Soul Mate?

I have been thinking of this question for sometime now – mainly because I am questioning whether two people are ever really “soul” mates. I think like most women out there when I made the decision to get married, I weighed the pros and cons and balanced out his negatives with his positives and decided that he complements me in more ways than not. I think, like most people out there who get married, I settled for this man because well, for one, he asked me to marry him, and things were better than not with him. I saw having children with him and he was a really good guy. Of course, I loved him too but I never really saw this man as my soul mate.

Which leads me to ask the question, what really is a soul mate? Is it someone who fulfills your dreams? Someone you see eye-to-eye with on everything? Someone who completes your existence? Would life with this person be perfect in every way? I wonder about that from time to time. Hollywood gives us sappy movies like “Serendipity” and we think, Hmmm… is there really such a thing as soul mates? Are they born or made or is it just timing?

I personally do not think there is such a thing as soul mates. I have girlfriends I just get along with better than others. Does that make them my soul mate? After all, no one can complete you except yourself and no one can really have a perfect life. They can just have more fun with someone over another- the same thing applies in a marriage. The person you marry is not necessarily your soul mate but rather, someone you get along with better than you would get along with someone else – someone you can share things with that you would not with others, or someone who just complements you well. I do not think in a marriage things will always be perfect but is it possible to find someone who thinks a little more like you, shares more of your values, or can communicate like you do; that someone who is always “in sync” with you? Sure. But remember that same “sync” may change as time goes on and the partner changes. So, is there a true soul mate for everyone out there? My theory is that there are just people, male and female, that come into our lives at a certain time in our lives when we need them and attract them, and things just … click. So we befriend them, or in the case of timing for marriage, marry them. How you choose to define “soul mate” is up to you. I describe my soul mates as everyday people who are more than ordinary and sometimes, if the timing is right, and your personalities mesh, truly extraordinary.

Rats, Rats, in the workplace?

Working for the man, you learn a lot about office management, good contracts and bad contracts. Recently, the powers to be have decided to enter into a new contract for our office cleaning services. “Clean” being the operative word. Since we switched companies and this new contract came about, the office has been anything but clean. In fact, the office in an uproar over a new recycling policy. Don’t get me wrong- I think recycling is great! But whoever came up with this contract was smoking something not so good while drafting the requirements. Basically, we have to bring in our own trash cans from home and liners. Under the contract, the “cleaning” crew only takes your recycables from the unlined grey wastebaskets in your office. For example, a Starbucks coffee cup (if rinsed out properly) can be recycled. My snotty Kleenex- not recyclable. A soda can (if soda is dumped out in its entirety) is recyclable, my lunch tray with residue of beans and channa masala, not so much so. Now, if I cleaned it out, it is a plastic and that can be recycled but seriously, who has the time to go rinse out their frozen lunch tray? Forget that!

So, I have noticed a trend in the office as a result of this new “cleaning” contract and recyclables requirement- namely, no one recycles. It seems too complicated and no one empties their trash can more than once a week which causes the obvious issues: foul odors, gnats, and just general nastiness. The cleaning crew refuses to take our trash bags because that is not in their contract or requirements and they do not want to start a bad trend. The entire office is in uproar and I am concerned about a more important issue that rears its ugly head around summertime here- rats. I kid you not. We get rats in our building and with the extra trash laying around and the recyclables going into an unlined can, will that attract more rats and if so, how long will the problem go on? Will our powers-to-be take some action? After all, we are the client and without us, the client, they would not have a contract with the “cleaning” crew. I am certain that someone will have to write the Rocky Mountain Times or Denver Post to get it the attention it deserves but ‘til then, I better go take the trash out – it is after 4pm and I have an hour or so left in the day to get real work done – your tax dollars hard at work. Oh, and if I kill a rat, is it recyclable? I am guessing not but I will put it in the unlined can and see what happens.

The Tug of War of Time

I took a personal day yesterday because frankly, I just felt like I needed to spend more time with my daughter and wanted to get things done around the house. Well, I could not get anything done around the house or work on things but I did spend a lot time with my girl- it was fun. But I got to thinking how in the world women experience this day in and day out and do not go insane. While I love my daughter, I also have a need to exercise my intellect and need social interaction with an adult. While my daughter can provide hours of scintillating fun it is not the same. I had a great new respect for women who stay at home but as I return to work today and the drudgery and mundane-ness of it all, I realize that I miss her a lot. It is quite a tug of war for working moms – stay at home? Go to work? What should we do?

