity in our home which is family. While that is nice, we finally work out kinks in our system, get used to the person and the new “system” and then my mom is gone. So, we spend time trying to get retooled so to speak to life, the kitchen, and the lack of company. Conversely, I am sure my mom goes through the same process. She is queen of her castle back on the east coast and coming to be part of our house I am sure is a difficult transition for her as well. She gets used to it, develops a routine, creates a system for herself, and boom – it is gone a couple of months later and she is back at home, alone and without grandkid to keep her occupied.
Second, there is a fine balancing act when your newly formed family is living with another family- ie. what I refer to as a "joint family". I think there are especially problems when the person who lives with you does not know boundaries and you cannot establish them because of cultural norms. The balancing act is one of spending time with your spouse and children alone versus including that third party in your activities. It is essential to find privacy to talk with your spouse, spend quality time with your spouse outside the presence of that third person and continue to maintain balance with your kids. While your kids love grandma and grandpa, it is important that you are the final enforcer, disciplinarian, and decision maker with regards to curfew, discipline, food, and other issues. I think if the third party gets involved and exceed their boundaries, their involvement could undermine the entire balance between you and your kids.
Third, as I have learned recently, it is important to keep the channels of communication open between you and your spouse even if it means e-mailing, calling, or writing to each other to avoid an open dispute or discussion in front of the third party in your home. If the two of you can find a quiet private moment to talk-great, but if not, it is vital to at least communicate via other means so that you are on the same page and can still be a team when it comes to issues that may arise in the home.
I, for one, find it very difficult with someone else living with us even though I cherish the help. It is difficult because because it seems that we have gotten used to our life, and doing things our way and while my mom has been a big help, you sometimes wonder if it is worth it. I think having family living with you puts a strain on things as it is but for extended periods of time, it can be trying for a marriage. That was the case last time my mom was in town. For me, recently, I have experienced something a little different. I think because we have opened the communication channels and are able to talk about things, my spouse and I find our relationship strengthened. After all, we need to be team especially if we are going to tackle many issues as a team. I find myself closer to my spouse and hopefully that can continue as we journey the next two months. It is hard enough to balance life as a family of three or four (kids included) getting used to each other’s schedules, needs, and wants, and then to add a third party into the mix, to live as a joint family, is even more trying. I am not sure people in India and China even do it anymore (well, middle to upper class are moving away from that norm anyway).
I think the important thing is to find balance and to keep communication lines open so that all parties can get through it. Yelling and jumping to conclusions or making assumptions that are not true erode that balance so, it is better to talk things through logically and in a calm manner. In the end, I think people can live in joint families but it takes a lot of effort, understanding, balance, and communication. It requires appropriate boundaries and perhaps subtly discussing issues troubling the relationship. More importantly, for a successful venture, all parties require these important traits.
For one, it is really a roller coaster for all parties involved- my husband and I, and my daughter have to get adjusted to a new entity in our home which is family. While that is nice, we finally work out kinks in our system, get used to the person and the new “system” and then my mom is gone. So, we spend time trying to get retooled so to speak to life, the kitchen, and the lack of company. Conversely, I am sure my mom goes through the same process. She is queen of her castle back on the east coast and coming to be part of our house I am sure is a difficult transition for her as well. She gets used to it, develops a routine, creates a system for herself, and boom – it is gone a couple of months later and she is back at home, alone and without grandkid to keep her occupied.
Second, there is a fine balancing act when your newly formed family is living with another family- ie. what I refer to as a "joint family". I think there are especially problems when the person who lives with you does not know boundaries and you cannot establish them because of cultural norms. The balancing act is one of spending time with your spouse and children alone versus including that third party in your activities. It is essential to find privacy to talk with your spouse, spend quality time with your spouse outside the presence of that third person and continue to maintain balance with your kids. While your kids love grandma and grandpa, it is important that you are the final enforcer, disciplinarian, and decision maker with regards to curfew, discipline, food, and other issues. I think if the third party gets involved and exceed their boundaries, their involvement could undermine the entire balance between you and your kids.
