Enough Already -let's be done with it!

I am so exhausted from all the political ads, the stupid flyers in the mail and on my door (I have counted at least 100) and of course, the phone calls. Those make me insane – mainly because they are pretty intrusive. Leaving a flyer versus calling someone at home after 8pm – hmmm. Anyway, enough of the debates, the political ads, the polls and the pundits. I am ready for Election night and a concession speech. I am ready for a President-Elect already and let’s all move on. Not that we will ever really move on but I am just ready for it to be done with.

I like the story my husband told me last night- one neighbor has a McCain sign, another neighbor has an Obama sign, and the guy who has the house in the middle made his own sign – “They both suck!” Granted, I do not think they both suck but they are of course, politicians. Despite giving a few donations and buying some stickers and signs, I still get emails daily from the Obama camp to donate money. Despite my friend in California giving them tons of money, as we enter the last 5 days of the campaign, she has been hounded with calls for money. My brother has donated enough for all of us I think and I am pretty confident Obama has the money he needs considering he could run a 30-minute infomercial on several networks 6 days before election day. Come on! Enough Already - let’s just get to 4 Nov and be done with it. Of course, as we learned in 2000, it took several weeks for it to be over because it dragged on and on and on and on. For the sake of the nation and its sanity, I hope that does not happen again this year. I want to go to bed Tuesday night and know with confidence that we have a President-Elect otherwise, I think I will lose my marbles.

And if I see one more “Boulder Liberal” Mark Udall ad, I will lose it. But, alas, until 4 Nov, I am sure I will. It is just crazy and I even have dreams about this crap. I cannot wait for November 4th – hope you can’t either- see ya then! I will be the one holding a sign that says, “It’s finally over! The Best People won (hopefully they really have)- now, let’s get on with the show.”

Beggars cannot be choosers

After about 6.5 years without internet, the Agency I work for finally got internet restored. Believe it or not, this Government Agency was without internet (court-ordered, might I add) for 6 years. Now, it is back but not completely restored. Sometimes, we cannot send or receive external emails – for some reason, the email server is not that great. And, while we can access some websites, we cannot access sites you would think are pretty routine. For example, if you go to the local transit site and try to google route a map, it is blocked but then I can turn around, and go to google.com and then do public transit and get the same information they block. Weird. Midas.com is also blocked. Not sure why. I just want to take my car in to get the brake pads replaced. My OB/GYN website is blocked. I discovered that when I tried to print out some information I needed for my health appointment tomorrow. Odd. This Agency also cannot figure out how to unblock mapquest.com. I guess it does take a rocket scientist sometimes to do simple things at the Agency or Bureau level. Other bureaus within our own Agency can access google and chat is just disabled. We cannot access Gmail because our rocket scientists have not figured out how to unblock chat so they just block the whole site and all the great features that go with being able to log onto Google.

It is frustrating because one week I can access a site and the next week, I cannot. It just seems odd to me what the “tech-gurus” think official business is and what they think it is not. I am glad I can access hooters.com though just in case I get a hankering for those hot wings. But, Midas, now that would be bad since I have to take my car in for a brake job. I know, I am being sarcastic but it is ridiculous. I guess I cannot complain too much because I can access yahoo, learn what is going on in the world, and do google searches even if I cannot access the search. It is still exciting to have internet back and while it is not perfect (most things in life are not), I guess I will do without and learn to deal, perhaps use 411 every now and then when I cannot access something and maybe occasionally, get some work done.

It may truly take a village

I remember when Hillary Clinton first coined the phrase, "It takes a Village", through her book on the concept of how so many people shape the lives of children, not just mom and dad. It is a really good read on what it takes in our modern society to raise children, what an amazing gift parenthood is, and why it truly takes more than just the parents to raise a child. No matter how old, a child is shaped by her parents, the grandparents, the neighbors, the kids in school or day care, the minister or pastor, the policeman who was kind to the child, the teacher, the doctor, and the friends of the parents.

The philosophy of "It takes a Village" is not new to the rest of the world but may be to many Americans who often feel isolated from friends and family. Living states apart, Americans are more novel to the concept of the Village than European or Asians.

I started to wonder if the "village" your child is raised in impacts his or her development - education, learning skills, feelings of security, and self worth. My mother has been helping us with the care of our daughter on and off since her birth. We get visitors from my side of the family and my husband's and we often travel as well to see relatives and expose our daughter to her cousins and aunts and uncles. When my daughter is not in the care of my mother or us, she goes to a private home where she is the only child being watched by a couple who do not have grandchildren of their own. They are multilingual and of my culture so she is exposed to that as well. While futile with work and activities, we try to expose our daughter to neighborhood kids and friends' kids - most of whom are not Indian. But I truly started to wonder now that I have my own kid and will soon have a sibling for our daughter if the village will shape our daughter's life. I know we will definitely have an impact on her but does it take a village?

I think it does. While parents can discipline and educate their children, children learn very early to be defiant and independent and they will form their own opinions on foods, issues, and what they think is a good bedtime :-0 Children will explore the world outside the home and learn about its people - good and bad. Children will often make mistakes and learn from them. How others' interact with your children does shape their lives and now that I am living through this, I truly believe that it does take a village.

