I used to learn about the "Art of War" by Sun Tzu, but I never quite learned the Art of Communication so I draw upon daily experience. Today was no exception.
This morning started off with my boss changing my travel plans for the fifth time. I am supposed to attend a conference in Portland next week and initially I was attending two days and returning, and then I was attending three days and staying an extra night. Now, I am again only attending 2 days, 2 nights. Then, instead of asking for the morning of Wednesday, 7 May off, I told my boss that I would not be here (at the office) on that morning. Poor choice of words I suppose. His reply was, “not granted. I need you to be at a staff meeting in my place and take copious notes.” He stated it twice. Yikers! I realized I did not ask to be off that morning but rather had stated that I would be off. Oh oh! Another lesson learned- not thinking before you speak sometimes can cause the other party to presume you stated something instead of asking for permission.
Then, I asked the secretary who made my original travel reservations some time ago for my confirmation code so I could call United and check seat assignments, frequent flyer number, and the like. Wow! That turned into quite the ordeal. She gave me a record locator for the travel agency instead of the United Airlines confirmation code so that obviously caused some more confusion. I had a different number (the confirmation code) and she had the record locator (travel agency internal code). She now thought that there were two record locators out there and we would be charged twice. She almost cancelled my travel reservations thinking there were two locators out there. Needless to say, this is just an example of the confusion that can result with communication even we all speak the same language.
Communication is the key to success or failure in a professional and personal relationship- if you communicate effectively, success! Lack of effective communication in any relationship over time can be detrimental. If every time my infant daughter asked for food, I put her to sleep, things could get ugly as they often do. “What does she want?" I think to myself when she cries. Is she trying to tell me something? Obviously, something does get lost in translation and we all suffer until we can figure it out.
I remember writing a blog sometime ago about communication and how so much can get mangled because of a simple word, a simple gesture, or even a misunderstanding. I think this morning’s encounters serve as examples of that. Communication is a wonderful thing – we can build nations using it properly, we can mend broken ties, and build beautiful relationships if it used effectively. But, is the person seeing eye to eye with you or are you communicating one-way? It is one thing to think you are a good communicator, and another to do it effectively. A good measurement of effectiveness is whether both parties can communicate well and understand each other and then, act on what is communicated. If one person does not understand or cannot read the other, a miscommunication may have resulted. Ahh…. I get it now!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Our Second President
photo courtesy of HBO(c) Films.I am currently enjoying watching a new series on HBO called “John Adams.” It is all about … you guessed it! John Adams. I love history so this series is right up my alley. I know so little about our second president and independence-fighter, I am embarrassed to say, I am learning a lot from this series.
For example, did you know John Adams lived in France for most of his kids’ lives and missed out on their childhood because he was doing his duty for our country – negotiating treaties and trying to get money so that America could get on its feet after winning independence from Britain? Fascinating. I was also amazed to learn that John Adams should have been our First President but politics, as usual, got in the way of the electoral college voting him in. They chose Washington because they did not want to offend a General who had just won the war against Britain. Interesting.
I also did not know about his family- I am most taken with Abigail Adams who, while a woman during that time and not possessing many rights, did so much for her family and our country. After all, she was Adams’ closest and most trusted advisor. She had a knack for politics and the art of diplomacy that if she were alive today, she would be great on any party ticket. She would definitely have my vote! At a time when smallpox was rampant and was killing many, she had her children immunized. It was a painful procedure but she thought the alternative was even more painful. While her husband was away in another country, she did all of this and ran a home without him. She and her kids even supported the war effort by tending to the sick and wounded and making artillery and bullets.
All in all, I am very impressed with the series and how it depicts the Presidents- Jefferson is in it. I had no idea Martha Jefferson had died so young. Jefferson lost a child and his wife in the same year – tragic! I knew they had died but did not know it was the same year. He drew up plans for a new and improved estate – Monticello- when he returned from France. He was our first Secretary of State. I have been to Monticello and Mount Vernon (George Washington’s home) so I found it interesting to see them in living color. I have not visited the Adams home but it is an NPS National Historic Site so I hope to visit someday and then I will have seen the homes of the first six presidents! Whoops- I forgot about his son, John Quincy. I hope the rest of the series is as good as they say it will be.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
Gone are the days of stopping and asking for directions. These days there is GPS. I remember when GPS was something only the military had a hold of. Now, because of satellites, every Tom, Dick and Harry can own a GPS and find their own way around. Gone are the days of stopping and asking some yahoo for directions. So simple to use, even a child can use it. For my birthday, I got a Garmin and while it is not the jazziest model, I really think it will be useful when we go to new cities and travel within the city of Denver itself. I have not occasion to try it yet as my commute is very familiar and local but soon, I will try it out.