Third, as I have learned recently, it is important to keep the channels of communication open between you and your spouse even if it means e-mailing, calling, or writing to each other to avoid an open dispute or discussion in front of the third party in your home. If the two of you can find a quiet private moment to talk-great, but if not, it is vital to at least communicate via other means so that you are on the same page and can still be a team when it comes to issues that may arise in the home.
I, for one, find it very difficult with someone else living with us even though I cherish the help. It is difficult because because it seems that we have gotten used to our life, and doing things our way and while my mom has been a big help, you sometimes wonder if it is worth it. I think having family living with you puts a strain on things as it is but for extended periods of time, it can be trying for a marriage. That was the case last time my mom was in town. For me, recently, I have experienced something a little different. I think because we have opened the communication channels and are able to talk about things, my spouse and I find our relationship strengthened. After all, we need to be team especially if we are going to tackle many issues as a team. I find myself closer to my spouse and hopefully that can continue as we journey the next two months. It is hard enough to balance life as a family of three or four (kids included) getting used to each other’s schedules, needs, and wants, and then to add a third party into the mix, to live as a joint family, is even more trying. I am not sure people in India and China even do it anymore (well, middle to upper class are moving away from that norm anyway).
I think the important thing is to find balance and to keep communication lines open so that all parties can get through it. Yelling and jumping to conclusions or making assumptions that are not true erode that balance so, it is better to talk things through logically and in a calm manner. In the end, I think people can live in joint families but it takes a lot of effort, understanding, balance, and communication. It requires appropriate boundaries and perhaps subtly discussing issues troubling the relationship. More importantly, for a successful venture, all parties require these important traits.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
The Double Standard
Recently I have become painfully aware of the double standard that we hold women to versus men. I am guilty it of myself. When I first heard about Palin as VP, qualifications or lack there of aside, I found myself wondering about her young infant child and asking questions like, why isn't she caring for that little one. I found myself questioning her values as a new mom and whether she is breastfeeding or not. As a result of that and the discussions I have had with my friends, I have wondered, is the double standard alive and well in our society? Woman can fly fighter jets, serve in combat, write nobel peace prize winning books and poetry, run for Vice-President, and manage a multi-million dollar company but the truth remains- there is a double standard against females in our advanced world.
Unfortunately, that is how our society is. Fortunately, we live in America where it is still better for women than most other countries. In my own life, I see a double standard set for myself as opposed to my for my husband. My biggest pet peeve with my husband is his weekly entertainment. While I am gone from home alot for work, both my second job of serving in the Air Force Reserves and business travel for my primary job, my husband does not travel on business at all. Therefore, I think he tends to feel the need to get away more to go play poker and other games of chance at the local casinos. It is not something I have ever enjoyed nor do I think I would come to like. Of course, with a kid or two at home, it is not an activity we can both partake in anyway. In either case, the double standard here is that his entertainment will take him away an average of 9 hours per week with him arriving home long after 2am sometimes. If the casinos were open later, I wonder if he'd come home by morning light.
I couldn't help but wonder that if it was the woman who was coming home at 2-3am every week - not for a job but simply from dancing and drinking with her friends, how would that fly with society and family? Now, I am not saying that his trips to the casinos are wrong or right, but in light of my recent consideration of Palin being away from her infant child, I could not help but wonder what people would be saying about me if I were the one taking these late night trips away from my daughter? I can only imagine the comments. She's a slut who does not care for her family or her child. She is probably sleeping around- even if that were not true. She is irresponsible and has no self-control. What are the comments about a man when he is gone - Oh he just needs an outlet. He needs to get away from his nagging wife and screaming child so it is okay. It is at night when the kid is asleep so I guess that is okay. He is not the breastfeeder or the primary care provider so it's okay. The guy needs to just get away- come on! These comments are not limited to just a guy's night out or poker trips or when a guy plays video games a lot, you would hear the same comments for the guy who plays golf all the time, the guy who is an avid skiier and is gone on weekends alot in the Winter, and so on. But, if a woman wanted to do these activities every week or every weekend, I do not think it would be cool. After all, then when is she ever at home? Who is watching the kid? Shouldn't she be devoting herself to the family she chose to have?