My daughter is more secure when she is not in a day care environment. She loves when we have visitors and the house is partially filled with relatives and friends. Granted, she does not like crowds but there is a sense of security that permeats her being when we are all there- maybe not doing anything but just there. She feels secure from the type of care she receives. If in the home or private home, I tend to see her acting more secure and happy. At a center, she is lost and often feels the need to be clingy, displaying her insecurity to me when I get home. How she is treated by the world around her impacts her well-being, her creativity, her attitude, and her eating habits. Parenting is a joy and it is a gift from God but in assessing my own parenting skills, I have learned a lot from the last year and a half as well. How I react to my daughter makes a difference in how she reacts to me and the world around her.

I am so thankful to be a mom and share in parenting with a partner who is equally thrilled to have a child and as I take this time to reflect on the last year and a half, I realize that it takes more than me and more than my husband and that continuously my daughter will be exposed to the world around her which will also impact her growth and learning and it is my job to understand and even assess the "village" we place her in, the "village" she finds herself in, and the elements in it. While I do not 100% agree with Hillary Clinton's political views, I did enjoy the premise of her book and agree that when it comes to children and their development, it does take a village.

The subconscious Factor or something else? Part II

CONTINUED ....

Despite witnessing these troubled times and being the butt of discrimination themselves, these immigrants overcame adversity in a country that may not have welcomed them and tried to see the good in people. The discrimination was on many fronts – color of their skin, the way they talked (the accent), the clothes they wore, the food they ate, and/or their religion, but alas, they adapted and overcame and in a way, “melted” into society. I find it hard to believe that these same Americans would even consider voting for McCain. Is it simply for economics? Are these Indian-Americans federalists (because McCain is no federalist if you look at his record)? Or, do they just like that this guy? What is it that drives these retirees or soon to be retirees to vote for this man?

I did not want to consider it but the ugly truth hit me in the face when my mom said something during the RNC – “Cindy McCain is so much more a lady than Obama’s wife” – yikers! Could they be in love with the white image? The blonde-haired, blue-eyed all-American girl married to the WASP fighter pilot maverick, jock? Of course, these are the same people who disliked Hillary because she is outspoken, domineering, and kicks ass - just not very lady like. After all, her place to be quiet and sweet - clap on command for her hubby. So, is this cultural or something else? Partially speaking, I think they like McCain and the ticket because of culture. But mainly, I think, they do not want to vote for a black man. Let’s all face the truth- there are some in this country who do not want their prime time TV shows interrupted by a black man. It is hard to watch with so much ugly history in this country.

For the immigrant, psychologically speaking, he or she tends to “fall in” place – in order to fit in, in order to play the game, and be part of the crowd, they befriend those who give them political advantage and social status. I can count on one hand the number of black friends I have. Why is that? We all have preferences for lots of things- soda, lunch food, fruits, etc. I think, whether we admit it or not, we have a preference for color too. Among those are discriminated against, it is preferrable to prefer the discriminator over the other guy who may also being discriminated against. After all, they’re not picking on me so I might as well join in and pick on the guy who they’ve moved onto. This syndrome occurred after 9/11. South Asians had to defend themselves and try to educated others, "I am not ARAB. I am not Muslim, I am Hindu". After all, since it was another "evil" minority group, it was okay. Men with turbans had to defend that they were not Iranian or Iraqi. The sad truth is that some minorities were relieved that the discrimination focus was taken off of them. Blacks who were historically discriminated against now could join in and fight against the Islamic terrorists.

I can’t help but wonder if subconsciously, the people who are voting for McCain among these demographic groups do so because they agree with him on anything or have anything in common with him- heck, they might even get hurt by his policies, but I wonder if they vote for him and the ticket because they just feel more comfortable with the norm- what they have seen for these past 50 years- a white male running the show and keeping the status quo. After all, the comments we heard from many Indians after Gandhi got them independence from the Brits was … “we were better off under their rule.” WHAT!? Are you kidding me? We as humans get so used to and so conditioned by what we see, what we experience, and the brain washing, that we quickly forget our basic inalienable rights- the basic human need to be free. The other thing that baffles me is the education level and skills of the two Presidential candidates. Immigrants from South Asia value education and getting high marks in school. They value intelligence and degrees. If they looked at the candidates, only two fit the mold of being the BEST of the BEST - Obama and Biden. McCain was a goof-off in school and crashed fighter jets in the Navy. He did not have a masters degree. He cheated on his first wife with his current and defiled family values that immigrants hold dear. Hunting and fishing and killing live animals is not valued among those same immigrants either. Another interesting point many may not know is that Joe Biden is a huge - HUGE supporter of South Asian ideals and work ethics. He has visited India and considers the Indian community in a very positive light. He and Obama support India more than they do Pakistan and would like to change foreign policy in that region. A change I welcome and support. McCain will continue more of the same which has occurred for over 2 decades now- support to Pakistan financially and in spirit. In return, Pakistan will pay us back (not financially) but through continued support of terrorism and madrasas, home grown and supported through our tax dollars.