It is amazing how much technology has evolved since we were children- I remember having to help my dad read a road map on our cross country travels. I could never quite fold it back right and this would be troubling to my father. Of course, I still can’t fold a map back right – that is why I get map books. No folding required. I am looking forward to trying out the Garmin on a road trip I am taking next week for work to Cheyenne, Wyoming. It outta be interesting to see how it operates as I cross state lines.
My feelings toward GPS directional systems are mixed- on the one hand, I do not want to be so dependent on these things that I do not teach my daughter how to open a map and learn how to read one. On the other hand, it is convenient especially when I am lost in Washington, D.C., driving around aimlessly hoping for the best. It is scary driving in big cities when your safety is at issue as well. With gas reaching $4.00 a gallon, it is better to have pinpoint directions and get to your destination with as little mileage expended as possible. For example, this morning, I took the recommended Garmin route to the office and the mileage was significantly less. Since it was Friday, the traffic was light too so I got there in the same amount of time it takes me to take the longer but “faster” highway route. All in all, I am excited about this purchase and will take it with me when I travel so the next time I feel the need to stop and ask for directions, I won’t need to do either. I can pull out the Garmin, plug it in, and just Go!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
High Pressure Nails?
I rarely visit those asian salons called “NAILS” or “NAILS FOR YOU” and the like. I prefer to do my pedicures and manicures at home but lately, I long for time so I can do my nails. My daughter would love nothing more than to take my clippers, my nail file, and eat the nail polish remover. So, I opt to not do nails at home any longer. So, I went at my lunch break to get a pedicure at a reasonably priced place but after the experience, I remember why I do not go to these places.
It was a typical nail place, asian-owned and operated. Even the 12-year old child who should have been in school was there practicing nail art. The people are very nice but this is how my trip went down. First, I was greeted by a lady and showed the way to the pedicure chair where the hot bath water is for my feet and the chair “massages” your back. In this case, I felt like a ball of dough as the chair kneaded my back and it genuinely hurt. The first lady asks, “what would you like today?” My response was, “just a pedicure, thanks.” She retorts, “No manicure?” As she grabs my hands and looks down at them with a disapproving frown, “Are you sure no manicure – you need manicure!” (insert appropriate accent here) I replied, “just a pedicure, thanks.” The high pressure sales pitch continued, as she looked at my face, “You want eyebrow wax? You need eyebrow wax!” I replied again, “just a pedicure, thanks.” If things were not awkward enough as it was, she proceeded to make small talk. “First time here?” I replied “no”. She quickly responded, “Oh, long time then.”
This lady left and went over to the school-age girl who was practicing nail art. As my feet soaked in the warm water, I realized the lady I just spent ten minutes convincing I just wanted a pedicure was not the one who would give me a pedicure. Oh no, I thought. Yes, you guessed it! The second lady proceeded to put me through the same questions and interrogation (short of water boarding) as the first. I almost got a manicure, feeling that my nails were nasty or something, and almost asked for the $7 eyebrow wax because for a moment I thought I must have looked like Chewbacca. Trying to muster what self esteem I had left, I relaxed a little in the chair and watched Judge Judy which was playing on a small TV with an antenna on it. The lady did a horrible job on my toes but what could I expect for $19? I quickly started to realize why I did these things at home for free. Then she asked me if I wanted a flower or diamond on my toe nails – I was like Uh, no, thanks. The pressure sales pitch continued, “it look nice.” I repeated, “no, thanks.”
