I observed an interesting phenomenon this weekend as I ventured out to our first few birthday parties as parents. As I have “grown up” so to speak, I have seen a disturbing trend at the parties I attend. When I was in my early twenties and even late twenties, I was invited to parties to socialize, to mingle, to meet new people, to hook up, etc. But, as I grow older and have gotten married, and recently had a kid, I find myself dreading the party invitation unless it is from my cool, single friends. I can’t help but wonder why parties are not fun anymore. Do we lose our social graces when we hit our thirties and have a family, or is it just a sign of the times?
When I was single in St. Louis, I attended some fabulous parties, meeting some pretty interesting people and having a ball. I could even attend parties where I knew no one, and I would be okay. I mean, remember that rocking frat party when you left knowing more people than when you entered? Yeah, I do not remember either because I was too drunk. So, then I started thinking, is it an alcohol versus non-alcohol thing? Is that why parties were so much more fun in your twenties? Was it the booze? Nah, can’t be because some of the parties I attend these days have booze but there isn’t the same level of mixing. A co-worker of mine holds a martini party at her house yearly– mind you, she is single and fabulous! But, at this party, the first year, I met tons of people. I was single, new to the area, but on my way to getting hitched. I met her masseuse, her chef friend, an investment broker, and tons of other cool people who were mixing and mingling. But, this past year I attended the same party with the same fabulous people but with my child and husband and I did not meet anyone but hung out with my familiar co-workers and the same people I had met in the years past. Maybe there was mixing going on but I did not get to experience it. In sharp contrast to the first martini party, I think of my child’s birthday party. I witnessed this - everyone was hanging out in cliques- people they knew, people they could not break away from. No one mingled or mixed or ventured the two feet to meet the other cliques. It was very odd. I noticed this and wondered whether I had failed as a host to hand-hold or were people just in their own little worlds and felt comfortable there? I also wondered if my single co-worker’s party was more of a hit because she had such a neat eclectic variety of people there instead of cliques or groups of people. I was perplexed; I needed to observe more parties.
This past weekend, I got the opportunity to do so. I got to two different classes of party goers- the good looking suburbia couples with high incomes and lots of kids and the middle income families. It was interesting. At the first party we attended, we were not introduced to anyone and it seemed we were in our own little world. The kid was asleep so she was not a distraction at all. But, still, other than mingling with the hosts (who invited us), we did not meet anyone else. No one introduced anyone to us, we did not introduce ourselves, and we just sat there in the corner wondering if we’d even get a slice of cake (yes, we were almost overlooked). Then, the second party only had twelve people including the kids so we got intimately familiar with everyone even on our own – it was easy to meet Linda and Bob and Sherry and their kid Rachel because they were 70% of the party. I do not think size matters when it comes to mixing and mingling, but it certainly plays a factor. I am not convinced that alcohol availability is the end all and be all either but of course, for some individuals, could be a factor. What I think has happened over time is that we get into our worlds, we find where we are comfortable, and we do not risk venturing out. We decide why bother mingling and mixing, at the end of the party, I go home and go through the same routine and who really has time to meet Sally anyway – when would I find the time to see her again? I attribute the lack of mingling and mixing a sign of the times. I cannot wait to see what happens as we venture out to Austin, Texas, to attend our nephew’s birthday party…. I am not one to like blog sequels but the social experimentation will be continued.