What will happen in this election, I do not know but I know race, like it or not, is a HUGE factor to many and to some who do not admit it, it is that silent factor that still affects the choices they make. I just hope enough people in our generation can pull it off for the right person for this job - for the sake of positively impacting the only country we have known all our lives.

The Subconscious Factor or something else? PART I

This is a long blog so I divided it up into two parts. I am posting Part I here and will post Part II shortly. I hope you enjoy the thoughts of someone who maybe does have too much time to think.

Part I

Mohandas K. Gandhi (before he was the "Mahatma") rode on a train in South Africa, only to be thrown from it with his luggage out of the first class compartment because as a minority, he belonged in second class compartment. Gandhi refused to move at the request of the white British guard. He was moved. In fact, he was so moved by what happened in South Africa and subsequently in India, he decided enough was enough – how long would tyrannical rule and discrimination against minorities like South Indians continue? The discrimination he fought was at the hands of the British but here in America, some twenty years later, following in Gandhi’s footsteps of peaceful nonresistance and nonviolence another movement began to free Blacks from discrimination in America. Separate but Equal was alive and well in Alabama schools until very recently (1990s) – hard to believe? Segregation of women is a reality in Islamic society especially at religious sites but segregation based on the color of skin seems far-fetched to those of us raised in the 80s. The truth is while we do not openly condone segregation or discrimination, it is still alive and well in America and the victims of past discrimination, in my opinion, tend to be the worst in discriminating against those who are different from themselves. Before I go into my theory of why minorities discriminate against other minorities, I think a little background is essential of how I got the privilege of becoming a first generation American.

Lyndon Johnson did a lot to open the gates of immigration for South Asia, enabling my dad and others like him to immigrate to the United States and pursue an education. The gates opened in 1965 for Asians, and or better or for worse, immigration is a phenomenon that has defined America’s history and has in many ways, shaped the role America plays in the global economy. I think immigration to America is a good thing, bringing so much to this country that others cannot claim. Despite 9-11, Americans need to realize that not all immigration is BAD immigration – in fact, most immigration in the U.S. has revitalized and had a positive impact on the economy, on schools and education, and on the political system. Even granting asylum to those in need is a positive thing. After all, America is a country founded on immigrants.

Focusing on my dad's generation, I could not help but wonder how the immigrants who came over here after 1965 were voting in this election especially since this is the first chance they have had to vote for a minority Presidential candidate. So far the results are mixed and like this election, quite close. Out of the people I have surveyed or talked with, most are Obama supporters – not just because they want to see a minority in office but because of his liberal views too. Then there are those who are McCain supporters. I wonder why? These Baby Boomers who left their native country in the 60s and early 70s are of retirement age or already retired and some relying on Medicare. Most are making a modest amount of money because of one bread winner in the household and are considered lower to middle income. Most went through and saw a dark period in American history – not just Vietnam and the post-Vietnam fall out (mistreatment of Veterans) but also the struggle for Civil Rights in our nation – something those of us born in the mid 70s and early 80s did not get to witness or experience. As I discussed previously, these immigrants if they came from the Subcontinent of India saw the end of British rule in India and grew up in a new India, free of British rule and tyrannical actions. But they also grew up in a divided India where Hindu-Muslim riots and violence was a daily or hourly event. They may have seen bombings and segregation in Northern India as well as Punjab and the region of Kashmir which is still highly disputed. These same people came to the U.S. at a time when they saw Gandhi's principles echoed by Martin Luther King, Jr., Who sought to end segregation and tyranny against blacks in America. They came to America at a time when Vietnam divided the nation and worse, they came at a time in America when there was not much knowledge about who they were except "foreigners" – were they Iranian? Iraqi? What is the Indian culture after all in the 60s and 70s in America? It was new… it was unchartered territory but they endured and perservered because they wanted a better life for their children and their children’s children. (To be continued ... in Part II)

A Reverse Bradley?

By now, we have all heard about the Bradley effect or Bradley factor and its affect on the elections. If you haven’t, you really should just google it and stop hiding under that rock. I started thinking last night that there could be a Bradley effect with this election but I think it could be what I term a "Reverse-Bradley.” Here is some background on why I think this could be the case. These days, while there are still those who are racially motivated, biased or discriminate against others, there are even more people who are not and do not discriminate. America is certainly not color-blind but more and more, asz time has passed, Americans have become more tolerant not just on race or gender, but on other issues like sexual preference, and other choices that people make. It is not a sign that America is heading to become color blind, but a result of more first generation Americans who are now having kids of their own and there is more exposure to other cultures, more education, and more awareness about the world around us.