I have a new fear that has set in for the last month- am I missing out on my daughter’s life? Will I look back at this time and have serious regrets on missing out on her life? When she no longer needs us and is off on her own, travelling across the country and world? Will I look back and have regrets? Conversely, if I quit my job and cannot find a job in another few years, will I have some other regrets? What if I quit a good job with good pay and then, realize I did not want to be at home? All these questions weigh on my mind daily. I am sure they weigh down other working moms too. They are legitimate concerns. I feel like the best of both worlds would be to ask to go part-time. I do not know if my employer will permit this. Also, currently, I am not a permanent employee so asking could put my status in jeopardy so, I am starting to slowly resent my employer as well. I feel like time is so precious and it is flying – my daughter just turned 10 months old.

I find this tug of war between home and family and work is quite normal among most working women but I also wonder if dads feel it too or are societal norms such that they do not feel those same pressures that women feel? I hope in this tug of war, whatever happens, my daughter wins!

The 40 hour work week- a thing of the past or alive and well?

I heard a commentary on 850 am yesterday as I was heading home. Essentially, they were asking if anyone still worked from 9 to 5- remember, the movie? The question was who gets in at 9am and has the opportunity to leave at 5am. Most employers, they felt, expected employees there by 8am, 830am at the latest and most did not get off of work until well after 530pm. Afterall, if you took an hour for lunch, that would make for an 8-hour day. The topic for discussion was 40-hour workweeks and whether that was even common anymore. One DJ stated, if you get your work done in 30 hours, why would you work the 40? And, conversely, if you are super busy, you may even put in 60 without blinking.

I did not have enough cell minutes to call them and tell them that I had a great job! I currently have a job where my hours are 9-530pm and I am able to keep these hours. It is quite nice because in the morning, I can get our infant daughter ready for daycare, pack her bag, and then get some much needed things done around the house like clean or even have time to get things done on the computer and internet since I do not have internet at work. I wanted to call in and tell them that I think it is because of the lack of internet and technology at my office that makes for a 40-hour or less work week. If I had constant e-mails pouring through and access to technology, I think I could easily work the 50 to 60-hour work week. I also would not have time to get to know my colleagues. Essentially, if we had internet and E-mail, that would take up my entire morning. Then, I would still have to pull my normal workload- research, reviewing contracts, and new cases and trying to coordinate with folks on the phone. Add to that the internet where let’s face it, oftentimes, it is overwhelming to do research. Right now, I have limited resources and like a limited menu at a restaurant, sometimes, that makes the choices much easier too – I can only have salad or pasta- hmmm… I will go with pasta. I only have a legal search engine with limited capabilities so I can only go and find limited things and then write my legal opinion based on what I find. There is no google where I could go on researching for days. On the internet, the sky is virtually the limit! Then, I would probably spend the last few hours of my day writing replies to E-mails, filing e-mails in the appropriate folder by subject, organizing my Inbox, and figuring out where the day went.

Needless to say, technology, while very useful to have, can be the bane of one’s existence as well. With or without technology, my personal belief is that jobs should not consume so much time that you miss life and your kids growing up. You should take time to do a happy hour or early dinner with your loved one, get home in town to take your kid to the park, and take a day off to go ski without a wireless device in tow. If you have a job where you spend more than 60 hours a week, I hope it comes with great benefits and a retirement plan. Finally, no job is worth missing out on the most important moments in life. For me, I choose to make less so I can have a life. I do not think the 9 to 5 is gone – I just think people self-impose extra work on themselves. I think individuals choose to work more instead of choosing to live in a smaller home in favor of less work. People choose to have the fancier car and what loses out? the kids and family, of course. For me, the lifestyle of working more than 40-45 hours a week is just not worth it. Sure I have tough weeks, but I choose to make less so I can go home at the end of the day not at 2am when my child is asleep. For now, I will enjoy my 40-hour work week and when needed, put in more time when needed too. I say, “for now” because you never know when things will change and we all have to remain flexible to change. And as you scroll through this blog at work, just remember that the luxury of having that internet can also be taxing on your soul.