Now as far as Palin- I think she is an idiot and she is scary to say the least and it has nothing to do with her personal life. It has everything with what she stands for - Abstinence, Pro-life even in cases of rape and incest, her acceptance of earmarks for Alaska, her economic policies or lack there of, her desire to teach creation in public schools (probably along side with abstinence), her poor environmental record, her support of oil and gas, her lack of support for science and research especially on stem cell researched, and her underlying right wing conservative Christianity values injected into our Government. There is much more on her policies that scare the crap out of me but it is interesting to note that I also am concerned about her ability to lead based on her home and family life. In either case, this recent development has made me consider my own bias and my own judgment of women in and outside the home. There is truly a double standard, a glass ceiling that woman have that is often hard to overcome.
Unfortunately, that is how our society is. Fortunately, we live in America where it is still better for women than most other countries. In my own life, I see a double standard set for myself as opposed to my for my husband. My biggest pet peeve with my husband is his weekly entertainment. While I am gone from home alot for work, both my second job of serving in the Air Force Reserves and business travel for my primary job, my husband does not travel on business at all. Therefore, I think he tends to feel the need to get away more to go play poker and other games of chance at the local casinos. It is not something I have ever enjoyed nor do I think I would come to like. Of course, with a kid or two at home, it is not an activity we can both partake in anyway. In either case, the double standard here is that his entertainment will take him away an average of 9 hours per week with him arriving home long after 2am sometimes. If the casinos were open later, I wonder if he'd come home by morning light.
I couldn't help but wonder that if it was the woman who was coming home at 2-3am every week - not for a job but simply from dancing and drinking with her friends, how would that fly with society and family? Now, I am not saying that his trips to the casinos are wrong or right, but in light of my recent consideration of Palin being away from her infant child, I could not help but wonder what people would be saying about me if I were the one taking these late night trips away from my daughter? I can only imagine the comments. She's a slut who does not care for her family or her child. She is probably sleeping around- even if that were not true. She is irresponsible and has no self-control. What are the comments about a man when he is gone - Oh he just needs an outlet. He needs to get away from his nagging wife and screaming child so it is okay. It is at night when the kid is asleep so I guess that is okay. He is not the breastfeeder or the primary care provider so it's okay. The guy needs to just get away- come on! These comments are not limited to just a guy's night out or poker trips or when a guy plays video games a lot, you would hear the same comments for the guy who plays golf all the time, the guy who is an avid skiier and is gone on weekends alot in the Winter, and so on. But, if a woman wanted to do these activities every week or every weekend, I do not think it would be cool. After all, then when is she ever at home? Who is watching the kid? Shouldn't she be devoting herself to the family she chose to have?
Now as far as Palin- I think she is an idiot and she is scary to say the least and it has nothing to do with her personal life. It has everything with what she stands for - Abstinence, Pro-life even in cases of rape and incest, her acceptance of earmarks for Alaska, her economic policies or lack there of, her desire to teach creation in public schools (probably along side with abstinence), her poor environmental record, her support of oil and gas, her lack of support for science and research especially on stem cell researched, and her underlying right wing conservative Christianity values injected into our Government. There is much more on her policies that scare the crap out of me but it is interesting to note that I also am concerned about her ability to lead based on her home and family life. In either case, this recent development has made me consider my own bias and my own judgment of women in and outside the home. There is truly a double standard, a glass ceiling that woman have that is often hard to overcome.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Mommy & Me
I should state from the start of this blog that this is a generalization and of course, not one formula fits all but I have gotten the impression recently from watching world-famous male athletes that moms have a lot to do with the success of their sons in sports - from Lance Armstrong to Michael Phelps and some in-between. It got me to thinking how their moms must affect their personal lives. Michael Phelps is not married yet so in truth, this is not a fair experiment but I wait with baited breath to see how his married life does.