I remember growing up in a suburb of New Orleans and people not really understanding or even knowing what we were- Iranian? Arab? Iraqi? Where the heck are you from? “Oh, you’re Indian?! Wow- your dad must be a doctor then?” Comments like that defined my childhood growing up in a somewhat ignorant community. Post 9-11, we were all forced to learn the difference between Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, the Middle East, and the Subcontinent of India. I see Indians becoming the new token minority on TV sitcoms, prime time TV, and movies. Sanjay Gupta is very popular as a Doctor/advisor on CNN and yes, we also have bad movies like Harold and Kumar to thank for some attention to our "kind". With the media, the internet, more availability of imported international food products, and ethnic restaurants, there is truly more of an awareness of other cultures, religions, and race. My child’s generation is growing up watching news reels on the TV, and homemade videos on You Tube®.

Tolerance is a sign of the times because technology has made it happen. Kids in schools are more educated and teachers are more culturally aware. Laws have helped too. I could not imagine a Jewish kid getting a week off from school when I was growing up. Now, everyone knows when it is a Jewish holiday and wish eachother well. I catch people saying Happy Diwali to me - they read the news and watch TV so they know. I think it is kinda cool.

Now, how does this all affect the current Presidential election? Here are my thoughts: There are many people who feel very strongly about the issues – the state of the economy, taxes, and oil dependence. There are those who feel very strongly that the last few years have been disastrous and do not want the Bush administration to leak into the next four. If the last Congressional race was any indication, the Senate went from Republican-controlled to Democrat-controlled. People are just fed up. Conversely, I do not think many people can admit to their friends that they are going to vote against party lines or for an African-American (who by the way is not 100% African-American nor a terrorist) because while they may like him and his policies and the fresh outlook, they want to fit in. They will tell their buddies, their community, and members of their family that they are voting for McCain (the white Nam “hero” who probably caused himself to become a POW through his own recklessness). When they vote, they may vote for Obama secretly. After all, it is a secret ballot and no one needs to know.

That is what I refer to as Reverse-Bradley and I think it is going to have an impact in this election because I do not think people are lying that they are voting for Obama and then turning around and voting for McCain. It is the sign of the times that people will not generally do this unless they heard it on the radio and decided to play a game. In rural America and those areas referred to by Sarah Palin as “real America”, people may say they support the McCain-Palin ticket but may actually do something else – after all, their friends will never know. That is the beauty of the secret ballot. I think that is a more likely scenario in this election and although it remains to be seen, these are just the thoughts of someone who has been quite consumed by this Campaign and cannot wait for a spectacular victory for Obama on election night and is praying for one.

The power of the vote

I had the opportunity to vote using mail-in-ballot in Colorado and just dropped it off. Since 2000, there has not been this much excitement about a Presidential election or the political process. 2000 was only exciting because of the scandalous hanging chad and Florida disputes over who was the President – Gore or Bush? Which one is it? I cannot imagine how different our country and state of affairs might have been had Gore been elected or rather “chosen” by the Supreme Court instead of Bush but alas, history had to be written. I voted for Bush in that election. I voted for him again in 2004 because we were in the throws of a war he had started but I vowed after 2005 that I would never vote Republican again – unless of course, he was a good man.

Needless to say, this election is going to contentious. It is going to be close and for me, close is too close for comfort. I know why we have an Electoral College system and understand it. If popular vote were to be instituted, imagine all the parties that we would get calls and fliers and emails from- yowsers! Needless to say, I enjoyed the debates, and some of the speeches. I also enjoyed watching the campaigns (both of them) this year and even learning about Ron Paul and other third party candidates. I think there are pros and cons of both party’s candidates this year but in the end, I am just ready for a change – a REAL change – not the party line that McCain just hopped on. The Straight Talk express in my opinion copied way too many ideas and seems out of touch with me, with my generation. I know McCain added Palin to maybe bridge a couple of gaps- the generational gap for one and perhaps the gap he had with women voters. I am just not sure he pulled it off with the right person. Sarah Palin is a polarizer – not someone who “bridges” the gap to nowhere… pun intended.

I am thrilled to live in a country where we have an opportunity to talk about issues and make up our own minds- even my husband voted this year and he generally does not vote. I am so proud of him for making a difference. And trust me, he does. In our current state of affairs and how close this election is truly going to be, we need all the votes we can get for our candidate. No matter who wins on November 4th, I just hope that the little guy, the middle income family, and those who need to be heard get heard. As we approach the final 10 days of the campaign, I wonder what will happen next but truly hope that on election night, I can finally open that bottle of champagne and serve it to my guests. May the best “man” win and may America come out ahead no matter what the result.

Get an Endodontist for God's Sake

As promised, here is another installment of pain and unpleasantries at the dentist at what feels like my 10th appointment (4th really) over this damn root canal. It has been a nightmare and it seems like it never ends. There is something to be said about paying more to get an expert to complete it in one or two sittings. Now, I have to go back to get a permanent which should be ready in 2 weeks but who knows.