There are two certainties in life: Death and Taxes

As I thought of the statement above, I was thinking to myself – death would be a welcome thing as people work on their taxes. Every year, I have done my own taxes and frankly, used to enjoy it. Crunching the numbers, finding a deduction here or there, adding up things, and multiplying. Using Tax Cut and other software makes doing your taxes easier but it still does not take away the marriage penalty, the penalty for being middle income and mildly successful in life, and of course, it does not take the pain of just …. Doing your taxes! So for the last two tax years, we have taken quite a hit. In 2006 because I did not claim the right exemption and as it turns out, last year, despite only working 9 out of 12 months, still not claiming the right exemptions. For a person with an AGI of only $XXK, paying a $XK tax bill is quite a nightmare. Despite maxing out both our 401Ks and taking over $XXK in deductions, it seems that being married to someone who roughly makes the same and investing our money wisely is not a good thing – for the IRS and the Federal Government, being a middle income, jointly filing married couple is a penalty in and of itself. Don’t get me wrong, I consider myself lucky for owing rather than receiving a $XK refund. I would feel cheated if that were the case.

Needless to say, I have decided to raise my arms up in defeat and have done the inevitable – consulted an accountant – several of them and am looking for someone to do my taxes this year and every year hereafter. Sounds nuts but I cannot take it anymore. It seems like I am searching for an accountant I can talk to and ask for financial planning advice and someone who will project what we owe and then do the heavy lifting. With a full-time job during the day, and at night (the baby) and the weekends (the baby), I think it is time to turn over these mundane tasks to someone who gets paid to keep me out of trouble and who knows the laws. After all, you would not want to represent yourself in a $20 million lawsuit would you? Oh, wait, you’re not as dumb as Heather Mills so you probably would hire a good lawyer. Back to the topic of accountants. Shopping for a good accountant requires some leg work – call some friends first. They are a good resource because if they use someone good and have for years, chances are, they are doing something right. Then, meet with them to make sure the personalities at least somewhat mesh and then, of course, hand over your $ and let them do the rest. I cannot believe I have raised my hands in surrender but it is time…. It was a good long run doing my own taxes and I may still yet crunch the numbers myself and see what a difference (if any) an accountant makes but I would rather spend the 40 hours I can spend doing taxes with my daughter. I spend enough time away from her as it is. Happy April 15th and hope you do not owe $XK or even XXK, conversely, I hope you do not get a refund bigger than $3K or you overpaid in 2007 my friend. Remember in, 2007, interest rates were still pretty high in savings accounts and money markets. Go ahead and give your money to the IRS in 2008 – we may be in a recession before long. In life there are no guarantees – we may all lose our shirts in the market or in securities or even in this housing market, but rest assured- you will be guaranteed to still file your 2008 returns by April 2009, and the world will continue as always. Cheers!

Wired to Transfer

As I face the dilemma of migrating from one computer to another, I also realize I have gotten used to many things – first, of course, the way things work on my current laptop which I have had for almost four years! Then, the location of files and programs and even though my hard drive died once, I was able to recover most of the files and programs. It is interesting how attached you can get to something over time especially the operating system. I remember when we went from Windows 98 to XP, I was about to lose my mind. Things just were not where they were supposed to. Learning a whole new operating system and all the new features can be quite overwhelming. As I migrate from XP to Vista even today, I learn something new about XP that I did not know. As with most technology, you learn by doing and actively working on the technology rather than reading a book. At least that is how I learn. I am sure many of you can relate to this.

As I get older and more set in my ways, I realize now how hard it is for older people to pick up a new trade, skill, or learn technology. It is daunting for me even though I enjoy it! So, I look to my daughter and think, one day she will be teaching how to use the latest gadget and will balk at me when I cannot get the functionality right. My dad just asked me the other day to “walk” him through picasa because he cannot figure out how to upload videos. Hello! What’s there to figure out. You go to photo library, find the movie you want to upload, right click and scroll down to “Upload to web album”, pick the album, and voila, it is done. Yeah, well, it really is not easy if you are not wired to play around with something. It can truly be overwhelming to the not-so-tech-savvy user. I am amazed that my dad does as well as he does with technology.

