If you have watched Seinfeld, you are all too familiar with the antics of the show and the episode where Kramer gets the wrong license plate. He gets the personalized license plate of a proctologist and is able to park in a doctor’s parking spot and enjoy other perks until the real ASSMAN finds out there was a mix-up at the DMV and Kramer gleefully returns the plate, sharing a few antics and laughs with the Proctologist. “There’s a one in a million chance, doc- one in a million.” In any case, in real life, since natural childbirth, I have had some interesting issues in that department – mainly the pelvic floor, the perineum area (which tears or is given an episiotomy). In any case, I have been seeking care for my issues since before pregnancy but of course, child birth exacerbated the issues even more.
So, I have had the pleasure of visiting some doctors who specialize in the rectal area and with that, comes all the joy and pains associated with that area of your body. In any case, it has been quite the experience. There are always long waits associated with meeting these docs and at the end of the long wait, unlike a long line at Disneyworld, there is not joy and amazement and exhilaration but rather, just pain and a big fat bill for the treatment you received. The waiting room for Colon, Rectal doctors is often crowded. Today was no different – what do you say to the guy who just walked in and said hello to you? It is odd- we are both there for very private and strange issues. You look around and you see young, old, middle-aged individuals – male and female and you think, wow! This is a hot industry. In any case, it is always embarrassing and you hope you do not see someone you knew. Can you imagine running into an ex-boyfriend at the butt doctor’s? ARGH!
Then, at your first visit, the med tech often takes you in and talks with you about what is about to happen – as if waiting in the waiting room for 30 minutes was not bad enough, now I am being lectured to about my ass by a technician who is probably going to laugh about this later. Then, you wait again and again… until finally he or she appears- the real-life ASSMAN. It is quite the experience and I think to work in that industry, you have to have a sense of humor. This particular experience was interesting – there was something new- I had to wear MOON pants. They are these little short like things that open with a flap in the back – okay, come on! Really? Just forget it – do not waste money on these paper moon pants – I mean, come on, as if it was not humiliating enough that I have to lay on my side and have instruments put up there. Any way- they were cute and if I had a larger purse, I would have taken a pair home to show my hubby – new, unused ones, not the ones they used in the exam- ewww! Anyway, after a few minutes of humiliating it is over, and you just hope relief is in sight. Ah, the joys of childbirth !