The appointment started with my asking questions I should have asked much much earlier. Like, hello, is this last appointment? Is the tool in that he needed last time but was not in? What about the permanent? Can I get that today or do I need to come back one more time? The hygenist, frankly, seemed annoyed with me. She thought I was being "difficult" because I asked questions. Warning #1. The dentist could not stop singing today - Warning #2. And the final straw was when they wanted to take an X-ray which is why I stuck with these losers in the first place. I almost lost it. Warning #3. When your hygenist calls your dentist "BABY" or HONEY, you know you may not be in a professional office environment. Warning #4. Needless to say, I cannot wait til this tooth stuff is done and I can find a new dentist. Maybe I will go to my husband's. It is far away from my work but he has had good experiences, or I will ask around at the office and see who else is out there. It is so hard to find good medical and dental care these days, that it is a miracle there are still some good ones out there. I, unfortunately, have had some rough experiences at this dentist that I hope no one ever has.

Tylenol 3 (with Codeine) here I come I suppose!

God can be cruel sometimes

I heard another story this past week of a couple who could not conceive or have children. Great marriage - great people but they could not have kids. Since they wanted to share their love and wealth, they unselfishly adopted not one but two boys - one of whom was troubled and caused many issues for them. I have heard many a stories of women who try and try and cannot have kids. When I was visiting my hometown last month, I heard that my ex-boyfriend and his wife could not conceive so they had to adopt 2 kids- one boy, one girl as well. I had no idea. Not that adoption is horrible but there is a difference I think in having your own and adopting. I think it is wonderful and truly amazing how selfless couples who have so much love to give adopt and give their love to a kid who otherwise may not get a shot. I think it is admirable really because I am not sure I could do it. I remember my own step-grandmother could not have kids of her own - she conceived three times but all ended in miscarriage. My grandfather already had 3 kids from his first marriage so they did not adopt but it certainly makes you wonder what is at play when these types of things occur.

Conversely, there are those people who are procreating who really have no business doing so. The mom who thinks it is a good idea to give birth in a toilet hoping the "problem" will just be flushed away. The father who did not want to be a father so drops off a newborn in a dumpster. The mother who starves her child because she thinks the baby needs to be punished for crying. There are countless other stories of people who are able to conceive with no problems and bring children into the world who are otherwise not wanted, mistreated, or left to die.

It just baffles me that perfectly great people who want to have children sometimes cannot and I always wonder how God allows that to happen. I am sure there is some rhyme or reason but it makes no sense to me. As I hear more and more stories of those not able to conceive or have children of their own, I truly believe there is a plan for them and the kids they end up adopting, but I just do not understand it yet.

I am NOT "just" a mom

It has occurred to me lately that there is more life to working, travelling, hobbies or watching your favorite shows and movies. Lord knows I cannot get through a movie any longer without interruption so I continue to multi-task. There is more to being just a mom too. Sure, it is a catchy title and can imply a lot to someone who hears you are a mom – busy, responsible, preoccupied, multi-tasker, superwoman, or nuts are some words people think of but I think being a mom is all of those words and so much more.

Being a mom requires an enormous amount of patience – it is built over time and truly becomes a virtue. Being a mom requires a lot of understanding – towards your spouse, your parents and others who offer advice constantly, towards society as a whole, towards your intolerant boss who doesn’t quite get it, and of course, understanding towards the child as well. Being a mom requires sacrifice – tremendous amounts of it. Some moms give up their last piece of favorite dessert so their child can enjoy it but some moms give up a lot more for their child. Some moms will sacrifice their career or at least put it on hold. Some moms put hobbies and interests on hold so they can play with their kids and help them develop at a critical time. Moms make sacrifices daily – some are not even noticed because they seem so natural to the mom. Being a mom means not getting all the sleep you need especially when the child is sick or injured- she will often sleep walk to check on her baby and not even know it. But in her heart, she knows the baby is fine. Being a mom is more about love and understanding than most men or people care to realize. Being a mom is heart and soul, 24-7.

Being a mom is more than a full-time job, and so much more than a career- it is a full-time, around the clock profession. When a mom is asked at 3am by her child for something, she does not clock out or turn away but rather tries to help. When her baby or toddler has wet the bed at 4am, mom cannot roll over and go back to sleep- she jumps up and considers it a call to duty and even when she cannot go back to bed, she prays that her child does so he or she is well-rested. When a mom prays in church, at the synagogue, the temple or to a God of her choosing, she does not ask anything for herself but rather for her children- “let them be safe- give their sorrows and troubles to me and let them be forever…free.”

Yes, moms are underrated in our society- they are undervalued. Not everyone woman has been blessed enough to become a mom and not every mother can a “mom” but the woman who can is not just any ole mommy- she is truly a God send, a helper sent down to create, to nurture, to educate, to train, to make whole this new little being who has a piece of God within so that one day, that little creature may too … be more than “just” a mommy. And if you are also blessed to be a mom of a son, I pray that you teach him the value and the worth of a mom because it is often men in our world who teach and preach that a mom be undervalued because she is “just” a mom. I pray that your son grows up to be more than just a “daddy”.

Oops! I ate my crown!