I thought the end of the high pressure sales pitch was done but then came the slippers. So, she put the pedicure slippers on me and I realized I was going back to work. I saw a box full of nice slippers and asked if I could have those instead because they looked better. She said those slippers from Bebe company were for sale- $15. I was like, “Oh… no thanks.” I was not about to spend $15 on something that looked like it came from the Dollar Tree for a temporary fix ‘til the nails dried. I would just take the floppy pedicure slippers and head off back to work. The lady responded, “wait, I give you special – for you, $10.” I did all I could to contain the laughter that was building inside of me and while I thought to myself, “Where am I?” I avoided the temptation of asking if I was in a Chinese Bazaar in the middle of Denver, Colorado.
The whole experience was strange but an experience nonetheless. It reinforced why I do not get my nails done at these places and instead, prefer the comfort of my home – I guess I will have to send my daughter off to the park with my husband so I can enjoy a few minutes of solitude, fill up the pedicure bath spa, and soak my worries away. Until then, I am sure my nails are fine and my eyebrows are not growing out of ears but I got some fodder for a new blog entry and that is always fun!
It was a typical nail place, asian-owned and operated. Even the 12-year old child who should have been in school was there practicing nail art. The people are very nice but this is how my trip went down. First, I was greeted by a lady and showed the way to the pedicure chair where the hot bath water is for my feet and the chair “massages” your back. In this case, I felt like a ball of dough as the chair kneaded my back and it genuinely hurt. The first lady asks, “what would you like today?” My response was, “just a pedicure, thanks.” She retorts, “No manicure?” As she grabs my hands and looks down at them with a disapproving frown, “Are you sure no manicure – you need manicure!” (insert appropriate accent here) I replied, “just a pedicure, thanks.” The high pressure sales pitch continued, as she looked at my face, “You want eyebrow wax? You need eyebrow wax!” I replied again, “just a pedicure, thanks.” If things were not awkward enough as it was, she proceeded to make small talk. “First time here?” I replied “no”. She quickly responded, “Oh, long time then.”
This lady left and went over to the school-age girl who was practicing nail art. As my feet soaked in the warm water, I realized the lady I just spent ten minutes convincing I just wanted a pedicure was not the one who would give me a pedicure. Oh no, I thought. Yes, you guessed it! The second lady proceeded to put me through the same questions and interrogation (short of water boarding) as the first. I almost got a manicure, feeling that my nails were nasty or something, and almost asked for the $7 eyebrow wax because for a moment I thought I must have looked like Chewbacca. Trying to muster what self esteem I had left, I relaxed a little in the chair and watched Judge Judy which was playing on a small TV with an antenna on it. The lady did a horrible job on my toes but what could I expect for $19? I quickly started to realize why I did these things at home for free. Then she asked me if I wanted a flower or diamond on my toe nails – I was like Uh, no, thanks. The pressure sales pitch continued, “it look nice.” I repeated, “no, thanks.”
I thought the end of the high pressure sales pitch was done but then came the slippers. So, she put the pedicure slippers on me and I realized I was going back to work. I saw a box full of nice slippers and asked if I could have those instead because they looked better. She said those slippers from Bebe company were for sale- $15. I was like, “Oh… no thanks.” I was not about to spend $15 on something that looked like it came from the Dollar Tree for a temporary fix ‘til the nails dried. I would just take the floppy pedicure slippers and head off back to work. The lady responded, “wait, I give you special – for you, $10.” I did all I could to contain the laughter that was building inside of me and while I thought to myself, “Where am I?” I avoided the temptation of asking if I was in a Chinese Bazaar in the middle of Denver, Colorado.
The whole experience was strange but an experience nonetheless. It reinforced why I do not get my nails done at these places and instead, prefer the comfort of my home – I guess I will have to send my daughter off to the park with my husband so I can enjoy a few minutes of solitude, fill up the pedicure bath spa, and soak my worries away. Until then, I am sure my nails are fine and my eyebrows are not growing out of ears but I got some fodder for a new blog entry and that is always fun!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
SubURBIA
We moved into our new neighborhood about a year ago when I was about to delivery our baby. A year later, I have assessed our situation and our neighborhood and I have to say, I am impressed with the people we live around. Granted, our neighbors are a little more friendlier than other neighborhoods I have lived in - okay, they are downright FRIENDLY! But, wouldn't you rather have that than people who ignore you and could care less if you screamed at the top of your lungs, they would not run to help you? I think so.