Needless to say, it can be daunting. I am trying to create my own home network so that I can transfer files from the old computer to the new one. However, I thought this was simple and now I realize it is not. Not only is there compatibility issues between XP and Vista, but there are some network security problems when I try to do this. Last night though, I was able to set-up an Office Workgroup which seems like it is working but only time will tell. When I get home, I will need to try to sync the files from the old computer into the public folders and then see if I can access it from the new ones. Of course, because one is XP and the other Vista, there are two different methods to do this and I am not sure it will work but I am anxious to try it out. That is the computer programmer in me, if it does not work, keep trying it ‘til it does. Another option which I just heard about from a friend in the office is a data transfer cable which comes with software and that permits transfer easily between two computers, treating the other as a hard drive. However, if you do not want to spend an additional $21 and have an external storage device at home the best thing is to back up the files you want onto the external hard drive and then transfer onto the new computer with ease.

As we migrate from old technology to new, from a paper world to virtual reality, I realize that some things do not change – it always take time to change and always requires flexibility and patience. And if you are “wired” to change with the times, you will do it easier than someone who wants things to remain the way they are.

Are you compatible?

I recently received my second new high-tech toy for the year- my new laptop computer- the Dell XPS M1330. Nice! Sleek and quite cool but of course, it was loaded with Windows Vista. It is day 2 and I have not learned all the features of this great machine much less how to operate in a new environment but of course, I have software and other items I need to install on it. One cool thing I learned as I tried to install my printer this morning is that you do not necessarily need the original CDs to install something. For example, I did a search for computers and it automatically detected my wireless HP 7400 series printer. Boom! Installed! The CDs were created when Windows XP was out and are not compatible anyway.

Although the XPS I have came with a pre-installed webcam, the resolution is not that great and with my daughter moving all over creation, it helps to have one that pivots and moves with her, so I needed to install the Logitech webcam and sure enough, within 2 or 3 minutes of installing it, it was recognized and operational but the software was missing. I was not about to look for the CD. No need. I got on the logitech website and downloaded the software and boom! Seconds later, I am able to adjust the webcam and now the grandparents can webcam it tonight with the grandbaby.

I was also able to install Office 2003 suite which we purchased sometime ago. I was nervous about installing Office 2003 on Windows Vista because I have heard of compatibility issues but I had no problems and was able to quickly obtain the Office 2003 Service Pack 3 as well.

No CD has worked so far. For example, my canon Power Shot SD 400's discs are not compatible and there is no Vista update available on line so the software does not work. But to alleviate this "small" problem, the greatest feature is that I can remove the memory card from the Canon and insert it into the computer and boom! I can download the pics and video directly. So, for every time I get frustrated, there is an alternate solution. I was able to install software for our JVC Everio but will it work? That is a whole 'nother question. So far, I have no idea if any of the software will work. Windows has not shut down properly yet which is obviously a problem ... but I soldier on. You think that it would be very simple and compatible because all of our existing computers at home are Dells - of course, they have XP. So, I am worried as this process progresses. I have 14 days I suppose to figure out if this is for me and whether I am really compatible with this expensive, new toy of mine.

The Fondue Experience

Yesterday, my husband and I went to the Melting Pot for his first fondue experience. Now, keep in mind that he does not do dairy and I do not eat meat so this was interesting to say the least but I wanted him to experience what I experience with my girlfriends all the time so, off we went. We were celebrating my birthday which is rapidly approaching this weekend. We thought it would be perfect to go to the one near my daughter's daycare provider so we could eat a quick meal and then be off! Quick meal? Are you crazy? The fondue experience is not for those who want to be in and out or even for kids. We imagined our daughter sticking her hands into the pot or getting injured with the skewers. As we sat in the waiting area for 15 minutes and what felt like an eternity we were thinking, if they would just seat us, then we could get started. Anyway, at precisely 505pm we were seated and I realized we had only one burner so I asked if we could have two - my husband eats chicken and I do not and I generally am not thrilled at the thought of chicken with my veggies but alas, it was futile! We could only have one pot. So we fondue'ed on. Since it was my birthday and I am in the birthday club, I had a coupon for free dessert fondue (a $15 value) if entrees were purchased so I decided to forego the yummy cheese since my hubbie could not partake and try (for the first time) the vegetarian entree. This entree consisted of raw veggies such as potatoes, mushrooms, broccoli and squash (the ones that come with all entrees) and ravioli, asparagus, tofu, artichokes, portabello, and eggplant. I had to get my veggies into the broth first, and then my husband got to cook his meat. Of course, I grew impatient while he ate cause I had already scarfed down my food which was yummy. Their dipping sauces really make the meal.

