I recently experienced another sleepless night with our daughter. She still does not sleep through the night and working full-time, that can get to be pretty rough especially considering that I am not an average mom – I need and love my sleep. Before she was born, I could easily sleep 10-11 hours a night or even more. Yes, sleep is pretty important to me so this whole baby thing threw me for a loop. I always thought babies slept through the night – yeah, no! Not mine.
So, yesterday when I got to work a co-worker asked what was wrong as I was downing 2 cups of coffee. She said I looked exhausted. She was not far off the mark. I was beyond exhausted. I did not want to be there and certainly not hear what I had to hear next. I told her “yeah another sleepless night.” Her reply was a mere, “I do not feel bad for you because you caused it. You need to put your ear plugs in, stick her in her crib, and shut the door. It’s time. You need to be the one in control and show her that you are the boss - her schedule has to revolve around yours.” I was like, hmmm- thanks for your advice - I did not ask for it but thanks. Okay, I did not say that but I listened politely, nodded, and quickly changed the subject.
Now, a little background would be useful on this co-worker. She is single and does not have kids. She has plenty of friends who have kids but no nieces or nephews either. Hmmm… okay, so with that out of the way, granted, a single person with no children may be well qualified to give me advice on how to better my infant’s sleep and mine but I suspect some training would be in order to throw that type of advice around – perhaps a pediatrician, a specialist who specializes on sleep studies and children’s sleep patterns, a child psychologist, a mom or dad who have been through this and learned through experience, and you get the point. Needless to say, I took her advice like I take all advice from everyone including my own mother – with a grain of salt; or in this case, in one ear and out the other. I am only writing about this because I find it fascinating how some people have advice for you whether you ask or not and whether they are qualified on the subject or not.
I can understand family offering advice- after all, they are family and getting involved is not only their privilege, sometimes it is their right. I fully expect my husband and I to do that for each other but I am amazed recently by the amount of advice I get not only from friends, distant relatives, and co-workers but also from complete strangers. It blows me away! I wonder how she would feel if I gave her advice on why she is still single and advice on what to do to land a man. That would not be nice or appropriate in my opinion and neither is telling a tired co-worker to control her infant daughter. I think it is great to get advice – don’t get me wrong. When I ask for advice or want it, I think it is great to get advice from someone you respect and someone who has been there. Life experiences are quite important. It is also important to get good advice from your doctor, your accountant, or your attorney on things you have hired them for but even then, you have to make your own decisions. In life, people always seem to ready to throw out free advice whether someone wants it or not, so I have made my decision on what to do what their advice, depending on the message, the messenger, and the timing of it, I am tempted to just respond, “Wow- really? Okay - if you say so.”