The neighborhood always tries to get together for things- breakfast at Panera's, social gatherings, events around the holidays for the kids, and visiting each other's homes with gift. The last one gets a bit extreme as people showed up at our door on Valentine's Day sporting Valentine's and candy- I had nothing in return and we were all sick from an International Trip so needless to say, I felt like the LOSER of the otherwise friendly neighborhood. Easter was the same and since we do not celebrate Easter, I got some tulips and wrote Happy Spring on my card.
People are very kind in the neighborhood and keep an eye out for eachother and all in all, there is a good balance of activities and privacy. The location is great and there are many parks to choose from - our daughter loves the swings and slides and watching all the kids in the area. She will, no doubt, be attending school with them where I hope the good manners, hospitality, and nice things continue for her. I would hate for her to get into a fight with the neighbor kids. That would turn things ugly on future Valentine's Day events :+)
All in all, one year later, I am very pleased with our purchase and our neighborhood. And if I have to buy a few Russell Stouffer's candy boxes, plastic eggs, and nice tulips now and dthen, that is nothing to complain about.
The neighborhood always tries to get together for things- breakfast at Panera's, social gatherings, events around the holidays for the kids, and visiting each other's homes with gift. The last one gets a bit extreme as people showed up at our door on Valentine's Day sporting Valentine's and candy- I had nothing in return and we were all sick from an International Trip so needless to say, I felt like the LOSER of the otherwise friendly neighborhood. Easter was the same and since we do not celebrate Easter, I got some tulips and wrote Happy Spring on my card.
People are very kind in the neighborhood and keep an eye out for eachother and all in all, there is a good balance of activities and privacy. The location is great and there are many parks to choose from - our daughter loves the swings and slides and watching all the kids in the area. She will, no doubt, be attending school with them where I hope the good manners, hospitality, and nice things continue for her. I would hate for her to get into a fight with the neighbor kids. That would turn things ugly on future Valentine's Day events :+)
All in all, one year later, I am very pleased with our purchase and our neighborhood. And if I have to buy a few Russell Stouffer's candy boxes, plastic eggs, and nice tulips now and dthen, that is nothing to complain about.
The Boob Tube Nonesense
I was home last Monday and watched a little bit of morning TV. I started out watching Martha Stewart’s show which was on make-up and the tools necessary to apply make-up.
An expert make-up consultant from an expensive New York salon was on the show sporting the products they recommend for make-up and make-up application. Primarily, they were focusing on the brushes to apply foundation, make-up, blush, eye shadow, and other items. Not a big make-up fan or wearer of make-up, I was thinking, “what is the big deal? It’s make-up for God’s sake. You do realize you are currently being broadcast to millions of women who are at home with their kids right or retired or not working because they were laid off?” So as I am watching this, the lady talked about this BRUSH you had to have – it had its own carrying kit and Martha was like, “yeah you need this – it is a must have and at only $90, it is a steal.” WHAT?!! Are you kidding me? I thought to myself, “$90 for a make-up brush!” Are you out of your BLEEPING mind!? I do not spend that much on my shoes or slacks much less a brush to apply make-up! I do not care if it lasts a lifetime, I am not spending $90 on something I can get for $10 at Wal-Mart. They also talked about cheap products like eyebrow application pencils and the like – I was not impressed at all. The show, I am sure went on but I could only take about 10 minutes before I had to change the channel, thinking I would find something better on the Boob Tube.
Of course, I did not find anything better. I went from that show to a bunch of screaming hysterical, opinionated women on the View who all seem to talk over each other and at the same time- someone’s idea of a good show. What were they talking about? Yes, of course, politics and racial issues in America but of course, they went on and on and made no sense and the conversation had no beginning or end, just a lot of ideas thrown in so I felt frustrated. I changed that channel feeling more confused than when I started. I felt like I was losing precious minutes of my life- I was!
I changed the boob tube to the Regis and Kelly show which oftentimes has some weird antics too but there was a guest on the show and it was boring too. I was resolved to watching Drew Carey hosting Price is Right, accepting my fate, when my baby cried and woke up from her morning nap. She never sounded so sweet to me and I was so thrilled to turn the Boob Tube off and spend some time playing with my lil one. Thank Goodness she was up to keep me occupied so I could be relieved from the mindless daytime shows. Could I have stopped watching on my own? Sure, but who can stop themselves from watching a train wreck voluntarily?