I think my husband was amazed that he had to cook the food himself. When he thinks of fine dining, he thinks cooked food brought to the table. Needless to say, the evening was fun - we used my new cell phone's stopwatch feature to time the cooking of the meat and veggies in the broth. Of course, our daughter was approaching almost 11 hours in daycare so that made me a little anxious. I think we definitely should save meals like this when family is watching our girl but all in all, from start to finish, we were done in 2 and a half hours which in Europe is a SHORT meal. So, I say we did good.

I have to end this blog on the dessert fondue. We went with Flaming Turtle as our dessert fondue and what a sweet treat! It was a little too sweet - the caramel really sweetens the entire thing. I think my husband enjoyed the rice krispies, fruit, and other assorted items that came with our meal. I felt like I had eaten too much. I do not know how I do the four courses when I go with friends: cheese fondue, salad, a side of veggies in the broth, and the dessert fondue. Seems overkill but I enjoy the fondue experience. I only wish I did not feel rushed these days - seems like after work, all thoughts I have turn to my daughter and how I want to spend time with her. A note for those who are planning a fondue outing- plan on spending at least 3 hours start to finish and do not eat a big or late lunch. Happy Fon-DO to you!

+ or - ? Caveat Emptor

I recently had experience with the faulty pregnancy test. When you Google® the topic, you realize there are many people who experience false negatives but false positives are very hard to come by. Generally speaking, when a test reads positive, and then later negative, it means one of two things: you were pregnant and lost the baby or are on your way of losing the baby, or, the test was not administered correctly. The latter case is very, very rare and even rarer, is the false positive just because the test is broken. It is very easy to create these tests and even easier to create one that works. The tests on the market are almost all 99% or more effective which means there is less than a 1% chance of error – usually, this 1% error involves false negatives. That is, out of approximately 100 women who take the test, 1% or 1 woman has a chance of seeing a negative and then finding out later, she is really pregnant. The chances of getting a false positive are even less! Now, with the statistics and the test information out of the way, here is why I am posting this blog.

Currently, I am almost ten months post-partum and still nursing my infant daughter so getting pregnant was the furthest thing on my mind. Sure, I would love to have another child but not when my daughter is 18 months old. Perhaps after she is 2, she can appreciate the excitement and intricacies of being a sibling. For now, I want her to enjoy breastfeeding and being spoiled rotten which as a first born child, is your birth right.

Well, after a lot of travel and stress, I am now approximately six weeks without a cycle. So, I started to panic. All the other cycles since four months post-partum have been pretty predictable – 28 to 32 days with a decrease in milk for one week prior to starting to cycle. So, when I started to see declining milk over three weeks ago, I assumed the time was near. Now, three weeks later, I started to get nervous. So, yesterday I took a pregnancy test. I had the kit at home – I got it for free. My parents who always look for good deals on all sorts of weird stuff they do not need got these Confirm Clearly pregnancy tests and refills with this awesome clear reader. They even got a gift card for the purchase price at Rite-Aid to buy this back in January of 2007 or so. This reader is pretty cool – it gives you a lighted + or a – and if the test malfunctioned, gives you the red lighted symbol for caution- trouble! It looked simple enough. I took the test and came down at 945pm to show my husband the exciting yet puzzling news: “We’re pregnant, again!?!” After a little anxiety and disbelief, I started growing warm to the idea of another baby, a sibling, a buddy and playmate for our daughter. I was starting to get excited and started to daydream a little. But something was puzzling me about this test. I do not know anything about the company. Is it accurate? What ….? My investigator hat was now on.

So, after I put my daughter to sleep, I snuck away and researched the internet. You guessed it! This test had been recalled not once or twice but many times. There were numerous consumer complaints against this company and this brand of test. In sum, this Confirm Clearly test was not to be trusted and should be disposed of immediately! A lady who had numerous experiences with the same test who also received rebates from Rite-Aid on it has an entire website dedicated to sharing experiences about this test and how it gives false positives to women across America. One woman even claimed she ran the test through the tap water and it popped positive. A man peed on the stick for giggles and he too was preggers. And if you can believe it, a couple had their dog urinate on the stick – you guessed it! The dog too was pregnant. Now, I am no expert, but after reading this, I knew something was wrong. I whispered to my husband that he should not get excited and that it could be a false positive. He murmured something and went back to sleep.