Needless to say, I watched the interview with Oprah when Lance Armstrong's mom was there, cheering him on, defending his honor, and addressing the cancer and divorce that Lance faced. I could not help but wonder if she played a role in that break-up. Moms who are too close to their sons, while instrumental to their success, can also be a detriment in their personal lives. It just got me to thinking and I am just more aware now.... and as I watched Michael Phelps take his 8th gold and his mom appear in several interviews with him as well, I could not help but wonder if his personal life was heading for the same fate. Like I said, it is a bit generalized but I think a mother-son relationship, like all relationships needs its boundaries and has to have its own rules. Otherwise, it is hard for the son to maintain a healthy marriage with the new woman in his life. If the son is comparing the new woman to his mama, that can be a problem too especially one who has played such a big role in the son's life. In the case of sons who are successful because of their moms, the absence of a father-figure intensifies this bond.... so, it is something to be aware of when getting involved with someone who is close to his momma.
Needless to say, I watched the interview with Oprah when Lance Armstrong's mom was there, cheering him on, defending his honor, and addressing the cancer and divorce that Lance faced. I could not help but wonder if she played a role in that break-up. Moms who are too close to their sons, while instrumental to their success, can also be a detriment in their personal lives. It just got me to thinking and I am just more aware now.... and as I watched Michael Phelps take his 8th gold and his mom appear in several interviews with him as well, I could not help but wonder if his personal life was heading for the same fate. Like I said, it is a bit generalized but I think a mother-son relationship, like all relationships needs its boundaries and has to have its own rules. Otherwise, it is hard for the son to maintain a healthy marriage with the new woman in his life. If the son is comparing the new woman to his mama, that can be a problem too especially one who has played such a big role in the son's life. In the case of sons who are successful because of their moms, the absence of a father-figure intensifies this bond.... so, it is something to be aware of when getting involved with someone who is close to his momma.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Communication is truly an Art
I used to learn about the "Art of War" by Sun Tzu, but I never quite learned the Art of Communication so I draw upon daily experience. Today was no exception.
This morning started off with my boss changing my travel plans for the fifth time. I am supposed to attend a conference in Portland next week and initially I was attending two days and returning, and then I was attending three days and staying an extra night. Now, I am again only attending 2 days, 2 nights. Then, instead of asking for the morning of Wednesday, 7 May off, I told my boss that I would not be here (at the office) on that morning. Poor choice of words I suppose. His reply was, “not granted. I need you to be at a staff meeting in my place and take copious notes.” He stated it twice. Yikers! I realized I did not ask to be off that morning but rather had stated that I would be off. Oh oh! Another lesson learned- not thinking before you speak sometimes can cause the other party to presume you stated something instead of asking for permission.
Then, I asked the secretary who made my original travel reservations some time ago for my confirmation code so I could call United and check seat assignments, frequent flyer number, and the like. Wow! That turned into quite the ordeal. She gave me a record locator for the travel agency instead of the United Airlines confirmation code so that obviously caused some more confusion. I had a different number (the confirmation code) and she had the record locator (travel agency internal code). She now thought that there were two record locators out there and we would be charged twice. She almost cancelled my travel reservations thinking there were two locators out there. Needless to say, this is just an example of the confusion that can result with communication even we all speak the same language.
Communication is the key to success or failure in a professional and personal relationship- if you communicate effectively, success! Lack of effective communication in any relationship over time can be detrimental. If every time my infant daughter asked for food, I put her to sleep, things could get ugly as they often do. “What does she want?" I think to myself when she cries. Is she trying to tell me something? Obviously, something does get lost in translation and we all suffer until we can figure it out.
I remember writing a blog sometime ago about communication and how so much can get mangled because of a simple word, a simple gesture, or even a misunderstanding. I think this morning’s encounters serve as examples of that. Communication is a wonderful thing – we can build nations using it properly, we can mend broken ties, and build beautiful relationships if it used effectively. But, is the person seeing eye to eye with you or are you communicating one-way? It is one thing to think you are a good communicator, and another to do it effectively. A good measurement of effectiveness is whether both parties can communicate well and understand each other and then, act on what is communicated. If one person does not understand or cannot read the other, a miscommunication may have resulted. Ahh…. I get it now!