Needless to say, we had a fun afternoon together until Oprah started… that is when I saw the story of the pregnant man? Yes, folks, the nonsense continued. A man was allegedly pregnant. Well, it was not really a man- HE was a SHE and became a HE so, technically HE was really a woman- wow! What a day! I am glad I work during the day or am otherwise occupied. At least I got to spend time with my daughter and take a nap so it wasn't so nonsensical after all!
Friday, April 11, 2008
The Good, the Bad, and So much to be thankful for
I always hear the phrase “What goes to Vegas, stays in Vegas” and similar phrases to describe some type of pact between members that what goes on a work trip, stays there. Well, as you know 10 out of 10 times, what goes to Vegas does not always stay in Vegas and the like. When I left my job and the service a few years ago, I was sure that I would never see those people again and by “those people” I mean the people I could really not stand to work with any longer. As I have come to learn, you never really a job or the people behind. You can burn a bridge but somehow that bridge gets rebuilt and amazingly, you find yourself standing on the edge of it looking at it again. You end up running into those people more often than not. In fact, I never seem to run into the people I want to run into (a long, lost friend, etc), and always tend to run into those that I wish would never see…. ever again!
I went to a seminar this past week and ran into someone fitting that description. As I surveyed the room, I realized it was this person and quickly did an about face and then, thought to myself, “Great! This is what I have to resign myself to – I will always keep running into these people.” It was bad enough I ran into this person’s “not so better half” a month ago but now I have to keep seeing this individual and the spouse at seminars. It is easy to run into people who are in the same or similar career field and industry. It also is an unfortunate fact that you run into people who are working or living in the same general area- anything within 150 miles is local area as far as I am concerned. Needless to say, it was an unpleasant encounter and made the day that much more unpleasant. For some reason, running into this particular person made me realize how horrible my life was back then- it was pre-daughter, pre-marriage, but more importantly, it was just a horrible time in my life – for the first time in my career, I was at a political assignment where my supervisor did not like me much and this particular individual and the spouse made my life even more difficult. They were “in” with the boss and I was obviously, “out”. It was a tough working relationship and the spouse and another individual in the office even had the gall to accuse me of a crime. Nothing ever came of that of course except for the mental and emotional torture that ensued but needless to say, each time I fell (or rather, was thrown down) in the three years I was in this job, I picked myself up, brushed off, and kept going. Looking back, I am amazed I survived with only a few scrapes and bruises. But, running into this individual at the seminar this past week, it all came rushing back – all that I had suppressed.
Seeing this individual brought it all back and that was what made the day unpleasant. It was not necessarily the grotesque sight and presence of this individual but rather, the flood of bad memories. This individual was, in my mind, the catalyst of some of the horrible things that happened to good people in that job. They were, in a nutshell, career climbers and were going to get ahead and their way at any cost. No matter who got hurt or left behind, they always seemed to land on their feet. Seeing this individual brought back a lot of baggage from my time in this job but it also made me thankful for where I was in life today- I felt gratitude to God for moving past that phase in my life – I was destined to go through it. It made me grateful for all the gifts in my life – I was lucky I got out alive and with little damage. I was able to get a job where I am appreciated and work well with my colleagues. For example, just today, another colleague who is looking for a new job also gave me a couple of leads on some job postings. I am appreciated by my supervisor and I work with kind, caring people who go above and beyond – they are selfless and while career-oriented, they do not walk over someone to get ahead. I have a baby girl who I am so excited to have in my life- she is a blessing and I sometimes feel I have been touched by the Lord himself when she holds onto me. Motherhood is the closest thing I have ever felt to touching the face of God and I am thankful for that. I have a husband who loves me and cares about me and we live together which is a blessing too. I cannot imagine working 90 miles away and living 90 miles away from him a few times a week. I know people live apart all the time and stay married and I can see doing that temporarily (for a few years) after about 15-20 years of marriage but, right now, there is no other place I’d rather be than at my home which is truly made a home by the presence of my daughter and my husband.