The next day I went and purchased the test I trusted twice before – the First Response. Within seconds of dipping it in the cup, you guessed it! Negative- not pregnant. I did not know what to think. I guess I must have been disappointed because I was feeling a little sad - interesting discovery about myself. I must want to have more children. Needless to say, I cannot imagine being the couple, trying for years to get pregnant – test after test, no pregnancy. They buy the Confirm Clearly test and boom! They get the + sign. They are pregnant. Overjoyed, they tell family and anyone who knew of their attempts at fertility. This is a true story I fear. Five days later, at her OB appointment, she learns that she was NEVER pregnant to begin with- the test gave her a false positive. What?! She tried it again, another positive. She uses a refill, a negative; then, another positive. Their story was related on the website too.

Thanks to the internet, otherwise hopeful parents can rest easy and get all the facts before it is too late. I am amazed that the FDA does not regulate these tests more or other medical testing equipment for that matter. I mean, any Tom, Dick, and Harry can introduce a pregnancy test on the market for $5.00, appealing to the consumer who has just paid $4.00 a gallon on gas and a $4.50 for a gallon of milk but really? How can a company get away with this? I think of the couple who was trying to conceive who really received a BIG surprise – yeah, come to think of it – you’re not pregnant… sorry. It is a horrible thing and unlike the unfortunate closure a couple may be able to receive after a miscarriage or preparation of a high risk pregnancy, this is just an emotional roller coaster which no one really volunteered to get on. Confirm Clearly is offering refunds to people who purchased these tests but I do not know if that is enough for those folks who used this test, trusted it, and then got swindled – not out of just money but rather their hopes and dreams. In a consumer-driven market, every once in a while, I can understand making a mistake on your product but how hard it is to produce a pregnancy test? Are these tests made in China too? How many corners did this company cut to have all of their tests from 2006 to 2007 which were sold to unsuspecting, hopeful parents recalled for error? I am shocked but not surprised by this recent experience. ‘Til next time, to all you hopeful parents out there, remember the phrase I learned in the eighth grade: Caveat Emptor! And … sometimes, you do get what you pay for or in my case, what I didn’t pay for. :-)

Check out this webpage which I enjoyed thoroughly about this pregnancy test:
http://www.tammysrecipes.com/confirm_clearly_pregnancy_test

And there are plenty out there but this one too:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/159325/a_review_of_confirm_clearly_the_most.html

Are you giving women drivers a bad name?

You always hear the phrase, “of course, it’s a woman driver.” Or “what did you expect from a woman driver.” I generally always took offense to that phrase not just because I am a woman but for the most part, I think all drivers have a tendency to flake out and do stupid things on the road not just women. On my way down to Colorado Springs last week, however, I decided to do an experiment after two cars were blocking the left lane of traffic on I-25 southbound near downtown. As I passed both cars on the right, I noticed – yep, you guessed it! Women drivers. So I decided to conduct an experiment to find out if the saying was mostly true. What I discovered was really unnerving to me. I am not sure if more women were just on the road on the times I decided to test out my theories or whether the old sayings are just true, but here are some of the stats I gathered from my jaunt down to the Springs and back:

Roundtrip, out of the 18 drivers I passed on the right because they were blocking up I-25 in some form or fashion, 15 were women. Each time, I passed, I was secretly praying it was not a woman. Sure enough, as I looked over briefly, I saw a woman driving.

Roundtrip, namely, Powers Blvd, on the way to base, out of 5 vehicles I had to go around, 3 were women. On the way back, one woman decided to cut me off and then put her brakes on as she approached a green light at a major intersection. On the way back, I only passed 3 cars on the right and only 2 were women. This was in addition to the woman who cut me off in the left lane only to put her brakes on.

All in all, it was an interesting experiment and one I wish I did not have to undertake but I felt obligated to because so many times I hear the derogatory comment about women drivers, I had to test it for myself. Once again, I do not know if there were just more women on the road at the time I travelled or if genuinely, they are bad drivers. Obviously, no poll or survey or experiment is without its faults but I have to say, I was pretty alarmed. I am not sure who you are women are that are giving all women drivers a bad name but I wish you would learn more courtesies and etiquette of the road.