This morning started off with my boss changing my travel plans for the fifth time. I am supposed to attend a conference in Portland next week and initially I was attending two days and returning, and then I was attending three days and staying an extra night. Now, I am again only attending 2 days, 2 nights. Then, instead of asking for the morning of Wednesday, 7 May off, I told my boss that I would not be here (at the office) on that morning. Poor choice of words I suppose. His reply was, “not granted. I need you to be at a staff meeting in my place and take copious notes.” He stated it twice. Yikers! I realized I did not ask to be off that morning but rather had stated that I would be off. Oh oh! Another lesson learned- not thinking before you speak sometimes can cause the other party to presume you stated something instead of asking for permission.
Then, I asked the secretary who made my original travel reservations some time ago for my confirmation code so I could call United and check seat assignments, frequent flyer number, and the like. Wow! That turned into quite the ordeal. She gave me a record locator for the travel agency instead of the United Airlines confirmation code so that obviously caused some more confusion. I had a different number (the confirmation code) and she had the record locator (travel agency internal code). She now thought that there were two record locators out there and we would be charged twice. She almost cancelled my travel reservations thinking there were two locators out there. Needless to say, this is just an example of the confusion that can result with communication even we all speak the same language.
Communication is the key to success or failure in a professional and personal relationship- if you communicate effectively, success! Lack of effective communication in any relationship over time can be detrimental. If every time my infant daughter asked for food, I put her to sleep, things could get ugly as they often do. “What does she want?" I think to myself when she cries. Is she trying to tell me something? Obviously, something does get lost in translation and we all suffer until we can figure it out.
I remember writing a blog sometime ago about communication and how so much can get mangled because of a simple word, a simple gesture, or even a misunderstanding. I think this morning’s encounters serve as examples of that. Communication is a wonderful thing – we can build nations using it properly, we can mend broken ties, and build beautiful relationships if it used effectively. But, is the person seeing eye to eye with you or are you communicating one-way? It is one thing to think you are a good communicator, and another to do it effectively. A good measurement of effectiveness is whether both parties can communicate well and understand each other and then, act on what is communicated. If one person does not understand or cannot read the other, a miscommunication may have resulted. Ahh…. I get it now!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
High Pressure Nails?
I rarely visit those asian salons called “NAILS” or “NAILS FOR YOU” and the like. I prefer to do my pedicures and manicures at home but lately, I long for time so I can do my nails. My daughter would love nothing more than to take my clippers, my nail file, and eat the nail polish remover. So, I opt to not do nails at home any longer. So, I went at my lunch break to get a pedicure at a reasonably priced place but after the experience, I remember why I do not go to these places.
It was a typical nail place, asian-owned and operated. Even the 12-year old child who should have been in school was there practicing nail art. The people are very nice but this is how my trip went down. First, I was greeted by a lady and showed the way to the pedicure chair where the hot bath water is for my feet and the chair “massages” your back. In this case, I felt like a ball of dough as the chair kneaded my back and it genuinely hurt. The first lady asks, “what would you like today?” My response was, “just a pedicure, thanks.” She retorts, “No manicure?” As she grabs my hands and looks down at them with a disapproving frown, “Are you sure no manicure – you need manicure!” (insert appropriate accent here) I replied, “just a pedicure, thanks.” The high pressure sales pitch continued, as she looked at my face, “You want eyebrow wax? You need eyebrow wax!” I replied again, “just a pedicure, thanks.” If things were not awkward enough as it was, she proceeded to make small talk. “First time here?” I replied “no”. She quickly responded, “Oh, long time then.”