Yes, seeing this person again made me realize how much I went through and what I endured a few years ago but it is also made me appreciate all the good things that came since I made the decision to leave it all behind. In life, we see the good, the bad and the ugly, but we also get to express gratitude for the many blessings in our lives and like most other days, just carry on
I went to a seminar this past week and ran into someone fitting that description. As I surveyed the room, I realized it was this person and quickly did an about face and then, thought to myself, “Great! This is what I have to resign myself to – I will always keep running into these people.” It was bad enough I ran into this person’s “not so better half” a month ago but now I have to keep seeing this individual and the spouse at seminars. It is easy to run into people who are in the same or similar career field and industry. It also is an unfortunate fact that you run into people who are working or living in the same general area- anything within 150 miles is local area as far as I am concerned. Needless to say, it was an unpleasant encounter and made the day that much more unpleasant. For some reason, running into this particular person made me realize how horrible my life was back then- it was pre-daughter, pre-marriage, but more importantly, it was just a horrible time in my life – for the first time in my career, I was at a political assignment where my supervisor did not like me much and this particular individual and the spouse made my life even more difficult. They were “in” with the boss and I was obviously, “out”. It was a tough working relationship and the spouse and another individual in the office even had the gall to accuse me of a crime. Nothing ever came of that of course except for the mental and emotional torture that ensued but needless to say, each time I fell (or rather, was thrown down) in the three years I was in this job, I picked myself up, brushed off, and kept going. Looking back, I am amazed I survived with only a few scrapes and bruises. But, running into this individual at the seminar this past week, it all came rushing back – all that I had suppressed.
Seeing this individual brought it all back and that was what made the day unpleasant. It was not necessarily the grotesque sight and presence of this individual but rather, the flood of bad memories. This individual was, in my mind, the catalyst of some of the horrible things that happened to good people in that job. They were, in a nutshell, career climbers and were going to get ahead and their way at any cost. No matter who got hurt or left behind, they always seemed to land on their feet. Seeing this individual brought back a lot of baggage from my time in this job but it also made me thankful for where I was in life today- I felt gratitude to God for moving past that phase in my life – I was destined to go through it. It made me grateful for all the gifts in my life – I was lucky I got out alive and with little damage. I was able to get a job where I am appreciated and work well with my colleagues. For example, just today, another colleague who is looking for a new job also gave me a couple of leads on some job postings. I am appreciated by my supervisor and I work with kind, caring people who go above and beyond – they are selfless and while career-oriented, they do not walk over someone to get ahead. I have a baby girl who I am so excited to have in my life- she is a blessing and I sometimes feel I have been touched by the Lord himself when she holds onto me. Motherhood is the closest thing I have ever felt to touching the face of God and I am thankful for that. I have a husband who loves me and cares about me and we live together which is a blessing too. I cannot imagine working 90 miles away and living 90 miles away from him a few times a week. I know people live apart all the time and stay married and I can see doing that temporarily (for a few years) after about 15-20 years of marriage but, right now, there is no other place I’d rather be than at my home which is truly made a home by the presence of my daughter and my husband.
Yes, seeing this person again made me realize how much I went through and what I endured a few years ago but it is also made me appreciate all the good things that came since I made the decision to leave it all behind. In life, we see the good, the bad and the ugly, but we also get to express gratitude for the many blessings in our lives and like most other days, just carry on
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
If you say so
I recently experienced another sleepless night with our daughter. She still does not sleep through the night and working full-time, that can get to be pretty rough especially considering that I am not an average mom – I need and love my sleep. Before she was born, I could easily sleep 10-11 hours a night or even more. Yes, sleep is pretty important to me so this whole baby thing threw me for a loop. I always thought babies slept through the night – yeah, no! Not mine.
So, yesterday when I got to work a co-worker asked what was wrong as I was downing 2 cups of coffee. She said I looked exhausted. She was not far off the mark. I was beyond exhausted. I did not want to be there and certainly not hear what I had to hear next. I told her “yeah another sleepless night.” Her reply was a mere, “I do not feel bad for you because you caused it. You need to put your ear plugs in, stick her in her crib, and shut the door. It’s time. You need to be the one in control and show her that you are the boss - her schedule has to revolve around yours.” I was like, hmmm- thanks for your advice - I did not ask for it but thanks. Okay, I did not say that but I listened politely, nodded, and quickly changed the subject.