A high-tech cleaning

In Spring and Winter when you are cleaning out and organizing your closet, the general rule is if you have not worn it in the previous season, get rid of it. It helps prevent clutter, and allows you to organize your closet twice a year as seasons change too. Also, it helps you to realize what you have and what you do not so you can shop for items that will fit.

After almost 3 years of having the same cell phone, I got a new one yesterday. I kept my same number and company and just upgraded the phone. What a difference a phone makes! I am eager to go purchase accessories for my new toy. I was up pretty late playing with my toy too. It was a lot of fun but I cannot believe I chose to stay up and play with the phone instead of sleeping while my infant daughter slept quite comfortably. Anyway, it is fun and I am enjoying it. But here is what took so much time last night. Essentially, I had to transfer the contacts from my old phone (from the SIM Card) to the new phone so I had to transfer each contact one by one because there was no feature permitting me to do it all at once. What a pain! So, I had to sit there and go through each contact. While I did this, I had opportunity to take inventory of the contact. For example, let’s just call her TINA. I had a number for a woman named TINA and I had no idea who TINA was. I looked at the number, looked up from the phone and tried to walk down memory lane but alas, I had no idea who TINA was. So I decided not to transfer her. In essence, I tossed her because if I knew who TINA was, I would not be struggling to figure out who she was. Other contacts were easier, HUSBAND’s CELL, MOM AND DAD (both sets), and other great friends I had no hesitation with. Then, I ran across people who I had not heard from in 6 months or more and nor did I contact them. I had to debate harder on this. Do I hold on to their number, or do I move on? I mean, after all, if we were such good buds, wouldn’t I have heard from them in a year or more? One girl, we will call her KIM – coincidentally there was a Kim stored in there, and I had no idea who that was either- delete! Anyway, my “friend” KIM was invited to my baby shower a year ago. No word from her, not a gift or so much as a congrats so, I decided not to move KIM. It was time to let KIM go as well. And worse case scenario, if the person contacts me or emails me, I can always put them back in the phone right? Why clutter my new precious phone? Just like a spring and winter cleaning, I had to do something about these contacts I had stored in this phone for too long only to realize that the number was disconnected or belonged to someone new. Or in KIM’s case, belonged to someone who I was not sure I wanted to continue a friendship with. After all, as my previous blog on “EX FACTOR” indicated, I want relationships in my life that enrich me and add value to it, right? Delete!

So, I saved the contacts wanted to do and transferred them with ease. It was an interesting process and as I went through the names and made corrections to some of the names and numbers, I realized that a tech cleaning is just as necessary as a closet cleaning/organizing and if you can do it more than every 2 years, then more power to you. I am going to realize soon that tech cleaning can be rewarding as I enjoy my new phone but around the corner a huge tech cleaning awaits me as I face the dilemma of cleaning out my laptop computer I have had for almost four years! So, when the one arrives, I will once again, stroll down memory lane…. Or in my case, clutter lane. Happy tech-cleaning!

The Ex Factor

After marriage, is it appropriate to keep in touch with an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband? If so, does it matter to what degree you keep in touch. For example, if you were previously married and have kids, it is obvious that you may keep in touch for financial matters, care, visitation, etc. But, can you truly be friends with an ex and in a way, pick up where you left off with the friendship? I present these questions because a friend related a story to me and I began to wonder whether she could indeed keep an arm’s length friendship with an ex while being married to her absolutely trusting and great husband. I should mention that her husband is aware of her contact with her ex/friend and there is full disclosure. Of course, full disclosure is key and remaining forthright and honest with yourself and your spouse.

So as far as degrees, what is the boundary or what are the boundaries on a relationship with an ex? Can both parties truly remain friends without reverting back to “the way [they] were?” My theory on this is that if I was supposed to be married to the ex, I would have ended up with him – after all, you are not with that person because something did not work out romantically or for some other reason. So, you should be able to retain the friendship but then again, what if you are sharing things with this person that you cannot share with your spouse? What if you are more comfortable sharing your life with this friend than your own spouse? Then, I think there is something missing in your marriage that you may be seeking from this individual and what makes this situation dangerous is that this is not just a friend, there are deeper feelings involved so you should tread those waters carefully.

