caveat: I wrote this article when I was single. I am engaged now but would never tell my single female friends this line .... Ever!
A single girl in the office recently got engaged. We all saw it coming for months, and this past weekend, he proposed. A joyous occasion right? Not exactly. Although society expects single females to be happy for their female co-workers and friends, rarely are we ... Happy! Although I was excited for them on the outside, it was a facade and disguise for the pang of jealousy and anger I felt. The jealousy was directed at her and the anger at a higher source. This begged the inevitable question, "when am I going to find someone perfect for me?" Although this refers back to the "grass is greener" article I wrote, it still seems like an injustice when everyone around you is finding someone and you are not.
When I shared how I felt with a friend (not the bride-to- be), I was fed the same line that most "friends" will impose on each other - "don't worry, you will find someone too and when you least expect it. When you are not looking. You have plenty of time and you are still young." Most of the people, mind you, that are saying this are happily married, some with multiple children, and/or a ring on the way. I also believe that the single female friends who say this are simply talking to themselves. Perhaps, in an effort to convince themselves. By 4pm of the Monday on which she shared her news, she had planned her entire wedding. Upon hearing this piece of information combined with the "don't worry, it'll happen for you" advice, I ventured to down as much alcohol as I could to help me forget the day.
When I came out of my drunken stupor the next morning, I began to analyze all of this and thought to myself, "what a bunch of crap!" I don't buy it. I do not buy the statement that we will meet someone when we are not looking or when we least expect it. Love is not coming to us because we are not looking or looking high and low, or when we are not expecting it. In fact, it has nothing to do with looking or seeking out love. It has nothing to do with being cynical or an intimidating professional, career woman. It is all about timing - being in the right place at the right time. Meanwhile, women are still advising their girlfriends to give it time, to not worry and to not seek it out 'cause that's when it will happen.
Sometimes when your girlfriend says the words, "when will I meet someone like that?" perhaps the best response is nothing at all. Just listen and be there. Don't offer suggestions, or feed them the age-old line of "don't worry - it'll happen someday." Truth is, it may not. We just don't buy it. And let's all face it - we are all looking because without looking, you never would have found your partner either.