Now, a little background would be useful on this co-worker. She is single and does not have kids. She has plenty of friends who have kids but no nieces or nephews either. Hmmm… okay, so with that out of the way, granted, a single person with no children may be well qualified to give me advice on how to better my infant’s sleep and mine but I suspect some training would be in order to throw that type of advice around – perhaps a pediatrician, a specialist who specializes on sleep studies and children’s sleep patterns, a child psychologist, a mom or dad who have been through this and learned through experience, and you get the point. Needless to say, I took her advice like I take all advice from everyone including my own mother – with a grain of salt; or in this case, in one ear and out the other. I am only writing about this because I find it fascinating how some people have advice for you whether you ask or not and whether they are qualified on the subject or not.
I can understand family offering advice- after all, they are family and getting involved is not only their privilege, sometimes it is their right. I fully expect my husband and I to do that for each other but I am amazed recently by the amount of advice I get not only from friends, distant relatives, and co-workers but also from complete strangers. It blows me away! I wonder how she would feel if I gave her advice on why she is still single and advice on what to do to land a man. That would not be nice or appropriate in my opinion and neither is telling a tired co-worker to control her infant daughter. I think it is great to get advice – don’t get me wrong. When I ask for advice or want it, I think it is great to get advice from someone you respect and someone who has been there. Life experiences are quite important. It is also important to get good advice from your doctor, your accountant, or your attorney on things you have hired them for but even then, you have to make your own decisions. In life, people always seem to ready to throw out free advice whether someone wants it or not, so I have made my decision on what to do what their advice, depending on the message, the messenger, and the timing of it, I am tempted to just respond, “Wow- really? Okay - if you say so.”
So, yesterday when I got to work a co-worker asked what was wrong as I was downing 2 cups of coffee. She said I looked exhausted. She was not far off the mark. I was beyond exhausted. I did not want to be there and certainly not hear what I had to hear next. I told her “yeah another sleepless night.” Her reply was a mere, “I do not feel bad for you because you caused it. You need to put your ear plugs in, stick her in her crib, and shut the door. It’s time. You need to be the one in control and show her that you are the boss - her schedule has to revolve around yours.” I was like, hmmm- thanks for your advice - I did not ask for it but thanks. Okay, I did not say that but I listened politely, nodded, and quickly changed the subject.
Now, a little background would be useful on this co-worker. She is single and does not have kids. She has plenty of friends who have kids but no nieces or nephews either. Hmmm… okay, so with that out of the way, granted, a single person with no children may be well qualified to give me advice on how to better my infant’s sleep and mine but I suspect some training would be in order to throw that type of advice around – perhaps a pediatrician, a specialist who specializes on sleep studies and children’s sleep patterns, a child psychologist, a mom or dad who have been through this and learned through experience, and you get the point. Needless to say, I took her advice like I take all advice from everyone including my own mother – with a grain of salt; or in this case, in one ear and out the other. I am only writing about this because I find it fascinating how some people have advice for you whether you ask or not and whether they are qualified on the subject or not.
I can understand family offering advice- after all, they are family and getting involved is not only their privilege, sometimes it is their right. I fully expect my husband and I to do that for each other but I am amazed recently by the amount of advice I get not only from friends, distant relatives, and co-workers but also from complete strangers. It blows me away! I wonder how she would feel if I gave her advice on why she is still single and advice on what to do to land a man. That would not be nice or appropriate in my opinion and neither is telling a tired co-worker to control her infant daughter. I think it is great to get advice – don’t get me wrong. When I ask for advice or want it, I think it is great to get advice from someone you respect and someone who has been there. Life experiences are quite important. It is also important to get good advice from your doctor, your accountant, or your attorney on things you have hired them for but even then, you have to make your own decisions. In life, people always seem to ready to throw out free advice whether someone wants it or not, so I have made my decision on what to do what their advice, depending on the message, the messenger, and the timing of it, I am tempted to just respond, “Wow- really? Okay - if you say so.”
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