Yesterday, as if things could not get worse with this whole tooth situation which has dragged on now for well over 8 weeks, I ate the temporary crown that my dentist put on my poor tooth. So, around 430pm, I was sneakily enjoying a twix bar when the crown came out. Oh gross, I thought. It was only 430pm, so I call my dentist’s office. You guessed it – this is the office that is open 7-4pm for 4 days week and then closed. It is a wonder anyone gets any care. So, I called the dental emergency number to ask what I should do. After all, it felt very weird without a crown. The dentist advised me to put it back in with some toothpaste or adhesive from Wal-Mart. What!? Really!? Okay…. So I put it back in but had no idea how loose it was.

When I got home, I had one bite of something and discovered the crown was gone. No where to be found so the obvious conclusion was – Yep, I ate it. Great! This is going to be great as it goes down. Needless to say, it was weird to not have a temporary crown on and feel the exposed canals and the tooth. It did not hurt but it sure felt strange and I felt empty.

At 7am, I was surprised when the dental office actually answered its phones. That pleasant surprise led to an 8am visit to the dentist and they redid a temporary for me. I have come to several conclusions about this place and this entire incident – One, I really liked my dental care with the military when everything was done in one visit. None of this go back and see them 5 times. Two, I really prefer to have doctors and providers who are open 5 days a week and if necessary, do an emergency clinic on weekends. I remember, in Germany, a military dentist did an after -hours look at my filling – he had worked on it the day before. He had me to come to his house and took a look and saw it was infected. He took care of me right away. Now, that’s service! Three, next time I ever have to have root canals or more complicated than a filling done, I am going to ask for a referral for an endodontist. This is their specialty and while they may cost more, in the long run, it costs you less. I only stuck with these yahoos because I did not want X-rays done – well, a little radiation never harmed a fetus in the second and third trimester and this might have been the time to let those fears go in favor of better oral care.

My next appointment and hopefully last is on Monday morning. Stay tuned for another fun and pain-filled blog. ‘Til then, if you have a temporary, try not to eat it.

My Top Ten List - here's 5 more

As promised, I would finish my top ten list with 5 more things I am greatful for. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot more but I think these round out the list. If you look at the September listings, I listed five there. Here are some more:

Six, I am very thankful that I am married to such a wonderful man. I know, I know, no one is perfect. I am not and neither is he and our relationship is certainly not perfect but he is such a good husband and a great father. It is through my daughter's eyes that I get to see the side of him I never knew. He loves our daughter more than anything and I know he does the right thing when it comes to our family. So, I am thankful for him – no comparisons, I am truly lucky to be with a partner like him in this life.

Seven, as my husband reminded me yesterday when we talked, if you don’t have your health, you really do not have anything and it made me realize how fortunate I was despite a root canal recently, and minor things going on, we all have our health including my daughter who is growing cuter daily.

Eight, in these tough economic times, and what is going on in the world, it is truly a blessing to have shelter, food, and nothing to really worry about. Sure, everything can change in an instant, but I am greatful that we have enough to carry us through if we need to go without for a little while. Fortunately both of us have upbringings to get through tough times as well if we need to. There are those who have nothing so I am very happy with where I am in life and what we have. I really could not ask for more right now in the way of wealth- I feel like the top 7 I have listed already have me covered.

Nine, there is nothing like feeling the first kicks and rolls in your belly from your unborn child. I wish a man could experience these feelings and these motions. As a woman, I am thankful that I get to experience pregnancy - with all that it brings. I am truly blessed to be pregnant with our second child who is kicking, elbowing, and squirming around inside me. There is no greater joy than to spend time with your child no matter how old but it is truly something else to feel that child developing inside of you and responding to what you drink, what you say, what you feel, and react to the world outside the womb.

Ten, I recently took over my own office as head of a legal office on an Air Force base- as part of a Wing. What a great feeling! Not the power, not the title, but the fact that someone entrusted me and saw my leadership potential to permit to progress in this manner. It is quite the feeling of responsibility, trust, and respect and I feel blessed to have this new position. It is a lot of work, and it means sacrificing for your people, and working hard to ensure your office stays the best – that it communicates well, that it functions well, and that we stay within our budgetary means. It is a lot but I feel so blessed to have this opportunity.

The consummate conflict of balance in a joint family

My mother has returned to stay with us for a couple of months and with that comes my dad to visit for a short period of time (okay, so 10 days is not short by American standards but by Indian standards it is). Along with that, my brother will soon visit too. While having family close by, having family live with you can bring conflict and the desire for balance. So, in light of recent events in our home, I have come to several thought-provoking several realizations over the past few days.

For one, it is really a roller coaster for all parties involved- my husband and I, and my daughter have to get adjusted to a new entity in our home which is family. While that is nice, we finally work out kinks in our system, get used to the person and the new “system” and then my mom is gone. So, we spend time trying to get retooled so to speak to life, the kitchen, and the lack of company. Conversely, I am sure my mom goes through the same process. She is queen of her castle back on the east coast and coming to be part of our house I am sure is a difficult transition for her as well. She gets used to it, develops a routine, creates a system for herself, and boom – it is gone a couple of months later and she is back at home, alone and without grandkid to keep her occupied.