Obviously, it helps if both parties are happily married and settled in their lives so there is less temptation and ability to revert back to the way things were. Either way, it is always good practice to be honest with your spouse and yourself and if you find yourself enjoying your “friend’s” company more than your spouse or your needs are not being fulfilled by your spouse, you should keep the relationship with the ex in check. I am amazed at the amount of people who can stay friends with a previous relationship and still go on and lead great lives and relationships with other people. I do not know that I have that ability in me and I also think of a value-added principle when it comes to friendships and relationships in my life. So, if I am getting added value in my life from the presence of a friend, I know that this is a good thing and if I get no value from a relationship, then I assess whether I need to be in it. The same principle would apply to friendship with an ex- what is the benefit? What is the value? What does this person add to my life? If I find no value added in my life from it, I see no purpose in building or maintaining it. For me, the ex-factor is quite clear: my ex-boyfriends really do not add much value to my life. I suppose if they did, they would be in it.

Aisle or Window seat?

I ask this question because on my return trip to Colorado from a business trip, I could not get an aisle seat on a full (correction, oversold) flight from Charlotte to Denver. I was travelling with our infant daughter alone and she is certainly very active these days so I was worried I would have to make people get up constantly. Well, after this particular leg of our journey, I am 100% convinced that when travelling with an infant child, it is best to ask for a window seat.

Here is what happened. When I was told it was a full flight, I decided to take out those items I needed and then try to stuff the rest under the seat in front of me for ease of access. Well, those plans rapidly changed. When I got on the plane, my seat which was a window seat was behind a seat which had some big console under it so I had virtually no leg room let alone space of a diaper bag. So, I quickly grabbed the bottle, the food items and the toys I needed for the 3 hour flight and had someone help me put the diaper bag in the overhead compartment. Needless to say, I completely forgot the diaper and wipe- whoops! I had just changed my daughter before we got on board and I thought all would be okay. She was exhausted and I expected her to sleep. Sure enough, 1.5 hours into flight, I thought she needed to be changed so when the opportunity presented itself, I decided to wake up the guy in the middle seat who, by the way, had his had down on the tray table since after take off and the lady in the aisle seat who was passed out and snoring. I did not think either of them capable to hold my daughter for a second while I got the diaper bag down because neither of them stood up for me to exit to the aisle and yes, I had my daughter in my arms. Yes, you read correctly – neither of them stood up. They had me climb over them into the aisle. Once I got in the aisle way, with one hand, I carefully opened the overhead bin and remembered my diaper bag was on the left hand side, so I used one hand and gently opened the bin watching for my bag to not fall. Well, instead what happens. You guessed it. Someone else’s bag was teetering on the right side of the compartment and fell onto the woman’s head who sat one row behind us – it hit her on the head. We were all startled, shocked even. Turns out, the woman two rows behind us in the aisle had a laptop computer stashed up there, teetering on the edge of the compartment so no matter who opened that compartment, that bag was going to fall.

I was mortified as I asked the lady if she was okay who, as I now noticed, was at least 5 months pregnant. Yikers! I hope she is okay I thought. Needless to say, an airline attendant rushed to check on us and everything was checked out. The lady who was hit on the head said that she was fine – only mildly startled. Hmmm – okay, so I grabbed my diaper and wipe, apologized profusely, and headed to go change my daughter. We hung out in the back a bit and stretched out. My daughter crawled around a little and enjoyed seeing new people. Then as we headed back, the woman with the laptop came by and told me that her laptop was no longer working. I was amazed because this is the first I learned that she had a laptop in the bag. I was more concerned about the pregnant lady who was hit by the laptop rather than the laptop itself. Turns out, she had a bag of ice on her head now. Yikers squared! Another airline attendant commented when I said I felt bag, “she’s not supposed to store laptops in the overhead compartment for this very reason.

Needless to say, a first for me and I felt horrible. I do not think the pregnant lady wanted to talk with me again but I guess this sorta stuff happens sometimes. The attendant who witnessed the incident and came to the scene first took our names and numbers and information because an incident report would have to be filled out. Wow!

I am just glad our infant daughter did not get injured and that the laptop did not harm the unborn child - hopefully, that is. But, it certainly confirms my seat selection on flights- window or aisle? Yeah, I will take the window- thanks!