This lady left and went over to the school-age girl who was practicing nail art. As my feet soaked in the warm water, I realized the lady I just spent ten minutes convincing I just wanted a pedicure was not the one who would give me a pedicure. Oh no, I thought. Yes, you guessed it! The second lady proceeded to put me through the same questions and interrogation (short of water boarding) as the first. I almost got a manicure, feeling that my nails were nasty or something, and almost asked for the $7 eyebrow wax because for a moment I thought I must have looked like Chewbacca. Trying to muster what self esteem I had left, I relaxed a little in the chair and watched Judge Judy which was playing on a small TV with an antenna on it. The lady did a horrible job on my toes but what could I expect for $19? I quickly started to realize why I did these things at home for free. Then she asked me if I wanted a flower or diamond on my toe nails – I was like Uh, no, thanks. The pressure sales pitch continued, “it look nice.” I repeated, “no, thanks.”
I thought the end of the high pressure sales pitch was done but then came the slippers. So, she put the pedicure slippers on me and I realized I was going back to work. I saw a box full of nice slippers and asked if I could have those instead because they looked better. She said those slippers from Bebe company were for sale- $15. I was like, “Oh… no thanks.” I was not about to spend $15 on something that looked like it came from the Dollar Tree for a temporary fix ‘til the nails dried. I would just take the floppy pedicure slippers and head off back to work. The lady responded, “wait, I give you special – for you, $10.” I did all I could to contain the laughter that was building inside of me and while I thought to myself, “Where am I?” I avoided the temptation of asking if I was in a Chinese Bazaar in the middle of Denver, Colorado.
The whole experience was strange but an experience nonetheless. It reinforced why I do not get my nails done at these places and instead, prefer the comfort of my home – I guess I will have to send my daughter off to the park with my husband so I can enjoy a few minutes of solitude, fill up the pedicure bath spa, and soak my worries away. Until then, I am sure my nails are fine and my eyebrows are not growing out of ears but I got some fodder for a new blog entry and that is always fun!
It was a typical nail place, asian-owned and operated. Even the 12-year old child who should have been in school was there practicing nail art. The people are very nice but this is how my trip went down. First, I was greeted by a lady and showed the way to the pedicure chair where the hot bath water is for my feet and the chair “massages” your back. In this case, I felt like a ball of dough as the chair kneaded my back and it genuinely hurt. The first lady asks, “what would you like today?” My response was, “just a pedicure, thanks.” She retorts, “No manicure?” As she grabs my hands and looks down at them with a disapproving frown, “Are you sure no manicure – you need manicure!” (insert appropriate accent here) I replied, “just a pedicure, thanks.” The high pressure sales pitch continued, as she looked at my face, “You want eyebrow wax? You need eyebrow wax!” I replied again, “just a pedicure, thanks.” If things were not awkward enough as it was, she proceeded to make small talk. “First time here?” I replied “no”. She quickly responded, “Oh, long time then.”
This lady left and went over to the school-age girl who was practicing nail art. As my feet soaked in the warm water, I realized the lady I just spent ten minutes convincing I just wanted a pedicure was not the one who would give me a pedicure. Oh no, I thought. Yes, you guessed it! The second lady proceeded to put me through the same questions and interrogation (short of water boarding) as the first. I almost got a manicure, feeling that my nails were nasty or something, and almost asked for the $7 eyebrow wax because for a moment I thought I must have looked like Chewbacca. Trying to muster what self esteem I had left, I relaxed a little in the chair and watched Judge Judy which was playing on a small TV with an antenna on it. The lady did a horrible job on my toes but what could I expect for $19? I quickly started to realize why I did these things at home for free. Then she asked me if I wanted a flower or diamond on my toe nails – I was like Uh, no, thanks. The pressure sales pitch continued, “it look nice.” I repeated, “no, thanks.”