Second, there is a fine balancing act when your newly formed family is living with another family- ie. what I refer to as a "joint family". I think there are especially problems when the person who lives with you does not know boundaries and you cannot establish them because of cultural norms. The balancing act is one of spending time with your spouse and children alone versus including that third party in your activities. It is essential to find privacy to talk with your spouse, spend quality time with your spouse outside the presence of that third person and continue to maintain balance with your kids. While your kids love grandma and grandpa, it is important that you are the final enforcer, disciplinarian, and decision maker with regards to curfew, discipline, food, and other issues. I think if the third party gets involved and exceed their boundaries, their involvement could undermine the entire balance between you and your kids.

Third, as I have learned recently, it is important to keep the channels of communication open between you and your spouse even if it means e-mailing, calling, or writing to each other to avoid an open dispute or discussion in front of the third party in your home. If the two of you can find a quiet private moment to talk-great, but if not, it is vital to at least communicate via other means so that you are on the same page and can still be a team when it comes to issues that may arise in the home.

I, for one, find it very difficult with someone else living with us even though I cherish the help. It is difficult because because it seems that we have gotten used to our life, and doing things our way and while my mom has been a big help, you sometimes wonder if it is worth it. I think having family living with you puts a strain on things as it is but for extended periods of time, it can be trying for a marriage. That was the case last time my mom was in town. For me, recently, I have experienced something a little different. I think because we have opened the communication channels and are able to talk about things, my spouse and I find our relationship strengthened. After all, we need to be team especially if we are going to tackle many issues as a team. I find myself closer to my spouse and hopefully that can continue as we journey the next two months. It is hard enough to balance life as a family of three or four (kids included) getting used to each other’s schedules, needs, and wants, and then to add a third party into the mix, to live as a joint family, is even more trying. I am not sure people in India and China even do it anymore (well, middle to upper class are moving away from that norm anyway).

I think the important thing is to find balance and to keep communication lines open so that all parties can get through it. Yelling and jumping to conclusions or making assumptions that are not true erode that balance so, it is better to talk things through logically and in a calm manner. In the end, I think people can live in joint families but it takes a lot of effort, understanding, balance, and communication. It requires appropriate boundaries and perhaps subtly discussing issues troubling the relationship. More importantly, for a successful venture, all parties require these important traits.

To work or not work - that is the question

Recently, since we are expecting our second child, I have contemplated more and more the prospect of only doing my military AF Reserves job and quitting my full-time job. With this of course, there would be a lot of changes in lifestyle both for me and for my husband. If I could go part-time, I think that would permit me the best of both worlds, but alas, that decision is up to someone in a higher pay grade than me. In either case, as a family makes a decision like this, it has to be prepared to address the obvious: What tax changes do we need to make? Should we change exemptions to ensure we get the maximum money take-home? What other cuts need to be made? Do we really need full pledged cable TV or can we get by with basic? What about cell phone plans? Can they be downgraded or eliminated? What type of budget do we live on now and what can be cut?

As you approach making this type of decision, you should do a test run for 2 months. You should pretend that one person is not making any money, or if one person is on maternity leave, then you can have one person make nothing and all bills should be paid by one person with the take-home pay being changed to reflect what you would make if only one person were working. It is important to let one person pick up the lion share of the bills and then see how you fare at the end of the month. If after 2 months, you determine that this would not work, then there are other options to consider and of course, more areas to cut. In any case, it is not an easy decision and should not be made within a few days or even weeks but with proper planning and foresight.

The Double Standard

Recently I have become painfully aware of the double standard that we hold women to versus men. I am guilty it of myself. When I first heard about Palin as VP, qualifications or lack there of aside, I found myself wondering about her young infant child and asking questions like, why isn't she caring for that little one. I found myself questioning her values as a new mom and whether she is breastfeeding or not. As a result of that and the discussions I have had with my friends, I have wondered, is the double standard alive and well in our society? Woman can fly fighter jets, serve in combat, write nobel peace prize winning books and poetry, run for Vice-President, and manage a multi-million dollar company but the truth remains- there is a double standard against females in our advanced world.

Unfortunately, that is how our society is. Fortunately, we live in America where it is still better for women than most other countries. In my own life, I see a double standard set for myself as opposed to my for my husband. My biggest pet peeve with my husband is his weekly entertainment. While I am gone from home alot for work, both my second job of serving in the Air Force Reserves and business travel for my primary job, my husband does not travel on business at all. Therefore, I think he tends to feel the need to get away more to go play poker and other games of chance at the local casinos. It is not something I have ever enjoyed nor do I think I would come to like. Of course, with a kid or two at home, it is not an activity we can both partake in anyway. In either case, the double standard here is that his entertainment will take him away an average of 9 hours per week with him arriving home long after 2am sometimes. If the casinos were open later, I wonder if he'd come home by morning light.

I couldn't help but wonder that if it was the woman who was coming home at 2-3am every week - not for a job but simply from dancing and drinking with her friends, how would that fly with society and family? Now, I am not saying that his trips to the casinos are wrong or right, but in light of my recent consideration of Palin being away from her infant child, I could not help but wonder what people would be saying about me if I were the one taking these late night trips away from my daughter? I can only imagine the comments. She's a slut who does not care for her family or her child. She is probably sleeping around- even if that were not true. She is irresponsible and has no self-control. What are the comments about a man when he is gone - Oh he just needs an outlet. He needs to get away from his nagging wife and screaming child so it is okay. It is at night when the kid is asleep so I guess that is okay. He is not the breastfeeder or the primary care provider so it's okay. The guy needs to just get away- come on! These comments are not limited to just a guy's night out or poker trips or when a guy plays video games a lot, you would hear the same comments for the guy who plays golf all the time, the guy who is an avid skiier and is gone on weekends alot in the Winter, and so on. But, if a woman wanted to do these activities every week or every weekend, I do not think it would be cool. After all, then when is she ever at home? Who is watching the kid? Shouldn't she be devoting herself to the family she chose to have?

Now as far as Palin- I think she is an idiot and she is scary to say the least and it has nothing to do with her personal life. It has everything with what she stands for - Abstinence, Pro-life even in cases of rape and incest, her acceptance of earmarks for Alaska, her economic policies or lack there of, her desire to teach creation in public schools (probably along side with abstinence), her poor environmental record, her support of oil and gas, her lack of support for science and research especially on stem cell researched, and her underlying right wing conservative Christianity values injected into our Government. There is much more on her policies that scare the crap out of me but it is interesting to note that I also am concerned about her ability to lead based on her home and family life. In either case, this recent development has made me consider my own bias and my own judgment of women in and outside the home. There is truly a double standard, a glass ceiling that woman have that is often hard to overcome.

Milestones

My daughter pee'ed in the potty yesterday and I about died... I am sure she had no idea what she was doing but it was nonetheless very exciting for me. She has never done this before but recently, for fun, she will at least sit on the potty. To actually have her take that first step was exciting. I have no idea where it will go from here- it could months to potty train for her for real but it is still exciting. I started thinking about all her other milestones - from latching on the first time to feed as a very tiny baby to holding her neck up to crawling to walking to babbling words. It is amazing to me that there will be so many more milestones for my child. It makes all my accomplishments pale in comparison and I am sure as she grows up, it will only be more and more milestones to look forward to. In the meantime, I will wait in anticipation as another milestone magically just happens. This is truly life at its best.

But for the grace of God go .... You!

Recently, I have become that parent who has the screaming child or the cranky child on an airplane, at a restaurant, the grocery store, or some other public place where people can gawk at me and judge me. I am getting better and better at ignoring the world around me but it is tough to completely shut out the people. After all, we live in a society. Boarding at Denver this time, on our way to New Orleans, our daughter got a little unruly as we strolled her down the jetway. She wanted to be held which is tough for me because my arm gets tired and with a backpack and a purse, holding her is tough to do. Needless to say, the peanut gallery (2 women who are probably barren) had the nerve to talk pretty loud about her outburst- loud enough for me to hear. I was a little aggravated and wanted my daughter to scream more to teach them lesson preferably through one of their naps or great reading moments on the plane - heehee (evil laugh). They were saying – "oh no, a screaming child - I hope we are not sitting near that!" I prayed that we were because exacting revenge is about all the ammo you have at that moment.

I can only imagine how parents feel travelling with multiple kids especially if one or two are special needs. It is hard enough to be a parent much less travelling with small children. Then, to hear mockery and comments from losers around you, that is even harder. I agree that sitting next to a screaming child for a flight longer than 4 hours can be hard but I think you can suck it up for a 2-hour jaunt to the BIG EASY. Just because you cannot have children or choose not to does not mean that your environment will be free of children. The worst part is that people on planes have an expectation that kids will be quiet and color, sleep, or just quietly watch a DVD – not true. Not all kids can be focused like that and certainly all kids are different. Some are tired, some are sick, and some have special needs. Some are just lively - so sue me! My child is lively and man, does she have a mind of her own - hey, she may find a cure for cancer someday. :-) What people do not understand is that staring, talking about the parents and the kid where they can hear you, or giving dirty looks make things worse. I no longer discipline my kid when she wants to kick the seat in front of her – go ahead – kick away- especially when the person in the front of us is a moron and does not understand. My message to you people - Caveat Emptor! When you travel or go to a public place including a restaurant you should expect some noise from my screaming child and if you do not have that expectation, perhaps the problem is not mine- it is yours! Now come on – get real – I do not take my child to fancy restaurants or inappropriate kid places like nightclubs but when I am at Red Lobster, Olive Garden or Applebee’s and I see you complaining and looking at me, I do not feel bad for you nor will I discipline my child not because I do not care about my kid but mainly because I do not care what you think! I will do what I have to do and need to do to raise my child without your judgment as a factor.

Needless to say, I am getting better at ignoring the world around me and not feeling so embarrassed. At first I was mortified if my daughter screamed - now, I just sorta hope for the best. Not much else you can do really. I am getting better but I am not 100% there yet. And to all of you who think you have the best kids in the world.... Ha! But for the Grace of God go ... You.