I thought the end of the high pressure sales pitch was done but then came the slippers. So, she put the pedicure slippers on me and I realized I was going back to work. I saw a box full of nice slippers and asked if I could have those instead because they looked better. She said those slippers from Bebe company were for sale- $15. I was like, “Oh… no thanks.” I was not about to spend $15 on something that looked like it came from the Dollar Tree for a temporary fix ‘til the nails dried. I would just take the floppy pedicure slippers and head off back to work. The lady responded, “wait, I give you special – for you, $10.” I did all I could to contain the laughter that was building inside of me and while I thought to myself, “Where am I?” I avoided the temptation of asking if I was in a Chinese Bazaar in the middle of Denver, Colorado.
The whole experience was strange but an experience nonetheless. It reinforced why I do not get my nails done at these places and instead, prefer the comfort of my home – I guess I will have to send my daughter off to the park with my husband so I can enjoy a few minutes of solitude, fill up the pedicure bath spa, and soak my worries away. Until then, I am sure my nails are fine and my eyebrows are not growing out of ears but I got some fodder for a new blog entry and that is always fun!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Are you giving women drivers a bad name?
You always hear the phrase, “of course, it’s a woman driver.” Or “what did you expect from a woman driver.” I generally always took offense to that phrase not just because I am a woman but for the most part, I think all drivers have a tendency to flake out and do stupid things on the road not just women. On my way down to Colorado Springs last week, however, I decided to do an experiment after two cars were blocking the left lane of traffic on I-25 southbound near downtown. As I passed both cars on the right, I noticed – yep, you guessed it! Women drivers. So I decided to conduct an experiment to find out if the saying was mostly true. What I discovered was really unnerving to me. I am not sure if more women were just on the road on the times I decided to test out my theories or whether the old sayings are just true, but here are some of the stats I gathered from my jaunt down to the Springs and back:
Roundtrip, out of the 18 drivers I passed on the right because they were blocking up I-25 in some form or fashion, 15 were women. Each time, I passed, I was secretly praying it was not a woman. Sure enough, as I looked over briefly, I saw a woman driving.
Roundtrip, namely, Powers Blvd, on the way to base, out of 5 vehicles I had to go around, 3 were women. On the way back, one woman decided to cut me off and then put her brakes on as she approached a green light at a major intersection. On the way back, I only passed 3 cars on the right and only 2 were women. This was in addition to the woman who cut me off in the left lane only to put her brakes on.
All in all, it was an interesting experiment and one I wish I did not have to undertake but I felt obligated to because so many times I hear the derogatory comment about women drivers, I had to test it for myself. Once again, I do not know if there were just more women on the road at the time I travelled or if genuinely, they are bad drivers. Obviously, no poll or survey or experiment is without its faults but I have to say, I was pretty alarmed. I am not sure who you are women are that are giving all women drivers a bad name but I wish you would learn more courtesies and etiquette of the road.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Blowing Smoke
Yesterday, I went to dinner with friends in Alexandria, Virginia. We went to an Italian restaurant - it was rustic, homey, warm, and smoky! Living in Colorado, I am spoiled because every public place (just about) is smoke-free by operation of law. Even the casinos are now smoke-free which is quite neat. You can come home, hang your clothes back up in the closet, and go to sleep without the bed smelling like smoke.
Last night, we were seated by our maitre de and I asked, "is this non-smoking?" Of course, it was! But then I kept smelling smoke. I felt like I was back in Europe. So, as I was looking at the overpriced items on the menu and trying to decide which one to pick, I asked our waiter again, "are you sure this section is non-smoking?" He confirmed my fear that it was and that their ventilation system and division of smoking v. non-smoking section was just VERY poorly planned. Needless to say, not a terrific dining experience and the worst part was that I stunk the entire ride back- as we passed the White House, the monuments, and Capitol Hill. Here I was, in our nation's capital, smelling like I smoked a pack of cigarettes, heading back to the hotel room, which also stinks. Oh, yeah- as I wrote this blog during a boring session of the conference I am attending, I could still smell the nasty stench of someone else's death wish on me.
When states go smoke-free it is very nice on the population of the state that chooses to not voluntarily take their life. I feel very lucky to not have to think about where to go eat because of the worry of smoke that could harm my infant child. It is tough to go back to the smoking state after you've been smoke free.
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